


The Complication with Jung Jaehyun

by CultureQueen



Series: I'm Your Sunshine, My Funny (Not So Little) Valentine [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: '97 line group chat plus Jihyo are Jaehyun's besties for the resties, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, But like no one gets hurt or anything it's mostly just stuff they probably wouldn't teach in school, But nothing too spicy because yours truly is garbage at being sexy, Emotional Manipulation, Fluff and Humor, Getting Back Together, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jaehyun is still 3000 percent in love with Hyuck but you guys already knew, Johnny still wants to throw hands and Taeyong just wants to sleep, Multi, Post-Break Up, Probs more stuff but we'll cross that bridge eventually, Romance, Sexual Content, Uncomfortable Physical Situations, Unconventional Therapy Practices, Yeri is protective and will throw hands on sight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-02-28 08:33:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 78,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18752773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CultureQueen/pseuds/CultureQueen
Summary: If Jaehyun knew that falling in love with Lee Donghyuck would hurt this bad, he would've ceased every attempt at dating him all those months ago. Seeing Hyuck this ethereal, this heavenly, swaying in someone else's arms did indeed strike pain into Jaehyun's heart. The bouquet of sunflowers in his hands couldn't compare to the happiness and stability the man could give Hyuck. Maybe, just maybe, Jaehyun would get his chance again in another lifetime.This was how they found their way back to each other.





	1. Prologue: I Want You Here With Me

**Author's Note:**

> Bonjour laids and gents! I couldn't hold this from you guys much longer so I (very impulsively) decided to go ahead and post the prologue to the second installment of this series! If you are new here, please read the first fic and then come back to this one. 
> 
> Happy reading :)

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

“Do you think he’s awake yet?”

 

“Does it  _ look _ like he’s awake Yugyeom?”

 

“I’m afraid to touch him and find out. You know how insanely strong he is.” 

 

“Then just get Kookie to hold him back, duh.”

 

“I highly doubt that will work. We’re pretty even in the strength department.”

 

“Will you guys please shut the fuck up.” Six pairs of eyes looked down at the grumpy man in bed. Jaehyun threw his blankets off of his body and sat up. His black hair was a mess and he looked like he could use a nice, hot bath. 

 

“It’s about time you woke up”, Jihyo said, looking the younger male up and down. Her nose scrunched up in disgust at his appearance. “You really need to shower Jaehyun. You smell like sex, sadness, and regret.” 

 

“Isn’t that just his usual smell”, Jungkook inquired. His smirk was playful but Jaehyun wasn’t in a playful mood. 

 

“Why the hell are you on my bed?” He paused, lifting his eyebrows in confusion. “Or in my house for that matter?”

 

“First of all, this is a fancy ass, glorified apartment. Secondly, your mom told us to come over to get you out of your room. Again. She said you need fresh air and sunlight.” 

 

“You are looking a little pale Jae”, Yugyeom said. 

 

“That’s because I am pale genius.” Jaehyun climbed out of his bed and reached for his glasses. His scowl deepened even more now that he was able to see better. 

 

“Did you even put your retainer in your mouth before you went to bed”, Jihyo asked. 

 

“Nope. I came home and went straight to sleep.” 

 

“Classic, classic Yoonoh.” Yugyeom walked over to clap Jaehyun on the shoulder and smiled at him. “When will you ever learn?”

 

“You have five seconds to stop whatever you’re doing right now.” 

 

“And you have five seconds to go take a shower and quit moping around.” Jaehyun shrugged out of Yugyeom's grasp and walked over to his dresser to find an outfit. He was only doing this appease his friends and not because he was tired of smelling like pizza grease and cheap perfume (although it was honestly a little bit of both reasons). 

 

“I’m not moping around”, he muttered. 

 

“Yeah, fucking, right. Despite what you  _ think _ progress is, my friend you have been in your feelings for the past three months now. When are you going to start getting on with your life?” Jihyo’s large eyes didn’t hide how worried she was for her friend. Seeing Jaehyun like this was upsetting. 

 

“I thought we agreed that we’d never talk about it.” 

 

“He’s already moved on Jaehyun. It’s time you do the same thing”, Jungkook said seriously. Jaehyun stomped into his joint bathroom without looking at anyone. The remaining three jumped at the sounds of Jaehyun opening and slamming things shut in the bathroom. He reemerged, shirtless and even more pissed off. 

 

“I know my mother means well by sending you all here to annoy me out of bed but it’s time for you to go”, he said, pointing at his room door. 

 

“Jaehyun, we’re only trying to help”, Jihyo pleaded. 

 

“Your help isn’t going to get Donghyuck back and fix what I messed up is it”, he snapped. 

 

“You need to chill dude”, Jungkook said, getting up from the messy bed and walking out the door. Yugyeom followed close behind, leading Jihyo out before pausing in the doorway. 

 

“Jaehyun”, Yugyeom questioned. Jaehyun ignored him, continuing his quest to find a pair of shoes. The younger sighed, feeling defeat in the situation. 

 

“You’re a good person Jaehyun and I know how much you care about Donghyuck but have you ever thought that maybe you both moved through your relationship with the rose tints on a little too fast? I mean, it shows in the fact that you were unable, to be honest with him about something like hanging out with your ex.” 

 

Jaehyun stopped what he was doing but didn’t turn around. He knew that what his friend was saying was true but was too afraid to admit it. He glanced at the little rose necklace on his dresser, feeling tears well up in his eyes. 

 

“We want what’s best for you man. We’re worried, your parents are worried. Just know if you need anything, we’re here for you.” Jaehyun reached up to tug at the sunflower pendant on his necklace and nodded, acknowledging what Yugyeom said but not turning around to avoid letting him see Jaehyun cry. 

 

It was just easier to keep everyone away. 


	2. Chapter One: Is Your Heart Still Mine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You need a little change in your life Jaehyun. What happened to that spark?”
> 
> “It dumped me on a beach in Jeju.”

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

Normal people don’t usually sit in the booth of a coffee shop at five in the morning but for Donghyuck, this was standard. His Tuesday and Thursday morning schedule consisted of opening up the dance studio and preparing for his senior citizen jazz lessons. It was one of the more enjoyable classes he taught and a few of the older ladies always brought him a snack to eat. 

 

He lazily scrolled through his phone to see if anything new was happening on social media. As usual, there wasn’t much going on, save for the recent photos Yukhei posted of him and a few teammates during a morning basketball practice. Hyuck made a mental note to try and attend one of the games before the season ended. He continued to scroll absentmindedly until one photo, in particular, caught his eye. 

 

Hyuck didn’t really know the girl and probably only followed her because they had mutual friends. She was in the year above him with Mark and Yeri but that’s as much as he knew. She was dressed nicely in a white turtleneck and black skirt ensemble with her arms wrapped around the waist of his ex. 

 

Her arms were wrapped around Jaehyun, of all people. The older man held her close and leaned his head against hers. There was a big smile on her face and a caption that read:

 

_ Had the best of nights! Can’t wait to see this handsome face again! ;) _

 

Hyuck bit his lip and immediately exited the app. He looked out the window to see the rain still pounding down, feeling just as sad as the weather outside. 

 

He knew he shouldn’t get jealous. He broke up with Jaehyun, therefore, making Jaehyun free to see whoever he chooses. If he wants to date other people he can. Hyuck would be surprised if someone has handsome as Jaehyun  _ didn’t _ start dating again.

 

It still hurt to think about how someone else could be making Jaehyun laugh or getting to see what he looks like sleeping or helping him find his retainer or hugging him or kissing him or…

 

“Lee Donghyuck”, the barista called out. Hyuck jerked his head in the direction of the counter and wiped his face before going to retrieve his coffee. 

 

He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t still love Jaehyun with all of his heart. He wants nothing more than to try again but he also knows that it wouldn’t be in their best interest. Not when Jaehyun still has issues from the past and Hyuck is trying to find what he truly needs in his own life. 

 

He graciously thanked the barista and left her a tip before sitting down at his lonely little booth. Being in this coffee shop reminded him of his first date with Jaehyun. He didn’t think that the man that rushed inside the busy store would end up being the man he’d fall in love with…

 

~•~

 

_ “Where the hell is this guy?” _

 

_ Hyuck was upset that he agreed to go on a date. Some dude named Jaehyun that he met at the bar a few weeks ago. He was quite possibly the cockiest asshole Donghyuck has ever met and was quite honestly the most persistent of them too. After several attempts on Jaehyun’s part, Hyuck finally agreed to meet him at this jazzy coffee shop in the middle of Gangnam.  _

 

_ Donghyuck glanced at his watch for the seventh time in 30 minutes. He had half a mind to ditch, especially when he sat there under the annoyed gaze of the shop owner. Hyuck was flustered, his coffee was cold, and he was one phone call away from telling the conceited asshat that he can delete his number from his phone.  _

 

_ A loud commotion came from the front of the coffee shop, effectively disturbing everyone inside. Hyuck’s eyes widened when he realized who it was.  _

 

_ The guy who was adamant about taking Hyuck out didn’t look neat and put together. His hair wasn’t styled and his clothes were soaked, a far cry from the model-like man Hyuck met before.  _

 

_ Jaehyun’s hair fell shaggy over his forehead and his clothes were wet from the rain. He had glasses on his face and his pale skin was flushed red, reaching up to the tips of his ears.  _

 

_ He was cute, this way.  _

 

_ “Oh my God, I am so fucking sorry”, he exclaimed, moving his hands wildly. He was too busy profusely apologizing to Hyuck that he didn’t see one of the baristas walk by with a tray of coffee. He hit the poor kid and ended up spilling espresso on himself in an attempt to stop the tray from falling.  _

 

_ “Shit, shit, shit! I am so sorry, let me help y-” _

 

_ “No, please, just sit down dude. I clean it up myself”, the teenager replied. He rolled his eyes as he walked away, muttering about quitting and finding another job.  _

 

_ “Wow, it’s about time you showed up”, Hyuck stated sarcastically. _

 

_ “I swear, I wasn’t going to stand you up or anything…” _

 

_ “But you just planned on wasting my time right?” _

 

_ “No! No! I swear I wasn’t! I just got caught up with a project for my grad study and then it started raining but I left my umbrella back at my apartment and I didn’t have a change of clothes and…” _

 

_ “Okay, okay, you can stop rambling now, I forgive you.”  _

 

_ “I really am sorry Donghyuck.” _

 

_ “It’s fine.” Hyuck awkwardly looked out the window to watch the rain pour outside.  _

 

_ “I um, I’m really glad you came and stayed though. Sorry I didn’t show up dressed more...neatly.”  _

 

_ Hyuck glanced back at Jaehyun’s flushed face. The older man’s cat-like eyes were wide and he kept blinking to get the water dripping from his hair out of them. His eyebrows could use some work and there was coffee all over him but he looked absolutely adorable.  _

 

_ And cute. And hot. And gorgeous. And a million other synonyms Donghyuck could think of. Jaehyun wasn’t cocky or try-hard here. He was just unapologetically human and it drew Hyuck in.  _

 

_ “How about we go somewhere else and order something warm to eat? Possibly find you something dry to wear? My roommate’s boyfriend leaves clothes over all the time, maybe I can find something of his to put you in.” _

 

_ “You don’t have to do that! I don’t want to be any trouble.” _

 

_ “I don’t need you getting sick. Just let me order some food and get you somewhere warm.”  _

 

_ Jaehyun pondered over this before slowly nodding. Hyuck got up from his seat and retrieved his umbrella. Jaehyun walked a little behind him and held the door open for Hyuck to step outside.  _

 

_ “This should be big enough for us. How about you hold it since you’re taller?” Jaehyun took the umbrella and waited for further instruction.  _

 

_ “You just tell me where to go beautiful.”  _

_ “Ugh, and just as I was about to start thinking you were kind of adorable…” _

 

_ “Wait, really?” _

 

_ “You don’t have to be smooth with me Jaehyun. That little mess back there solidifies the fact that you’re a giant dork.” _

 

_ “Please don’t think any differently of me for that.” _

 

_ “Oh, I do. Except I think I like dorky Jaehyun more.”  _

 

_ Jaehyun’s ears began to turn a crimson red and Hyuck noticed his step falter just a little.  _

 

_ Yeah, he liked dorky Jaehyun a lot more.  _

 

~•~

 

They spent that entire day playing Wii Sports and watching all of the High School Musical movies while gorging on Chinese takeout. It was one of Hyuck’s more relaxed first dates but it was the most fun he had with someone since Chanwoo. He couldn’t get enough of hanging out with Jaehyun and they continued to go out on dates until Jaehyun finally asked to make it official. 

 

Hyuck leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the window and closed placed his hand neat it, slowly closing his eyes. 

 

“What’re you up to Valentine Boy”, he whispered to himself. 

 

☀️🌹

  
  


“Mom, I don’t see why this is necessary.”

 

“You need a little change in your life Jaehyun. What happened to that spark?”

 

“It dumped me on a beach in Jeju.”

 

“And this is why I’m forcing you out today.” 

 

Jaehyun rolled his eyes but allowed himself to be dragged down the street to the hair salon that his mother frequented. Her usual stylist was an interesting woman, very wise but in an eccentric way. She was fairly tall, with long limbs and long straight black hair. 

 

“Sunmi, how are you”, Haeun exclaimed. The heads of many women in the shop jerked in his direction, earning him many appreciative gazes. Jaehyun was used to receiving attention from people because of his looks and because of that, he was able to ignore the longing stares. 

 

“I’m doing well Haeun. And is that Jaehyun I see?” 

 

Jaehyun awkwardly nodded and waved, feeling like a ten-year-old hiding behind his mother. The only difference was that he is taller than her now and can’t get away with such things anymore. 

 

“Hello, Sunmi.” The older woman smiled at him before regarding his mother. 

 

“So what do you need today?”

 

Haeun pulled Jaehyun to stand beside her and reached up to pat his head (or what she could reach) and smiled brightly.

 

“Jaehyun here needs a little color in his head. He’s been mopey as of late and I think something a little bright will help lift his spirits!”

 

_ A long, long nap would lift my spirits _

 

“What color are you looking at?”

 

“Hmm, how about pink?”

 

“Wait, what?” 

 

His mother raised her eyebrows and looked up at him, almost daring him to protest. 

 

“Mom, why can’t we just dye it brown and go”, he asked. It was more of a whine but he would never admit to it. 

 

“Because brown is boring and I’m tired of it. Remember that pretty, pretty lilac you did last year? Something like that looks amazing on you sweetheart.” 

 

“It doesn’t have to be a hot pink or anything Jaehyun”, Sunmi interjected. “How about a nice rose color? Something like a bubblegum pink but with more orange undertones. And while we’re at it I can shape up those eyebrows of yours.” 

 

Jaehyun debated the pros and cons of dyeing his hair such a drastic color. He felt just fine walking around with his natural black. It helped him blend in a little more and he honestly didn’t want any more unnecessary attention. Especially since he’s been receiving plenty after word got out that he was a single man again. 

 

“You won’t make it super bright”, he asked hesitantly. 

 

“Scouts honor.” 

 

And that's how Jaehyun ended up with a head full of hair bleach. His mother sat near him, practically bouncing with excitement over what his new hair could possibly look like. Jaehyun looked to the other side of the room and noticed a woman getting her hair curled. She was here before Jaehyun and was getting the finishing touches of her dye job completed. The final product was a pretty auburn color, one that reminded Jaehyun of Donghyuck’s auburn curls. He immediately looked away from the woman and reached up to touch the sunflower necklace. 

 

His friends tried to encourage him to take it off, worried that wearing the jewelry was keeping him from moving on. They were probably right but he wanted to keep some part of Hyuck with him. Even though the younger man gave his necklace back, Jaehyun still made a promise and he intended on keeping it…

 

~•~

 

_ Jaehyun woke up to the sight of Donghyuck looking in the mirror. He was touching and pressing different parts of his body. As confused as Jaehyun was, he couldn’t help but be in awe of how beautiful Hyuck looked. How his soft his tan skin looked and how his gorgeous legs seemed to go on for miles.  _

 

_ A slight hiss left Hyuck’s mouth and Jaehyun knew that he was playing around with the bruises left from last night. He knew that he could be a little rough with his teeth sometimes and had to constantly remind himself that they were too sharp to be biting down on someone’s skin so hard. He noticed the fingerprint shaped marks at Hyuck’s hips and paled.  _

 

_ “I didn’t hurt you too much did I”, Jaehyun asked as he sat up. Hyuck turned around, suddenly aware of how naked he was.  _

 

_ “I didn’t think you’d be up”, he said, startled.  _

 

_ “Hard not to be when the bed is a little colder without you in it.”  _

 

_ “I was just, admiring your work from last night”, Hyuck replied. His skin flushed that pretty red undertone that Jaehyun loved so much. “It’s beautiful Jae. I feel beautiful.” _

 

_ “Hyuck, you’ve always been beautiful.”  _

 

_ “Not in that way I haven’t.” Hyuck walked over to the bed and climbed up, settling beside Jaehyun. He gently traced his finger over the curve of Jaehyun’s cheek and smiled when the older man settled into the palm of his hand.  _

 

_ “You didn’t hurt me at all Jaehyun. There’s a slight throbbing sensation from the bites no doubt but, it’s good pain. You really took care of me.”  _

 

_ “So the other thing...I mean...I know I have long fingers and it was new…” _

 

_ “No that was...that was nice too. It was a little uncomfortable at first but, you didn’t hurt me at all.” Hyuck took Jaehyun’s face in both of his hands and leaned down until their noses were touching.  _

 

_ “Last night was wonderful and beautiful and I loved it Yoonoh. It was the best way to end our seventh month anniversary and I can’t wait to spend seven more with you.”  _

 

_ “I can’t wait either. I promise you nothing will tear us apart.”  _

 

_ “Are you sure you can keep that promise”, Hyuck asked as he pulled Jaehyun’s face closer to kiss. _

 

_ “Absolutely.”  _

 

~•~

 

“So, what do you think”, Sunmi asked as she put the finishing touches on styling Jaehyun’s hair. He turned from side to side, inspecting the new look he was sporting. The pink had peachy undertones, bringing out more color to his skin. It looked nice, different, but nice. He actually liked it. 

 

“It looks fantastic Sunmi. Thank you so much.” 

 

“See? I knew you’d like it”, Haeun exclaimed. Jaehyun smiled a little and nodded. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, you were right. I’ll listen to you about hair stuff more often in the future.”

 

Jaehyun made sure to leave a very generous tip for Sunmi for all of her hard work and listened to his mother rant and rave about some work drama. He was only half listening though, more distracted by the group of children running by. They all had on some form of a dance uniform and their hair pulled up into a tight bun or a cut into short bobs. The sight tugged at Jaehyun’s heart and at that moment all he could think about was Hyuck’s dream to adopt a little girl to love and care for and teach ballet. 

 

“Jaehyun, what do you want to eat”, his mother asked for the third time. She looked very impatient and slightly annoyed by him spacing out. She had her umbrella open and Jaehyun finally noticed that it started to rain again. A gust of wind blew, causing him to shiver a little. 

 

“Something warm.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -So the story will contain flashbacks of Jaehyun and Hyuck's relationship throughout. If it is a long section of italicized words, then it's more than likely a flashback.   
> -Hyuck's flashback is from when he started (kind of) dating Jaehyun. Jaehyun's is obviously from the day after their anniversary (which is chapter 10 of Jaehyun's Family Vacation).   
> -They are still so painfully in love, can't you tell?  
> -However, they aren't going to run into each other or anything for a while. There still has to be a sense of distance and longing between them. However, their different friend groups will be more present in the next chapter.   
> -The story at this time starts around September-Octoberish if you guys need a time frame. At this point in time, everyone is back at Uni.   
> -It will also be longer than the last story. Start looking at about 25 chapters for this one, give or take.   
> -Also, I will more than likely be able to spoil you even more because classes are out for us until August!!!  
> -Drop those comments like a basketball :)


	3. Chapter Two: It's My Sweet Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You know what I got? A dead boyfriend, two idiot exes who have zero comprehension of the word ‘no’, a sociopathic ex, and a lying ex.”

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

“Is there a Mr. Jung Jaehyun here?”

 

“Right here”, Jaehyun answered as he quickly stood up from his seat in the lobby. 

 

“Okay if you’ll just sign these forms right here we can go ahead and get you started.” The receptionist handed Jaehyun a black pen and turned back to a file cabinet to retrieve a blank manila folder. 

 

Jaehyun slowly signed his name on all of the highlighted parts of the forms, consenting to whatever treatment he was about to receive. He finally took his mother’s advice and decided to set up an appointment with a counselor to ‘help him out of his funk’. It was either that or get kicked out of the house  _ again _ (his father’s words). He didn’t have a place to go and ever since Jihyo’s girlfriend moved in staying with her was a no. So here he was, standing in this office with his pink hair and a noticeable air of nervousness surrounding him. He had never gone to therapy before and the thought of what he would possibly go through scared him. 

 

“Your counselor will be ready for me to take you to the back once we’ve processed your files”, the receptionist said. 

 

“Okay, thank you.” 

 

He sat back down and began playing with his hands. The longer he sat and waited between the four white walls, the more anxious he became. Coming to therapy meant having to confront all of his past issues. It meant coming to terms with some of the things that lead to his breakup with Donghyuck. He could only hope that this will go smoothly. He truly did want to work on himself and be better in hopes that maybe, just maybe, Hyuck would take him back. 

 

“Mr. Jung, you can follow me in the back. Your counselor is ready to see you now.” 

 

Jaehyun nodded and got up to follow the receptionist through a set of double doors. He entered a hallway painted a plum color, and past a series of different offices. Some of the doors were closed and little noise machines sat near the door, no doubt keeping whatever was being said behind the door confidential. The receptionist led Jaehyun to the end of the hall and quickly stepped inside to talk to someone before guiding Jaehyun into the room. 

 

“Mr. Jung, this is Ms. Kang. She’s one of our employed grad students and will be helping you through your counseling.” The receptionist smiled at Jaehyun before closing the door behind her and leaving. He could hear the little noise machine being turned on outside the door. 

 

_ In what world was it okay for them to assign me to a graduate student? _

 

“Please have a seat Mr. Jung”, the older woman said. She was flipping through a stack of papers and writing down notes. Jaehyun could only assume that the notes were about him. He sat in a plush red chair across from Ms. Kang and spread his legs in an attempt to get more comfortable. She looked up from her papers and raised an eyebrow at him before returning to what she was doing. 

 

“So, tell me about yourself”, she said, not once looking up from her work. Jaehyun cleared his throat and slid his hands down his pants, hoping to wipe away the sweat collecting on his palms. 

 

“Well, um, my name is Jaehyun. But uh, I guess you already knew that from my paperwork. I’m currently a student in the architectural engineering program at Seoul National University and I work as a paid blueprint analysis intern with CSSE.” 

 

“So you’re from Gangnam?”

 

“Um, yes ma’am, I am.” 

 

“Please don’t call me ma’am Jaehyun, I’m at least two, maybe three years older than you. And you don’t have to call me Ms. Kang either. Seulgi will work just fine.” She reached her hand over her desk for Jaehyun to shake and he hesitantly took it. She more than likely noticed how sweaty his hands were but didn’t comment on them.  

 

“What brings you to my office Jaehyun?” She sat back in her seat with her hands folded together. 

 

“I...I don’t know really. I’m kind of in a rough spot right now; still dealing with a breakup I guess.” 

 

“You guess?”

 

“Look, this is new for me and I’m super awkward.” 

 

“I know, I can tell. You don’t have to be so nervous Jaehyun.” 

 

“Hard not to. You’re a pretty intimidating woman.” Seulgi chuckled and reached for a pen to start writing notes down. 

 

“If you think I’m intimidating, you should meet my mentor. I’ve never seen men more afraid of such a tiny woman in my life.” She looked up from what she was writing, still holding the pen. 

 

“So, you’re still dealing with a breakup? How long has it been since?”

 

Jaehyun fidgeted in his seat. The uncomfortable part was coming up. Just thinking about that night on the beach, seeing the tears forming in Hyuck’s eyes...the whole thing made him sick to his stomach.

 

“About three months”, he finally responded. 

 

“Do you know why it ended”, she asked. Jaehyun looked down at a picture on Seulgi’s desk. She was posing with two other women, one shorter than her and the other a little taller. Jaehyun wondered if the shorter woman was her mentor. 

 

“I betrayed his trust”, he responded in a small voice.

 

“Whose?”

 

“His name...his name is Donghyuck. Lee Donghyuck.” Jaehyun wasn’t sure why he was so open to just giving this woman, someone he just met, all of the answers to her questions about his life. Maybe there was something about her that was calming. Or maybe he was just in desperate need of help. 

 

“Lee...Donghyuck…”, she repeated, writing things down. “Now, I understand that this is your first session so I will save any other questions regarding that for your next visit. For now, do you have any treatment goals in mind? It doesn’t have to be exclusive to what you told me today.”

 

“Aside from that? I guess...I guess I really want to figure out why I’m so relationship anxious. I always manage to fuck something up one way or another. It’s like, I get to a point in a relationship where things become more serious than I can handle and then, then I just sabotage the whole thing. Sometimes I don’t even realize that I’m doing it.” Jaehyun looked up and saw that Seulgi was, once again, writing notes down. He fiddled with the sleeve of his shirt and waited for her to respond. 

 

“That’s something we can work on. Is there anything else?” 

 

“Not that I can think of right now.” 

 

Seulgi nodded and wrote something down on a sticky note. She stuck it in the section she was writing at and closed her notebook. She folded her arms over the notebook and leaned on it. 

 

“I think that’ll be it for today. I’m going to schedule you to come in sometime next week to really get started on your treatment goals. When do you think you’ll be available?” 

 

“Um, next Wednesday preferably.” 

 

“Is noon a good time for you”, Seulgi asked as she turned to her computer and started typing. 

 

“Noon is fine.” Jaehyun watched as she wrote down on a card and handed it to him. Her name was signed beautifully along the bottom. 

 

“Make sure you hold on to that for next time. I’ll see you next Wednesday at 12:00?”

 

Jaehyun nodded and stood up, thanking the older woman before he left the office. As he stepped out into the chilly air, he thought about how smooth and easy this first session was. 

 

Maybe therapy wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

 

☀️🌹

 

“How was your day”, Yeri asked as Hyuck sat down at the table. He had just finished his internship hours for the day and decided to have a late lunch with Yeri and Renjun. 

 

“Long, loud, but rewarding.” He leaned back in his seat and let out a yawn before rubbing at his eyes. 

 

“I don’t know how you do it. Working with kids? Couldn’t be me”, Renjun said as he took a sip of his water. 

 

“Kids aren’t that bad.”

 

“You’re right. They’re worse.” 

 

“You say that now but one day you’re going to want to adopt all of the babies”, Yeri commented. 

 

“Mark and I have decided we’re living a childfree life. You can’t travel with kids.” 

 

“But you’d be such a good dad Renjun.” 

 

“Hyuck, I am not above throwing this water at you.” 

 

Renjun sat back in his seat and mumbled about getting new friends. Despite Hyuck and Yeri vying for a family, they both knew that other priorities in their lives came first. Yeri knew that she at least wanted to marry Jaemin first and finish school while he settles in to be a nurse for a few years before they started a family. Hyuck was going to be working with kids so it was kind of like having them already but, he wanted his own. 

 

It was always his stupid dream to get married and adopt a few kids and move them into a nice home somewhere in Dobong. His goals in life weren’t only to be an educator, but they were to be a father as well. Many people would question it, especially in this day and age but just the thought of it made him happy. 

 

The only problem was that there wasn’t anyone he wanted to start a family with. Not anymore at least.

 

“I mean, you guys won’t be the only ones without kids…”

 

“Hyuck, no, stop it. I know exactly where this is going and you need to stop”, Yeri said, pointing her finger at Hyuck. “You are Lee Donghyuck and you don’t need a man to start a family damn it.” 

 

“No, I don’t but it would be nice to have someone Yeri.” 

 

“Hyuck, not being in a relationship isn’t the end of the world”, Renjun said softly. 

 

“That’s easy for you to say when the both of you have been in relationships for years. And both of you have been immensely happy with them. You know what I got? A dead boyfriend, two idiot exes who have zero comprehension of the word ‘no’, a sociopathic ex, and a lying ex.” 

 

“Just because we’re in relationships doesn’t mean that we have it easy. It’s hard maintaining them and especially if we’ve been in them since high school”, Yeri replied. 

 

“You also seem to forget how Mark and I broke up for a year and a half during our college freshman year”, Renjun added. 

 

Hyuck did forget actually. Mark and Renjun weren’t sure of themselves and decided to see other people. Come to find out, they loved each other too much and got back together, this time with a stronger foundation on their relationship. 

 

“I can’t keep thinking that maybe there’s something wrong with me”, Hyuck said. He looked out the window that they sat beside.  

 

“There is nothing wrong with you Donghyuck. Just because you dated a couple of dumbasses doesn’t mean that you’re to blame for all of the problems in your relationships. Things happen and if it wasn’t meant to be, then it wasn’t meant to be. You’re such a vibrant, talented, and intelligent person. Anyone would be lucky to have you.” Yeri reached across the table and held Hyuck’s hand, giving him a small smile. 

 

“Kim Yerim? Being a softie? I never thought I’d see the day”, Renjun said, smirking. 

 

“Hey, I am capable of being soft!” 

 

“Eh…”

 

“Anyway, Hyuck I think that you should start dating again.”

 

“What? You told me not to get into another relationship…”

 

“Not something serious you dweeb. Just, a few casual meet-ups with guys. Be a little flirtatious, you’re good at that.” 

 

“I don’t want to go out and date other guys”, Hyuck said. 

 

“That’s because you’re still stuck on Jaehyun”, Renjun retorted. “You need to get over him Hyuck.” 

 

“I am not still stuck on Jaehyun!”

 

“You kept the dog he gave you for your anniversary for crying out loud!”

 

“I’m going to throw the both of you into the Han if you don’t keep it down”, Yeri snapped. The trio looked up and saw a few people staring at them. Some of the restaurant goers were concerned while others were pissed at being disturbed. 

 

“I still don’t think I need to be dating anyone right now. You both know how important Jaehyun was to me, it’s just too soon to move on like that.” Donghyuck got up from his seat, earning two confused stares. 

 

“Where are you going”, Renjun asked. 

 

“Outside. I need a little air right now.” 

 

Hyuck left the restaurant through a side door and began quickly pacing down the street. He’d only take a quick five-minute walk and he’ll be back with a clearer head. He was so stuck in his mind that he didn’t pay attention to the body standing ahead of him and ran into the strangers back. 

 

“Oh my God, I am so sorry”, he said. The person turned around and looked down at Hyuck soft eyes and a raised brow. The man was handsome. Really, really handsome, with neatly styled dark hair, kind features, and a tall frame. He was wearing a suit but didn’t look old enough to be a higher up at a company. 

 

“No, no, it’s fine. I shouldn’t have been standing in the way.” The man looked Donghyuck over worriedly. “You’re not hurt or anything are you?”

 

“No, I’m just fine. See, no harm is done.” Hyuck laughed awkwardly and looked away, cursing himself for being like this. 

 

“Good. I could never forgive myself if I accidentally injured such a gorgeous human being.” 

 

Hyuck raised his eyebrows and pointed at himself. He had been feeling a little insecure with himself ever since the breakup and hearing such nice words from a stranger made him feel a fluttering in his stomach. 

 

“What? Me? No, stop it.” 

 

“You’re absolutely beautiful. I don’t just throw that around to any random stranger. Much less someone who bumps into me.” The man smiled a little and held his hand out. “Park Hanjae.” 

 

Hyuck stared at the hand before shaking it. The man had a nice, firm grip, something Uncle Daniel would appreciate. He felt his cheeks burn a little at the contact. This guy was just really good looking. 

 

“Lee Donghyuck.” 

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Donghyuck.” 

 

“Uh, Yeah, I guess”, Hyuck replied, rubbing his arm. 

 

“Would it be too much to have a cup of coffee with you as an apology”, Hanjae asked. He held his hand out for Hyuck to take, like some kind of gentleman. Hyuck was surprised at how nice this man was being. Quite frankly, he should be a little suspicious but he thought about what Yeri and Renjun said. 

 

_ Just, a few casual meet-ups with guys. Be a little flirtatious, you’re good at that. _

 

_ You’re still stuck on Jaehyun. You need to get over him Hyuck. _

 

Hyuck hesitantly took the man’s hand and smiled at him. Maybe he has spent enough time moping around. If Jaehyun could take pictures after probably going on dates with random girls, then a little flirting and a cup of coffee with a handsome man wouldn’t hurt. 

 

“I would love to.” 

~•~

 

“Where the hell have you been? I had half a mind to call Johnny and the police trying to look for you”, Yeri yelled as Hyuck walked in the door of their shared apartment. While she was scowling, Hyuck was sporting the biggest, cheesiest smile Yeri has seen in months. 

 

“Why are you smiling like that?”

 

“I just had coffee with the most, amazing guy ever Yeri.” 

 

“I’m sorry, can you repeat that again?”

 

“I just had a coffee date with someone. Well, sort of.” Hyuck sat on the couch beside Yeri and recounted everything that happened when he left the restaurant earlier that day. As his story progress, Yeri’s eyes widened even more. 

 

“And what does this guy do again?”

 

“He's a contractor for major projects like schools, municipal buildings, banks, stuff like that. He’s actually heading the project for the new music school they’ll be building in Gangnam.” 

 

“Interesting, interesting. What else?”

 

“His name is Park Hanjae. He’s alumni at Mark’s university and...well…”

 

“Well?”

 

“He’s the same age as Johnny.” 

 

“Hyuck what the fuck?”

 

“He’s not  _ that _ much older than me.”  

 

“Hyuck, do you really think Johnny would let you get away with that. I mean, Jaehyun was already three years older than you…”

 

“And another two years won’t make that much of a difference. Besides, he already has his life together, he’s traveled, intelligent. Someone that’s just my type.” 

 

“When have you ever had a type”, Yeri asked incredulously. 

 

“Just now.” 

 

The older woman looked at Hyuck skeptically. She knew that she wanted Hyuck to get out and date people but this was...a little much. 

 

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

 

“Absolutely. We’re already planning for another coffee date. Well, once we aren’t super busy I mean.” 

 

“I at least want to meet this guy before you go out with him again.”

 

“Of course.” 

 

“And you do know that I’ll be telling Mark, Jaemin, and Renjun about him?”

 

“I wouldn’t put it past you.” 

 

“Well then, I suppose you have my blessing to date.” 

 

“Wow, thanks mom”, Hyuck replied sarcastically. 

 

“Don’t give me that, I’m just looking out for you.” Yeri leaned in closer and gestured to Hyuck’s phone. “Do you have a photo of this guy?”

 

“Do you mean, ‘did we find each other on social media and I spent the last hour scrolling through his Instagram’? Of course, I do.” 

 

Yeri squealed and watched as Hyuck pulled up Hanjae’s profile. They both spent the next half hour admiring all of the pictures and planning outfits for Hyuck’s next outing. 

 

Maybe dating new people wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Jaehyun's therapy visits with Seulgi are going to be interesting. Look out for that.  
> -Poor boy knows he needs help and he's doing his best. And he's still painfully in love with Hyuck but hasn't gotten to the point where the therapy is for him and not just to fix his relationship.   
> -Points if you can guess who Seulgi's mentor is   
> -Some of the questions (now and in the future) are questions that I was asked during my time in therapy. Some of the things Jaehyun will experience are drawn from my own.   
> -Also, I don't know how it is in other countries but in the States, it is common for graduate psychology students to work with patients. I know this happens at my school (where we have an on-site clinic for people to go to). I applied this to this set because it's what I know so please don't hurt me if it is totally wrong from what is done in Korea. I did try to do some research if it helps.   
> -Hyuck misses Jaehyun dearly and you can see that he wants his future to be with him  
> -Yeri and Renjun are doing their best  
> -Hanjae is an OC so if he is an actual idol/actor/etc. my inspiration did not come from them. He is purely made up.   
> -He will play an important role in Hyuck and Jaehyun's interactions with each other in the future. Go ahead and prepare for a lot of tension on the horizon.   
> -Comments? Comments anyone?


	4. Chapter Three: Can We Forget About It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had no idea what Jaehyun was up to and knew that he should only be focusing on whatever flirtationship he had started with Hanjae. 
> 
> It was hard though. It was really, really hard.

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

_ “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of heights.” _

 

_ “I’m not afraid, I just don’t like being off of the ground.” _

 

_ “Hmm, I don’t know Hyuck. That sounds like a fear of heights to me.”  _

 

_ “I am not afraid of heights!” _

 

_ “If you aren’t then ride this roller coaster with me.”  _

 

_ Jaehyun stood near the entrance of one of the more...extreme amusement park rides. His eyes were wide, pleading, hoping that Hyuck would get on board with the idea.  _

 

_ “Jae…” _

 

_ “I won’t make you do anything else for the day and I’ll buy you samgyeopsal for a whole month.”  _

 

_ “Do you know how expensive that stuff is?” _

 

_ “Yes, I’m very much aware of the price point for samgyeopsal.” _

 

_ Donghyuck sat there, holding an armful of stuffed animals they won at the game booths and a bag of popcorn, somewhat regretting getting into a relationship with this daredevil of a man. Jaehyun liked thrill, exciting and dangerous things. Hyuck liked excitement too but in the form of something that wouldn’t kill him.  _

 

_ “If I do this can we ride the swings?” _

 

_ “Yes baby, we’ll do anything you want.” _

 

_ Hyuck nervously gulped and started slowly walking towards his boyfriend. _

 

_ “Okay. I’ll ride the roller coaster.” _

 

_ They put their things away in the designated locker area and stood in line. While Jaehyun was bouncing with excitement, Hyuck was dreading every step they took towards the ride. Granted, it was going to take a while but Hyuck wasn’t sure how much longer he could stand in the hot sun. The temperature for this time of year was abnormal. He managed to keep himself and Jaehyun cool for most of the day but without the ability to carry their water and electric fans with them in line, it was harder to maintain cooler body temperatures.  _

 

_ Hyuck thanked the powers that be when they finally reached the front of the line. Jaehyun was still bouncing off the walls. A large grin was plastered on his face, so much so that his dimples were more pronounced and his eyes began to take on a smile as well. Hyuck couldn’t help but smile himself. Seeing Jaehyun so happy and childlike made him happy.  _

 

_ “How many are boarding?”  _

 

_ “Two please.”  _

 

_ After the previous riders stepped off, the operator began to file everyone in. Jaehyun helped Hyuck strap into his seat and held the younger’s hand when he noticed he was shaking.  _

 

_ “Hyuck, hey sweetheart, look at me”, he said softly. Hyuck’s doe eyes were wide with fear and he had his bottom lip stuck between both of his teeth.  _

 

_ “It’s okay, everything’s okay. I got you.”  _

 

_ “You promise?” _

 

_ “I promise. I’m not letting you go.”  _

 

~•~

 

“Make sure you keep your toes pointed guys. We want nice, clean lines.” 

 

Hyuck stood at the front of the studio, watching as the students worked on perfecting their arabesques. The class was mostly children between the ages of seven and nine, all passionate about dancing. It was one of his favorite classes to teach and he loved helping and inspiring the kids to have fun and be the best they can be. 

 

One of the younger girls in the back struggled a little to get her leg up. She was a tiny thing, with large wire-rimmed glasses and bobbed black hair. It took her a little longer to learn the material than most of the other kids, but she was one of Donghyuck’s most hardworking students. 

 

“Jisung, can you help Jiyeon back there?” 

 

Two heads turned in his direction and both boys pointed at themselves. 

 

“Sorry guys! Park Jisung, can you help Jiyeon with her arabesque?” 

 

The younger of the two walked over and began to instruct the little girl on perfecting the move. The beauty of working with classes like these is that there are always groups working together to help the kids learn. Donghyuck’s group consisted of himself, Yeri, and the two Jisung’s. He had to constantly remind himself to specify if he was talking to Park Jisung or Han Jisung.

 

The class continued until parents started to file in to pick up their kids. Everyone changed out of their dance attire and into their clothes, preparing to close up the studio for the night. Hyuck sat on the floor to put his shoes on, mentally running through the list of places he could order takeout for him and Yeri. He didn’t notice Jisung walking towards him until he stood over the older man as he was putting on his sneakers. 

 

“Hey Hyuck, can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure, what’s up?”

 

“I was wondering if you could let Ten know that I can’t come in for the Saturday class this weekend.” 

 

Hyuck stopped what he was doing and looked at the younger boy with a raised eyebrow. 

 

“Jisung, you know what Ten will say…”

 

“Yeah, I do and he scares me a little so I need you to do it.” 

 

“You’re like, seven centimeters taller than him.” 

 

“That means absolutely nothing to me.” 

 

Hyuck sighed and put his other shoe on before standing up and facing Jisung. He was an adorable kid, a little skittish, but adorable. He had just recently grown out of nowhere and was only growing more as the days went by. 

 

“Okay, I’ll let Ten know. But you owe me.” 

 

“Oh my God, thank you so much, man. Whatever you need, I’ve got you.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Hyuck bent down to pick his bag off the floor and began walking towards the door, Jisung following close behind them. Hyuck always walked to the bus station with Jisung and took the long route just to make sure the younger boy got home safely. 

 

“I’ll see you when you get home Yeri”, he called out. The older woman gave him a thumbs up and he left out the door, stepping into the cool autumn air. 

 

“So what exactly are you doing this weekend that constitutes you ditching me”, Hyuck asked playfully. Jisung stuck his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants 

 

“I uh, I kind of have a date.” Hyuck stared at him with wide eyes and began bouncing with excitement.

 

“Are you serious? Who is it? Can I meet them? I can’t believe my little Jisung is growing up so fast.” He reached out to pinch the younger boy’s cheek and received a swat to the hand. 

 

“The only person that can get away with that is Jaemin.” 

 

“Yeah but Jaemin is in the nursing program and no one ever sees him so someone has to do it. Now quit stalling and tell me who your date is!”

 

“It’s uh, it’s Chenle actually.”

 

“Your friend from China? You finally asked him out?”

 

“Yes I did and yes I’m aware that it took forever.” 

 

“Jisung I’m so happy for you!”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“What’s wrong?” Jisung kicked at a rock on the sidewalk and shrugged his shoulders. 

 

“I’m worried about messing things up. I’ve never been in a relationship before, much less a date. I’m super awkward and what if he ends up hating me or something after this?” 

 

Hyuck put his hand on Jisung’s shoulder and began to rub it comfortingly. 

 

“Don’t worry about it too much. Dates should be fun and laid back Jisung. Just go in and have fun with whatever you plan on doing. You’re a good kid and Chenle will still like you regardless of what happens.” 

 

“You think so?”

 

“I know so. Trust me, I’ve had a lot of dating practice.”

 

“Well, it clearly paid off. If I can have even close to the relationship you and Jaehyun have then I’d be set for life. Everyone says it’s gross but I’ve never seen anyone as in love as you guys are.” 

 

Hyuck’s turned his head to the ground and frowned. Jisung didn’t know about his breakup with Jaehyun. He didn’t have the heart to tell him, not when he was so nervous about this date. The fact that Jisung looked to their relationship as an inspiration for one tugged at Hyuck’s heartstrings in a bittersweet way. 

 

“You shouldn’t aim to have a relationship just like someone else. You should work on having the best relationship possible for YOU.” 

 

"I’d have to get into a relationship first.” 

 

They finally reached the bus terminal and got on to begin their rides home. Jisung pulled out a bag of gummies for him and Hyuck to share as they settled into their seats. 

 

“Say”, he began in the middle of chewing a handful of gummies. “How is Jaehyun anyway?” 

 

Hyuck popped a gummy in his mouth and began to fiddle with his hands. He had no idea what Jaehyun was up to and knew that he should only be focusing on whatever flirtationship he had started with Hanjae. 

 

It was hard though. It was really, really hard. 

 

“He’s super busy, you know with grad school and everything. He’s...he’s fine.” 

 

Jisung nodded, accepting this answer before chowing down on more gummies. 

 

Hyuck would tell him about the breakup. Sooner or later. 

 

~•~

 

_ “What’s is like being the most beautiful human being on this planet”, Jaehyun asked as he gazed up at Hyuck. Hyuck scoffed and playfully hit Jaehyun’s arm, earning a hearty laugh.  _

 

_ “Cut it out, you’re being gross again.” _

 

_ “Can I not admire perfection when I see it?”  _

 

_ “Can you not be such a sap every five minutes?” _

 

_ “I cannot, unfortunately. You’re like the sun Hyuck. I can’t help but be illuminated by you.”  _

 

_ “Jaehyun, if you say one more cheesy thing…” _

 

_ “Why can’t I be cheesy?” _

 

_ “Because...the compliments...the things you say...you’re just being nice. I’m not as great or beautiful or handsome as you think I am.”  _

 

_ “That’s a lie and you know it.” Jaehyun stared into Hyuck’s eyes, smirking when he began to blush under his gaze.  _

 

_ “You have the prettiest eyes and every time I see you they sparkle, especially when you laugh.” He ran his hands from Hyuck’s waist down to his thighs.  _

 

_ “You manage to be both hard and soft at the same time. You have such strong, powerful thighs but you also have the softest tummy. I love every part of you. How I can hold you and love on your fluffy parts but stay in your grasp because of your strong parts.” He reached up and began to play with Hyuck’s hair.  _

 

_ “You have such beautiful, curly hair. It’s all wispy and pretty and I love playing with it.”  _

 

_ “It’s a mess”, Hyuck replied.  _

 

_ “No, it’s unique.” Jaehyun put the hand back on Hyuck’s waist and brought his other hand up to run his thumb across his bottom lip, earning a small gasp from the younger man.  _

 

_ “And your lips, Jesus Christ, your lips. They’re all heart-shaped and so pretty Hyuck. So red and pouty and I love them. I love kissing you.”  _

 

_ He wrapped his hand behind Hyuck’s neck and brought him down for a sensual kiss, deepening it when Hyuck let out a small whimper. He moved to his neck and began to bite at the skin, feeling proud at how Hyuck dug his fingers into his shoulders.  _

 

_ Jaehyun pulled away and smiled at the sight of Hyuck’s pupil blown eyes and his lips plump from kissing, shining a bright crimson red. His tan skin was flushed and his breathing was a little uneven.  _

 

_ “That is so unfair of you”, he said.  _

 

_ “What is?”  _

 

_ “How disgusting you are. You can’t just go from being all sweet to, to this. It isn’t fair, I feel attacked.”  _

 

_ “Are you truly complaining though?”  _

 

_ “I...no.”  _

 

_ “Then just let it be.”  _

 

_ They continued making out on the couch until Yeri came home and yelled at them to take it to Hyuck’s room. She groaned at the sight of the hickies on Hyuck’s neck.  _

 

_ “Fucking hell Donghyuck, get it together. And how sharp are your damn teeth Jaehyun?”  _

 

_ Hyuck cackled at the annoyed look on her face, absentmindedly running his hands through Jaehyun’s thick hair. In the midst of his mirthful laughter, he didn’t notice the look of irrevocable love on the older man’s face.  _

~•~

“Do you think I should reach out to your dad?” Hyuck sat on one end of his bed, legs crossed as he watched Cocoa play with a squeaky ball on the floor. She stopped running around long enough to stare at him, tongue out and tail wagging, before continuing to play.

 

“Why am I even asking you this? This isn’t a custody battle and dogs can’t talk.” 

 

He fell back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. He missed Jaehyun so much and his conversation with Jisung earlier only made it worse. 

 

“Ugh, why can’t I get you out of my head? Curse you Jung Yoonoh.” He turned over and looked at the clock. It wasn’t even ten yet. He still had some time. 

 

Hyuck picked up his phone and stared at it. He took a deep breath and opened the screen, going straight to his contact list and selecting a name before he could stop himself. The call went through and a deep voice came through on the other end. 

 

“Hi, Hanjae! It’s um, it’s Donghyuck. It’s not too late to talk is it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -there's a continuous theme of 'never letting go' in this series if you squint  
> -Hyuck missing Jaehyun hours are on  
> -His little talk with Jisung only reinforces just how much he still loves Jaehyun  
> -Jaemin as a nursing major is like, a headcanon I've been sitting on for a while now. It just makes sense to me.   
> -Which leads me to: How do you guys think this thing with Hanjae will go?   
> -I wanted to create this flashback where Jaehyun is essentially praising Hyuck because well, why not? He loves Hyuck more than anything and Hyuck deserves to know how beautiful he is (irl and in fics).   
> -The next chapter will be Jaehyun focused again and it will touch base on some themes that I wanted to bring to the forefront in fic writing. Nothing too bad and there won't be a bad outcome but it's something that I feel needs to have attention.   
> -Also, we are getting closer to Hyuck and Jaehyun seeing each other again so stay tuned for that!  
> -I love hearing what you guys have to say so drop some comments down below!


	5. Chapter Four: I'm Already Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the rest of the night, Jaehyun couldn’t stop thinking about the beautiful, beautiful stranger from earlier. 
> 
> He never believed in love at first sight but damn it hit him like a ton of bricks.

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

“Do you know who the new contractor is”, Jungkook asked as he walked beside Jaehyun to the construction site. The older man shrugged and took a sip of his coffee through the straw. 

 

“I have no idea. Some guy named ‘Park Something’.” 

 

“Park Something?”

 

“Look, I’m not really thinking about whoever they are right now. I’m still upset Dr. Kim isn’t handling the project anymore.”

 

“Well, you know his wife just had another baby…”

 

“I know, I know. Family first. It just sucks you know?”

 

“I’m sure the new guy isn’t that bad.”

 

“We’ll see.”

 

Jaehyun’s phone buzzed multiple times before he took it out of his pocket to check, groaning when he saw who the messages were from.

 

“Oh, that did not sound good. Is it the girl who posted that picture of you”, Jungkook asked. 

 

“Not this time. You remember those foreign exchange students we met at Youngjae’s birthday party?”

 

“Yeah, the uh, the three guys and that one girl. They were from California or something right?”

 

“Yeah, those four.”

 

“Okay...what’s up?”

 

“Well, I went home with two of them that night…

 

“Jesus Christ man.”

 

“...and now they won’t stop texting me.”

 

“Two guys or guy and girl?”

 

“Guy and girl.”Jungkook shook his head and glanced down at the ground. 

 

“So...who topped? Or I don’t know, took control?”

 

“Kookie, I don’t see why that matters.”

 

The younger man gave Jaehyun a blank stare. His lips formed a tight line, clearly unamused.

 

“Ugh, fine. Me. I did.”

 

“One or both?”

 

“...both.”

 

“Wow, Jung Yoonoh still has it huh?”

 

Jaehyun frowned and didn’t respond. He wasn’t exactly proud of being the guy that hooks up with a lot of people. After his breakup with Doyoung and before Hyuck came along, that was a common occurrence. 

 

“You’ve been getting checked out? Using protection and stuff right”, Kookie asked after a few minutes of silence. 

 

“Yeah, I have. I’m still good but, you can never be too careful I guess.”

 

“Does your counselor know you’ve been hooking up again?” 

 

“No. I haven’t exactly figured out how to bring that up but I guess I will eventually.” 

 

“Just, be careful man.”

 

Jaehyun nodded but didn’t look at his friend. One of the reasons he was so adamant about not sleeping with Hyuck, even if the younger thought he wanted to sometimes, was because he didn’t want to potentially hurt him. Jaehyun always went in to get checked up, even well into his relationship with Donghyuck. While his results always came up negative, he was afraid that something could go undetected and possibly infect Hyuck. When he said he didn’t want to hurt him, he meant it in more ways than one.

 

They reached the site and immediately began looking for the person of interest. 

 

“Maybe he’s in the trailer over there. It seems like a good place to start”, Jaehyun said, already making his way over. He knocked on the door a few times before a voice told them to come inside. A tall man with dark hair sat at a desk talking on the phone. 

 

“Does one sound good? Ah, that’s great. I’ll see you then beautiful.” The man ended the call and folded his arms over the desk, looking up at the grad students before him. 

 

“Can I help you, gentlemen?” 

 

“Good morning sir. My name is Jung Jaehyun and this is Jeon Jungkook. We’re the graduate students working with you on the Han River Music project.” 

 

Kookie awkwardly waved from his spot beside Jaehyun, tightly clutching his laptop bag. Jaehyun could sense his anxiety and reached up to brush imaginary lint from his shoulder. Ever since they were kids, it’s been their signal of comfort if one of them were ever in an uncomfortable situation. 

 

“Really now? You both look younger than I thought you’d be.” 

 

“Well, no offense to you sir but you look a little young for your position as well”, Kookie replied. 

 

“That’s fair, I’ll give you that one. I’m not the senior contractor for this project. You’d have to look to Mr. Sooman for that one. I’m about three steps below him.” The man smiled, showing off a beautiful set of pearly white teeth. 

 

“Still higher up than us”, Jaehyun said. He shifted his weight from side to side. 

 

“How about the two of you have a seat and we can discuss your work?” Once they got settled, the man held out a hand for them to shake. 

 

“I apologize for not introducing myself. My name is Park Hanjae and I’ll be working with the both of you. I take it you’re both Heechul’s students?” 

 

“Yep”, Kookie said. “Does that make you our boss?” Hanjae laughed and waved him off. 

 

“Not exactly. I do have some seniority as far as some of the major implications but overall what we do is pretty even.” 

 

The older man rolled up his sleeves and cracked his knuckles. The noise startled Jaehyun a little and Kookie raised his eyebrows. Clearly, this guy meant business. 

 

“So, let me start by saying that you are both some of the most talented individuals I’ve ever met, and I thought this before our little interaction today. Your work is some of the best I’ve seen so far in my career. Jungkook, you have an excellent eye for design. The blueprints you’ve drawn up are impeccable and fit right in with what the school board wanted.” 

 

“Oh, well I do try my best”, he replied, blushing a little at the praise for his work. Hanjae turned to Jaehyun and he noticed that the older man had a very piercing gaze. 

 

“Jaehyun, you have some of the best notes I’ve ever seen on a blueprint analysis. Your attention to logistics amazes me. The way you’ve mapped out the actual building process of Jungkook’s design is, beyond talented.” 

 

“Really?”

 

“Absolutely. The only thing I’d say is to change the type of cables you’ll be using for the building itself. I have a list that you can use to research for which ones might be best. They are more expensive than the ones you have listed but they’ll be a lot safer in situations where an earthquake or severe storm is possible.” Hanjae slid the list over to Jaehyun and smiled at the look of surprise and disbelief on the younger men’s faces. 

 

“Make sure to be here bright and early next Tuesday boys. I can’t wait to get started.” 

 

“Knowing that my work is amazing is honestly the best thing I’ve heard all week”, Kookie said with enthusiasm. 

 

“The best thing I’ve heard all week is that my mom isn’t trying to force feed kimchi to me for the fourth night in a row”, Jaehyun responded, quickly looking over the list in his hand. He glanced up and smiled at Hanjae before reaching out to shake his hand. 

 

“Thank you for meeting with us. I’m excited to start working with you.” 

 

“Likewise.” 

 

After saying their goodbyes, Jaehyun and Jungkook left feeling a little more optimistic about their grad project. 

 

“That was surprisingly quick and painless.”

 

“Definitely. I’m so glad we got that over with.” 

 

“We should celebrate tonight. You wanna go out for drinks”, Kookie asked, practically skipping down the sidewalk. 

 

“I’d be down for a couple of beers” 

 

“Or a couple of bottles of soju”, Kookie responded, smirking. 

 

“Shut up.”

 

~•~

 

_ “Cutie alert on your right”, Kookie said, pointing in the other direction. Jaehyun turned around to see quite arguably, the prettiest man he’s ever seen in his life. And Jungkook’s boyfriend Jimin was a very good looking dude.  _

 

_ “Wow, he is cute”, Jaehyun replied, in awe. _

 

_ “Jaehyun, no. Kookie quit giving him bad ideas”, Jihyo snapped.  _

 

_ “You don’t even know what I was about to tell him!” _

 

_ “Guys, guys, chill. He probably doesn’t even swing that way”, Jaehyun responded, taking a sip of beer.  _

 

_ “He’s not even your type Jae.” Jaehyun scoffed and raised an eyebrow at Jihyo.  _

 

_ “I do not have a type.”  _

 

_ “Yeah right. Everyone you’ve ever dated, guy or girl, has been skinny, pale, and their hair has never seen dye once.”  _

 

_ “Name one.”  _

 

_ “Your last ex.”  _

 

_ “Doyoung is only one person.”  _

 

_ “I can pull up all of their social media and give you several.”  _

 

_ “She’s got you there man”, Yugyeom said, finally speaking up.  _

 

_ “I say, you go up and talk to him. Break out of your comfort zone. What’s the worst that could happen”, Kookie interjected.  _

 

_ Jaehyun glanced over at the guy again. He had tan skin, curly auburn colored hair, big doe eyes, and the most unique laugh Jaehyun had ever heard in his life.  _

 

_ He was very, very cute.  _

 

_ Jaehyun guzzled the rest of his beer and stood up before fixing himself. He was a Jung and the Jungs always got the guy or girl they wanted.  _

 

_ “I’m going in. Wish me luck.”  _

 

_ He walked over to the tan skinned male and leaned against the table, clearing his throat. A young woman with long brown hair glared at him for interrupting the conversation. Her tanned friend looked Jaehyun up and down, a bored look on his face.  _

 

_ “Yes?”  _

 

_ “I was just over there talking to my friends and couldn’t help but notice how beautiful you look. You mind if I buy you a drink?” Jaehyun put on his best flirtatious smile, hoping it would win the younger man over.  _

 

_ “Is this some kind of joke to you?” Jaehyun faltered a little at the question. _

 

_ “Uh, no actually. I’m being serious.” _

 

_ The younger man slinked into Jaehyun’s space with a seductive look on his face and a captivating smile. His body was nimble and he had legs that went on for days. _

 

_ “Is that so?”  _

 

_ Jaehyun could feel the heat rise on the tips of his ears. He had to admit, he was a little turned on and scared at what was happening. He maintained his composure, putting a cocky smile on his face. _

 

_ “Definitely. You’re beyond gorgeous.”  _

 

_ “Well, I appreciate the compliment…” the younger man’s face switched to one of disgust. “...but I’m not interested.”  _

 

_ “Wait…” _

 

_ “Go away eyebrows”, the dark-haired woman said.  _

 

_ “Can I at least get your number? A date maybe?”  _

 

_ “Ugh, as if”, the auburn-haired male replied before taking his friend’s hand and walking away. Jaehyun awkwardly stood there before turning back to his friends.  _

 

_ “So? How’d it go”, Jihyo asked.  _

 

_ “He turned me down.”  _

 

_ “Jung Jaehyun? Being turned down? That’s like, the first time in history that’s ever happened”, Yugyeom replied.  _

 

_ “I didn’t even get his name.”  _

 

_ “Maybe because you creepily interrupted his conversation?”  _

 

_ “That is possible and I probably should’ve taken another approach.”  _

 

_ “Who knows, maybe you’ll see him again one day”, Yugyeom said.  _

 

_ For the rest of the night, Jaehyun couldn’t stop thinking about the beautiful, beautiful stranger from earlier.  _

 

_ He never believed in love at first sight but damn it hit him like a ton of bricks.  _

 

☀️🌹

 

“First things first, get rid of the necklace.”

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

“Take it off.”

 

Jaehyun stared at Seulgi incredulously. There was no way in hell he was taking the sunflower necklace off. 

 

“Seulgi…”

 

“Nope, nuh uh, no sir. Jaehyun, if you want to move on from this break up you then have to take it off. It’s hindering you.” 

 

“How the hell is an inanimate object hindering me?”

 

Seulgi’s mouth formed a tight line. She sat back in her seat, arms crossed and not amused. 

 

“It’s not the object itself, it’s what it represents. You’re still holding on to Donghyuck and what he means to you. You’re hurting yourself by staying attached to the only thing he left you with.” 

 

Jaehyun frowned and reached up to touch the sunflower pendant. He’s only taken it off to wash and even then it immediately went back on after he was done. He didn’t want to let it go. Seulgi sighed and sat up in her seat. 

 

“You don’t have to completely get rid of it Jaehyun. If it makes you feel better we can put it away in a box until you are able to detach the true meaning behind it as another alternative. But you have to dissociate Donghyuck from it.”

 

“Put it away until a later date…like a time capsule?” 

 

“Yes! We can set a goal date for you to open it again and if at any point you feel like the date should be pushed back then you can do that. However long it takes for you to move forward.” 

 

Jaehyun pondered her words, wondering if he was ready to do something like this. He knew that if he really wanted to get the best out of therapy, he would have to take charge and do what was best, no matter how hard it would be. 

 

He slowly removed the necklace, hands a little shaky. He was nervous, and rightfully so. Getting rid of this important piece of his relationship, or rather his former relationship was stressful. Jaehyun took another look at it before gently placing the jewelry on Seulgi’s desk. He didn’t know he was holding his breath until he sank back into his seat, a ragged exhale leaving his body. 

 

“How does that feel”, Seulgi asked. 

 

“Hard. It’s hard.” 

 

“I know it hurts, but that’s because of your attachment to it. You’re going to feel like a piece of you is missing, that maybe you’re making a mistake. Those feelings are completely normal. What we’re going to do is work through those feelings and figure out why you have a hard time staying in your relationships and how to move forward from this last one.”

 

She opened her file cabinet and began pulling out a piece of paper. Jaehyun raised an eyebrow, curious as to what it entailed. 

 

“What I want you to do for now is read over this and do some research. When we have your next session, I’m going to ask for your consent on this before moving on.” She slid the paper across the desk and Jaehyun picked it up, carefully reading over it.   
  


“What is the ‘Cognitive Behavioral Model’?”

 

“It’s a model that stems from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It’s a psychological intervention treatment that focuses on changing any negative thought patterns that may be a cause of obstructive behavioral or emotional patterns. If you are okay with taking this approach, what we will spend most of our time on is finding, analyzing, and reversing any thoughts and feelings you may have that contribute to the negative behaviors you display in your relationships and against yourself. It helps me formulate a proper diagnosis and a more specific treatment for you.” 

 

Jaehyun looked the paper over again. The most education he had with psychology was an intro level class he took during his freshman year of undergrad. It seemed promising enough and he trusted Seulgi to help him get through this. 

 

“And you said I can stew over this until our next session together”, he asked. The older woman nodded her head. 

 

“Precisely. However, don’t feel like you have to rush anything. We can take as much time as you need if you still aren’t sure.” 

 

Jaehyun nodded and held onto the paper a little tighter. He’d look up some more stuff on the topic once he got home. 

 

“Oh uh, about the necklace…”

 

“I will make sure to put it away for safekeeping. Nothing will happen to it. You have my word.” 

 

“Cool, cool. Thank you, really. For everything so far.” 

 

“There’s no need to thank me. I’m here to help you and others. Just having you show up is more than enough for me. It lets me know that I’m doing something right.” They both stood up and she walked him to the door, allowing him to lead. 

 

“So, I guess I’ll see you next week?”

 

“12:00 sharp?” 

 

“Definitely.” 

 

~•~

 

_ “Hyunnie, come here!” _

 

_ “Alright, alright, I’m coming”, Jaehyun responded, chuckling.  _

 

_ “Hurry up you old man, you’re going to miss it!” _

 

_ Jaehyun caught up with Hyuck and sat beside him. They got to the beach just in time to catch the dolphins playing around in the water.  _

 

_ “I want one”, Hyuck said, mystified.  _

 

_ “Where would you even put a dolphin?”  _

 

_ “I’d make a way.” _

 

_ Knowing Hyuck, he probably would. If he really wanted something, he’d do anything to get it. _

 

_ “Or, you could wait a few more years for me to really solidify my career in architecture, get a lot of money and buy us a nice house out here. Then you can have as many dolphins as you want.”  _

 

_ “You’d do that for me?”  _

 

_ “I’d do anything for you Sunshine.”  _

 

_ They continued watching the dolphins until Hyuck got distracted by something else on the ground. He picked up a pretty, coral colored seashell and held it in both of his hands. He was smiling brightly at his new discovery and Jaehyun couldn’t help but want to capture the moment.  _

 

_ “Hold that position right there”, he said, taking his phone out of his pocket. He took a couple of pictures of the younger man, who only laughed and smiled as Jaehyun laid himself in different positions to get various angles.  _

 

_ “You’re such a dork”, Hyuck said, still laughing.  _

 

_ “Yeah but I’m your dork.”  _

 

_ Later that night, Jaehyun scrolled through his camera roll, looking at all of the pictures he took of Hyuck that day. There was one that was his absolute favorite: Hyuck was looking directly at the camera, beaming and beautiful. His skin glowing as the sun shined brightly on his body, holding that pretty coral seashell in his hands.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Jaehyun and Hanjae interaction anyone? That just means that Jae and Hyuck will be seeing each other again VERY soon.  
> -I wanted this first part of the chapter to look at some of the other aspects of Jaehyun's life: his education and career goals, his relationship with his friends, etc.  
> -I also wanted to use this chapter as a teaching point (which I habitually tend to do with anything I write pls forgive me). EVERYONE GET TESTED. PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNERS. THAT'S REAL LOVE AND HONESTY THERE. It is also a look into Jaehyun's past, something that I've brought up a few times in 'Jaehyun's Family Vacation'.  
> -the bar scene is one of my favorite parts to write for this chapter, second to the therapy session  
> -when Hyuck said Jaehyun made many attempts, he meant it  
> \- '97 line is just wild but they're loveable and they look out for each other, even though they sometimes fuel each other's bad decisions  
> \- The therapy session with Seulgi really allowed me to flex my former psychology major knowledge (I just recently changed it to sociology lmao but psych remains as my minor). I also used elements from my own experience with therapy and CBT is very helpful (I encourage you guys to read up on it if you are not aware of what it is). I will be using a lot of terminology with the therapy part of this story and I will try my best to incorporate what it is within the dialogue itself.  
> \- also, if you think some of the things Seulgi says, the way she says it or does is more laidback than it should be, that is a part of that 'unconventional therapy practice' tag I listed. It's a little unprofessional to be as casual as she is and for the most part (some) therapists are kind of boring and unrelatable in real life.  
> -the beach flashback is a reference to a scene in Chapter 12 of Jaehyun's Family Vacation  
> -Drop the comments down below and subscribe for more content (I watch wayyyyy too many YouTube videos)


	6. Chapter Five: I'm With Somebody New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s only been months but for Jaehyun it felt like years

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

“So you’re dating again?” 

 

“Yep. Well, kind of. It’s nothing serious.”

 

“Okay, and who is this guy exactly?” 

 

Hyuck finished straightening his hair and ran his hands through it, making sure that no trace of curls was left behind. He liked the new grey color that Taeyong did for him. It was different and made him look, admittedly, very pretty. 

 

“His name is Hanjae. He’s a general construction contractor and he’s the same age as you.” 

 

“Hyuck…”

 

“We’ve been over this for an entire summer Youngho. I’m not a child and you will not treat me like one.” 

 

“Look, after that hot mess with Jaeh-”

 

“Which I’m fully aware of. Jaehyun and I haven’t seen or spoken to each other in almost four months Johnny. I’m ready to move on with my life.” 

 

Johnny sighed and pinched the area between his eyes. He promised Hyuck that he wouldn’t hover over his romantic partnerships. He knew that Hyuck was capable of bouncing back but he knew that if he ever saw Jung Jaehyun walking around Seoul…

 

“Johnny, did you hear what I said?”

 

“Huh, what?”

 

“I said that if things continue to go well then I’ll introduce the both of you. Taeyong can meet him too.” 

 

“And what about my parents?” 

 

“Let’s hold off on introducing him to Aunt Sophie and Uncle Daniel until further notice. They get attached too quickly.” 

 

Johnny stood up and took the straightener from Hyuck, helping him get a few flyaway curls in the back of his head. 

 

“Just know that if I think this guy is bad news, he’s gotta go.” 

 

“He’s not bad news.”

 

“That’s what you said the last time.”

 

“That was different.”

 

Johnny rolled his eyes but didn’t voice his disagreement on the matter. If this was what Hyuck wanted, then he’ll step away. It was time to let go of the leash.

 

“There, now you’re finished. What time are you supposed to be meeting him?” 

 

“Around seven. It’s dinner with him and some of his colleagues from the Han River project.” 

 

“Do you know where you’re eating?” 

 

“Not really. He gave me directions but I’ve never heard of the place so I’m assuming it’s something well out of my pay grade. Did I at least pick clothes nice enough just in case?” 

 

Hyuck turned around to show Johnny the front of his outfit. He wore a white dress shirt with fitted black pants and dress shoes. He usually does something dramatic with his eyes when going out but settled on a more subtle look. It was a little on the casual side overall but not so much to stand out if he ended up going to a pricier restaurant. 

 

“You look nice Hyuck. Very mature.” Johnny’s face softened and he pulled Hyuck into a hug. 

 

“My baby cousin is all grown up! You’re not a little mop head twerp anymore.” 

 

“Ugh, let me go you overgrown tree, you’re going to mess up my hair.” 

 

“Nope, let me have this.” 

 

“Can you at least loosen up so I can breathe?” 

 

“Sorry.” Johnny let the younger man go and smiled at him. 

 

“You know what to do if that guy messes with you?”

 

“Kick his ass.”

 

“And if he still doesn’t stop?”

 

“Get the big bear to handle my heavyweight.” 

 

“That’s right.” 

 

They fist bumped and Hyuck pulled Johnny into one last hug before grabbing a warm, black peacoat and the keys to his apartment. 

 

“You’ll make sure Cocoa is fed and everything before I get home right?” 

 

“Don’t worry about us Hyuck. I have everything under control.”

 

“I’m warning you, Johnny, if anything happens to my baby  _ your _ ass will be the one that gets kicked.” 

 

“Hyuck, I got it.” 

 

Donghyuck nodded before leaving his bedroom. Johnny could hear the front door close and the sound of Cocoa’s feet pattering on the hardwood floor in the hallway. She ran into the room and plopped in front of Johnny, tongue out and tail wagging. 

 

“I guess you want to play right?” 

 

She gave a little bark and began walking in circles. 

 

“Of course you do.” 

 

~•~ 

 

“Why does the damn entreé cost my entire paycheck”, Kookie asked as he stared at the menu incredulously. Jaehyun glanced at the item on the menu his younger friend was looking at and waved him off. 

 

“If that’s what you want, I’ll buy it”, he said, still scanning his. 

 

“Jae…”

 

“I’m going to stop you there. No friend of mine is eating air for dinner.” He closed his menu and smiled at Jungkook before grabbing the drink menu. 

 

“Now, what’s your poison mate?”

 

The younger man rolled his eyes at Jaehyun but playfully snatched the drink menu out of his hand. He quickly looked over it before settling on some fancy French wine with a name they can’t pronounce. 

 

“I’m gonna have them pull out the soju for me”, Jaehyun stated. 

 

“Oooo, soju Jae is back!”

 

“Only within reason. I’m getting it mixed with beer instead of drinking it straight. Do you know how embarrassing it would be to get plastered in front of Hanjae? Especially before we even go into work in two days?” 

 

“Very embarrassing but, you’re a lot more fun when you’ve got the clear stuff in your system.”

 

“I will have you know I’m already tons of fun.”

 

“Yes, which is why I said you’re  _ more _ fun that way.” 

 

They continued bickering until Hanjae showed up. He was dressed quite nicely and in garb that Jaehyun could very easily recognize. 

 

“Is that a John W. Nordstrom Solid Wool”, Jaehyun asked as the older man sat down. He raised an eyebrow at the pink haired man, taken aback by his fashion knowledge. 

 

“Uh, yes it is actually. How would you know…”

 

“My mom works in fashion”, Jaehyun responded. Kookie nodded and started to eat the mints in the middle of the table.

 

“He mostly knows because his parents are loaded.” 

 

“Jungkook”, Jaehyun snapped.

 

“What, it’s true.” Kookie looked at Hanjae and jerked his thumb in Jaehyun’s direction. 

 

“He’s really, really humble too.”

 

“Interesting”, Hanjae said. He glanced at his phone, almost willing a message to pop up. 

 

“Do you know what time your date will be showing up”, Jaehyun asked. 

 

“He said he might be a little late. Apparently, his cab was tardy in picking him up. I mean, I offered to drive myself but he was vehement in turning the offer down.” 

 

“He? So you…”

 

“Yes, I date men. Is that a problem for you Mr. Jung?”

 

“No! No, it’s not a problem at all. I mean, I’m bi so, dudes are my jam too.” He awkwardly laughed at the end of his statement, hoping that his ears didn’t give him away. 

 

“Ignore my flustered friend here. He can be a headass sometimes”, Kookie said. 

 

A waitress came over and took their drink orders. She was being very flirty with Jaehyun and he figured, why not indulge her. It wasn’t going to lead to anything and he wasn’t harming anyone. 

 

“She’s a very attractive woman. Do you plan on getting her number at the end of the night”, Hanjae asked. Jaehyun shook his head and laughed nervously. 

 

“Oh no. She’s beautiful but I have no desire to do anything beyond flirting.”

 

“Hmm, that’s a missed opportunity, my friend.”

 

The pretty waitress returned with two glasses of red wine and a pint glass of somaek.

 

“Thank you”, Jaehyun said, flashing her a bright smile. The woman blushed and took their food orders. 

 

“Um, may I also get a flute of champagne? We have another guest coming”, Hanjae said. 

 

“Of course”, the young woman answered. She gave Jaehyun a coy smile before walking away to get the last drink. Kookie and Hanjae began teasing him about how flirtatious that woman was being with him when Hanjae’s phone buzzed. 

 

“Hello? Yes, I’m here now. Yes, the one with the windows.” He stood up and held the phone against his chest. 

 

“I’ll be right back gentlemen.” 

 

“Take your time”, Kookie said. 

 

“I wonder who this mystery guy is”, Jaehyun said as he watched Hanjae walk towards the front door. 

 

“Hmm, definitely a sugar baby. There’s no way someone with Hanjae’s money isn’t taking care of someone else.”

 

“Or, and this is wild, maybe they have their own job and he just really likes that person and wants to spoil them a little”, Jaehyun replied. 

 

“I mean, I guess but my theory sounds more interesting.” They were interrupted by the sound of laughter heading in their direction. Both men turned towards the source of the noise and felt their jaws drop. 

 

“Holy shit”, Kookie whispered. He quickly glanced at Jaehyun and watched a plethora of emotions crossing the older man’s face.

 

“Jaehyun, we can always leave.”

 

“I can’t believe this.” 

 

It’s only been months but for Jaehyun it felt like years. Jaehyun couldn’t get over how gorgeous and full of life he looked. The wispy curls were gone, neatly straightened and dyed a silvery grey to replace the normally auburn colored locks. Everything else was the same: pretty red heart-shaped lips, a constellation of moles doting the left side of his face and neck, the expanse of tan skin he’s mapped many times before, big brown doe eyes, and mile-long legs. 

 

Lee Donghyuck looked as stunning as ever. 

 

Hanjae led him to the table and before they got there, Donghyuck looked up and gasped. Hanjae didn’t notice his little intake of air, still smiling brightly at his arrival. 

 

“Donghyuck, I’d like for you to meet my colleagues. This young man here is Jeon Jungkook. And this is…”

 

“Jae”, Hyuck said. Jaehyun could see how mixed Hyuck’s reaction was. He could see that same starry-eyed gaze Hyuck gave him when they were together, but there was also the look of hurt in them as well. Jaehyun wasn’t a very spiritual person but he definitely still felt something in the air between them. 

 

“Hyuck. How’ve you been”, Jaehyun replied, equally breathless. An awkward silence filled the table before Kookie looked around, waving his hand. 

 

“Um, can I get a waitress over here?”

 

~•~ 

 

_ “So, you take your hand and place it here”, Hyuck said, moving Jaehyun’s hand to his waist. The older man swallowed thickly and his ears began to turn a bright red.  _

 

_ “Are you nervous Yoonoh”, Hyuck asked, smirking. Ever since he found out Jaehyun’s government name, he’s been using it to address him seductively. It’s been working too because there was nothing sexy about the name Yoonoh.  _

 

_ “Me? Nervous? Of course not.” _

 

_ “Don’t lie to me Jaehyun.” _

 

_ “Okay, maybe a little. You’re just so, so…” _

 

_ “So what?” _

 

_ “Unbelievably beautiful Hyuck.” Jaehyun looked Donghyuck’s over, feeling his skin beginning to prickle with sweat. “I’ve never been this close to you until now. It’s kind of unnerving.” _

 

_ “It’s just me Jaehyun”, Hyuck responded, laughing.  _

 

_ “Yes, but I can’t help but feel nervous in the presence of the most beautiful person in the world.”  _

 

_ “It’s only dancing baby.” Hyuck leaned up and put his mouth near Jaehyun’s ear. “You have nothing to be nervous about Valentine.”  _

 

_ “You are such a tease”, Jaehyun replied.  _

 

_ “And you are distracting us from our lesson. Now, put your hand here and hold your other one up, like this.”  _

 

_ “Okay, now what?” _

 

_ “You take the lead”, Hyuck answered.  _

 

_ Jaehyun wasn’t doing terribly but it wasn’t the greatest job either. He slowly led Hyuck through the waltz, only to trip over his left foot, sending both of them to the ground.  _

 

_ “Jesus Christ, that hurts”, he gritted out. He ended up taking most of the impact, cradling Hyuck to his chest.  _

 

_ “Are you okay”, the younger man asked worriedly. Jaehyun painfully nodded but gave Hyuck the best smile he could muster up. _

 

_ “Yeah, yeah I’m good.” _

 

_ “Do you need anything? Ice? Painkillers? We can go back to my place and you can sleep on my bed for a few hours.” _

 

_ “Hyuck, it’s fine I’m okay.” Jaehyun smirked up at Hyuck who sat there blinking at him with worried eyes.  _

 

_ “You know what will make me feel better?” _

 

_ “What?”  _

 

_ “Can I have a kiss?” _

 

_ Hyuck rolled his eyes but entertained the older man. He leaned down to press one, two, and many more kisses on his lips, creating their own dance in the middle of the studio floor.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -So I'm doing another update for two reasons: 1.) I want to put some focus back onto my other fics. 2.) This one is very important to me (it's kind of like my baby) and I don't want to create content that no one will enjoy without the right state of mind and attention to it. Because of that, I will be taking somewhat of a break from this fic until I can get myself together.  
> -Now, onto the chapter itself: Johnny and Taeyong will start making their appearances.  
> -Grey haired Hyuck is the jam, get with it  
> -Jaehyun and Kookie being the best of buds and doing dumb shit but like, out of love  
> -somaek is soju mixed with beer or a cocktail  
> -And then there's Hanjae, bringing in Hyuck, and making everything awkward (cue Kookie trying to divert the situation)  
> -And it's like love at first sight all over again and we all know that shit is going to hurt them later on. Especially with a third party in the mix.  
> -the little flashback at the end is (like all of the others) used to show the love that JaeHyuck cultivated over time and the love that they miss.  
> -this dinner will pick up in the next chapter  
> -More Jaehyun therapy sessions in the future plus the return of Kim Doyoung  
> -The roller coaster has begun  
> -comments are great and I love hearing what you all have to say!


	7. Chapter Six:  I'm Ready To Fix It If You're Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What are those for?”
> 
> “They’re uh, they’re an apology. For what happened earlier tonight.” 
> 
> “I don’t know why you’re apologizing. You wanted her number, decided to be an asshole about it, and you got it.”

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

  
  


“I take it the both of you know each other”, Hanjae asked. He kept glancing between Jaehyun and Hyuck, not missing the looks of familiarity from the two. Hyuck snapped out of his gaze long enough to regard the older man, nervously laughing. 

 

“Yeah, um, Jaehyun and I are...really old friends”, he replied.

 

“Oh, they’re ‘old friends’ alright”, Kookie muttered into his drink. 

 

“That’s great! I guess that means we can skip over the introductions then”, Hanjae said. He held the chair out for Hyuck to sit in and took his coat to drape over the back. Kookie gave Jaehyun a sideways glance, watching his friend’s face turn an alarming shade of red. 

 

“So sorry for the wait! Here’s that champagne you ordered!” The waitress from earlier scurried over holding Hyuck’s drink. “Are you the guest this is for?”

 

“That’s mine”, Hyuck asked, pointing at himself.

 

“The gentleman beside you requested it, yes.” Hyuck gave Hanjae a grateful look. 

 

“Oh thank God”, he replied, taking the drink from the woman and downing it. Both her and Hanjae was surprised at how fast he finished it but Jaehyun’s face remained blank. Hyuck only drank like that when he was stressed. 

 

“Um, do you need another one or...:”

 

“Yes please.”

 

“Okay. I’ll be right back. Your food should be coming out soon.” 

 

“Thank you”, Hanjae replied before worriedly glancing at the younger man beside him. 

 

“Are you okay Donghyuck?”

 

“Yep, I’m fine, just peachy.” 

 

Jaehyun looked at his own drink and thought about just ordering a regular bottle soju for himself. Hyuck wasn’t the only one stressing at the table; Jaehyun was feeling it too. The difference was that he could hide it better. 

 

“So...how’ve you been Hyuck”, Kookie asked, attempting to ease the uncomfortable atmosphere. 

 

“I’ve been great actually. Just, doing what I usually do.”

 

“I see. You still doing that internship with the school?”

 

“Yeah. I should be finished sometime in December and then I’ll begin actually doing stuff in the classroom like lesson plans and whatnot.”

 

“Interesting, interesting.” 

 

“I’ve actually talked to Hanjae about the possibility of me working with the Han River Music School once it officially opens up. By the time construction is done my program would be completed. I’m working on the applications and stuff now, then I have to take my certification exam. And a million other things. But I’m super excited!” Hyuck looked to the older man and put his hand on his arm, beaming. 

 

Jaehyun wanted to scream. He was getting really annoyed with all of the coincidences in his life. First, it was the fiasco with Johnny and Hyuck being cousins, now it’s Hyuck dating the guy Jaehyun is working with to build the school Hyuck wants to work at. Too much was happening in this one year and he was starting to feel a lot older than he actually was. 

 

“That’s great Hyuck. I’m happy for you”, he said. The younger man looked at him in surprise. His eyes were wide at first but then softened as a sad smile took over his face. 

 

“Thank you Jaehyun. That means a lot...coming from you.” Hyuck began to blush as he said this and quickly looked away from Jaehyun to, once again, smile at Hanjae. 

 

Jaehyun was going to act like it didn’t hurt when Hyuck looked at the older man like that. The waitress came back with Hyuck’s second drink, with other servers following behind to bring the food. Kookie was the first one to dig in as they set the plates down. 

 

“Here’s your champagne sir”, the waitress said as she set Hyuck’s drink down. “Do you all need anything else?”

 

“Can you bring a bottle of soju out”, Jaehyun asked. The waitress raised her eyebrows at him. 

 

“You want a whole bottle to yourself? Sir, are you sure about that?” 

 

“Absolutely.” 

 

“Jaehyun…”, Kookie began. His the tone of his voice was serious, uncharacteristic of his usually playful personality. 

 

“Uh, okay. I just want to warn you that this brand has about 35% alcohol”, she continued, hoping to sway Jaehyun’s decision. 

 

“Totally fine by me.” He gave her a flirty smile, making her blush. 

 

“Alright then. I’ll uh, I’ll be right back.” She turned to walk away, accidentally running into one of her coworkers. She apologized profusely before speed walking to the kitchen. 

 

“You really have an effect on that waitress Jaehyun”, Hanjae said as he took a bite out of his food. “Are you sure you don’t want to get her number?” 

 

Jaehyun honestly didn’t want to. He really, really didn’t want to. But knowing that his ex was with this man in front of him ignited a jealous streak in Jaehyun. 

 

“You know what? I think I might actually do that”, he replied. Hyuck glanced at him and he tried to ignore the hurt look on the younger man’s face. It was spiteful of him but Hyuck had ways of dealing with his problems and Jaehyun’s just differed from them. Seulgi would have a field day with his ass if she knew what he was doing. 

 

The waitress returned with the bottle of soju and sat it on the table. She stepped away with her hands behind her back to give the illusion of being poised. 

 

“Would you like anything else?”

 

“Yes I would actually”, Jaehyun said, watching her gulp. 

 

“Um, yes sir?”

 

“Your number, if that’s alright with you.” He smiled as he watched her face light up. 

 

“Wait, seriously?”

 

“Of course beautiful.” He leaned his head on both of his hands, smirking. Jaehyun watched as she pulled out a notepad and a pen, furiously writing the phone number down and handing it to him. 

 

“Hmm, Chanri”, he said, stretching out the syllables. “Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” 

 

“Oh, thank you. You’re very handsome yourself.” She blushed, even more, face resembling the color of a tomato. 

 

“I think you need to let her go and do her job now Jaehyun”, Hyuck said. His face was sweet but Jaehyun could hear the annoyance underlined in his voice. 

 

“Of course, of course. My apologies.” He winked at the girl and watched as she sped walked in the other direction. 

 

“What did I tell you”, Hanjae said, grinning. Jaehyun shrugged and ate some of his food. His face was smiling but he felt terribly guilty on the inside. 

 

~•~ 

 

“What the fuck was that”, Jungkook said as he left the restaurant with Jaehyun. He glared at the older man, willing Jaehyun to look him in the eye. 

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about…”

 

“No, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You didn’t even want that waitress’ number and as soon as Donghyuck shows up you do?”

 

“Donghyuck has nothing to do with that.”

 

“Donghyuck has everything to do with it and you know it. I thought you left that part of yourself years ago man.” 

 

“Kookie…”

 

“No, don’t ‘Kookie’ me. You know what you did was wrong! That poor girl thinks you’re interested and whatever hope you thought you had of getting back with Donghyuck is gone because of that bullshit you pulled back there!” 

 

“You don’t get it, man. Seeing him, after all this time...and with Hanjae of all people…”

 

“Yeah, I’m sure it hurts Jaehyun but that doesn’t mean you get to be an asshole.” Kookie shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. He sighed deeply before he looked at Jaehyun again. 

 

“You’re better than that Jae. You need to figure out how to tell Chanri that you aren’t interested and you need to apologize to Donghyuck.”

 

“Hyuck probably deleted my number from his phone.”

 

“The phone? Oh no my friend, you’re doing this in person.” 

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“You heard what I said. You need to go to his apartment, knock on that door, and apologize for being such a douchebag tonight.” Jaehyun shook his head and dug his hands into his pockets. This was an idea from Kookie that he could not get behind. 

 

“Yeah, no dice.” 

 

“And why not”, the younger man asked. 

 

“I can’t do it. It was hard enough seeing him tonight.” 

 

“Yes you can, you just don’t want to deal with confrontation. What happened to being the ‘fearless Jung Jaehyun’? Hell, are you even learning anything in therapy?”

 

“Yes, I’m learning a lot in therapy actually. Applying it? Not so much but I’m still learning.” He paused to raise an eyebrow at Kookie. “Also, the ‘fearless Jung Jaehyun’ is not as ‘fearless’ as you think.”

 

“First things first, don’t ever speak in the third person ever again. Secondly, I know you’re not fearless. The thing is, you were always good at pretending when it mattered. This is one of those times where you should. You need to sincerely apologize to Hyuck. I don’t care how and I don’t care when but it needs to happen at some point.” 

 

They got to the bus station and began to go their separate ways. Kookie clapped Jaehyun on the shoulder, looking him dead in the eyes.

 

“Do the right thing yeah?” He held out a fist towards Jaehyun. The older man looked down at it before smiling and giving him a fist bump. 

 

“Yeah. Do the right thing.” 

 

“You’re a good man Jaehyun. I need you to realize that and live by it. See you first thing on Tuesday morning.” Jaehyun watched as Kookie got on the bus, waving goodbye to him. He sat there, waiting for his bus to show when an idea popped into his head. He pulled out his wallet to see how much money he had left and smiled before running down the street, hoping that the nearest floral gallery was still open. 

 

~•~ 

 

“You will not believe who I saw tonight”, Hyuck said as he walked into his apartment, making a beeline for the kitchen. Johnny jumped at the sound of the front door slamming shut. 

 

“Woah, what happened? Who did you see that pissed you off this much?” 

 

Hyuck stopped and stared at Johnny, giving him a look. The older man furrowed his brows in confusion before his eyes widened in realization. 

 

“No…”

 

“Yes.” 

 

“I’m beating his ass Hyuck.”

 

“He clearly needs it!” Donghyuck shrugged his coat off and threw it onto a nearby chair before continuing his trek to the kitchen. “Where’s Cocoa,” Hyuck called out. 

 

“Mom came and got her. She wanted to take her walking with her book club ladies tomorrow,” Johnny replied as he followed Hyuck into the kitchen. 

 

“She would come and kidnap my dog.” 

 

Hyuck opened a cabinet and pulled out a bottle of wine. He was grateful that Yeri only bought twist cap bottles. Johnny walked into the kitchen and was stunned at seeing his cousin drinking straight from the bottle. 

 

“Uh, Hyuck…”, he began. 

 

“Yes? What do you need”, the younger snapped. 

 

“How bad was it?” 

 

“I’m drinking wine out of the bottle Johnny, how bad do you think it was?” He sat on the floor and kept drinking, only looking up when Johnny came and sat down beside him. 

 

“How’d you manage to see him tonight”, he asked softly. Johnny winced as he watched Hyuck chug the alcohol. 

 

“Apparently he’s one of the guys working with Hanjae. Of all of the coincidences and bad luck to happen to me, and the universe makes it so my ex is working with my...whatever the fuck Hanjae is supposed to be.” 

 

“Hyuck…”

 

“And to make matters worse, I still love him, Johnny. Seeing him tonight brought back so many memories and it sucks. It sucks so much and I hate everything and I want to hate him but I don’t and…”

 

“I think you need to hand that to me”, Johnny replied, reaching for the wine bottle. Hyuck slapped his hand and scooted over before he could get it. 

 

“Let me be sad and drunk damn it.”

 

“Hyuck, you don’t get ‘sad and drunk’. You’re a fucking lightweight for crying out loud.” 

 

“There’s a first time for everything Youngho.” Johnny was going to protest but a knock on the door interrupted that. Hyuck stood up, swaying a little, before walking to the door. The person on the other side knocked again, making him even more upset. 

 

“I’m coming! Jesus Christ, hold on”, he yelled. 

 

“Hyuck, you need to keep it down, you have neighbors”, Johnny said. Hyuck rolled his eyes and opened the door, shutting it as quickly as he opened it. 

 

“Hyuck, are you okay”, Johnny asked as he emerged from the kitchen. 

 

“Go away Yoonoh”, Hyuck exclaimed as he sprinted past Johnny into the kitchen. Johnny frowned and walked to the door, throwing it back open. 

 

Jaehyun stood on the other side holding a fresh bouquet of sunflowers. His face was sad and his hair was pink which frankly, was throwing Johnny off. 

 

“You’ve got a lot of nerve”, he said. 

 

“Look, Johnny, I came to apologize to Hyuck. I don’t want to start a fight or anything.”

 

“Hyuck was, probably is again, drinking from a bottle of wine on his kitchen floor because of whatever you did to upset him tonight. We both know he doesn’t drink heavily and we both know that he doesn’t get angry to the point of doing so very often so please, explain to me why my cousin is slowly becoming an alcoholic in his apartment?” Johnny leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms, glaring at the younger man. 

 

“Can I at least come inside, it’s fucking freezing”, Jaehyun said. 

 

“Over my dead body.”

 

“Johnny, let him in”, Hyuck yelled. Johnny rolled his eyes and moved over. Jaehyun shoved past him and removed his shoes before walking towards the kitchen. 

 

“Hyuck? Is everything alright?”

 

“I wish everyone would stop asking me dumb questions tonight”, he responded. Jaehyun entered the kitchen and looked down to see Hyuck laying in starfish position with a firm grip on a wine bottle. 

 

“Oh, jeez Hyuck…”

 

“Shut up. Just, no talking.” He opened one eye to see Jaehyun slowly sit beside his body, legs crossed, holding the sunflower bouquet. 

 

“What are those for?”

 

“They’re uh, they’re an apology. For what happened earlier tonight.” 

 

“I don’t know why you’re apologizing. You wanted her number, decided to be an asshole about it, and you got it.” 

 

“I actually didn’t want it.”

 

“Then why did you ask?” Hyuck had both eyes open now, staring at Jaehyun. He hiccuped a little and in other circumstances, Jaehyun would’ve found it to be cute. 

 

“I was just being a douchebag. I haven’t seen you in so long and, I guess I’m still a little upset about the breakup.”

 

“So you thought that gave you the right to be mean? You think it’s okay to be a big meanie Yoonoh?”

 

“Fucking hell, he’s so gone he’s using baby words now”, Johnny said as he emerged from the living room. 

 

“No Hyuck, it’s not okay and I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. It was wrong to get that girl’s number because I was upset and it was wrong to use that as a reason to get a rise out of you.” 

 

Hyuck slowly began to sit up a little and leaned his body against the fridge once he was in an upright position. He hazily looked at Jaehyun and hiccuped again. 

 

“Y-you said you didn’t want to hurt anyone, but you already have Jae. My feelings are still hurt.” Hyuck raised his finger up before Jaehyun could speak. “Don’t say anything to me right now.”

 

“I think you need to go”, Johnny said. 

 

“No, it’s too late for anyone to be out. Let him...let him stay for the night”, Hyuck replied. 

 

“Absolutely not”, Johnny snapped. 

 

“It’s my h-home, so my rules Youngho. He stays.” Hyuck grimaced as he slid the wine bottle away. “I feel sick now.” 

 

Johnny glared at Jaehyun and walked over to pick Hyuck up. The younger man was being difficult and whiny, upset about being off of the ground. 

 

“Pipe down. I need to get you cleaned up and make sure you don’t die in your sleep tonight.” Hyuck pouted but put his arms around Johnny to keep from falling. Jaehyun still sat on the floor, awkwardly playing with one of the sunflowers. 

 

“You still know where he keeps the extra blankets?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Well make yourself comfy Jung because the moment he wakes up in the morning, you better get out.” 

 

~•~ 

 

_ Jaehyun giggled as Hyuck continued to playfully nip at his neck. It should’ve been embarrassing; no one’s made him giggle before. But he didn’t feel the need to be embarrassed with Hyuck. If anything, he found it hot that the younger man was able to get that kind of reaction out from him.  _

 

_ “Hyuck, Hyuck, babe I gotta go, it’s getting late”, he said. Donghyuck sat up with a pout on his face, earning a smile from the older man.  _

 

_ “Don’t go, stay with me for the night.” _

 

_ “I have class in the morning.” _

 

_ “I don’t want you out so late, it’s too dangerous. Please stay Yoonoh?” _

 

_ “You think Yeri will be okay with that?” _

 

_ “Yeri has her own room and she’s not even here. I have lots of extra blankets and Jaemin probably has an extra shirt lying around here somewhere…” _

 

_ “I don’t think any of Jaemin’s shirts would fit me.” _

 

_ “Jae”, Hyuck whined.  _

 

_ “Fine, fine I’ll stay. But…” _

 

_ “But?” _

 

_ “You have to sing me to sleep.” _

 

_ “Really Jaehyun? What are you, five?” _

 

_ Jaehyun looked at Hyuck with big, puppy-like eyes. His hands were clasped together and his mouth started to form a small pout. Hyuck rolled his eyes and stood up from the man’s lap.  _

 

_ “Ugh, okay, I’ll sing you to sleep. You have to sing to me the next time though.” He held a hand out for Jaehyun to shake and the older man returned the gesture.  _

 

_ “It’s a deal.”  _

 

☀️🌹

  
  


Hyuck woke up the next morning wishing the sun didn’t exist. He happened to be turned in the direction of his window and, by all chances, the damn curtains were open, allowing the light to shine in his face. 

 

He fucking hated it. 

 

His head was pounding, his tongue felt like cotton balls, and he was sick to his stomach. The events of last night began to replay in his head and it only pissed him off even more. 

 

Donghyuck didn’t think he’d ever see Jaehyun again. Not for a while at least. It annoyed him to no end that he nearly melted at the sight of the man in the restaurant last night. Seeing that stupidly beautiful face of his with his gorgeous eyes and pretty lips. The pink hair just added on to how handsome Jaehyun already was and Hyuck hated it. He hated how if Jaehyun asked for another chance right now, he’d take him back in a heartbeat.

 

“That’s the last thing you need to do dumbass”, he said to himself. Hyuck slowly got out of bed, holding his head to try to ease the pounding, and walked to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He groaned when he saw his reflection in the mirror and knew he had seen much better days. 

 

He took some painkillers and carried on his normal morning routine, albeit a little slower, before making his way towards the kitchen. 

 

“Johnny”, he called out. 

 

“Johnny left.” 

 

Hyuck turned and saw Jaehyun sit up from the couch. His hair was a mess and he had a little slob on the side of his mouth but he still looked beautiful to Hyuck. 

 

“When did he leave?”

 

“Sometime this morning. He woke me up, told me that my ass better not be here when you got up and skedaddled.” Jaehyun’s mouth formed a tight line and he got up from his seated position, wiping the gross sleep spit on his sleeve. “I guess I’ll leave since you’re awake now.” 

 

Hyuck watched as Jaehyun folded up the blankets he used, stacking them neatly on one end before grabbing his phone and keys from the coffee table. He bit his lip, knowing he was about to say something stupid and wished the thoughts in his brain didn’t leave his mouth. 

 

“Let me at least make you breakfast before you go.” Jaehyun turned around and frowned at the younger man. 

 

“Hyuck, you don’t have to do that”, he replied. 

 

“I know. I still want to though.” He stood there, awkwardly playing with the sleeves of the shirt he was wearing. They were a little too big for him, creating that sweater paw look. His hair was fluffy and curly again, looking like a little cloud on top of his head. The sight tugged at Jaehyun’s heartstrings. 

 

“You don’t think it’s too much? You know, considering…”

 

“It’s just breakfast Jaehyun, don’t make it weird.” 

 

Jaehyun hesitantly nodded and followed Hyuck into the kitchen. He sat at the table situated on one side of the room, watching as the younger man began pulling random things out of the fridge. The sunflowers he bought sat in a pretty glass vase. There was only one other person who was up to do that and Jaehyun silently thanked Johnny for not throwing them away. 

 

Sitting in this kitchen felt surreal. Hyuck moved gracefully as he prepared breakfast. Everything he did looked like he was dancing and cooking was no different. Jaehyun dreamed of seeing and being a part of little domestic things like this every day for the rest of his life. But right now he just felt sad being here. 

 

“We need to talk about last night”, Hyuck said as he cut up some tomatoes. He didn’t look up at Jaehyun and kept all of his focus on the task at hand. 

 

“Hyuck, I am so, so sorry about last night.” 

 

“Why would you do something like that, knowing how things still are between us? That’s not like you at all Jaehyun.” 

 

“Maybe not now. But it isn’t a far cry from who I was before I met you.”

 

“Try when I first met you. It’s different when you’re joking around or being competitive but the whole ‘cocky, macho man’ thing is…”

 

“You hate it.” 

 

“Yes, I do.”

 

They sat in silence. The only sound that was heard was the microwave heating up the leftover galbi Hyuck had for lunch the day before.

 

“I didn’t expect to see you again so soon...to see you with someone else Hyuck.” Jaehyun saw the muscles in Donghyuck’s shoulders tense and watched as he set a knife down onto the cutting board. 

 

“So you were jealous? You did that because you were jealous?”

 

Jaehyun didn’t respond. He looked out of the window, suddenly finding interest in the leaves falling from the trees. His silence was the answer that Hyuck needed. 

 

“You”, he began as he started back cutting vegetables, “are not allowed to be an angry asshole when we aren’t even together anymore. You’re 23 years old Jaehyun, you know better.” The sound of the microwave beeping didn’t drown out the words that came from Hyuck’s mouth. 

 

“I don’t need you for you to talk to me like a child Donghyuck.”

 

“Then stop acting like one Yoonoh!”

 

“Don’t tell me I’m acting like a child when you got upset at me for getting someone else’s number! Everyone else at the table probably couldn’t tell but I know you well enough to know when you’re mad Hyuck!” 

 

“You think I wanted to see that Jaehyun? Is it that hard for you to keep your petty bullshit to yourself for a few hours”, Hyuck yelled back. 

 

“You think I wanted to see you giggling and smiling in another man’s face Hyuck”, Jaehyun retorted. 

 

“Hanjae and I are dating Jaehyun! That’s what people do when they date! You can’t be mad at what I do with someone else when you were the reason we broke up in the first place!” 

 

Jaehyun was stunned. He knew that Hyuck wasn’t exactly wrong but hearing it come from him was devastating. He didn’t know what else to do but just, sit there. Hyuck turned his face, hiding it out of Jaehyun’s sight. The microwave kept beeping. 

 

“Fuck”, he said quietly. “Fuck, why can’t I keep it together?” 

 

He left the kitchen, holding one of his sleeves against his face. There was no way in hell he was about to let Jaehyun see him cry. He went into his room, slamming the door before sliding down and pulling his knees up to his face, desperately wanting to bury the angry tears away. He silently cried and tried to ignore the knock on his bedroom door. 

 

“Please just go away Jaehyun”, he said weakly.

 

“I’m not leaving Hyuck.” 

 

“Why are you so fucking persistent?” 

 

“Isn’t that how we started dating?”

 

“Really?”

 

“Sorry, sorry. Look, you wanted us to talk. Let’s talk. No arguing, no crying; just an actual adult conversation.” There was a pause and Hyuck could hear Jaehyun sliding down the door on the other side. “And, you know I don’t like leaving things with us angry at each other.”

 

Hyuck sniffled and wiped at his face. He didn’t like ending disagreements with Jaehyun being angry either. Ever since his parent’s death, he always made sure that his last interaction with someone was a positive one, even more so since he and Jaehyun broke up. Tomorrow wasn’t promised and it would kill him inside if they left things like they were and something happened to the man on the other side of the door. 

 

“Okay”, he finally said. “I don’t want to do it face to face though. If I look at you I’ll cry and you know I hate crying in front of people.” 

 

“That’s fine. We can do it just like this”, Jaehyun replied. “Do you want me to turn the stove off?” 

 

“Yes please.” Hyuck sat and waited until the sound of Jaehyun’s back on the door flowed through his ears. 

 

“Done.” 

 

“So, which one of us goes first”, Hyuck asked. 

 

“Rock, paper, scissors?” 

 

“We can’t even see each other, you dork.” Hyuck laughed a little at this. Some things just didn’t change.  

 

“I know. I just wanted to hear you smile.” 

 

“Um, I guess it worked then.” 

 

“I’m glad.” Jaehyun sighed a little and began to drum his fingers against the hardwood floor. “I guess I’ll go first.” 

 

“You don’t have to…”

 

“No, no, it’s fine. I uh, I really am sorry about last night Hyuck. That was one of the most selfish and hurtful things I could’ve done. I jumped the gun and didn’t think about my actions would affect you at all. I was jealous and I wanted you to feel that too.” 

 

“I can see why you did it. I...I probably would’ve done the same thing. We’re human, no one is perfect.” Hyuck turned and put his ear against the door to hear the sound of Jaehyun’s drumming even more. “I forgive you Jaehyun. And I’m also sorry.” 

 

“For what”, Jaehyun asked. 

 

“For yelling at you, last night and just now. I’m sorry for saying the breakup was purely your fault. That isn’t true and it was a terrible thing to say.” 

 

“You aren’t exactly wrong…”

 

“No, part of it was my fault too. A relationship takes two and I know I had issues of my own that led to its end. I guess it was just easier to blame it all on you at the time and that isn’t fair. I’m sorry for that Yoonoh.” Hyuck waited for Jaehyun’s answer, feeling his anxiety levels increase the longer the silence went on. 

 

“I forgive you Hyuck. I just wish things were different.” Hyuck wiped at his face again, thankful that Jaehyun couldn’t see him. 

 

“I do too.” He paused and sat up, staring at his door. “Maybe...God this is gonna sound stupid.” 

 

“What?”

 

“Maybe we could, we could be friends? Things aren’t going to be the way they used to be but…”

 

“Do you think that’s a good idea for us? We just finished arguing and we didn’t break up that long ago.” 

 

“I know but I’m sure we can be adults about it. It won’t be totally different from when we were dating.”

 

“Well if you take out the fact that we’ve made out, went on dates, or that I’ve seen you naked…”

 

“Jaehyun”, Hyuck said, his voice warning the older man that he was going too far. 

 

“I’m just stating the obvious! Look, if you think it’ll work out, then I suppose we could give it a shot.” 

 

Hyuck stood up and reached out for the doorknob. He was hesitant, and a little scared, but he knew he couldn’t hide from Jaehyun forever. He opened the door and looked down at the older man, giggling as he scrambled to get off of the ground. 

 

“So...how do we seal the deal”, Jaehyun asked. Hyuck was going to go in for a hug but that would be too much, at least for now. 

 

“Let’s shake on it”, he replied, holding his sleeve covered hand out to Jaehyun. Jaehyun smiled down at it before covering it with his own larger hand. 

 

“Just Friends?”

 

“Just Friends.” 

 

“Can we uh, eat now? Cause I’m starving.”

 

“Wow, way to ruin a moment.”

 

“Look, that food from last night was literal paint on a plate.” Hyuck laughed and dragged Jaehyun in the direction of the kitchen. 

 

“Let’s get some food in your stomach big guy.” They walked side by side, feeling a sense of relief that things will be okay. 

 

They just hoped that it would last long. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -*Was supposed to take a break* *Dumbass got sick* *is bored* "GUESS I"LL UPDATE OR WHATEVER!"  
> -Anyway.........  
> -Hyuck ND Jae can pretend all they want but we all know how they still feel about each other  
> -However, what Jaehyun did was a little (is) manipulative and something that many people are capable of or have done. He is somewhat redeemed by the fact that he does feel guilt and understands that what he did was wrong. It doesn't absolve him of his behavior.   
> -When writing Hyuck's drunken mess scene, I took into account his actual weight (as listed under the Kpop Profiles), his height, age, how often he may drink (he just recently turned of age in Korea), and the alcohol content in a bottle of wine (standard is around 14%). Combine that with the fact that he is chugging it and you've got a hot mess express.   
> -I added the flashback to connect how Hyuck is concerned about Jaehyun's safety (not wanting him leaving late at night when there is a potential of danger) and the handshake they did to solidify a deal they make with each other.  
>  -And the fact that he wanted to make him breakfast, even after the previous night? The poor boy is still in love  
> -and Jaehyun wanting to be a part of that for the rest of his life? In love  
> -The argument, not gonna lie, hurt to write  
> -And having them actually talk it out and be adults hit me as well  
> -But "just friends"? hmmmm  
> -Give me a comment and maybe send me cold medicine because ya girl is DYING


	8. Chapter Seven: But I Still Want You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He won’t lie to himself and say that the feelings for Jaehyun aren’t still there. They most certainly are. But he also knows that the relationship they used to have is dead and he can’t go back to the past.
> 
> “I don’t love Jaehyun anymore."

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

“That is something I refuse to get behind”, Yeri said as she grabbed a slice of pizza. Mark and Renjun nodded from their spots on the couch.

 

“Donghyuck, you know how this is going to end”, Renjun replied. “Do you honestly think that you and Jaehyun can be ‘just friends’?”

 

“Wow, thanks for the support guys. I greatly appreciate it.” Hyuck’s voice dripped with sarcasm and he avoided looking at the other three occupants in the living room.

 

“He hurt you Hyuck; do you really think we’d support this”, Mark asked. He was the second person after Hyuck to feel burned by the mess back in Jeju. He looked up to Jaehyun a lot, so much so that for anyone else it would’ve been embarrassing, and was disappointed by the older man’s actions. Especially when it hurt his best friend.  

 

“Look, I see where you guys are coming from but I can’t go my entire life being mad at him. There comes a time where we have to let the past be the past and move on.”

 

“You might be able to forgive him but we all know that I am not obligated to”, Yeri replied.

 

“I’m not expecting any of you to forgive him. I just want you to trust that I can handle this on my own. If things don’t work out then they don’t work out. I’ll just wish him a happy life and it’ll be the end of that.”

 

The conversation was cut short by the sound of Hyuck’s phone ringing. Yeri rolled her eyes and took another bite out of her pizza.

 

“Let me guess, Jaehyun?” Hyuck looked at the name on the screen and turned it around to show her.

 

“Actually, it’s Hanjae”, he responded, giving her a smug smile.

 

“Well don’t just sit there, answer it”, Mark said. “You can go in our room if you need to.”

 

Hyuck got up from his spot on the floor and quickly entered Mark and Renjun’s shared bedroom, plopping into the beanbag chair on Mark’s side of the room.

 

“Hello”, he said answering the phone, voice giddy.

 

“ _Hello beautiful_ ”, Hanjae said from the other side. “ _How are you_?”

 

“I’m fine. Just having dinner with some friends.”

 

“ _I didn’t interrupt you or anything did I? I didn’t really have a reason to call, I just wanted to hear your voice. I can always call you later.”_

 

“No, you didn’t interrupt anything important. You actually saved me from an awkward situation.”

 

“ _Well, now_ _I’m curious about this awkward situation_.”

 

Hyuck went silent and internally cursed himself for bringing anything up. Hanjae didn’t know that he used to date Jaehyun, still believing that the two were just old friends. Hyuck knew that he would have to bring it up sooner or later and universe thrust this opportunity to do it in his face.

 

“ _Donghyuck, are you still there_ ”, the older man asked.

 

“Yeah, I am. Um, can I talk to you about something?”

 

“ _Of course you can. Is everything alright? Are you in any trouble_?”

 

“No trouble. The uh, the situation actually has to do with someone you work with.”

 

“ _Hmmm, and this person wouldn’t happen to be Jaehyun would it_?”

 

Hyuck frowned and pulled his phone away from his ear, staring at it. He didn’t think that the tension between him and Jaehyun the other night was that obvious. Not to Hanjae at least.

 

“How did yo-”

 

“ _It was pretty obvious. You were both painfully awkward with your conversation and I didn’t think someone like Jaehyun was capable of frowning that much in my life_.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“ _I didn’t want to comment. I figured it was a sensitive topic and I didn’t want to push you to say anything unless you wanted to_.”

 

“I appreciate it.” They sat in silence until Hanjae spoke again.

 

“ _So, what is it you wanted to talk about_?” Hyuck took a deep breath and prayed for the best.

 

“Jaehyun and I used to date.”

 

“ _You did_?” There was a genuine surprise in Hanjae’s voice with a hint of disappointment.

 

“We did. I broke up with him months ago and I didn’t think I’d see him again so learning that he was someone you’d be working with was a little much. The entire situation between us and our former relationship is...a bit of a sensitive subject. I don’t really like talking about it.”

 

“ _I understand. I don’t have to worry about him or anything do I_?”

 

“You shouldn’t. Jaehyun and I have decided to be just friends and we won’t be getting together again.”

 

“ _Just friends_?”

 

“I know it sounds like a bad idea…”

 

“ _Which it does_.”

 

“...but I can promise you that I have no desire to be with him anymore.” Hyuck felt his heart drop in his stomach when he heard the older man sigh.

 

“ _I really do like you Donghyuck. I’m enjoying the time we’re taking to get to know each other and I’m hoping that it can continue. I just don’t want to compete with another man from your past if you still have feelings for him_.”

 

“Hanjae…”

 

“ _Do you still love him Donghyuck_?”

 

Hyuck didn’t know how to respond. He won’t lie to himself and say that the feelings for Jaehyun aren’t still there. They most certainly are. But he also knows that the relationship they used to have is dead and he can’t go back to the past.

 

“I don’t love Jaehyun anymore. He was my past and I really want to see where things lead between us.” He felt awful for lying but it was better to fake it until it came true.

 

“ _I want that too_.”

 

They moved on to lighter conversation and were enjoying getting to know one another even more. Donghyuck really did like Hanjae. He was a kind, honest man with a good head on his shoulders and a firm grip on who he was.

 

The only problem was that he wasn’t Jaehyun, and he never will be.

 

~•~

 

_“There is no way in the world that ‘The Breakfast Club’ is better than ‘Titanic’.”_

 

_“Just admit that you have trash taste in movies and go.”_

 

_Jaehyun stared at Hyuck in disappointment. They were in a very engrossing debate about movies from the 80s and 90s. Jaehyun was surprised to learn that Hyuck loathed ‘Titanic’._

 

_“I’m sorry Hyunnie but it’s not as great as you and the rest of our brainwashed population seem to think.”_

 

_“You’re only saying that because you don’t have a sense of romance Hyuck.”_

 

_“Maybe I don’t but at least I’m not going through life knowing that I was okay with telling a man to ‘paint me like one of his French girls’. Like, who wrote that line? I want to have a long conversation with them about that.”_

 

_“That was such an iconic line. I don’t even know you anymore.”_

 

_Hyuck laid down beside Jaehyun, curling into the man’s side. He let out a sigh of happiness when Jaehyun wrapped one of his arms around his waist, pulling him closer._

 

_“Would it redeem me if I let you paint me like one of your French girls”, he asked playfully._

 

_“Well I don’t have any French girls and I can’t paint so that would be kinda hard to achieve.”_

 

_“Cameras do exist.”_

 

_Jaehyun tightened his grip on Hyuck and rolled over onto his back to get more comfortable. He held Hyuck close to his chest, running his hand up and down his back._

 

_“Maybe one day I’ll take some tasteful nudes of you.”_

 

_“Tasteful nudes?”_

 

_“Yeah. Something artistic and sexy.”_

 

_“You sound like my friend Renjun”, Hyuck replied._

 

_“Is he the art major?”_

 

_“Yeah, he’s a total art hoe. Loves creating it, observing it, and critiquing it.”_

 

_“I don’t think anyone could recreate your beauty Hyuck.” The younger man sat up and stared at his boyfriend. His nose was scrunched in faux distaste._

 

_“You’re so disgusting, I swear.”_

 

_“It’s only because I love you.”_

 

_Hyuck’s eyes widened and he began to blush. Ever since the day Jaehyun had his asthma attack and Hyuck had to go above and beyond to save his life (the headass literally put his inhaler in Hyuck’s bag by accident), he’s been telling Hyuck that he loves him. Granted, Jaehyun had felt that way for a while but for whatever reason, he thought telling Hyuck not even two minutes after being able to breathe again was perfect timing. Hyuck hadn’t been able to tell Jaehyun and the older man didn’t expect him to be ready right then and there._

 

_But sitting here and taking in every inch of Jaehyun’s beautiful, glasses covered, bushy-eyebrowed, borderline vampire pale and squishy cheeked face made his heart flutter in a way that he hadn’t felt since Jeno. Jaehyun was everything he wanted, needed, and more. He was such a Disney prince on the outside, but the biggest dork on the inside. He seemed so unreal at first but the more Hyuck got to know him, the more he fell._

 

_He fell for how awkward Jaehyun could be sometimes; how he had the weirdest sense of humor. He loved the little ‘imperfections’ he had: those brows that needed constant maintenance, the fact that he was a loud sneezer (Hyuck learned to tolerate it), all of the cuts and scars from stitches he got falling all the time as a kid. The fact he was still a bit of a klutz sometimes. He loved that Jaehyun takes bad selfies and that he was simultaneously smart and clueless. It was so endearing to Hyuck._

 

_Jaehyun was attentive, always in tune with what Hyuck wanted and needed. He was mysterious to others but opened up for Hyuck and it was beautiful. Everything about him was beautiful. And everything about him was love. Pure, honest, unadulterated love._

 

_“I love you”, Hyuck whispered._

 

_“Wait, what”, Jaehyun replied, surprised._

 

_“I...I love you Jaehyun.” The older man sat up, still holding onto Hyuck. He looked deep into his eyes and Hyuck could see a plethora of emotions in them._

 

_“Say it again. I need to hear it again, so I know it’s real.” Hyuck smiled and held Jaehyun’s face in his hands._

 

_“I’m in love with you Jung Jaehyun. Every single part.”_

 

☀️🌹

 

“Is there anything else you want to talk about today?”

 

“I saw him again.”

 

Seulgi looked up from her notes, eyebrows drawn together in confusion.

 

“Pardon?”

 

“I saw Hyuck. For the first time in months and he’s dating one of my colleagues.”

 

“Oh. Oh wow.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“How did it go?”

 

Jaehyun rolled his eyes and stood up, pacing back and forth in front of her desk. He’s grown more comfortable with Seulgi and felt like he could truly be open with the counselor.

 

“It went exactly as you think: awful. It was super awkward, incredibly uncomfortable, and I was so close to making him hate me forever.” He ran his hands through his hair and looked up to see Seulgi staring at him with a blank face.

 

“What?”

 

“What did you do?”

 

“I...shit, so there was a waitress right?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And she was obviously interested in me but I didn’t really care to pursue anything.”

 

“Smart.”

 

“Well, Donghyuck showed up and all of that flew out of the window.”

 

Seulgi removed her glasses and rubbed her temples. Jaehyun felt a little bad for her. She’s been having a field day helping Jaehyun ever since they’ve started their sessions together. He made a mental note to send her a fruit basket once everything was said and done with therapy.

 

“Jaehyun…”

 

“I didn’t think about how stupid it was to flirt with that girl and get her number until after the fact. Hyuck looked so upset and I’m mad at myself for essentially leading some poor girl along.”

 

“How did you handle the situation with the waitress”, Seulgi asked, following Jaehyun’s movements.

 

“I haven’t talked to her yet.”

 

“You need to get on that as soon as possible. She’s probably already feeling slighted because you haven’t contacted her yet.” She placed her elbows on the desk and rested her chin on her hands. “And what about Donghyuck?”

 

“We had a huge argument but fixed everything in the end.”

 

“Well arguments aside, that’s good. How did you fix it?”

 

Jaehyun really didn’t want to answer that question. Frankly, he hated being asked a lot of questions in the first place. He knew it was a part of Seulgi’s job but…

 

“Do you really need me to answer that?”

 

“I’d prefer that you did but it’s ultimately up to you. This is your counseling, not mine. I am here to help give you the tools and guide you through the process. I can only help if you work with me. The rest is up to you.”

 

Jaehyun stopped pacing and slumped into his seat. He knew that agreeing to friendship with Hyuck was a bad idea, especially when he was still in love with him. The only reason he agreed to it was that he’d rather have Hyuck in his life this way than lose him and not have him at all.

 

“Hyuck and I have decided to be friends.”

 

“You do realize just how detrimental this could be for you if your agreement fails?” Seulgi’s tone was low and her face was serious. Whatever she was about to say, Jaehyun probably already thought about.

 

“I do and trust me I’ve weighed it in my mind. I know it’s pretty much emotional suicide but I love him and I want him to be happy. If being friends is what makes him happy then, so be it.”

 

“Jaehyun, you have to think about your own happiness as well. You aren’t obligated to contribute to Donghyuck’s overall happiness. Especially if he didn’t ask you to.”

 

“What do I do now”, he asked.

 

“The best thing you can do is actually follow through. Implement some of the things you’ve learned so far. Don’t create any unnecessary attachments and in the event that you cannot go on with this friendship, remove yourself. I know it’ll be hard but…”

 

“It’ll be for the best”, Jaehyun finished, sighing deeply.

 

“Whatever decision you do end up making, make it one that will bring you happiness. At the end of the day, the only things that matter is what brings _you_ joy.”

 

That was the thing, Jaehyun wasn’t sure what he needed to be happy.

 

~•~

 

“Jaehyun, come help me with the dishes”, Haeun called out. She heard the sound of his feet shuffling across the floor and turned to give him a look.

 

“Don’t use that tone of foot with me, grab a washcloth and dry the dishes.” Jaehyun stood beside his mother and begrudgingly did as she asked.

 

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were 16 again”, she said, aggressively scrubbing a pot.

 

“That’s because it’s Dad’s turn to dry the dishes.”

 

“Well his car is stuck in traffic and you’re the only one here beside me so I’ve employed you to dry the dishes. I’ll make him do it twice next time.”

 

“Why is his car stuck in traffic?”

 

“The Yeoksam District bus broke down again.”

 

“Really? That’s the fifth time in the last two weeks.” Jaehyun shook his head as he wiped the water off of the plates. “Someone needs to fix it.”

 

His mother nodded in agreement and passed the cleaned pot to him, swaying as Jaehyun started humming an old song that played on the radio.

 

“How was your day”, Haeun asked.

 

“It was okay”, Jaehyun replied.

 

“Just okay?”

 

“I mean, I went to work, did some online classwork, saw Seulgi. It wasn’t really much of anything.”

 

“How was your session with Seulgi?”

 

Jaehyun frowned and began wiping the dishes down even harder. He really wasn’t in the mood to play 20 questions with his mother.

 

“It was fine. We talked about my rampant desire to sleep around when I’m sad and how Donghyuck magically appeared back into my life.”

 

“I’m sorry, what?”

 

“I hook up with people Mom, we’ve talked about this.”

 

“No, not that. Donghyuck. What do you mean he appeared back into your life?”

 

Jaehyun continued drying the dishes, wishing he didn’t open his mouth at inopportune moments. His mother took the washcloth away from him.

 

“Yoonoh, sweetheart, talk to me.”

 

“I saw Hyuck the other night when I went out to eat with Kookie and Hanjae. Turns out Hyuck is dating my ‘boss’. Stupid stuff happened and I ended up staying at his apartment.”

 

“You didn’t…”

 

“No, Mom, we didn’t. He was drunk and Johnny would’ve killed me so no.” The older woman stared worriedly at Jaehyun.

 

“We got into a fight. Which we ended up fixing but then I stupidly agreed to be just friends with him an-”

 

“Jaehyun…”

 

“Yes, I know. It’s a bad idea but he’s already clearly interested in someone else and I miss him so why not.”

 

“As much as I love Donghyuck and I want to see him again, this ‘friends’ situation doesn’t seem like the best thing for either of you.”

 

“I’m the one that can’t seem to move on.”

 

“And you know for certain that Donghyuck has? Jaehyun, I wouldn’t put it past him to still have feelings for you. You both loved each other so much, there’s no way he doesn’t feel even a smidge of love for you.”

 

“Well he’s with someone new and I’m the poor asshole that has to sit around and watch.” Jaehyun backed away from the sink and ran his hands through his hair.

 

“I think I’m going to turn in early for the night if that’s okay.” His mother nodded and watched as he went down the hall to retreat to his bedroom. Jaehyun knew his mother would discuss this with his father, would then complain that his son needs “to get it together” or say that he has no reason for being sad all of the time.

 

“ _He’s a grown man Haeun, not a child_.” Yeah, really supportive.

 

Jaehyun closed the door and locked it, not wanting either of his parents to come in. He flopped down on the bed and stared at his ceiling.

 

“Ugh, I’m such an idiot. ‘ _Let’s be friends_ ’, yeah right.” He turned over and came face to face with the Funshine bear that Hyuck returned to him after their breakup. In actuality, he shipped the thing back to Jaehyun’s parents but it was all the same.

 

The bear had Hyuck’s rose necklace wrapped around its furry neck and Jaehyun frowned the longer he looked at the permanent smile on the stuffed animal’s face. It looked like it was taunting him.

 

“What are you looking at”, he said to it. The bear didn’t respond and Jaehyun slapped himself on the forehead.

 

“That’s it. I’ve officially gone insane. I’m talking to a stuffed bear and to myself. Congratulations Jung Jaehyun, you’ve hit a new low.” He turned towards his dresser and saw the little piano music box Hyuck gave him back in Jeju.

 

Jaehyun got off of his bed and carefully picked it up, not wanting to let it break. He slowly lifted the opening to the tiny grand piano and turned the little knob to play the music. The sounds of the Disney theme began to play and he laid back down on his bed, holding the piano to his chest.

 

“So this is what Seulgi meant when she said not to get attached to things.” He closed his eyes and continued listening to the music flowing in the room. When it stopped, he opened his eyes again, feeling tears pricking at the corners. He sat up, took the Funshine bear off of his bed, and walked to his closet.

 

“I can’t keep holding on to something that doesn’t exist anymore. So, I’m gonna put you guys away and maybe one day when it stops hurting, I’ll take you back out.”

 

He pulled a box from the top shelf of his closet. There were a bunch of old photos from high school, some ribbons and things he’s won over the years. He sat the bear inside and put the music box between its legs. Jaehyun took one last look at the items before hiding the box under his bed. Nothing he ever put there was missed anyway.

 

If he truly wanted to be Hyuck’s friend, he’d just have to forget that he used to be his lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -So uh, hello from the confines of my bed  
> -Hyuck, sweetie, your feelings are showing.  
> -I wanted him to tell Hanjae now rather than later for many reasons, but this will set the tone for Jaehyun and Hanjae's relationship for the rest of the story, as well as their feelings for Hyuck. (Spoiler: it won't be pretty). My plan is to build it all up until the true fuckery ensues.  
> -Also, whatever your feelings are about Hanjae, may be correct, they may not be (unless someone is secretly snooping in my Google Drive).  
> -I loved writing this little flashback where Hyuck officially realizes that he loves Jaehyun. That type of feeling is an amazing experience and I hope everyone has it.  
> -The idea that Jaehyun isn't this "perfect Disney prince" 24/7 is one I can get behind. Everyone has off days (even someone like him).  
> -Poor Seulgi. She cares for Jaehyun but he's really giving her a run for her money.  
> -My inspiration for writing Haeun as a (very) open and supportive mom comes from a blend of my mother and the mom of a good friend of mine.  
> -Jaehyun's dad's ignorance of his problems (read: depression) is drawn from some real life experience I have (from many people I know). There will be more on this narrative of "how can you be depressed when you have x,y,z in your life?" Now, will I write his dad as an asshole in the future? No. He just needs more education when it comes to mental health (as a lot of people do).  
> -Did my heart break when I wrote him putting away the things that reminded him of Donghyuck? Of course, it did.  
> -Leave me a comment. Or two. I love hearing your feedback.


	9. Chapter Eight: I'm Still There, Same As Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was so painfully obvious that the older man still cared about him, would do anything for him.

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

“You know, I’ve never had champagne during lunch before. The closest I’ve had to this were mimosas at brunch with my Aunt Catherine.” 

 

“Cathrine? That’s not a very Korean sounding name.”

 

“That’s because she wasn’t born here.”

 

Hanjae stared at Hyuck in confusion. The younger man slurped his way through his japchae, not paying any attention to the bewildered gaze he was receiving. He swirled his chopsticks around the bowl, lifting his head to make eye contact. 

 

“Yeah, I have family in America.” 

 

“As in, American born citizens?”

 

“Yep”, Hyuck responded. “My great-grandparents hightailed it to the States, had like eight kids, and the next thing we know the Kim family exploded.” 

 

“If your family is in America, how did yo-”

 

“My mom came here for university. She met my dad, they fell in love, you know all of that gross stuff. She gave up her US citizenship to stay here with my dad and had me. Of all of the great aunts and uncles and cousins that I have, I was the only one actually born in Korea.”

 

“That’s interesting.” Hyuck shrugged his shoulders. 

 

“It’s okay I guess. I’ve been to a few reunions and stuff but I don’t have much of a relationship with anyone over there except my grandma. The only family I truly know deep down are Johnny, Aunt Sophie, and Uncle Daniel.”

 

“What about your parents”, Hanjae asked. Hyuck put his head back down and started playing with his food again. 

 

“They uh, they died when I was a kid.”

 

“Donghyuck, I am so sorry for asking.” Hyuck waved him off and gave him a sad smile. 

 

“It’s fine. It happened like, 13 years ago.” 

 

“Do you miss them?”

 

“All the time. I love my aunt and uncle dearly but, it kind of sucks watching Johnny grow up with both of his parents while mine are six feet under because their car hydroplaned.” Hyuck took another bite of his food and clapped his hands. 

 

“This conversation is depressing now. Please, entertain me.” 

 

“I don’t know if I can. You're sometimes a bit of a firecracker; it’s hard to pin you down and keep you interested.”

 

“I haven’t stopped talking to you have I”, Hyuck questioned. He put his elbows and the table and sat his chin in his hands, coquettishly blinking his eyes at the older man. Hanjae began to blush and tugged a little at his collar.

 

“Um, no you haven’t, surprisingly.” 

 

“Then you must be doing something right.” 

 

Seeing Hanjae all flustered and shy made Donghyuck feel proud. He could be a flirt if he wanted to and had no problems making people sweat. Aunt Sophie always said that it reminded her of his mother and he wasn’t surprised. Darcy Kim was indeed, one helluva woman. 

 

“Can I just say you are, absolutely gorgeous.” 

 

“You wouldn’t be the first or the last man to tell me that.” 

 

“The other men from before obviously lost out then.” 

 

Hyuck was a little upset at Hanjae’s statement. He wasn’t too keen on being “the one that got away” purely because of his looks. It made him feel invalidated on all of the other things he’s talented in and capable of. He didn’t speak on it though, only smiled a little and took a sip of his champagne. 

 

“I’m pretty sure it was because they were idiots and not because of my face.” 

 

“I can see that. You’re very intelligent Donghyuck. You need someone who can match you on that level.” 

 

“Are you implying that you can?”

 

“I won’t say that I’m not.” 

 

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of Hyuck’s phone ringing. He looked down to see that Yeri was trying to get in contact with him. He was usually good about answering calls but now was not the time. Hyuck tried to decline the call many times but Yerim continued to be persistent in getting him to answer. 

 

“Can you give me a minute”, he asked, getting up. Hanjae waved him off and he excused himself to the bathroom. 

 

“You have 30 seconds to tell me why you’re interrupting my lunch date”, he hissed into the phone. 

 

“ _ Your last dumbass is at our apartment with a sprained ankle. _ ” 

 

“I’m sorry, who?”

 

“ _ Jaehyun is currently on our couch screaming at me for trying to help him out. How do you sprain your ankle walking through the door _ ?” 

 

“I-”

 

“ _ Need to get here quick? Yeah because if you don’t I will actually kill him _ .” Hyuck heard the sound of a male voice yelling, Jaehyun’s more than likely. 

 

“ _ Shut up you moron! I’m trying to help your ungrateful ass _ !”

 

Yeri ended the call and Hyuck sat there staring at his phone, shaking his head. He hurriedly left the bathroom, startling Hanjae when he came back to the table. 

 

“Is everything alright”, the older man asked. 

 

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Jaehyun is currently injured on my couch so I need to go see what that’s all about.” 

 

“Jaehyun is supposed to be at work”, Hanjae replied seriously. 

 

“You are too darling but here you are with me”, Hyuck said sweetly. “I’m so sorry but he won’t let anyone touch him and someone needs to keep Yeri from killing him.” Hyuck grabbed his coat and his phone before rushing towards the door. 

 

“I’ll make it up to you, I swear”, he called out before officially leaving the restaurant. Hanjae rubbed his temples and contemplated ordering another drink. 

 

“God damn, Jung Jaehyun.” 

 

~•~ 

 

_ “How did you manage to break your glasses”, Haeun asked as Jaehyun and Hyuck walked into the large apartment. Jaehyun gave his mother a sheepish look while Hyuck rolled his eyes.  _

 

_ “Your darling son tripped over air, knocked over some poor guy holding a hot dog he snuck in, and face planted in front of everyone outside the National Theater.”  _

 

_ “Jaehyun, that’s your third pair this month.” Haeun closed her eyes and said a silent prayer while Jaehyun continued toying with the lens.  _

 

_ “It’s not THAT bad”, he said, putting the glasses on. It sat at a tilt on his nose, making him go cross-eyed.  _

 

_ “It’s worse than bad Jae. You know you can’t see”, Hyuck said as he reached up and removed the glasses from Jaehyun’s face. He ran his thumb across Jaehyun’s cheek, wincing when the older man let out a pained noise from the contact it made with a bruise. “God, you’re such a klutz Valentine.”  _

 

_ “Donghyuck, can you help him clean up some?” Haeun looked Jaehyun up and down, shaking her head. “You have chili all over your dress shirt Yoonoh.” _

 

_ “Yes, mother, I am aware”, he replied. Hyuck took Jaehyun by the arm and dragged him to his room.  _

 

_ “Strip”, he said as he looked for a clean washcloth.  _

 

_ “I like where this is going”, Jaehyun said, a flirtatious tone in his voice. _

 

_ “You smell like over-processed meat. It’s a no from me.” Hyuck emerged from the bathroom with a damp washcloth, a few cotton balls, some bandaids, and a container of rubbing alcohol.  _

 

_ “Why can’t we use the hydrogen peroxide? It burns less.” _

 

_ “I’m using rubbing alcohol because I can smell that the wound is clean. If the product smells like death, then I know it’s working. Now hold still.” Hyuck poured a little alcohol on the cotton swab and dabbed it on the areas where Jaehyun had small cuts. The older man hissed and Hyuck blew a soft stream of air on the spot to soothe the burning.  _

 

_ “You’re such a baby. How can macho man Jung Jaehyun be this affected by a little rubbing alcohol?” _

 

_ “It’s the devil and I’ve hated it since I was a kid.” He made a face when Hyuck put the band-aids on his cheek.  _

 

_ “So you’ve just been falling all over the place your whole life?”  _

 

_ “I try to work on it but sometimes you just kind of tip over you know?” _

 

_ “No, I don’t actually.”  _

 

_ “Not everyone can be this amazing, graceful dancer like you Hyuck.”  _

 

_ “The world would be boring if everyone was like me anyway.” He used the damp washcloth to wipe away some of the grease from the chili sauce that bled through Jaehyun’s shirt, blushing as he felt every muscle of the older man’s stomach.  _

 

_ “This is usually how bad porn starts”, Jaehyun commented.  _

 

_ “Shut up.”  _

 

_ “It’s okay if you wanna do a little something, something babe.”  _

 

_ “Your mom is literally still here you ass. Can’t we go back to your apartment?”  _

 

_ “We could but my roommate is home.” _

 

_ “And you thought that your childhood bedroom was the better option”, Hyuck said, gesturing around the living space. “I can hear the tv from here, these walls aren’t soundproof.”  _

 

_ “Then I guess you’ll just have to keep quiet won’t you?” _

 

_ No, Jaehyun knew he wasn’t going to be quiet and for that, he was an asshole. He knew he wouldn’t have to do much because Hyuck wasn’t going to keep his trap shut regardless. _

 

_ “Ugh, fine. You know the rules.”  _

 

_ “Nothing past third base and no hickies above the collarbone. You know I won’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with.”  _

 

_ “Yeah, I just need the reassurance you know?”  _

 

_ “I understand.” He put both hands on Hyuck’s cheeks and stared into his eyes, making Hyuck flush an even deeper red. “Is it okay if I kiss you Donghyuck?” _

 

_ “Oh jeez…” _

 

_ “Use your words Hyuck. I’m not doing anything unless you want me to.” _

 

_ “Yeah, yeah that’s perfectly fine with me.”  _

 

_ Jaehyun saw their time in his bed as the perfect opportunity to put his Mickey Mouse bandana to use. Hyuck was distraught at the fact that Disney merchandise was being used as a gag for his mouth. But the younger man would’ve been lying if he didn’t think that Jaehyun’s two left feet were the greatest thing to happen to him that night.  _

  
  


~•~ 

  
  


“It’s about fucking time”, Yeri exclaimed as Hyuck entered their apartment. “He literally won’t let me anywhere near him.” 

 

“You aren’t exactly gentle you demon spawn”, Jaehyun yelled from the couch.

 

“Not my fault you can’t seem to stay vertical Eyebrows!” Yeri rolled her eyes and handed Hyuck their first aid kit.

 

“Do something about him, will you? I’m going out for lunch with Jaemin and his parents. Your idiot put me behind schedule.” She walked past the couch that Jaehyun was laying on, thumped his ankle, and crossed the rest of the living space to open the front door. 

 

“What was the point? What did you gain from that?”

 

“That’s for hurting my friend loser”, she replied before slamming the door shut. 

 

“You know”, Hyuck began as he gently sat down beside Jaehyun’s legs. “Yeri is actually very sweet. You could avoid getting on her bad side if you just be nice.” 

 

“Me? Be nice to her? I’ve apparently been on her bad side since we’ve met!” 

 

“Well, do better.” Hyuck lightly touched the swollen area on Jaehyun’s ankle, gauging the amount of damage done to the spot. 

 

“It’s grade one so you’ll be fine after a week or two. I’m going to get some ice for it and then I’ll wrap it up”, he said as he stood up to go make an ice pack in the kitchen. Hyuck shook his head thinking about how he was still taking care of Jaehyun, even after the relationship ended. The older man was such a baby sometimes but it was endearing to Hyuck. He came back with the ice pack and gently pressed it against Jaehyun’s ankle. 

 

“Why do you know so much about sprained ankles”, he asked. 

 

“I’m a dancer Jae. I used to get them all the time remember?” 

 

“That’s why I told you to stretch and be careful but you never listened to me.” 

 

“That’s because I had you do the stretching and massaging for me.” Jaehyun felt his skin grown hot and he didn’t doubt that the tips of his ears were a bright red.

 

“Well, you have Hanjae for that now so…”

 

“Don’t start Jaehyun, really.” 

 

“I’m not starting anything. Just, pointing out the obvious is all.” Jaehyun stared at Hyuck, who was diligently making sure that all of Jaehyun’s ankle was being cooled. “Has he been treating you well?”

 

Hyuck glanced up and saw the seriousness in Jaehyun’s eyes. Making eye contact could be very intense with him sometimes and this was one of the times that Hyuck had to actually look away. 

 

“Of course he has. He’s a good man Jaehyun.” 

 

“Okay. Just, making sure.” Hyuck raised an eyebrow at Jaehyun and pulled out a box of bandages. 

 

“You don’t have to do that. I can take care of myself you know.”

 

“I do Hyuck. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” 

 

Hyuck bit his lip and began wrapping the bandage around Jaehyun’s ankle. It was so painfully obvious that the older man still cared about him, would do  _ anything _ for him. All Hyuck wanted was to drop everything and start over with Jaehyun but they couldn’t go back. 

 

“The only thing getting hurt seems to be you. Why did you show up here anyway?” 

 

“I uh…”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I was just wondering if you, you know wanted to like, hang out or something.” Jaehyun closed his eyes shut and hated the feeling of his ears burning. He silently cursed his body for always giving him away. 

 

“You want to hang out”, Hyuck asked. “You know texting exists right?”

 

“Yeah, but I wanted to do it in person. Look, we could go to the arcade or go bowling or whatever, maybe even make it a group thing if the two of us going by ourselves makes you uncomfortable.” Jaehyun watched as Hyuck finished wrapping his ankle and pull away, still looking at it. 

 

“You said just hanging out right?”

 

“Just hanging out.” 

 

“Fine”, Hyuck said as he turned to look at Jaehyun. “ You heal up first and then I’ll see when the others are free.” He stood up and began making space to help Jaehyun stand. 

 

“Now let’s get you to a hospital so you can get properly checked out.” 

  
  


☀️🌹

  
  


“So you plan on hanging out together?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“And nothing more?”

 

“I’m actually trying to do the friendship thing you know. I won’t make any moves on Hyuck. Plus we’ll be with a group of people so it won’t be super awkward or anything.” 

 

“Aren’t his friends the group that is coming?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Jaehyun, they don’t like you.” 

 

“Which is true but it’ll all work out somehow.” 

 

Seulgi rolled her eyes and stared straight ahead. She thought about taking the time to really sweep under her desk. 

 

“Let me know when you want to get down so I can help you with your ankle”, she said. 

 

“Sure thing. You know, seeing the world from this perspective is actually really eye-opening. And it keeps my hair out of my eyes.” 

 

“It’s a lot better when we do it outside but it’s too cold so we have to make do with what resources are available to us.”

 

“What made you want to do this as an exercise?”

 

“It’s just to show clients that there are different ways of seeing the world and viewing life. Every negative thought you’ve ever had about yourself is only one perspective. I want you to open up to other possibilities.” She slowly brought her legs off of the wall and to the ground, smoothing out her shirt before helping Jaehyun down. She grabbed his crutches and handed them to him. 

 

“How much longer until that heals?”

 

“The doctor said about a week and a half, give or take. It’s doing a lot better but she said that I still need to take it easy.” 

 

“As you should.” Seulgi sat down at her desk and began writing things down in her notes. 

 

“So, what is your next plan of action for when we meet again?” 

 

“Tackling the negative thoughts and behaviors.” 

 

She smiled at him, affirming his statement. Jaehyun felt like he was making some progress. He was still a little hard-headed about following through with some of his treatments but he’s genuinely trying his best. Seulgi recognized his potential to do better. He just needed a little push sometimes. 

 

“Don’t forget that if at any point you need an emergency meeting, do not hesitate to contact me.” 

 

“Of course. Thank you.” 

 

She nodded and helped him up to leave, carefully guiding him the lobby of the center and calling a cab for him. As he rode home, he intently watched the passing of sight of the buildings in Seoul. Without a care as to what the driver might think, he laid down on his back until his line of sight showed the sky.

 

The sun was exceptionally bright today and it was the first time it’s been out in days. Jaehyun greatly appreciated it as opposed to the dark, gloomy feeling from constant downpours. 

 

“Rough day”, the driver asked. Jaehyun shook his head. 

 

“Eh, not really. The past few months have definitely been rough.”

 

“What is it: lost your job, dropped out of school…”

 

“Dumped.”

 

“Really? You don’t look like the type of guy people would easily dump.”

 

“It happened so, obviously I am.”

 

The driver looked at Jaehyun’s sprawled figure in the rearview mirror. His feet were propped against the window and his pink hair was splayed in a halo around his head. There was a somber look in his eyes like he’s just sad all the time. 

 

“I’m gonna guess and say that this person was really important to you.”

 

“The most important. Then I went a fucked it all up for us.” They sat in silence before the driver let out a heavy sigh.

 

“Hey kid, you ever heard of a ‘twin flame’?” Jaehyun turned his head and looked at the driver with a confused expression. 

 

“Um, no I haven’t.” 

 

“Basically it’s like a soulmate multiplied ten times. This person is your mirror, your home. You’ve gone through many lives to find them, this one and ones in the past. There comes a time where you hit a bump in the road and you’re separated. But you always, always find your way back.”

 

“Don’t get my hopes up, man. We just decided to be friends.”

 

“Maybe so. But are you really just friends?”

 

“The fact that you’re saying this is kind of creepy. Are you the government? Have you been spying on me?”

 

“No kid, I can just tell. Look, someday you’re gonna get her…”

 

“Him.”

 

“...him back. May not be today. May not be tomorrow. May not happen for another 30 years.”

 

“Dear God”, Jaehyun replied, shuddering.

 

“All I’m saying is, the universe works in mysterious ways. The love you put out is what you get back. No, you may not have the romantic love right now, but that doesn’t mean you still can’t love him regardless.”

 

Jaehyun thought about everything the cab driver was saying. Just because he wasn’t with Hyuck anymore didn’t mean he couldn’t still love him. Jaehyun knew he would always, always be in love with Hyuck regardless. There were too many feelings there for him not to. But he also wanted Hyuck to be happy and if being happy meant that they weren’t together anymore, then so be it. He would still do his best to live life and be happy too, even if it’s without the person he wants the most. 

 

“You know, I never thought I’d be getting life advice from a guy driving a taxi”, Jaehyun said with a smile. 

 

“Well, I also didn’t expect some kid laying in my seat with his feet on my window either.” 

 

“Sorry”, he said sheepishly, removing his feet from the window and sitting up. 

 

“Don’t go through life beating yourself up for whatever happened between the both of you. Keep taking it a day at a time. Everything sucks now and everyone will have days, months, hell even years dealing with bullshit. What makes you strong is rising above it all.” 

 

Jaehyun nodded and looked out the window. He never noticed how pretty the skyline looked during this time of day. It was a new experience, that and getting free therapy from a middle-aged man in a taxi. 

 

Like Seulgi said, different perspectives. 

  
  


~•~ 

 

_ “This is...different.” _

 

_ “Yeah. It’s kind of warm too.”  _

 

_ “Well it’s summertime in Jeju and we’re standing in water fully naked Jaehyun.”  _

 

_ “It was your idea to try skinny dipping in the morning.”  _

 

_ “And what a great idea it is. We get to see the leftover moonlight turn into sunrise. It’s romantic!” _

 

_ Jaehyun rolled his eyes and didn’t complain about the water anymore. Hyuck was someone who loved the heat. He thrived in warmer temperatures, hell he even took hot showers. Whenever he did sleep, he cuddled close to Jaehyun for warmth. It didn’t matter how hot it was. Jaehyun however, preferred cooler temperatures, like winter over summer. He always joked about how he would have to sleep in a different room from Hyuck if they moved in together one day.  _

 

_ He hoped to make that a reality.  _

 

_ The moon was full and bright. Pretty. The way it reflected off of the ocean’s surface would make for great pictures. Jaehyun even found himself swirling the water around, watching the ripples change the look of the light reflecting. He was so caught up in his child’s play that Hyuck’s giggling startled him.  _

 

_ “You are absolutely precious Hyunnie”, he said through his laughter.  _

 

_ “Shut up”, Jaehyun replied, ears burning. Hyuck stopped laughing and waded over to hug the older man’s waist, gently running his fingers over Jaehyun’s stomach. It sent chills down his spine.  _

 

_ “I’m sorry Valentine. I won’t make fun of you for playing in the water anymore.”  _

 

_ “Yeah right.” _

 

_ “I swear! What can I do to make it better?” _

 

_ Jaehyun looked down at Hyuck, melting at the way a few water droplets in his bangs fell onto his nose. The constellation of moles on his face was exceptionally pretty and those big doe eyes were full of love. Jaehyun was going to dunk Hyuck in the water just for fun but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Seeing him like this changed everything.  _

 

_ “Nothing. You don’t have to do anything. Just, keep holding me like this.”  _

 

_ “Can do.”  _

 

_ And they stayed that way until the sun came up.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Bonjour kids. Here be another chapter from the confines of my bed.  
> -Seriously though, I'm dying here  
> -Anyway, I wanted to start off by showing a little taste of Hyuck and Hanjae's interactions outside of other people; how different it is from Hyuck and Jaehyun (I hope I did this justice). If some of the familial content in this chapter is unfamiliar to you, it is mostly explained in Jaehyun's Family Vacation (which means you need to go read that first).  
> -Leaving your date to go tend to your injured ex? Hmmm...  
> -And if you couldn't tell, Hanjae isn't feeling it.  
> -The flashback is a play on Jaehyun's clumsiness. I've seen videos of that loveable dork almost taking a dive and I took it and exaggerated it a bit (using a real-life experience where someone has actually done what he did in this scene so not totally exaggerated?).  
> -The rubbing alcohol vs. hydrogen peroxide thing is an argument I've had with my mother when I was younger.  
> -Also, in case new readers haven't read the last fic, Hyuck is a virgin (hence not going past third base and all that jazz).  
> -Yeri vs. Jaehyun is my own made up thing. Their irl friendship dynamics are actually really cute.  
> -Jaehyun is trying to do the friends thing. Really, he is.  
> -The "upside down" exercise is something I thought up. I have no record of anyone in counseling actually doing this.  
> -I really enjoyed writing the cab scene. If you want an actual description of "twin flames" and not a middle-aged man version, do some Google searching. It's actually a very interesting concept.  
> -Feed me some comments laids and gents  
> -Also, if you want to yell at me in my DMs (specifically my DMs) about this fic, my Twitter is BreadAndQueso. I may make one just for any questions or whatever about this but for now, use that handle.


	10. Chapter Nine: I Don’t Want Just Anyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re so damn stubborn.” 
> 
> “My mom says it’s because my moon sign is in Taurus so that’s probably why.”
> 
> “Do you even know what your moon sign determines?”
> 
> “Nope and I don’t believe in that stuff anyway.”

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

  


“So you’re not actually interested?”

 

“No I’m...I’m not, unfortunately.”

 

“Then why ask for my number?”

 

“It was a spur of the moment thing. And my ex showed up so I tried to make him jealous.”

 

The young woman raised narrowed her eyes at Jaehyun. Her soft, pretty features had hardened and he felt guilty for being the reason that they were there.

 

“You finally call me after weeks of having my number, wasting my time, because you’re still hung up on your ex”, Chanri reiterated.

 

“Um, yeah that’s uh, that’s basically what happened.”

 

Chanri rolled her eyes and stood up, hastily grabbing her bag. She pushed her long black hair off of her shoulder and reached for her water cup, staring at it before throwing the drink in Jaehyun’s face. The other restaurant goers were shocked at what was happening before them.

 

“Next time you want to be an asshole, figure out how to solve the problem yourself instead of using some poor girl to do it for you”, she said through gritted teeth before stomping out of the restaurant. Jaehyun sighed deeply and tried to ignore the stares he got from the people around him as he got up. He left the waiter a very generous tip as an apology and exited the restaurant, cold and wet. Kookie and Jihyo stood outside the entrance waiting for him, wincing when they saw how he looked.

 

“That didn’t take long at all”, Jaehyun said, shaking the water out of his hair.

 

“The classic ‘water thrown in face’ move. Damn Jaehyun, was it really worth it”, Jihyo asked as she opened her bag to find something to wipe Jaehyun down. He only shrugged and pushed his wet hair away from his face.

 

“Was it stupid? Yes, but I went in and told her what needed to be said. I wasn’t going to expect her to forgive me or anything but I feel better knowing I said something.”

 

“Yeah, and it took you long enough too”, Kookie replied. “It’s very telling that you apologized to Donghyuck first but waited 4000 years to even say anything to Chanri.”

 

“It’s not that deep and we all know, and I’ve accepted, that I don’t like confrontation.”

 

“We do know Jae and we’re proud of you for making the right choice”, Jihyo said, rubbing Jaehyun’s arm.

 

“What’s next on your list of things to accomplish”, Kookie asked.

 

“I have to find an outfit for tonight.”

 

“Oh yeah, the ‘bad idea arcade date’.”

 

“It’s not a date and it’s not a bad idea.”

 

“Whatever you say”, Jihyo responded.

 

“Anyway...I also have to call all of my hookups and tell them not to contact me anymore.”

 

“You’re giving up free sex?”

 

“It’s not really serving me any purpose. Never has. All it does is make me feel like trash afterward and I’ve never really liked casual sex anyway.”

 

“Is this something you learned in therapy”, Jihyo asked. Jaehyun nodded.

 

“Basically I’ve been using it as an unhealthy coping mechanism for my fear of relationships. It’s not that I don’t want to commit, I just didn’t feel any emotional attachment to the people I dated. The relationships were always purely sex-based and it just translated over.”

 

“I’m gonna take a guess and say that Donghyuck was the outlier.”

 

“The thing with Hyuck was that I didn’t have to have sex with him to stay; I actually fell in love with him without it. The only reason why our relationship ended was because I panicked at the realization of being in a consistent relationship with someone and sabotaged it.”

 

They ended up a parking garage and piled into Kookie’s car. The heat was quickly turned on to help Jaehyun dry his freezing body.

 

“These feelings are unfortunately a possible result of my wounded ego from breaking up with Eunwoo freshman year of undergrad”, he continued.

 

“Oh yeah, that was a bad one”, Kookie said, shaking his head.

 

“And that’s why we don’t talk about it”, Jihyo replied. Jaehyun turned around in his seat to give her a grateful smile.

 

“Now, instead of discussing Jaehyun’s depressing love life, let’s go and snatch food from his place.”

 

“You are not stealing food from my home.”

 

“Too late, your mom already invited us”, Kookie said, laughing.

 

Jaehyun’s responding groan only made the younger man laugh harder.

 

~•~

 

“How many ‘Save the Dates’ do you have left?”

 

“Umm, I have about ten more for my side of the family and then I have to start on the other guests.”

 

“Make sure to combine your Aunt Amy and her boyfriend. They count as one.”

 

“Can do.”

 

Hyuck neatly wrote the names on the gorgeous Save the Dates in an elaborate script. He was very proud of his work and was more than happy to help Taeyong with this part of wedding planning.

 

“You know where Johnny went”, Hyuck asked. “I want to get hot chocolate before we go to the arcade.”

 

“He’s doing a project right now. Pregnancy announcement photos or something like that.”

 

“Do you know when he’ll be finished?” Taeyong shook his head and Hyuck sighed a little.

 

He felt a little childish but he missed hanging out with his older cousin. They didn’t have the opportunity to, especially due to the mess they endured over the summer and with their busy schedules now that Hyuck was back in school. It sucked a little if he was being honest.

 

“How are you and Hanjae”, Taeyong asked.

 

“We’re fine”, Hyuck replied. He was still writing out names and didn’t see Taeyong’s intense gaze on him.

 

“Just fine?”

 

“Well yeah; what else would we be?”

 

“I just figured it would be a little more than that.” Taeyong raised an eyebrow and pointed his pen at Hyuck. “He’s not boring you or anything is he?”

 

“Hanjae’s not boring. We just have very different personalities is all.”

 

“So...he’s boring?”

 

“We’re not having this conversation.”

 

“For now.”

 

“No, we’re having it never.”

 

Hyuck flushed and continued writing furiously. He enjoyed Hanjae’s company, he really did. It was just a little different from how he interacted with Jaehyun. Jaehyun was something else when he didn’t put on a front for the world. He was incredibly goofy and could be weird at times but his antics never failed to entertain or make Hyuck laugh.

 

Hyuck just had to get used to being with someone like Hanjae is all.

  


~•~

 

_“You cheated!”_

 

_“Did not.”_

 

_“Did too!”_

 

_“Just accept the fact that you’re garbage at Mario Kart Hyunnie.”_

 

_“I want a rematch.”_

 

_“Again?”_

 

_“Yes, again. I will not be defeated by a first timer.”_

 

_“Okay, but if I win again you have to buy my lunch for the next two weeks.”_

 

_“Deal.”_

 

_They played another five lap round, with Hyuck laughing at Jaehyun throughout the entirety of the round. The older man’s glasses were falling down his nose and he had his tongue poking out of his mouth, deep in concentration. He cursed multiple times during the game, both in English and Korean, hellbent on not losing to his boyfriend._

 

_“Did you just banana peel me”, Jaehyun exclaimed._

 

_“All’s fair in love and war Valentine”, Hyuck responded, smiling. He jumped off the couch and did a little victory dance when he crossed the finish line first. Jaehyun sat there with his mouth open, dumbfounded, and glasses slowly falling off of his face._

 

_“Babe, close your mouth”, Hyuck said, lightly tapping his chin. He also pushed the large glasses back up Jaehyun’s nose and giggled at his pouty frown._

 

_“I. Am. Distraught.”_

 

_“You. Are. Dramatic.”_

 

_“Let me be sad and angsty in peace.”_

 

_“98 percent of your wardrobe is black so you already look the part. Do you own any other color besides that?”_

 

_“At least I don’t walk around looking like a Crayola box.”_

 

_“It’s called variety sweetheart, you need some more in your life.” Hyuck sat down beside Jaehyun and tightly hugged his waist, internally cheering when the older man hugged him back._

 

_“This feels nice but I’m still mad”, he said, lightly rubbing Hyuck’s back._

 

_“I know. Just make sure you pick up some fried chicken and sticky rice for me to eat during lunch tomorrow. Teaching three-year-olds makes a man hungry.” Hyuck beamed as Jaehyun leaned down to kiss his forehead._

 

_“Will do Sunshine.”_

 

~•~

 

“If I knew that he was coming, I would’ve stayed home in my bed Hyuck”, Johnny said, frowning a little at his younger cousin.

 

“ _He_ is standing right here”, Jaehyun responded, glaring.

 

“I’m sorry, did you guys hear something?”

 

“This is like Jeju all over again”, Taeyong said, rubbing his temples. “I’m getting too old for this.”

 

“You’re 25”, Mark replied.

 

“Minhyung, that means absolutely nothing to me.”

 

“We are all supposed to be happy and get along”, Hyuck began. He thumped Johnny and Jaehyun in the foreheads, earning an ‘ow’ from both of them. “This especially goes for you two. Be happy!.”

 

Jaemin was the only one in the group with a positive group and a sincere smile. Hyuck thanked God every day for Na Jaemin. The nursing major was actually free from his busy schedule and was able to join at the last minute.

 

“I think we’re all going to go in, have a great time, and leave with better attitudes tonight”, Jaemin said. He held Yeri a little closer and she frowned, knowing that part of that statement was aimed at her.

 

“Do you know when Hanjae will show up Hyuck”, Taeyong asked.

 

“He said he’d be here”, Hyuck replied, looking at his watch. His concerned face made Jaehyun frown a little.

 

“Why don’t you guys go in and I’ll stay out here and wait for him.” Seven pairs of eyes zeroed in on Jaehyun, making him blush.

 

“Ugh, say no more. I’m tired of standing outside this door”, Yeri said, opening the door and heading towards the token dispenser. Everyone else followed her but Hyuck stayed behind.

 

“Jaehyun, you don’t have to do this. Go have fun, I can stand and wait”, Hyuck said.

 

“Yeah, no. I’m not going in there by myself just to end up on the six o’clock news tomorrow morning.”

 

“No one is going to hurt you”, Hyuck said, rolling his eyes.

 

“That’s what you’re saying now.”

 

“Seriously Yoonoh, go inside.”

 

“No can do Hyuck. I’m not leaving and if you don’t go then I guess you’re stuck out here with me.”

 

“You’re so damn stubborn.”

 

“My mom says it’s because my moon sign is in Taurus so that’s probably why.”

 

“Do you even know what your moon sign determines?”

 

“Nope and I don’t believe in that stuff anyway.”

 

They sat there, watching as the cars drove by. It was a lot colder outside than Hyuck anticipated and he started shivering in his light jacket.

 

“Here”, Jaehyun said, taking off his coat. “You need this more than I do.”

 

“No, it’s cold out here. You’re going to get sick.”

 

“Hyuck, your nose is literally running. Take the damn coat.” He held the coat out and watched Hyuck hesitantly took it and put it on, snuggling into it as he began warming up.

 

“Um, thank you”, he said quietly.

 

“No problem.”

 

Another 20 minutes went by and Jaehyun could see how anxious Hyuck was to go inside with his friends and family. The younger man was bouncing on his toes and kept looking back every few minutes with a sad look in his eyes.

 

“Hyuck, go and have fun. I can wait.” Hyuck looked at Jaehyun hesitantly.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Positive.”

 

Hyuck nodded and took off Jaehyun’s coat, handing it back to him. He opened the door to the warm arcade and glanced over his shoulder a little.

 

“Thank you, Jae.” The older man gave him a thumbs up and watched as he joined Renjun and Mark in skeeball.

 

“Okay Hanjae, where the hell are you?”

 

~•~

 

“He’s still out there”, Yeri asked, checking the time on her phone.

 

“Unfortunately yes. I told him not to worry about it and now he’s going to catch a cold for being stubborn.”

 

“You sure Jaehyun still doesn’t have the hots for you”, Jaemin asked as he breathlessly powered his way through another round of _Dance Dance Revolution._

 

“No, he doesn’t”, Hyuck scoffed. “Jaehyun’s probably dating other people as we speak.”

 

“I don’t know why”, Yeri muttered.

 

“Jaehyun wasn’t a bad boyfriend. He was a great one, it’s just things didn’t work out for us.”

 

“You mean him lying to you about his ex”, Mark said. Hyuck glared at him and earned the same face back.

 

“Let’s not pretend that Renjun didn’t dump your ass for something once upon a time.”

 

“That was a completely different situation”, Renjun stated.

 

“Like hell it was.”

 

“Guys cut it out”, Jaemin interrupted as the game ended. He stepped off the platform and put his hands on Hyuck’s shoulders. “Now, do you have any idea where Hanjae is?”

 

“No, and I’m pissed bec-”

 

“He’s here”, Yeri said. The group looked over to see Jaehyun and Hanjae walking towards them. Hanjae’s face was stoic while Jaehyun looked angry.

 

“They do not look happy”, Renjun whispered. “You might want to call Johnny over Hyuck.”

 

“Why the hell would I need to call Johnny over,” Hyuck asked angrily as he stomped to the two men. He glared at Hanjae, prepared to rant and rave.

 

“You’re an hour late! Jaehyun stood out in the cold just to see if you’d come; have you lost you-”.

 

Hyuck’s tirade was ceased when Hanjae grabbed him by his waist and kissed him. Everyone’s eyes were wide, not expecting that to happen. The only one that wasn’t fazed was Yeri, who watched to see Jaehyun’s reaction.

 

“I, uh, wow okay.”

 

“That wasn’t too forward was it”, Hanjae asked.

 

“Nope, no, it was fine. Perfectly fine. Just, just great you know”, Hyuck rambled, a little uncomfortable. He awkwardly rubbed the back on his head and smiled sheepishly. 

 

“Good to know.” The older man regarded the rest of the group, still holding on to Hyuck’s waist tightly.

 

“I’m so sorry you all had to wait. I had some things come up at work.”

 

Jaehyun continued frowning and he had no plans to stop. Yeri raised an eyebrow and just knew that something went down before the two men walked into the arcade. She was about to call Jaehyun over when Johnny and Taeyong came back with an armful of plushies and snacks.

 

“Does anyone know why Jaehyun is making that face”, Johnny asked, munching on a handful of popcorn.

 

~•~

 

_“Then Hyuck started going through puberty. He got taller, filled out a little more. Figured out how to dress in a way that made him feel good. He used to be our adorable, chubby, messy haired kid on the playground and the next thing we know he’s 90 percent leg and his curls became a little more manageable. People started to take notice. Some admired how well he was growing up. Others didn’t have great intentions.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Hello from my insomnia, there be another chapter  
> -So off the bat, we can see Jaehyun righting some of his wrongs and doing what's best for him  
> -he's also very adamant that he and Hyuck are (trying) to just be friends. So, good things.  
> -There will be more "Taeyong plans his wedding" snippets throughout the story  
> -he's not buying that Hyuck is into Hanjae. Taeyong just knows it's bullshit.  
> -We see some of Hyuck's relationship insecurities and fouls here. Staying with someone while wanting someone else? Pretty much leading them on? Pretending you don't love your ex? I sense trouble later on...  
> -The flashback is inserted to further illustrate the playfulness and liveliness in JaeHyuck's relationship, something that Hyuck is missing right now (and with Jaehyun specifically).  
> -We will definitely be seeing more Johnny vs. Jaehyun again, but with a twist. Taeyong is already over it.  
> -Jaemin is the absolute best person. Even though it is common knowledge what happened between Jaehyun and Hyuck at this point, Jaemin is willing to put that aside to be positive and move forward.  
> -Jaehyun...sweetie...we get it, you love Hyuck (as if I didn't write him that way).  
> -I looked up Jaehyun's birth chart for that little tidbit. He has some interesting stuff going on there  
> -Jaehyun vs. Hanjae begins now  
> -Also, Yeri and Jaehyun will be seeing eye to eye. On what exactly? You gotta guess or wait and find out...  
> -That last quote comes directly from Johnny's dialogue in the first fic (chapter 4 to be precise). There's a reason that it's there.  
> -Whatever Hanjae and Jaehyun had going on, will continue the next chapter  
> -Remember when I said Doyoung will be back? *Wide eye emoji insert*  
> -Leave a comment. Yell at me or cry. Whatever you like doing the most.


	11. Chapter Ten: I Fight You, I Fight Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So what are you saying? Are you insecure or something?”
> 
> Hanjae stared at Jaehyun and the younger man knew that was all the answer he needed.

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

_Jaehyun was contemplating going inside the arcade when he saw Hanjae walking over. He was dressed casually but still looked every bit of expensive. The older man was paying attention to his phone, not noticing Jaehyun’s presence until he looked up. Hanjae’s face was a mixture of surprise and slight annoyance._

 

_“What are you doing here”, he asked. Jaehyun raised an eyebrow and looked the man up and down._

 

_“Um, I’m here with Hyuck and everyone else. Why wouldn’t I be?”_

 

_“Donghyuck never said you were coming.”_

 

_“No offense to you Hanjae, but I didn’t know that your relationship with Hyuck consisted of him having to tell you every part of his life.”_

 

_Hanjae locked his jaw and looked away from Jaehyun, crossing his arms. Jaehyun really didn’t have time for whatever bullshit was about to be thrown his way and he really didn’t care to stand outside any longer either._

 

_“Look, I just don’t think it’s appropriate for Donghyuck’s ex to be coming to group functions when there’s still tension.”_

 

_“Group functions? Dude, we’re at an arcade and this whole thing was my idea.”_

 

_“Yes Jaehyun, we’re coming together as a group of people to talk and participate in activities with each other. You would think someone with graduate level intelligence would understand that.”_

 

_“Excuse me?”_

 

_One thing Jaehyun absolutely hated was someone questioning or insulting his intelligence. He knew he could be a headass, sometimes a little clueless in certain situations, but he was far from stupid. He rubbed his temples and slowly counted backward from ten._

 

_“Okay so, I don’t know what your problem with me is but you’re not going to disrespect me just because I used to date Hyuck. We’re friends now and if you can’t handle that then you don’t need to be in a relationship.”_

 

_“The fact that he let you back into his life so you could be ‘just friends’ is a little worrisome. Especially when he’s so quick to drop everything for you.”_

 

_“So what are you saying? Are you insecure or something?”_

 

_Hanjae stared at Jaehyun and the younger man knew that was all the answer he needed._

 

_“I know that Donghyuck doesn’t have the same interest in me that he did with you. I can tell. Having you around is interfering with what we do have and I think you need to re-evaluate and leave this friendship you have.”_

 

_“You’re wasting your breath if you think I’m getting out of Hyuck’s life”, Jaehyun said, glaring._

 

_“You’re wasting your time sitting here thinking he’ll go back to you. Especially when he told me he doesn’t love you anymore.”_

 

_That really, really struck a nerve in Jaehyun. Listening to Hanjae say that was one of the worse things he’s ever heard in his life. It was like a piece of him was ripped out, chewed up, and thrown back in his face._

 

_“It’s just a thought Jaehyun”, Hanjae said shrugging before walking inside the arcade._

 

_Jaehyun bit down on the inside of his cheek, trying his best not to get upset. He turned to go inside as well but learned that his face betrayed him when Yeri gave him a look. And it definitely didn’t help when Hanjae grabbed Hyuck and kissed him like that in front of everyone. In front of Jaehyun, like Hyuck was his possession. Johnny asking why he was glaring was just the icing on the cake and he couldn’t wait for the night to be over._

 

~•~

 

Jaehyun had just finished showering when his phone began to ring. He ignored it the first few times before the incessant ringing continued.

 

“I’m coming, I’m coming. Jesus Christ”, he said as he dried his hair. He looked at the caller ID on the screen and rolled his eyes before putting it on speaker.

 

“What do you need Yerim?”

 

“ _Okay first of all, never call me that again. Secondly, don’t think that I’m going to let you go to sleep before talking about that bullshit from earlier_.”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Jaehyun prepared his toothbrush and began to brush his teeth. The sound of his teeth against the toothbrush confused Yeri.

 

“ _What are you doing_ ”, Yeri said, annoyed.

 

“Mrushing mah teef”, Jaehyun said, still scrubbing away.

 

“ _You sound disgusting_.”

 

“Yeah, but my teeth look immaculate so I see that as a winning situation”, Jaehyun said as he spits the toothpaste in the sink.

 

“ _Those vampire chompers? Please…_ ”

 

“Look, what do you want Yeri?”

 

“ _Ugh, fine. What the hell happened with you and Hanjae? Don’t say ‘nothing’ because I know it’s something and since no one else will talk to you about your bullshit then I will_.”

 

“Hanjae is an asshole, case closed.”

 

“ _Explain_?” Yeri waited for Jaehyun’s answer, assuming that he was still brushing his teeth. She heard the water turn on, signaling that he was rinsing the toothpaste out of the sink.

 

“Hanjae is insecure about his relationship and hates that I’m still around Hyuck. Did you not see the way he practically manhandled Hyuck into kissing him? That was definitely because I was there.”

 

“ _The kiss was completely random and unnecessary, you could just tell Hyuck was super uncomfortable about it. I’m not going to lie, I didn’t really like him anyway._ ”

 

“Really now?”

 

“ _Yes Jaehyun, for once I am in your corner. I had a small feeling something was off. And it doesn’t help that Hyuck just let himself be whisked away by some guy. Hell, he turned you down multiple times before the two of you actually started dating._   _I wanted him to get back out there but now I feel bad for pushing him to do so._ ”

 

“Why didn’t you say anything to him?”

 

“ _You know damn well Hyuck doesn’t like being told what to do. He doesn’t like the feeling that comes with people trying to genuinely take care of him. The shit freaks him out and he always feels like he has to prove that he isn’t a burden. That worries me_.”

 

“How the hell do you think I feel”, Jaehyun said, as he began putting on his pajamas.

 

“ _Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it_.”

 

“Yeri, if Hanjae does anything to him…”

 

“ _You forget I exist. If he even tries I will make sure that he doesn’t see the light of day_.” Yeri paused and Jaehyun could hear her voice soften.

 

“ _Tell me the truth Jaehyun; are you still in love with him_?”

 

“I...yeah. Yeah I still am. But I promised I would back off.” Jaehyun pulled out his facial cleanser and wet his face before squeezing some in his hands to aggressively scrub on his skin. “Besides, Hyuck said he doesn’t love me anymore.”

 

“ _Bullshit_.”

 

“That’s what Hanjae told me.”

 

“ _I can say with utmost honesty that, for whatever reason beyond me, Donghyuck loves you Jaehyun. He’s still in love with you. I highly doubt he said something like that to Hanjae and if he did then he’s lying to Hanjae and he’s lying to himself_.”

 

Jaehyun rinsed the cleanser off and patted his face dry before slapping toner on it. He sat there, staring at himself in the mirror. He definitely looked better than he did a few months ago when he was wallowing him his bedroom. He would need a touch-up on his hair and maybe get his eyebrows plucked sometime soon but he felt better. Just not enough to entertain this idea that Yeri is giving him.

 

“ _Jaehyun_?”

 

“Sorry, I zoned out a bit. Maybe Hyuck is lying to himself but it doesn’t matter. In the end, he needs someone good for him and I clearly can’t be that guy. I’d rather it not be Hanjae but, if he’s who Hyuck wants then there’s nothing I can do except make sure he doesn’t get hurt.”

 

“ _You’re really not gonna go for it huh_?”

 

“No. Not this time.”

 

Jaehyun’s answer threw Yeri off a little. She didn’t expect this from him and it freaked her out. She didn’t push the matter even further and for the sake of time, just let it be.

 

“ _All I can say is to make sure Hyuck is okay. At least when I’m not around. And set that fucker straight if he thinks he owns my friend you got it_?”

 

“You know I’d do anything for him.”

 

“ _Good. I guess I’ll see you when I see you Eyebrows_?”

 

“Yeah. Night Demon.”  


“ _Shut up_ ”, Yeri cackled before ending the call.

 

Jaehyun took to his bed and pulled out his laptop. He knew he should be going to sleep soon but there was some light reading he needed to do first.

 

He pulled up a search engine and began typing furiously before scrolling through the plethora of results before him. One came across his eye and he took a deep breath before settling on it.

 

_‘101 Ways to Get Over Your Ex’_

 

~•~

 

_The weather was getting warmer and the best way to celebrate was to have a picnic. Jaehyun just wanted an excuse to see the sun beaming down on Hyuck’s beautiful tan skin and see him wearing shorts but he’s a romanticist, he swears._

 

_They sat on one of the pretty grassy hills near the Han, where lots of daffodils were starting to sprout and butterflies were starting to take over. It was super cliché and Jaehyun hoped that Hyuck would like it._

 

_“It feels so good out here”, Hyuck said as he sat down on the green and white blanket Jaehyun sat out. “Thank God for Spring.”_

 

_“Winter this year wasn’t that bad.”_

 

_“I hate the cold Hyunnie, you know this.”_

 

_“It barely got below four degrees during the daytime.”_

 

_“Still cold.”_

 

_Hyuck stretched out his long legs and began doing those weird dancer feet exercise things that Jaehyun never really understood but knew existed. His curly auburn hair was so shiny and the little constellation on his face and neck was just so pretty and the swoop of his nose was adorable and his heart-shaped lips and…_

 

_“Yoonoh, are you listening to me?”_

 

_Jaehyun blinked a couple of times and began to blush, feeling the heat spread to the tips of his ears. Hyuck was staring at him with a raised eyebrow and slight concern._

 

_“I’m sorry, what did you say?”_

 

_“I said can we open up the basket now, I’m starving.”_

 

_“Right, right. Sorry, Hyuck.” He opened the straw basket and began to pull out various amounts of fruit, bibimbap, kimchi, some mandu he bought just before he came, and two bottles of juice: peach for him and apple for Hyuck._

 

_“It all looks so good Valentine.” Hyuck leaned over and kissed Jaehyun on the cheek. “I love it, thank you so much.”_

 

_“Anything for you Sunshine.”_

 

_Jaehyun made a large bowl of food for Hyuck, smiling when the younger man began to dig in and eat. He made his own food and moved closer to Hyuck, who put his legs on top of Jaehyun’s._

 

_They ate in comfortable silence, the only mode of communication was the lingering touches and subtle gazes between them. Jaehyun was starting to feel breathless looking into Hyuck’s pretty doe-like eyes. Eyes that slowly started to widen in concern._

 

_“Jae, are you alright”, Hyuck asked. Jaehyun opened his mouth to speak but it felt like his airways were constricted. He wheezed every time he opened his mouth and felt his eyes begin to water._

 

_“Jaehyun, are you having an asthma attack? Why didn’t you say anything”, Hyuck exclaimed, moving his legs off of Jaehyun. The older man made the best “are you kidding me” face he could muster in his condition._

 

_Hyuck quickly got the food out of the way and began searching for the inhaler in Jaehyun’s bag. He looked back multiple times, cursing when he noticed Jaehyun’s pale skin turning colors._

 

_“Shit, shit, fuck! Hold on, I’m trying to find it just, please don’t die on me out here!”_

 

_Jaehyun wanted to tell Hyuck that he was being overdramatic and that it was just a mild attack, more than likely because of all the stupid pollen in the air. However, knowing that he was so worried about Jaehyun’s health made him feel funny. Like there was something tugging at his heart. And Hyuck just looked so cute despite frantically searching for Jaehyun’s inhaler._

 

_“Damn it!” Hyuck dumped the contents of the bag on the ground and still found nothing. He reached for his own and went in to pull out his phone to call an ambulance but ended up grabbing something that wasn’t very phone shaped._

 

_“Are you fucking kidding me? Jaehyun, how did you manage to do that; our bags look nothing alike”, Hyuck screamed as he forced the inhaler in Jaehyun’s mouth. He pushed down on the little button, and Jaehyun did his best to get the medication in his body. They repeated this multiple times until Jaehyun felt that he could breathe on his own. Hyuck looked into Jaehyun’s bag, silently thankful for finding the peak flow meter. He took Jaehyun’s PEF reading, making absolutely sure that the older man was okay. When he was done, Jaehyun fell back on the blanket and stared up into Hyuck’s worried eyes. Jaehyun felt like he was in love._

 

_Jaehyun KNEW he was in love._

 

_“Hyunnie, are you okay; you scared me”, Hyuck asked rubbing Jaehyun’s arm._

 

_“God I love you”, Jaehyun replied. Hyuck sat back and blushed a little, eyes wide._

 

_“Um, you didn’t lose that many brain cells or anything did you?”_

 

_“Not that I know of.”_

 

_“I...Jaehyun...do you, do you really mean that?”_

 

_“Absolutely. I think I’ve felt it for a while now. Just took me until today to say so I guess.”_

 

_“You waited until you had an asthma attack to say that? What kind of headassery...”_

 

_“It felt like the right time to me.”_

 

_Hyuck frowned down at Jaehyun and began playing with his hand, fitting his fingers between Jaehyun’s longer ones._

 

_“I, I don’t know if I’m ready to say it back yet.” Jaehyun squeezed Hyuck’s hand and brought it to his mouth to kiss._

 

_“There’s no rush. Whenever you’re ready, I’m waiting.”_

 

_Hyuck smiled and the older man, taking in every part of him. Part of him felt the same way for Jaehyun, but he was afraid to say it. Jaehyun was, the most amazing man Hyuck has been with in a long time. He didn’t want to mess anything up._

 

_“Thank you Jaehyun.”_

 

☀️🌹

 

“You called me for more boyfriend problems except you don’t have a boyfriend. Make it make sense Jaehyun”, Doyoung said as he sipped some of his coffee. His hair was dyed a dark brown color and it looked nice on him.

 

“Yes and no. I wanted to ask you how you got over me.” Doyoung frowned at Jaehyun and the younger man never felt more terrified in his life.

 

“You’re joking right?”

 

“I’m more serious than my asthma.”

 

“You haven’t had an attack in God knows how long.”

 

“I couldn’t think of anything else!”

 

“Look, Jaehyun, this has to be one of the worst things you could be asking me for advice on. Plus the situations are completely different.”

 

“They aren’t _that_ much different.”

 

“You broke up with me because you cheated and you didn’t love me. Donghyuck broke up with you because you lied to him.” His mouth formed a tight line and Jaehyun blinked repeatedly at him.

 

“Okay, so they are a little bit different…”

 

“Oh no, they are very much different. I’m sorry kid but no dice. Plus you have a therapist Jaehyun and it’s not me.”

 

“I don’t see Seulgi until next week.”

 

“I thought you saw her every week?”

 

“She said I’ve been making ‘excellent progress’ and moved my sessions to biweekly ones.”

 

“Wow, that’s great.” Jaehyun rolled his eyes and kept moving forward with his initial point.

 

“Okay so maybe I should’ve elaborated. This isn’t for me to get over Donghyuck per se. I mean, part of it is but I mostly want to fully understand what you went through after the fact. I need to know what my actions caused.”

 

Doyoung was taken aback by Jaehyun’s statement. He never really talked about what happened to him after they broke up. It wasn’t the best of times, especially considering the type of person he was, the type of person people are used to seeing.

 

“That’s, very mature Jaehyun. You really are doing better for yourself huh?”

 

“I’m trying my best”, Jaehyun replied, shrugging.

 

“I can tell.” Doyoung had some more coffee before he got right into it.

 

“Basically what I did was write letters that I would never send. I wrote, and wrote, and wrote some more until I didn’t feel upset about it. I, like you, sought out therapy and really took some time to think about everything. Don’t get me wrong I was still furious; I drank heavily, slept around. I eventually got through that phase but later on down when I heard about you and Donghyuck dating some of those feelings came back. Then I remembered how far I came and I realized that it wasn’t worth it anymore.”

 

“I really am sorry for what I put you through”, Jaehyun said softly.

 

“It’s fine. Things happen, we’re human. And I’m happy to say that I’ve found someone and things have been going well.”

 

“That’s great! Who’s the lucky guy?”

 

“Give us a couple more months. Maybe then I’ll let you meet him.”

 

“I’d be honored to.”

  


~•~

  


Later that evening, Jaehyun pulled out his laptop and opened a word document. He began typing away, pouring out all of his feelings.

 

_Dear Hyuck…_

  


☀️🌹

 

“You’re doing what now?”

 

“I’m taking over your operations. You haven’t been very focused on the project lately and you need to do something to get back on track.”

 

“This is fucking ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with how I’m managing my position! You’re just doing this because you ca-”

 

“What happens here and what happens in our personal lives do not correlate Mr. Jung.”

 

“Wow, so we’re not on a first name basis anymore?”

 

Hanjae sighed and rubbed his forehead. Jaehyun sat in the seat across from him, glaring. His mother would tell him that he’d get lines if he continued doing that but in this moment he couldn’t bring himself to care. Jaehyun knew he could be stubborn, could be a bit of a bitch if he absolutely needed to. This was one of those times.

 

“Look, Jaehyun…”

 

“There it is!”

 

“Jaehyun, you need to leave. Permanently. I’m stripping you from the project.”

 

Jaehyun’s eyes widened in shock before narrowing down again. There was no way in hell, not when his future was on the line.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me? My brain power and hard work went into this, you can’t take me out of the project!”

 

“Yes, I can. You forget that I’m the one in charge here and since you’ve failed to do your job I’m using that power to tell you that you’ve been terminated from the Han River Project.”

 

Jaehyun couldn’t believe this. His work, his passion, was being taken away because of stupid relationship drama. He knew that he did nothing wrong and Hanjae just needed an excuse to get him out of his line of sight. If Jaehyun wouldn’t leave, then something had to be taken away. The younger man stood up and aggressively grabbed his coat from the back of the chair, making his way to the door.

 

“I’m sorry it had to be this way Mr. Jung”, Hanjae said. Jaehyun whirled around and stared at the man with his piercing gaze.

 

“Screw you man! You know what this meant to me and you’re using it to keep me out of Donghyuck’s life but guess what? I promised Hyuck I would never leave him and if you think I’m going to do it now you have another thing coming.” He pulled the door open and set his jaw, regarding the man one last time.

 

“Oh, and by the way _Mr. Park,_  if I hear about you doing anything, anything to hurt Donghyuck, your relationship imploding will be the least of your problems.”

 

With that, Jaehyun walked out and slammed the door shut. He knew people were staring at him for causing a scene but he couldn’t care less right now. Instead of wallowing in sadness over losing one of the most important stepping stones of his future career as an architect, he’d just find other programs and projects to work for.

 

And in the meantime, he’d continue to strengthen his friendship with Hyuck. Hanjae would just have to get over it.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -In honor of the release of the Superhuman MV and We Are Superhuman, I’m doing another upload. Please continue to stream and support the boys!  
> -please forgive me for any mistakes. My laptop isn’t working so I’m posting from my phone 😬  
> -Now, be honest: how are we feeling about Hanjae as of now?  
> -Yeri and Jaehyun are about to become a dynamic duo  
> -the flashback was included to a Jaehyun’s perspective from when he fell in love with Hyuck, fitting into the theme of this chapter.  
> -I got help doing the asthma attack scene and some of the instruments in love from a friend of mine who has it. Of course, it is dramatized for the story’s sake.  
> -4 degrees references Celsius. In Fahrenheit it is 40 degrees.  
> -Doyoung and Jaehyun slowly becoming friends as well is some character development I’m down with  
> -Jaehyun’s letters will not be revealed until later on in the story.  
> -Hanjae just messed with the wrong guy  
> -drop some comments, I’m starving


	12. Chapter Eleven: We Learned To Live With The Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if one day something happens and we aren’t together anymore? God forbid death but…” 
> 
> “I’m not leaving you, Jae. I love you. I’m in love with you.” He gently ran his thumb across Jaehyun’s cheek, enjoying the feeling of his soft skin. “As cheesy as it sounds, there isn’t anyone else I’d rather be with.”

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

  
  


_ “I’m going to China for a few weeks”, Hyuck said as he stole some of Jaehyun’s ice cream. The older man was too surprised to even get upset at some of his dessert being stolen.  _

 

_ “Oh. When do you plan on leaving?” _

 

_ “On Monday. I’ll be gone until the end of May.” _

 

_ “Hyuck, that’s in…” _

 

_ “Three days? Yeah, I know and I’m sorry I waited to tell you but I didn’t know how.”  _

 

_ Jaehyun put took the spoon from Hyuck and stuck it back in the ice cream and set the bowl to the side before taking Hyuck’s hands.  _

 

_ “So, what’s in China?”  _

 

_ “Study abroad. I'll be working with foreign students and I need to pick up another language since we’ve been seeing an increase in Chinese students in the school system. I want to get the most out of everything I’m learning before I become a teacher and be as well rounded as possible so I can give my future students the best education.” Hyuck’s eyes grew wide and he quickly began to ramble out some more.  _

 

_ “But we’re having Spring Break in Hong Kong and you can come to see me for a few days so it won’t be that bad!”  _

 

_ Jaehyun slowly shook his head and rested it on his arms. It was already hard trying to see Hyuck for more than a few hours every four days. Knowing that he’ll be out of the country for weeks was going to suck even more.  _

 

_ “Hyunnie, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner”, Hyuck whispered as he ran his hands through Jaehyun’s dark hair.  _

 

_ “Don’t apologize Hyuck. Yeah, I wish I knew a little earlier but I can also see why you waited.”  _

 

_ “I’ll push it back until next semester, it won’t be that big of a deal.” Jaehyun sat up and frowned at Hyuck. _

 

_ “No, you’re going now. Get it out of the way. Enjoy your time there while the weather is warm. Learn how to be the best damn teacher in the Korean Peninsula.”  _

 

_ “This is going to be our first time apart for a while”, Hyuck said. _

 

_ “We’ll be okay. We can still talk on the phone and you can take one of my hats to put on Funshine so it’ll be like I’m there with you.”  _

 

_ “You’re sweet. Disgustingly so.”  _

 

_ “Of course.” Jaehyun took Hyuck’s hand and began rubbing his thumb over it comfortingly. “You know I’ll miss you every single day.”  _

 

_ “I’m gonna miss you too Hyunnie. Don’t worry about me. I’ll come back.”  _

 

~•~

 

“He kicked you out of your position”, Seulgi asked in disbelief. She was frowning and her mouth was drawn in a tight line. “Jaehyun, do we need to call someone? An HR representative?” 

 

“Seulgi, It fine.”

 

“There’s nothing fine about that Jaehyun. You left your internship for this. You don’t have a source of income anymore.” 

 

“It’s okay. I’m still at my parents’ place and I’ve been looking into other projects I can work on. Possibly another program once I’ve completed this one.” 

 

“Jaehyun…”

 

“Look, trust me on this one. I have everything under control.” Jaehyun smiled brightly at the older woman and gave her a thumbs up. 

 

“If you say so”, she replied. Her long black hair was in a bun today and she wore her glasses. That meant today was going to be an evaluation day. 

 

“So, on a scale from zero to ten, with zero being the best, how do you feel about your progress so far?”

 

“I’d say it’s about a five. I’m doing a lot better but I know there’s more I need to work on.” 

 

“How have your interactions with Donghyuck been?”

 

“Strictly platonic. I do still think about ‘us’ from time to time.” 

 

Seulgi gave Jaehyun a soft look. She knows how he feels and has been in his shoes before. It’s hard getting over someone you love. Especially when you see them all of the time. 

 

“There’s nothing wrong with that Jaehyun. The important thing is that you are progressing and you’ve achieved so much in the time that you’ve been here. Don’t feel like you have to do it all at once because it does take time.” 

 

Jaehyun nodded his head, taking in the words she was saying. He was doing really well with the "friends" thing but he missed Hyuck so much. Truly missed being in a relationship with him. It felt like a part of him had been taken away and he was left to pick up the pieces himself, with no desire to be with anyone else. 

 

“Have you heard the story of Orpheus and Eurydice?” 

 

“The Greek myth? Yes, I have; why?”

 

“It was our favorite myth. I mean, it was pretty sad but, just the idea behind it. The lesson you learn. The joy and pain of love.” Jaehyun smiled, even chuckled a little. 

 

“I remember when Hyuck told the story to me. We were at some observatory and there was a big glass window that you could look up at and see the sky. We would point out the different constellations and stuff. He loved Ursa Major and Ursa Minor because they reminded him of his cousin Johnny and how they call each other Big Bear and Little Bear. But he loved the story of Orpheus and Eurydice the most.” 

 

“Would you like to go down that memory? It’ll be healthy to release some of that.” 

~•~

 

_ “And over there is where Andromeda would be”, Hyuck said, pointing to the sky. Jaehyun looked over at the younger man with a raised eyebrow. _

 

_ “How do you know so much about this?” _

 

_ “My dad loved space and when I was a kid we always looked at the sky together. He had a telescope and everything.” Hyuck paused and smiled a little, folding his hands over his stomach. “He would always tell me the ancient Greek and Roman stories about the constellations. They were all good but my favorite was about Orpheus and Eurydice.”  _

 

_ “Who?” _

 

_ “Do you not know that story?” _

 

_ “I did not pay attention to mythology in high school.”  _

 

_ Hyuck rolled his eyes and scooted closer to Jaehyun, stopping only when their shoulders touched. He took the older man’s hand and laced them together.  _

 

_ “So, here’s how the story goes: Orpheus was the son of Apollo, the god of the sun, and Calliope, a Muse. He was very gifted in music and writing and was known to have one of the most beautiful voices in the land. Literally, no one could resist it. He was also handsome, adventurous and charming, so he never failed to attract the attention of many admirers.” _

 

_ “Hmmm, sounds like someone you know”, Jaehyun said playfully. _

 

_ “Shut up and listen”, Hyuck replied, lightly smacking Jaehyun’s hand. “Anyway, he was a hot, talented dude. So talented, that he often played his lyre at many gatherings and it was at one of these parties that he saw the beautiful Eurydice. She was unique, kind and attracted many suitors herself but she was also very shy. Her beauty and character were unlike anything Orpheus had ever seen.”  _

 

_ “Not as beautiful as you.”  _

 

_ “Jaehyun, can you not be gross and cheesy for two minutes?” _

 

_ “Nope.”  _

 

_ “Stop interrupting me you dork.”  _

 

_ “I’m sorry. I’ll keep my mouth shut.” He brought his other hand up and pretended to lock his mouth and throw away the key. _

 

_ “Thank you. So, Eurydice was drawn to Orpheus and his music. His beautiful voice captured her heart, and the attraction they had for each other couldn’t be ignored. They fell deeply in love and were soon on well on their way to be married.”  _

 

_ Hyuck started playing with Jaehyun’s fingers, observing the differences in the tone of their skin. It was beautiful, like the Sun and Moon coming together to form an eclipse.  _

 

_ “They had a gorgeous wedding filled with love and laughter. However, one man was not happy because he wanted to have Eurydice all to himself. So, he made a plan to kill Orpheus and take Eurydice to be his bride. This man was Aristaeus, a shepherd, who watched the couple from afar and had been plotting to steal Eurydice away from Orpheus for a long time. After the wedding, they decided to take a walk in the woods where Aristaeus waited, hoping to catch the perfect opportunity to kill Orpheus. When he was caught, Orpheus took hold of Eurydice’s hand and they fled, hoping to get away from Aristaeus. In their escape, Eurydice accidentally stepped on a snake nest and was bitten, killing her instantly.”  _

 

_ Jaehyun frowned, not expecting the story to get so sad. He imagined what it would be like to be in Orpheus’ shoes and shuddered at the thought.  _

 

_ “Are you okay”, Hyuck asked.  _

 

_ “Yeah just, it’s just really sad you know? Watching the love of your life die like that.”  _

 

_ “It is.” _

 

_ “What happened next?” _

 

_ “Orpheus ended up falling into a depression when Eurydice died. He grieved her endlessly and asked for Apollo’s help to get her back from the Underworld. No mortal went there and came back out but, with the help of his father, he was granted his wish to ask Hades to listen to his plea. He sang of his sorrows and played his lyre along the way. The music was so touching and beautiful that Hades granted Orpheus his wish. However, the catch was that he could not, under any circumstance, turn around to look at Eurydice as they left the Underworld. If he did, she would be brought back and kept there forever.” Hyuck paused and looked at Jaehyun, before deciding to settle his head against the man’s chest.  _

 

_ “Are you following?” _

 

_ “Yeah.”  _

 

_ “Okay. As they were leaving, Orpheus played his lyre, happy to soon be reunited with his love. He was desperate to turn around and hold his wife but remained facing forward. At one point, he listened closely and noticed that he couldn’t hear her footsteps. Worried, Orpheus turned around and soon Eurydice was dragged back into the Underworld and Orpheus was unable to go back and save her. He was heartbroken and wandered, crying and singing about the loss of his wife. Many women wanted to take the handsome man as their own but Orpheus always declined, vowing to never love anyone else again. These women became jealous and attacked Orpheus, tearing his body apart.”  _

 

_ “Jesus Christ, that’s brutal. All because he didn’t want to be with anyone else?” _

 

_ “I don’t know man, the Greeks were wild. Someone is always killing someone else for one crazy thing or another.”  _

 

_ "Is that it?” _

 

_ “No, but I’m almost done.” Hyuck ran his hand up and down Jaehyun’s side, sighing happily as Jaehyun began to rub his back. “ The Muses found Orpheus and his lyre and took pity on him. They gave him a proper burial and soon, he descended to the Underworld. He was reunited with Eurydice and he played music for her as they spent eternity together with love. They always walked by the river Styx, sometimes side by side, others with one leading slightly in front or slightly behind the other, but always coming back happy and in love.”   _

 

_ “That’s beautiful Hyuck. Sad, but beautiful. I couldn’t imagine being in his place. I couldn’t imagine losing you.” Hyuck sat up a little and looked down at Jaehyun, frowning a little. _

 

_ “You’re not going to lose me Jaehyun.”  _

 

_ “What if one day something happens and we aren’t together anymore? God forbid death but…”  _

 

_ “I’m not leaving you, Jae. I love you. I’m in love with you.” He gently ran his thumb across Jaehyun’s cheek, enjoying the feeling of his soft skin. “As cheesy as it sounds, there isn’t anyone else I’d rather be with.”  _

 

_ “It’s not cheesy.”  _

 

_ “You know I’m not good at being sappy.”  _

 

_ “It’s okay. You don’t have to be”, Jaehyun replied. Hyuck looked so gorgeous here, under the moonlight. It was fitting, considering how Jaehyun thought of the pattern of moles on his cheek and neck resembled a constellation all on its own. It was like a map and it always brought Jaehyun back.  _

 

_ “You know what my take on the story is?” _

 

_ “What is it?” _

 

_ “It’s to always move forward. Never look back no matter how hard it is because the thing you want the most can always come if you are patient. Even if you mess up and look back, if it’s for you, it will be yours.”  _

 

_ “That’s pretty deep.”  _

 

_ “Thanks, I try.” Hyuck leaned down and kissed Jaehyun lightly.  _

 

_ “You’ll never have to worry about me leaving you Jae because I’ll always come back.”  _

 

~•~

 

“I forgot how hauntingly sad the story was.” 

 

“It is. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.” 

 

“Do you believe there is a chance he’ll want to start again? Sometime in the future when you’ve both grown as individuals?”

 

“Probably not but it’s wishful thinking. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving Hyuck; God, how could I? But I do know that I need to continue moving forward and everything you’ve taught me has been helping me immensely with that.” Jaehyun looked up at the woman gratefully. 

 

“I know you hate when I do this but I really do thank you Seulgi.” 

 

“I-”, she began, before smiling back at the younger man. 

 

“You’re welcome Jaehyun.” 

☀️🌹

 

Hyuck stormed into the biochemistry lab of Korea University, effectively startling Yeri, who was intensely focused on her lab notebook. 

 

“What the fuck are you doing in here”, she asked, clutching her chest. “Jesus Hyuck, you scared me.” 

 

“I’m sorry but I needed to get away and hide somewhere”, he replied as he took a spot beside Yeri’s feet and opened his laptop. 

 

“And you thought coming to the lab was the place to do that?”

 

“No one is ever in here but you science nerds and I know your schedule well enough to know that you are in here by yourself on Thursday’s.” 

 

“Creep.” 

 

“You love me though.” 

 

“Seriously Hyuck, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in class or something?”

 

“Kun let class out early”

 

“The TA that’s dating Ten?”

 

“Yes, and it’s still weird seeing him at the studio sometimes but we don’t talk about it and I can’t get over how we have a TA teaching us instead of the actual professor...” 

 

“Hyuck, that is not what you need to be talking about right now.” The younger man looked up from Yeri’s tapping feet and shrunk under her intense gaze. 

 

“Okay, I’m hiding away from Hanjae.” 

 

“Because?”

 

“Because he’s getting all touchy and clingy and I can’t do it. I know I love skinship but sometimes I need space. I’m not used to this. Jaehyun and I spent time together sure but we never breathed down each other’s neck.” 

 

“Have you tried, I don’t know, telling him to cut it out?”

 

“No, but-”

 

“Hyuck, sweetie, if it’s making you uncomfortable say something. You’ve done it with guys in the past, what’s so different with this one?”

 

Hyuck looked defeated. He didn’t know how to explain to Yeri that he wasn’t really down to do anything sexual with Hanjae ever, let alone tell the man that he’s never done the deed. He was also more, mature and forward than Hyuck could bear and it freaked him out.

 

“I’m a 20-year-old virgin Yeri, how the fuck am I supposed to bring that up?  _ ‘Oh yeah, by the way, Hanjae I never fucked a guy a day in my life and you touching me makes me very uncomfy.’ _ I didn’t even let Jaehyun kiss me until after our seventh date.” Yeri rolled her eyes and sat down beside Hyuck, patting him on the thigh. His laptop was still opened and he still hadn’t logged into it. 

 

“Donghyuck, how many times do we have to tell you that waiting to have sex is perfectly fine and normal?” 

 

“A lot.” 

 

“Okay, so what’s not sticking?” 

 

“I’m inexperienced and damn it I don’t even want Hanjae in that way!”

 

“Are you not attracted to him?”

 

“I am but, not like that. I don’t feel any sexual desire for him whatsoever. The kiss from the arcade made me feel gross.” 

 

Yeri didn’t even want to think about the fuckery from the arcade. If Jaehyun heard what Hyuck said just now his fists would be having a field day.

 

“Here’s what I want you to do okay? Let him know exactly how you feel. Tell him that you are not comfortable or ready to do things like that with him. And if he doesn’t stop kick his ass like Johnny tells you to.” She looked away from him and started playing with the hem of her lab coat. “I uh, I also think that you should, fuck I don’t know…”

 

“I should what?”

 

“Hyuck I think you need to call things off. This isn’t okay nor is it healthy for you. I don’t want you in another Chanwoo situation and if something happens I will let Johnny know and I will let Jaehyun know.” 

 

“Jaehyun has nothing to do with this.” 

 

“Yes, he does. There’s no doubt in my mind that if Hanjae ever did anything to hurt you and Jaehyun finds out, he will not stop until he’s kicked the guy’s ass. When he said he’d be there for you, he meant that.” 

 

“I know that and it’s very admirable of him but I don’t need Jaehyun fighting for me. I don’t need anyone to.” 

 

“Look Hyuck, we know you can be independent, but you can also be a stubborn bitch. There is nothing wrong with letting people take care of you every now and then. Honestly, you need to go see someone about that.” 

 

“If you’re offering to send me to therapy Yerim I don’t want it and I don’t need it”, he said, glaring. He harshly typed his password into his computer and pulled his legs up, letting Yeri know that the conversation was over. The older woman sighed and stood back up, dusting her lab coat off before getting back to her notes. She wanted the best for Hyuck, she really did, but there was only so much she could do before he had to learn things on his own.  

 

“Yeri?”

 

She looked down but Hyuck wasn’t looking back at her. He was quickly typing and editing his way through a lesson plan. His jaw was set tightly and his body was very tense. 

 

“Yes?”

 

“I know that Jaehyun is back in my life again to be my friend, but don’t try to bring him back as my boyfriend. That’s dead, it’s over, and there’s nothing there anymore.” Yeri glared and angrily grabbed her stuff, shoving her notebook in her bag. 

 

“You can keep telling yourself that Hyuck, but anyone who’s smart enough knows that’s a damn lie. You still love Jaehyun, stop pretending that you don’t. One day you’re going to wake up and realize that and I hope to any deity that exists that he’ll still be in love you when that day comes”, she said sternly, brutal in her delivery, before leaving the lab. 

 

Hyuck didn’t look up to see her leave but felt his mood crumble further, watching as his screen steadily became blurry. Yeri could see right through his bullshit. Everyone else was still too pissed at Jaehyun to notice that Hyuck was unhappy in his current situation. He knew that Yeri was right but he was too scared to be alone again. Hyuck was a mess but he was with someone who didn’t care about that enough to leave him so why should he opt out of the relationship entirely? It was safer, more comforting, to pine over Jaehyun while he was with someone else than do it alone. 

 

He felt his tears fall on his keyboard but didn’t stop typing to wipe them away. There was no point in doing so when he already made his mind up. It hurt a little less that way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Yo we're back with another angsty chapter kiddos  
> -Like, legitimate angst   
> -The theme of this chapter is...drumroll please...love, loss, leaving and getting left behind aye  
> -So I started off with a flashback of Hyuck going off to China for a little bit, study abroad and all that and it's the first time JaeHyuck will be apart for a while. Which freaks them both out because they don't want the relationship to crumble because of that.   
> -Seulgi is contemplating throwing hands when something is detrimental to Jaehyun's overall health and wellbeing (though not literally because she could obviously get into a lot of trouble). Jaehyun is learning to take it and run with it because he knows there's no point in fighting something that's now in the past. He's being honest with himself and that takes a lot.   
> -I wanted to use the story of Orpheus and Eurydice as a parallel to Jaehyun and Hyuck. No, they aren't dying but you can probably connect the dots as to what parts of their relationship fit parts in the story and the (potential) end result.   
> -Throw in subtle Johnny and Hyuck cuteness with the bear constellations  
> -I also had to try really hard to remember this story and had to do some research before finding the version that fit this story the best.   
> -We're starting to see Hyuck lose it and know that he does not want this relationship with Hanjae. Despite this, he's still trying to push through it and make it work. Yeri isn't having it but Hyuck won't budge which is where a lot of his problems will start to come in.   
> -Hyuck my darling, when are you going, to be honest with yourself? Truly honest.  
> -Next chapter we will see Hyuck and Jaehyun navigate their "friendship" more, much to the displeasure of some people. Also, Yeri will be starting to take up for Jaehyun.   
> -Leave me some of those comments my dudes.


	13. Chapter Twelve: But I Can't Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He kept glancing at the older man, hoping that he would make eye contact at least once. 
> 
> Jaehyun didn’t look at Hyuck the entire time.

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

“I’m going to be with Jaemin and his family during the break. Will you be fine on your own”, Yeri asked as she packed away her pointe shoes. 

 

“I’ll be okay Yeri. I have Cocoa so I won’t be totally alone.”

 

“Hyuck, your family is going to the States and you’re gonna be here by yourself. Come to Jeonju with us.”

 

“I’m not third wheeling you and Jaemin.” 

 

“You won’t be.” 

 

Hyuck walked over to Yeri and gave her a hug, much to her dismay. So what if he chose to stay in Korea instead of going to Chicago for Thanksgiving? He was content with spending time alone, cooking his own meal, and playing with his adorable puppy. 

 

“Go have fun and don’t worry about me”, Hyuck said as he pulled away. “Tell Jaemin not to hog all of the hot pot.” 

 

“Will do.” Yeri laced her fingers with Hyuck’s and began swinging their arms side to side. “Are you  _ sure _ you’ll be fine alone?” 

 

“100 percent sure. Jaehyun and I are going to the movies later on so I’ll have some company.” Yeri let go and raised a knowing eyebrow but didn’t comment on Jaehyun’s name being brought up. 

 

“Okay well, have fun kid.” Yeri waved goodbye and left the studio room, letting the door shut loudly behind her. Hyuck continued to dance a little and sing to himself to pass the time.

 

“Are you gonna stretch before you leave”, a deep voice said. Hyuck turned around, startled, before glaring at the intruder. 

 

“Jaehyun, what the hell? Don’t do that you jerk.” 

 

“It’s better than jumping out at you or something.” 

 

“You still scared me!” 

 

“My apologies”, Jaehyun said, raising his hands in surrender. “Hurry up and stretch so we can go to the movies”

 

“I don’t need to do that.”

 

“Yes, you do. You’re always complaining about something hurting because you never let your muscles relax.” 

 

“All I need to do is take a hot shower and I’ll be good to go.” Jaehyun shook his head and walked towards Hyuck, pointing to the ground.

 

“Sit.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Sit down. We aren’t leaving until I know you’ll make it outside without pulling something.” 

 

“You’re just being dramatic”, Hyuck said as he sat on the shiny studio floor.

 

“No, I’m being a good friend”, Jaehyun replied, sitting across from him. “Now give me one of your legs.”

 

Hyuck extended his left leg and thanked God that he remembered to wear his no show socks today. Dancer's feet weren’t exactly the sexiest thing to see. 

 

“What are you doing for Thanksgiving”, Jaehyun asked as he bent Hyuck’s leg and pushed it back towards him. 

 

“Chilling on my lonesome.”

 

“Your family isn’t going back to the States?” 

 

“They are. I’m not.” 

 

“That doesn’t sound particularly enjoyable Hyuck.”

 

“Maybe I want to be alone for the holiday.”

 

Jaehyun frowned and pulled Hyuck’s leg back towards him. He began moving it to the side, careful not to hurt him too much. 

 

“Will you at least go to someone’s house for Thanksgiving dinner?” 

 

“No.”

 

“Not even Hanjae’s?”

 

“No, not even him. I need...we need a break.” 

 

“Trouble in paradise?”

 

“More like ‘Donghyuck wants 15 meters of space right now’.”

 

Jaehyun repeated the previous actions on Hyuck’s right leg, taking in what he said. If Hyuck is asking for space, a very rare occurrence for someone like him, then he was clearly being smothered and it had to be uncomfortable.

 

“Lay back”, Jaehyun said, sitting up on his knees. Hyuck did what he was asked and prepared for what was coming. 

 

“Don’t put too much pressure on my hips”, Hyuck said as Jaehyun began to push his legs down. 

 

“You need some on your hips”, Jaehyun replied. Hyuck raised an eyebrow at him and Jaehyun began to blush when he realized what he said. 

 

“I...I mean not like that, you know.”

 

“I get it.”

 

Jaehyun continued pushing against Hyuck’s thighs, blushing furiously. Hyuck tried not to pay any mind at how...compromising the position was. He reminded himself that it was all in the name of not ruining his body. 

 

Jaehyun usually did well in not expressing his attraction to Hyuck but sometimes he gave in a little. He was a 23-year-old guy with a very active and healthy sex drive. Helping his very bendy ex stretch in an empty dance studio was probably not the smartest thing he’s ever done. He tried thinking of dead kittens. Rotting meat. Anything to will away the thoughts running in his head right now. 

 

“Are you okay”, Hyuck asked. “You’re spacing out again.” 

 

“Uh, yeah I’m fine. Just, thinking of stuff.” 

 

“What kind of stuff?”

 

“It’s personal.” 

 

“Right...” 

 

“Just shut up and keep breathing through this.” 

 

Jaehyun continued helping Hyuck stretch, listening intently for changes in his breathing pattern. He didn’t want to accidentally hurt him. 

 

“Am I a mess”, Hyuck asked quietly. 

 

“No? At least I don’t think so”, Jaehyun answered. He was confused as to where the question even came from. “Why’d you ask?”

 

“No reason.” 

 

“There’s obviously a reason if you’re asking me Hyuck. He moved away, giving Hyuck space to sit back up. The younger man stood from his spot on the floor to put on his hoodie, aware of Jaehyun staring intently at him. 

 

“I’ve been having a hard time with...stuff recently. I wasn’t sure if anyone else noticed or not.”

 

“Have you tried seeing someone? A therapist maybe?” Hyuck shook his head and glanced back at Jaehyun through the glass lining the wall. 

 

“I’m scared. I feel like if I do then people will look at me differently or my relationship will end and there’s just so much Jaehyun and I can’t do it.” 

 

Hyuck didn’t like the idea of employing someone to help him with his problems. He loved being unique, being the standout kid, but not when it came to serious stuff like this. He didn’t want to accept the fact that he had many unresolved issues in his life and that they were taking a toll on him. 

 

“I understand how you feel”, Jaehyun began. “It does seem scary at first but when you find the right counselor it turns into something empowering and beneficial. Like you’re taking a part of yourself back.” He cleared his throat and looked away. 

 

“I don’t think you’re messed up Hyuck. You just need a little guidance is all. There’s nothing wrong with getting help every now and then. You’re an amazing person Hyuck, in every way possible. Don’t sell yourself short.” 

 

Hyuck didn’t reply and Jaehyun accepted it as a hard no. Hyuck could be stubborn sometimes and would only get mad if you tried to force him to do something. He watched as the younger man walked over to him and reached a hand out to help him off the ground. 

 

“Let’s go to the movies.” 

 

~•~

 

_ “Hyuck, can you hand me the shampoo”, Jaehyun called from the shower. The younger man grabbed the shampoo bottle with one hand and gave it to Jaehyun past the shower curtain. His other hand was preoccupied with the meticulous brushing of his teeth. As he was brushing, Hyuck was thinking of ways to sneak Jaehyun out of his apartment, hoping his friend Yeri wouldn’t notice anyone was there. She knew Hyuck was dating someone but he wasn’t exactly ready to let her meet Jaehyun just yet. Or let any of his friends for that matter.  _

 

_ His careful planning would go a lot smoother if he could drown out the sound of Jaehyun singing.  _

 

_ “Jae, you’re going to wake her up”, he said, waiting for the older man to answer.  _

 

_ “I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing. It’s not like she’ll remember me from the bar anyway.”  _

 

_ “She’s a chem major Jaehyun. She’s supposed to be good at memorizing stuff and I highly doubt she forgot you.” He brushed his teeth some more and rinsed his mouth before bringing a towel and spare clothes out for Jaehyun. They were actually some of Jaemin’s clothes from all the times he’s slept over but it was the best Hyuck could do at the moment. He made sure they were clean at least.  _

 

_ The shower water cut off and the older man stepped out, baring himself to the world (or in this case, just Hyuck), making the younger flush a bright red.  _

 

_ “Put the damn towel around your waist you perv”, Hyuck said, very pointedly trying to not look below Jaehyun’s navel.  _

 

_ “I didn’t hear you complaining last night.”  _

 

_ “That was a completely different situation.”  _

 

_ “You’re right. Hearing you complain would require you being able to speak.”  _

 

_ “I swear to God I will kick you out onto the street with no clothes.”  _

 

_ Jaehyun put the towel on and shook his head, getting a few splashes of water on Hyuck. He walked over and wrapped his arms around Hyuck’s middle, chuckling as he was playfully slapped on the hand.  _

 

_ “You’re still wet you loser.”  _

 

_ “You should dry me off then”, Jaehyun replied, nuzzling Hyuck’s neck.  _

 

_ “Disgusting.”  _

 

_ “Is it truly disgusting to be attracted to and enraptured by such beauty?” _

 

_ “Cut it out, Shakespeare. I know I’m not ugly but you’re giving me way too much credit here.”  _

 

_ “Hyuck stop, you’re gorgeous.”  _

 

_ “I’m wearing nothing but a t-shirt, my hair looks like a chicken nest, my feet are clapped, and I’m pretty sure my skin is going to break out because I didn’t wash the makeup off my face last night.”  _

 

_ “And I will take full responsibility for everything minus the feet part. You’re still very, very cute to me.”  _

 

_ “You’re so sweet...it’s gross. Why are you adorably gross?”  _

 

_ “I don’t know. This is kind of a new thing.”  _

 

_ “Should I be honored to be the first person you say such sweet things to?” _

 

_ “I mean, feel however you want to feel, I’ll still say it regardless.” Jaehyun turned Hyuck around and smiled a little at him, admiring his face. Hyuck had pretty doe-like eyes that sometimes had this sleepy, yet sultry look to them. Long lashes extended from them adding to the effect. He had a cute button nose, pouty heart-shaped lips, and a constellation of moles on the left side of his face and neck. The t-shirt he was wearing, Jaehyun’s shirt to be exact, slid a little off the shoulder and Jaehyun could see a small dusting of freckles there. And his skin, dear God his skin. It was the most gorgeous color Jaehyun has ever seen.  _

 

_ “You deserve to be told you’re beautiful Hyuck”, he said softly.  _

 

_ “Stop it, you’re gonna make me blush”, Hyuck replied, hiding his face against Jaehyun’s shoulder. The older man kissed the top of his head, feeling Hyuck’s wispy curls tickle his cheeks and nose. _

 

_ “Go ahead and wash up. I’ll wait for you to finish.” _

 

_ “You’re going back to sleep aren’t you?” _

 

_ “That is absolutely correct.” Hyuck rolled his eyes before pushing Jaehyun out of the bathroom and closing the door.  _

 

_ “I need clothes”, Jaehyun said before the door opened and he got a shirt chucked at his face.  _

  
  


~•~

 

“I don’t know what I was expecting but that wasn’t it”, Hyuck said as he stuffed his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. The temperature was a little warmer that night so a larger coat was, thankfully, not needed. 

 

“Attractive 3D animated women kicking ass? I didn’t have a problem with it.” 

 

“That’s because you find anything walking to be attractive.”

 

“Not true. For example, I would never have a desire to kiss Johnny.”

 

“Can you not? Jesus Christ, that’s just...ew.” 

 

“I had to use someone.”

 

“Not my cousin!”

 

“Are you jealous?” 

 

Hyuck blushed and looked away, scowling. No, he was not jealous but he wasn’t exactly thrilled at his older cousin being used as an example. Especially if it had to do with hypothetically kissing his ex. 

 

His very, very attractive and kissable ex. 

 

“You  _ are _ jealous”, Jaehyun laughed out. Hyuck still refused to look at him. He didn’t want to prove him right. 

 

“I’m not jealous, you’re just a dumbass.” 

 

“Sure.”

 

They walked quietly side by side, something that felt so natural to them. Familiar. It made Hyuck feel safe. It was comforting to be in someone’s vicinity and not feel so tense. 

 

“Hey Hyuck, I know you said you wanted to be alone for Thanksgiving…”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I was uh, I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner at my place. With my parents too of course!” Jaehyun hurriedly rushed the rest of the sentence out, not wanting Hyuck to get the wrong idea. 

 

“Please take 15 seconds to think about how bad of an idea that is”, Hyuck replied. His eyebrows were raised, skeptical of what Jaehyun was offering.

 

“I just don’t want you alone. And I’m sure my mom would love to see you again. God knows she misses having you around.” 

 

“I don’t know Jae…”

 

“There’s no pressure. Just, whatever you feel comfortable with.” Jaehyun paused, feeling his ears heat up. He pulled his hood on his head to hide his nervousness. “But it'd be really nice to have you come. We may not be dating anymore but you’re still considered a part of my family.” 

 

“I appreciate the offer. I just need some time to think about it.” 

 

Jaehyun nodded, accepting Hyuck’s answer. He hoped it wasn’t too forward. He was still trying to maintain the friendship without having the awkwardness of their past relationship affect that. Inviting Hyuck over for dinner seemed like a great idea. 

 

Hyuck, on the other hand, was conflicted. He knew that going to the Jung’s home for Thanksgiving would be bad for his mental but, he missed it. He missed the intimacy of being with Jaehyun’s family. This was the closest he’d have to make a few happy holiday memories with Jaehyun. If only they had stayed together…

 

“We should go to the trampoline park”, Hyuck said. He wanted to get away from the dinner conversation, for now at least. 

 

“It’s almost eight o’clock Hyuck, don’t you think it’s too late for that?” 

 

“Come on! It’ll be fun”, Hyuck exclaimed, pulling on Jaehyun’s sleeve. 

 

“I don’t want us getting home late…”

 

“Please, please, please Hyunnie”, he whined. 

 

Jaehyun stiffened and let in a sharp breath. Hyuck hasn’t called him that in so long and hearing it brought back so many good memories. Hyuck let go of the sleeve and burned with the knowledge that he called Jaehyun by his old pet name.

 

“Damn, sorry. Uh, Jaehyun, it’ll be fun. We’ll have fun.”

 

“I think it’s time for us to go home Hyuck”, Jaehyun said, keeping his gaze forward. His jaw was set and his expression was blank but deep down inside he felt sad. 

 

“Okay”, Hyuck replied. He kept glancing at the older man, hoping that he would make eye contact at least once. 

 

Jaehyun didn’t look at Hyuck the entire time. 

  
  


~•~

 

_ “How many more pictures will you take of me”, Hyuck asked as he sipped his hot chocolate. It was one of those rare snow days in Seoul and the massive temperature drop did not sit well with him. The fact that Jaehyun, the dork that he was, was squatting on a park bench to take pictures of him.  _

 

_ “As many as I like”, Jaehyun responded, still snapping photos.  _

 

_ “We haven’t been together for three months and you’re already pulling this. That’s it, this relationship was a mistake.”  _

 

_ “Aw, come on Hyuck, don’t say that.” Jaehyun hopped off the bench and walked over to his freezing boyfriend, playfully handling his camera.  _

 

_ “Can I at least show you these pictures?” Jaehyun stuck his full bottom lip out in a pout, widening his eyes until he resembled a puppy. _

 

_ “Sure.” Hyuck snuggled closer to Jaehyun for warmth, watching as the older man began to flip through the pictures. _

 

_ They were gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. Jaehyun managed to capture everything that made Hyuck, well, Hyuck. The contrast of Hyuck’s tan skin and the snowy landscape was beautiful. The close-ups of his face captured his red, button-like nose and the flush developing on his cheeks from the cold. There were a few candid photos as well and they were even prettier than the posed ones in Hyuck’s opinion.  _

 

_ “Jae...these are beautiful. I love them.” He truly did. One day when Jaehyun and Johnny have the opportunity to meet, Hyuck will make sure that he sees some of Jaehyun’s work.  _

 

_ “You think so? It’s honestly more of a hobby and I’m better at taking pictures of buildings and structures than people but if you really think so…” _

 

_ “I know so. You’re talented, I can’t believe you’ve been hiding this from me.” _

 

_ Jaehyun’s already red ears began to darken, even more, resembling that of a polished apple. He nervously pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and began playing around with the camera.  _

 

_ “That’s because I don’t want you to get bored of me too quickly. I know a lot of people only look at me and think I’m just some dumb, self-centered jock. You’re amazing and witty and gorgeous and I don’t want to mess this up.”  _

 

_ Hyuck’s face softened and a small smile crept up on his face. Jaehyun looked so adorable and the vulnerability he was displaying in front of Hyuck was, refreshing. The fact that he was willing to be open about that insecurity was the bravest thing a man has ever done in Hyuck’s opinion. _

 

_ Hyuck put a gentle hand on Jaehyun’s fumbling ones. He giggled a little when Jaehyun stared at him wide-eyed, looking every bit of precious with his giant glasses. Hyuck leaned up a little to put a light kiss on his cheek, cold lips causing Jaehyun to shiver.  _

 

_ “You’re doing great so far Jaehyun. I’m enjoying this. And I love your pictures.”  _

 

_ “You actually like spending time with me?” _

 

_ “Yes, I really do. You’re smart and funny and dorky. And devastatingly handsome to top it all off.”  _

 

_ “You’re a looker yourself”, Jaehyun whispered.  _

 

_ “Is that so”, Hyuck asked, giving Jaehyun a sultry gaze.  _

 

_ “Why do you think I take so many pictures of you? I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of you since we met.”  _

 

~•~

 

Hyuck laid in bed listening to the constant dinging of his phone. Everyone texting him to see if he was okay, texting him to ask if he needed anything, Hanjae texting him. Of all of those things, he really wasn’t in the mood to talk to Hanjae. Not when he already did many times earlier that day and especially not when he felt hurt by Jaehyun’s distance on the way home. 

 

The older man refused to look at him, and barely acknowledged the fact that they were beside each other. Hyuck knew he messed up by calling Jaehyun “Hyunnie”. He knew that meant something to the older man and he didn’t think about that at all. 

 

The sad part was that Jaehyun was trying desperately to be Hyuck’s friend. Trying to distance himself from what they used to know. It was Hyuck’s idea; his stupid, stupid idea to be “just friends” and the only person actually trying was Jaehyun. 

 

The more Jaehyun put that separation between them, the more Hyuck tried to hold on. He felt he was losing the man he loved. 

 

The phone continued going off and Hyuck could feel his agitation rising. He quickly sat up and snatched the phone from his nightstand. The sudden movements startled Cocoa, who was sleeping near his legs. The small puppy whimpered at the disturbance. 

 

“Oh, Cocoa sweetie, I’m so sorry”, Hyuck cried, picking her up and holding her close. He ran his hands down her fluffy fur, calming her down. He took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. Holding Cocoa with one hand, he used the other to open his phone. Instead of replying to the messages, he muted them and called Hanjae to see what he wanted.

 

_ “Hello?” _

 

“Hi, Hanjae. It’s Donghyuck.” 

 

_ “Donghyuck, hi! I was trying to see if you were up for Thanksgiving dinner at my place? I know you didn’t go to Chicago and my parents would love to meet you.”  _

 

Hyuck closed his eyes and felt like he wanted to cry. He didn’t want to. He really, really didn’t want to meet Hanjae’s parents. He didn’t want to eat some fancy, expensive dinner or drink alcohol he never heard of or straighten his hair and pretend he wanted all of that when he didn’t. Not when he didn’t care an ounce for the man giving it to him. 

 

“I don’t know Hanjae. I really wanted to be alone a-”

 

_ “Donghyuck, a few hours out of your apartment won’t kill you.”  _

 

“Yes, bu-”

 

_ “Try to be ready at seven this Thursday. If you’re still feeling...reclusive then you’re more than welcome to stay in the guest room.”  _

 

Hyuck bit his lip, feeling his heart breaking. Jaehyun would never force that on him. 

 

“I...okay, okay I’ll be ready.” 

 

_ “I’m glad. I’ll see you this Thursday beautiful.” _

 

“Yeah, I’ll see you then.” Hyuck didn’t wait for the ‘goodbye’ and quickly ended the call. He let Cocoa go and the small puppy sat across from him, wagging her tail. Hyuck fell onto his bed and curled into a ball, letting the tears he held back fall. 

 

“I’m always crying. This is so bad Cocoa, it’s so bad”, he said, sniffling. Cocoa pranced over to Hyuck and snuggled into his chest. Her fur tickled Hyuck’s neck a little as she tried getting comfortable. 

 

“It’s stupid because I don’t want him Cocoa, I don’t. But it’s not like he’s terrible or anything. And maybe I can get past the fact that I’m not emotionally or sexually attracted to him.” Cocoa looked up at him and if Hyuck didn’t know better, he would’ve sworn that she was judging him. 

 

“Don’t look at me like that. You know I can’t be with Jaehyun anymore. I’m sorry I came home without another parent for you but things happen and sometimes people have to move on from each other.” He continued petting her, feeling her breathing even out some. 

 

“Even if they don’t want to.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -You already know what this is...it is a new update kids  
> -Basically, this chapter touched on Jaehyun and Hyuck's relationship patterns and how they're navigating this established relationship; how the old and new are blending together. There's still some obvious tension there (emotional and physical) and Hyuck is really starting to feel that internal conflict. He isn't sure of himself and he's continuously second-guessing.   
> -I wrote this chapter to include Hyuck bringing up to Hanjae that Jaehyun was also offering to house him for Thanksgiving, but in my final editing process I took that out. There will be tension surrounding that in the next chapter.   
> -The flashbacks in this chapter are to show some of their earlier days and how easy things were for them. It is also to show how comfortable Hyuck was with Jaehyun and as a parallel to the comfort, he feels now.   
> -The last scene is showing how Hyuck will go along with some things he doesn't want to run away from other problems (going to have dinner with Hanjae instead of Jaehyun knowing it was the exact opposite of what he wants).   
> -him talking to Cocoa would be cute if it weren't for the content being used  
> -Comments are lit and I enjoy reading what you have to say so drop them down below :)


	14. Chapter Thirteen: I Tried To Change It With My Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The door unlocked and Hyuck jumped out of the car. He forgot his coat in his haste but didn’t feel the desire to go back for it as he ran in the opposite direction to the place he knew he’d feel safe.

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

Step One: Wash and deep condition hair

Step Two: Detangle and blow dry hair until you look like your equally fluffed out dog

Step Three: Drown hair in heat protectant (or until you’re coughing up your lungs)

Step Four: Part hair into sections

Step Five: Straighten hair

Step Six: Spray more heat protectant and go back over the spots you missed or that need a little more work

Step Seven: Finger comb until you’ve achieved the desired look

Step Eight: Cry in the mirror

 

~•~

 

“Well Cocoa, how do I look”, Hyuck said twirling in front of the puppy. She barked a little and began to spin in a circle herself, earning a small laugh from her owner.

 

“I’m gonna take that as a ‘you look great’.” He ran his hand through his straightened hair and sighed. It was a good change every once in a while but it was slowly starting to creep up into his everyday look and he absolutely loathed it. That and wearing makeup constantly. It was okay when he wanted to go out somewhere nice but most of the time he just wanted to relax and enjoy the feeling of smooth, makeup-free skin.

 

Hyuck decided to forgo the power and eyeliner and stuff because he was just too lazy to even care. He was very close to locking himself in his room and telling Hanjae that he got the flu from Renjun and couldn’t make it. He thought about it some more and started to feel guilty for even considering the idea.

 

“I’ll just make the best of the night, come home to you, and watch _Boys Over Flowers_ until I fall asleep. Everything will be fine. Everything will be fine.” Hyuck messed around with his clothes until he felt that he was decent enough, and grabbed Cocoa’s food bowl. He went into the kitchen and filled up the bowl before heading back to his room, glancing over to the very much dead bouquet of sunflowers on his kitchen table.

 

Yeri told him to get rid of it countless times but he couldn’t find the desire to. He didn’t want to part with them, especially when they were a gift from Jaehyun. There was a knock on his door and he quickly rushed to put Cocoa’s food in his room.

 

“I’m coming”, he yelled as he ran by the door. He grabbed his coat and pointed a finger at the small Havanese puppy. “Make sure you drink your water too missy.” The knock sounded again and Hyuck clumsily put his shoes on before throwing the door open.

 

“Ready to go”, Hanjae asked. His face was serious and he looked impatient. Hyuck nodded and stepped out to lock his door.

 

Tonight was gonna be a long one.

 

~•~

 

_“How does the story end mommy”, Donghyuck asked as he squeezed his stuffed bear. He sat on the floor between his mother’s legs, as still as he could while she detangled his messy curls._

 

_“Well, the winged horse was startled by the hot porridge poured on his back. He flew back to the fairy kingdom and left the woodcutter on Earth, never to see his wife and children again. He was very sad and became a rooster, spending the rest of his days crying for his beloved wife and children.”_

 

_“He never saw them again?” Hyuck turned his little body and looked up at Darcy with big, sad eyes._

 

_“No, he didn’t see them again”, she said, turning his body back around to finish detangling his hair._

 

_“That’s so sad. Maybe I can help him find his family! Uncle Jaegyu has a rooster!”_

 

_“I don’t think your uncle would appreciate us taking his rooster.”_

 

_“How else are we supposed to help him then?”_

 

_“Sometimes we can’t help others Donghyuck. We try and try many times but in the end, it is up to them to help themselves. We have to be able to take responsibility for our actions, no matter how hard it may be.”_

 

_“So we can’t ask for help?”_

 

_“Of course you can ask for help. There isn’t anything wrong with that at all and you shouldn’t turn it down when you need it the most. But, if you cannot accept that help then you should not complain when you don’t get the results you want. It goes both ways.” She finished detangling his hair and fluffed out the curls before standing him up and turning his body to face her. Her long, wispy curls were in a bun on top of her head, resembling that of Donghyuck’s little mop._

 

_“There. You’re all done, my sweet boy.”_

 

_“Can I see it”, he asked. Darcy reached for the small handheld mirror and gave it to Hyuck._

 

_“My hair looks like yours now”, he said, smiling._

 

_“It’s always looked like mine Duckie.”_

 

_“No, it didn’t. Your curls are pretty. Mine is messy.” His mother frowned and brought him into a hug, lightly brushing her hand down his head._

 

_“Your curls are just as pretty Donghyuck. Don’t let anyone tell you any part of you isn’t beautiful because you’ll always be my beautiful boy.”_

 

~•~

 

“You’ve been very quiet tonight”, Hanjae said. They’ve been driving for 45 minutes now and Hyuck was growing impatient with how long he had to continue sitting in the car.

 

“I’m just tired. And I have a lot on my mind right now.” He didn’t look at the older man, gaze more focused on the world outside the window.

 

“You won’t be silent the entire night will you?”

 

“No.” Hyuck heard Hanjae sigh and stilled himself, waiting for a lecture to come. This seemed to happen a lot lately. He never had this many disagreements with Jaehyun. They argued yes but it wasn’t an almost daily occurrence.

 

“Donghyuck, I don’t know where the attitude came from, but it needs to disappear.” Hyuck raised an eyebrow and glanced over, annoyed and shocked.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“You’re acting like a petulant child.”

 

“Since when were you my father Hanjae? Since when did it become mandatory for me to be happy all of the time?”

 

“Ever since you’ve started spending your time with Jaehyun…”

 

“I have every right to! Nothing is happening between us and you don’t own me!”

 

“What makes you think I’m supposed to believe that? I’m not stupid Donghyuck, I know you still think of him!”

 

“You don’t know anything about me! You don’t even know what my favorite color is, or my favorite flower, or that I hate science! You don’t know what my favorite foods are or that I like playing sports and video games as much as I like dancing and makeup. You don’t even care enough to notice that I hate, I HATE, straightening my hair. At first, I did it because it was different and I’m starting to think you only like it because it’s normal for you!” Hanjae was about to interject but Hyuck put his hands up to stop him.

 

“I want to stay in and watch bad dramas and eat fatty American food sometimes. I want to drink cheap wine or shitty beer from the market because I can actually pronounce the names and afford it. I want to walk around in sweatpants and hoodies and still feel like you’re attracted to me. You never took the time out to meet my family but expect me to drop everything and meet yours; what kind of bullshit is that?”

 

Hyuck fell back in his seat, tired and upset. He was suffocated and he wanted to get out of the car.

 

“I didn’t know you felt that way”, Hanjae said quietly.

 

“Because you jumped into dating me without even trying to get to know me. I’m not some trophy to be showed off Hanjae, I have feelings.”

 

“I’m sorry I haven’t been more understanding. I truly am.”

 

Hyuck normally would’ve said that it was fine, that everything would be okay. But right now, he was just so tired.

 

“Can you stop the car”, he asked.

 

“Do you need to stop anywhere?”

 

“No, I need to get out of this car. I feel suffocated.”

 

“I can roll the window down some…”

 

“No Hanjae, I need space. I can’t breathe and this is just too much for me. Please, please just give me space”, Hyuck begged. His eyes were wide and teary, hoping to God he could get out of there.

 

The door unlocked and Hyuck jumped out of the car. He forgot his coat in his haste but didn’t feel the desire to go back for it as he ran in the opposite direction to the place he knew he’d feel safe.

 

~•~

 

_“You’re not going to the movies anymore”, Johnny asked from the doorway of Hyuck’s room. They used to share the space once upon a time but Hyuck acquired the full room when Johnny left for college. He missed it sometimes, even though Hyuck never went to sleep sometimes._

 

_“Nope”, the younger boy said as he continued reading his book. He was propped against his headboard, both of his long tanned legs crossed. Johnny walked over and sat at the foot of Hyuck’s bed, frowning at the sight._

 

_“Why not?”_

 

_“Because Minki is an asshole so I told him he can take a hike.”_

 

_“What did he do”, Johnny asked, voice serious._

 

_“Mark heard him tell his friends that the only reason he wanted to date me was because Jeno isn’t around anymore and he thought he could have sex with me. When he came over to pick me up I threw a Hot Pocket at him and told him that if he came near me again I was going to use Aunt Sophie’s Nair on his eyebrows.”_

 

_“I...okay then that’s, that’s interesting. I’m proud of you.”_

 

_“Yeah, I guess. Still sucks though.” Hyuck put the book down and looked at his cousin. Johnny’s hair was getting long again and the emo bang was really bothering Hyuck._

 

_“Why don’t guys like me for me? People only want to sleep with me or show me off, like I’m some kind of animal or something. The only person that liked me was Jeno and...well…”_

 

_“Yeah.”_

 

_“I miss him Youngho.” Johnny climbed on the bed and sat near Hyuck, wrapping his arm around the younger boy’s shoulder. He hated seeing his little cousin like this and hoped that one-day Hyuck would find someone that loved him as much as Jeno did._

 

_“I know. I miss him too, the little weirdo.”_

 

_“He was kind of weird. But he was my favorite kind of weird.”_

 

_“Maybe you’ll find someone as equally as weird as Jeno one day.”_

 

_“Yeah right. Guys are dumb and I’m gonna be forever alone. Or at least until I’m 40.”_

 

_“Not all guys.”_

 

_“You’re only saying that because you’re with Taeyong.”_

 

_“Barely”, Johnny scoffed._

 

_“Just because he won’t let your germy hands near him most of the time doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, Johnny.”_

 

_“We didn’t start kissing until we had been dating for five months.”_

 

_“That’s progress at least.” Hyuck looked up at Johnny and smiled a little. “Say, don’t you have a roommate?”_

 

_“Yes and no, I’m not introducing you to him.”_

 

_“Come on Johnny!”_

 

_“You’re still a kid and he’s a college student, it’s not happening.”_

 

_“Can you at least tell me what he looks like?”_

 

_“Well, he’s shorter than me but taller than you…”_

 

_“Oh yeah, real descriptive.”_

 

_“...he dyed his hair blonde recently and it looks good but he’s really pale so I’m not entirely sure how that worked out.”_

 

_“I bet he’s super cute.”_

 

_“Yeah, I’d say he’s a handsome dude.”_

 

_“Can you tell me his name?”_

 

_“Nope.”_

 

_“Please?”_

 

_“Not happening Hyuck.”_

~•~

 

“Jaehyun, sweetie slow down. You’ll choke on your food”, Haeun said as she watched Jaehyun scarf down his meal with wide eyes. She was walking back and forth, cleaning up the dishes. He looked up at her, blinking multiple times as he stuffed rice in his mouth.

 

“Every time you’re home I feel like your age is regressing”, his father said as he picked a few bowls up.  

 

“I’m a hungry and growing boy”, Jaehyun replied.

 

“You’re 23.”

 

“My prefrontal cortex still isn’t fully developed.”

 

“I thought you didn’t learn anything in psychology”, his mother responded.

 

“I liked the brain stuff. Everything else was boring.”

 

“You are a very, very special young man Yoonoh.”

 

A knock at the door stopped Jaehyun from responding to his mother, who stuck her tongue out at him as she went to answer it. He scrunched his nose up and resumed eating, thanking God as his father left to get ready for bed. He wasn’t in the mood to strike up yet another conversation. His thoughts were interrupted by Haeun’s screaming, scaring Jaehyun to jump up and see what the commotion was about.

 

“Mom, are you...okay…”. Jaehyun’s voice trailed off at the sight of a shivering Hyuck standing at his front door.

 

“Oh Donghyuck, sweetie, I missed you so much! Jaehyun, why didn’t you tell me he was coming?”

 

“I didn’t know that he was.”

 

“Last minute decision”, Hyuck said, rubbing his arm. “Sorry I came unannounced.”

 

“No, don’t apologize! I’m so happy to see you! Here, come in so we can get you warmed up.”

 

Jaehyun’s eyes followed the younger man, catching Hyuck’s gaze briefly before he faced forward again, following Haeun into the kitchen.

 

“There’s still plenty more left which I’m surprised about. I was certain Yoonoh and Jungkook would’ve taken it all.” Hyuck took in the array of food in front of him and smiled graciously.

 

“Thank you so much because I’m literally starving.”

 

“It’s nothing at all.” Haeun turned to Jaehyun, who was awkwardly standing in the doorway to the kitchen and pointed at Hyuck.

 

“Make sure he is well fed and has other clothes to sleep in for tonight.”

 

“Oh, no, I can’t stay tonight…”

 

“Nonsense. It’s cold outside and it’ll be too late for you to leave. Jaehyun should have space in his room for you to sleep.” She smiled cheerily and hugged Hyuck again.

 

“I’m so glad to see you again. It’s been too long.”

 

The two men watched as she walked in the opposite direction to turn in for the night. Hyuck lightly tapped his feet against the ground, avoiding eye contact with Jaehyun.

 

“So uh, you look dressed up”, Jaehyun said.

 

“Yeah. I uh, I was supposed to go and have dinner with Hanjae’s family but, clearly, that didn’t happen.”

 

Jaehyun frowned a little. He was a little sad that Hyuck went off to have dinner with Hanjae. Granted, the older man was Hyuck’s boyfriend but…

 

“I told him to stop the car and let me out. And then I just ran here, no coat or anything.”

 

“What the hell possessed you to do that Hyuck, are you insane?”

 

“We got into an argument and I just wanted to leave Jaehyun. I didn’t want to be in that car with him anymore.” Jaehyun frowned and walked over to Hyuck. He began checking all of the visible areas on his body, hoping he wouldn’t find anything out of the ordinary.

 

“He didn’t hurt you did he”, he asked as he carefully scanned Hyuck’s neck.

 

“No, he didn’t.”

 

“Hyuck, I swear to God if you’re covering for him…”

 

“He didn’t touch me Jaehyun! Jesus Christ, you sound just like him.”

 

“First things first, you need to calm down. My parents are about to go to sleep and they don’t need to hear you yelling. Now I’m sorry if I offended you or anything. I just wanted to make sure you were safe.”

 

Hyuck’s face fell and he cupped it with both of his hands, taking deep breaths. Jaehyun still stood beside him, not touching, but close enough for Hyuck to know he was still there.

 

“I’m sorry, fuck I’m sorry Jae.”

 

“Look, let’s get you something to eat and get you ready for bed. I think you need some sleep.” Hyuck nodded and let Jaehyun fix his food. He felt guilty watching the older man do this for him. He hated when Jaehyun had to take care of him. It made him feel useless and weak.

 

“You don’t have to do this Jaehyun. I can take of it myself.”

 

“Hyuck, it’s fine. Let me do this okay?”

 

“I...okay.”

 

Jaehyun sat with Hyuck as he ate. It was getting later and later but he continued to stay with him until all of his food was finished. Hyuck watched as Jaehyun washed and dried his dishes and followed him to the bedroom. Jaehyun went straight to the dresser, pulling out a t-shirt and sweatpants with an old high school emblem on the bottom right leg.

 

“You remember where I keep the towels and washcloths?” Hyuck nodded and Jaehyun handed the clothes to him. “I haven’t worn those sweatpants in a while. They uh, they got too small for me so it’s the best I can do. I, unfortunately, don’t have any underwear for you.”

 

“I don’t exactly want to share them with you”, Hyuck responded. Jaehyun rolled his eyes and continued.

 

“Anyway, you can sleep in my bed tonight. I’ll take the couch.”

 

“Jaehyun…”

 

“No Hyuck, you’re sleeping on the bed.” Jaehyun pointed to his bathroom, face serious. “Go shower, I’ll have some other blankets and stuff set out for you.”

 

Hyuck nodded and walked into the bathroom. He slowly stripped off his clothes and turned on the water until it ran burning hot. He wanted the bathroom to be consumed with steam. When he finally allowed himself to step under the stream of running water, he began to feel relaxed. The burn from the water made his skin turn red and it stung a little, but only enough to distract him from the constant pain he’s been feeling in his heart and his mind. He blocked out any sound he was hearing and began the process of cleaning his body.

 

~•~

 

Jaehyun was laying on the couch watching tv when he felt something tapping at his leg. He looked up to see Hyuck, freshly showered and staring at him with sad eyes. The water brought his wispy curls back to life, the dark grey of his hair forming a cloud on his head.

 

“You need anything”, Jaehyun asked sleepily.

 

“Um...please come sleep in your bed. I feel bad that you’re out here.”

 

“Hyuck, you know I can’t do that.”

 

“Your bed is big Jaehyun. I can sleep on one side and you can sleep on the other. We won’t be touching each other just...don't sleep out here.”

 

Jaehyun bit his lip, knowing that this would be a bad idea. But he couldn’t say no to Hyuck. He’d do anything for him.

 

“Okay, just give me a minute.” Hyuck nodded and walked quietly back to the room. Jaehyun sat up and rubbed his temples before he followed Hyuck into the room. The younger man was already tucked in and actually kept his word in maintaining a large amount of space between them. Jaehyun closed the door and walked over to his bed, crawling under the blankets and adjusting his feet so they were extra covered.

 

“Goodnight Jae”, Hyuck said softly.

 

“Night Hyuck.”

 

~•~

 

_Hyuck felt a grip on his wrist and tried desperately to release himself from it. He looked back to see Minki, one of his ex-boyfriends, holding on tightly while smiling menacingly at Hyuck._

 

_“What the hell? Minki, let me go!”_

 

_“Do you really want that Hyuck?”_

 

_Hyuck turned around and saw that he was hanging near a cliff. One wrong move and he would be going over. He turned back around but this person was different._

 

_“Chanwoo?”_

 

_“Gorgeous, gorgeous Donghyuck. It’s been too long doll.”_

 

_“Please, please, just let me go”, Hyuck cried out._

 

_The rocky surface beneath them began to crumble, startling Hyuck. He looked down and saw the cracks begin to form in the ground. He looked back up and the man holding him was Hanjae. This grip was tighter and Hyuck thought that bruises might form on his wrist._

 

_“You can’t keep running away Donghyuck”, he said._

 

_“Yes I can, you don’t own me! I don’t want you!”_

 

_The cracks deepened and Hyuck thought he was going to throw up. He hated heights, hated the idea of falling. He didn’t want to fall but he didn’t want to keep holding on to this man either. He turned his head back and was face to face with Jaehyun. His gaze was softer, holding looser, and Hyuck felt safe._

 

_“Jaehyun, thank God, please get us out of here.” Jaehyun’s eyes grew sad and he began to loosen his grip on Hyuck’s wrist even more._

 

_“I’m sorry Hyuck.”_

 

_Hyuck’s screams were deafening as he fell, but no one could hear him._

  


“Hyuck! Donghyuck, wake up!”

 

Hyuck was still screaming, trying to get out of the suffocating hold. He thrashed around aggressively, crying out for someone to help him. Jaehyun tried to wake up him and felt his normally superb patience grow thin every time he was hit by Hyuck’s flailing arms. He started shaking him harder this time, grateful when Hyuck finally opened his big, teary eyes.

 

“Jesus Christ Hyuck, I almost had a heart attack. Are you okay?” Hyuck shook his head, shuddering in Jaehyun’s arms.

 

“T-there was a cliff, and some of m-my exes were holding me and then Hanjae was holding me and it was really tight and I wanted him to let go because it hurt but then you were there. And...and you let me fall.”  

 

Jaehyun had no idea what was going on but whatever nightmare Hyuck had must’ve scared him enough to reduce him to tears. Jaehyun held him tighter, letting Hyuck turn around and bury his face in his neck. Jaehyun lightly ran his hand up and down the expanse of Hyuck’s back, letting him cry it out.

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay Hyuck. I’ve got you okay? No one will hurt you, I’ve got you.”

 

“You let me fall Jae…”

 

“I’m not letting you fall, I promise. I swear, I won’t let you go.”

 

Hyuck pulled away and looked into Jaehyun’s worried eyes. He was obviously tired, stressed, scared of how Hyuck had to be woken up. His fading pink hair was all over the place and his thick eyebrows were pulled in with concern. But he was beautiful. Wonderful and amazing and beautiful. And Hyuck missed him dearly.

 

Hyuck didn’t think about what he was doing when he moved in to kiss Jaehyun, softly at first and then deeper. He held on to Jaehyun’s shoulders and bit the older man’s lip, feeling his grip tighten on his waist. Jaehyun’s hands found their way into Hyuck’s hair and he sank back on his bed until Hyuck was hovering over him, still kissing him breathless. Only when Hyuck sat up and began to remove his shirt did Jaehyun realize just how _wrong_ the situation was.

 

“Hyuck, Hyuck stop. Stop right now”, he said, voice sharp. Hyuck sat there, face flushed as he tugged the shirt back over his body.

 

“Is something wrong?”

 

“This. This is wrong Hyuck, we can’t do this.” Jaehyun moved Hyuck off of him and put space between them. “You’re with someone and I’m not taking advantage of you while you’re upset.”

 

“Jaehyun…”

 

“No. I won’t do that to you and as much as I dislike Hanjae I won’t do that to him either.”

 

“I’m sorry Jae. I’m so sorry. God, what is wrong with me?” Jaehyun stared at Hyuck, wanting to continue holding him but he knew he couldn’t. They already messed up once and he couldn’t risk doing it again.

 

“Hyuck, I know you don’t want this, but you need help. I know someone who can help us find someone you can talk to.”

 

“I’m scared.”

 

“I know you are. I was scared too. But you can’t go on like this. I hate seeing you so beat up Hyuck, I can’t keep watching this go on Sunshine.”

 

Hyuck glanced up at Jaehyun, eyes still watery. He was really getting tired of crying so much.

 

“You…”

 

“Yeah, I know. You’re still my Sunshine.” Jaehyun looked down at his hands, sniffling a little. “Even if you belong to someone else.”

 

Hyuck didn’t want to belong to someone else. He wanted Jaehyun. But he didn’t know how to tell him when they were already in an awkward situation.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t apologize. I probably shouldn’t have told you that. Kind of stupid considering how much progress I made.”

 

“You’re really bad at telling people things at the right time.”

 

“I know. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

 

Hyuck smiled a little, remembering how Jaehyun confessed to Hyuck that he loved him. He curled up, making himself smaller, trying to figure out what to say next.

 

“Does it...does therapy actually help”, he asked quietly.

 

“Only if you’re willing to put in the work. I’m not forcing you to do anything. Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”

 

“Can we talk about it in the morning?”

 

“Yeah, yeah we can do that.”

 

Hyuck pulled the blankets over him and tucked himself in, watching as Jaehyun did the same. This time, they were facing each other, space still between them.

 

“Try to get some sleep okay?” Hyuck nodded and closed his eyes, focusing on the sound of their breathing evening out together. 

 

☀️🌹

 

“Um, hi, may I speak to, uh, Kang Seulgi?” Hyuck glanced at Jaehyun, shaking his head when the older man gave him a big thumbs up and a dorky smile.

 

“Oh! Hi, um, my name is uh, Lee Donghyuck. Yes, I do actually. He um, he was the one to refer me to you. Is it possible to come in and meet with you? Or someone else?” There was a pause before Hyuck’s let out a small breath.

 

“Okay, thank you so much. Yes of course. Goodbye.” He ended the call and looked at Jaehyun.

 

“Well?”

 

“I’ll be seeing someone next Tuesday.”

 

Jaehyun smiled and Hyuck could feel his heart warm a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Sad update friends, sad update  
> -This chapter was Hyuck's emotional purge. I've been in a situation similar to his as far as letting all of the feelings out and it's so refreshing in the end.  
> -I don't usually give away the song that the chapter title comes from but in this case, I will. If you haven't, listen to "Cranes in the Sky" by Solange. The lyrical content is parallel to what Hyuck is feeling (it's also just a really good song).  
> -There aren't many scenes with his mom but I felt this was a great opportunity to include one  
> -Hyuck needed the chance to tell Hanjae about himself and I let him take it  
> -I also wanted him to have the scene with Johnny that talks about some of the issues he's having currently that was actually displayed during his teenage years (that fear of people using him for nothing more than trophy). Points if you pointed out that Jaehyun was being referenced here.  
> -Haeun is the president of the 'We Love Hyuck' club  
> -and Jaehyun...Jaehyun cares for him deeply. He wants nothing but the best for him.  
> -Dreams in any form are a way for our brain to try to understand and piece together things that are happening in our lives and with that, I included that sequence  
> -Here's to Hyuck getting the help he needs  
> -And to the story being Jaehyun-centric again. Can you guess what his complication is?  
> -Leave me some comments kids


	15. Chapter Fourteen: I Will Still Feel The Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck made the mistake of looking right into Jaehyun’s eyes, knowing the older man could see right through him. 
> 
> “I’m fine Jae.”
> 
> “You may be fine, but you aren’t happy.”

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

  
  


“So, how are we doing?”

 

“Pretty good actually.”

 

“That’s good.” Seulgi wrote a few notes before glancing back at Jaehyun, smiling. “I think it’s very admirable that you helped Donghyuck seek proper help.”

 

“It was nothing you know. I was just being a good friend”, Jaehyun responded, blushing. 

 

“Yes but that’s also one of the best displays of love I’ve seen since I’ve started my graduate work.”

 

“How?”

 

“Jaehyun, the fact that you gave Donghyuck options, freedom of choice, and ultimately actual help speaks volumes. That is true unconditional love. You did that despite your feelings and despite what Donghyuck’s current relationships standing is.” 

 

Jaehyun supposes he should be proud, being the good friend that didn’t jump at the opportunity when he had the chance. He wished he was selfish, that he could tell Hanjae to fuck off and get Hyuck back. To be happy and together again. The thing about it was he was too afraid to even suggest it. He wasn’t sure how Hyuck would take that and if Hyuck would even want him back at this point. And yeah there was the kiss but Hyuck was upset and Jaehyun was there to soothe whatever pain he had been feeling. He thought about it over and over again, replaying what it was like to hold Hyuck like that after so long. How it felt like home. The only problem was he didn’t belong in that home anymore because Hanjae took his place. 

 

“Would it be wrong to wish that I would’ve been selfish and just convinced Hyuck to break up with Hanjae?” 

 

“Well, I won’t say that those feelings aren’t normal. It’s good that you didn’t act upon them otherwise a new can of worms would be opened and I don’t think you want that. What would be best is that you are supportive of Donghyuck’s decision to remain in his relationship.” 

 

That was the thing. Ever since Thanksgiving, Jaehyun felt compelled to just throw everything out the window, whatever he learned in therapy be damned. He wanted his Sunshine back. If he had the opportunity to start over, he’d continue going to therapy so he could be a better person for himself and a relationship with Hyuck. 

 

“I wish relationships weren’t so complicated. I had an easier time becoming more comfortable in my bisexuality than this.” 

 

~•~

 

_ “Yeonwoo from math wants to know if you have a date to the winter formal”, Jihyo said. Her bobbed hair was pinned up and she wore her big, round glasses today.  _

 

_ “I don’t but…” _

 

_ “If I have to go so do you”, Kookie said, interrupting the older boy. Jihyo, along with Yugyeom, planned on dragging the two out to have fun with their peers instead of sitting in Kookie’s room playing video games.  _

 

_ “I don’t want to. I don’t have anything nice to wear.” _

 

_ “Your mom works with fashion designers Jaehyun.” _

 

_ “I don’t have a date.” _

 

_ “Every girl in school wants to date you.” _

 

_ “I’m too awkward.” _

 

_ “That can be worked on.” Jihyo rolled her eyes and set her chopsticks down. “Jaehyun, you’re makings excuses now. People like you and you’re a popular guy. What’s stopping you?” _

 

_ Jaehyun didn’t know how to explain that he wanted to take Lee Seokmin and Kim Chungha from choir because both were talented and both were nice looking and Jaehyun was confused.  _

 

_ “I just...I don’t want to go okay?”  _

 

_ And that was the end of that. Jaehyun hated having conversations about dates and stuff. He was still trying to get used to being “mysterious, cute, basketball playing Jaehyun” instead of “adorable, chubby and nice Jaehyun”. He was always very good-looking in the eyes of society but the emergence of hormones increased it. He grew taller, lost some of his baby fat. His voice was starting to deepen a little (Mrs. Lee had to move him to baritone in the choir), and he finally figured out what to do with his hair. Kind of.  _

 

_ When got home he sat in his room and contemplated a lot of things. Things that he wished he didn’t have to. Things that he hated about being a teenager.  _

 

_ Like his body for instance. Discovering new things about and on his body was weird and the talks his parents would give him weren’t any better. He didn’t ask to hear how babies were made, he was 15 and didn’t even like children. Plus the lingering thought of “what if I date a guy” stayed in his mind during those discussions. Which only brought him back to his overall confusion: guys, girls, or both? Or aliens? Jaehyun thought aliens were cool and he could probably date an alien if he found one… _

 

_ “Yoonoh, sweetheart are you okay”, his mother asked from his bedroom door. She looked concerned and stood there awkwardly holding his folded laundry.  _

 

_ “Uh, yes ma’am. Is everything alright?” _

 

_ “I’m fine but you’re staring at the wall again.”  _

 

_ “Oh.”  _

 

_ Haeun walked into the room and set the laundry basket near the door before sitting beside Jaehyun. She mirrored his seated position, legs crossed on the bed, and faced the wall. It’s been their thing ever since Jaehyun was a little boy. They would stare at his wall and talk about things that bothered him. It was Haeun’s way of allowing Jaehyun to vent or be open without scaring him away and without judgment. _

 

_ “So, what do you see”, she asked.  _

 

_ “I see everything in different shades of pink and blue and it’s so confusing. Everything is confusing.”  _

 

_ “Why are you confused about the pinks and blues?” _

 

_ Jaehyun turned to look at his mother. Or, down at her. Every day that goes by felt like he was getting closer to the ceiling and farther away from her. Even though he could tell that she was a little confused, her eyes were warm, eyes that looked just like his. She wore a smile that only a mother could give. _

 

_ “What if I like both girls and guys?”  _

 

_ Haeun’s eyes widened in realization when Jaehyun explained the significance of the colors. She began to rub Jaehyun’s back comfortingly, letting him know that everything was alright.  _

 

_ “You know, it’s okay to like both blue and pink. They’re both very nice colors and I think they would both suit you well. No matter which one you choose, I will always love you, my darling boy.”  _

 

_ “You don’t hate me?” _

 

_ “I could never hate you for who you love Jaehyun. Love is such a beautiful thing and I hope that whoever you choose to be with in life will love you with their whole heart.”  _

 

_ “I guess. I just don’t want to mess anything up in the future.” He glanced worriedly at her. “What if no one ever loves me?” _

 

_ “It’s all trial and error Jaehyun. Very few people get it right the first time. You have to kiss many frogs, sometimes even be one yourself, before you find your prince or princess.” _

 

_ “A fairytale reference? Really mom?”  _

 

_ “Don’t pretend that you don’t love Disney Yoonoh.” _

~•~

 

“It’s just a dance lesson for his mom’s birthday, you’re being overdramatic.”

 

“Is it really going to be ‘just a dance lesson’ to him?”

 

“Jaehyun knows better Hanjae. He’s not going to take advantage of the situation.” Loud, deep sigh. “Just, please calm down.”

 

“Donghyuck…”

 

“I’m not arguing today. We’ve talked about this; Jaehyun should not be a worry in our relationship okay? We’re just friends, he’s only here for a waltz lesson and that’s it. Please just, let it go.” Silence.

 

“Okay, okay I’ll drop it.”

 

“Thank you, that’s all I wanted.”

 

Jaehyun had been sitting near the door for the past five minutes listening to Hyuck and Hanjae bicker. As per usual Hanjae didn’t trust Jaehyun being in close proximity with Hyuck. Jaehyun didn’t understand why Hyuck chose to stay with the guy but it was his decision and Jaehyun had to honor that. 

 

“We can’t do that here.”

 

“No one’s around.”

 

“Jaehyun’s going to be here soon Hanjae…”

 

“And I’m sure he’s old enough to know that he can walk back out.”

 

Whatever was going on, Jaehyun did not want to hear. He was also on a schedule and Hanjae was interfering with it. He walked through the door of the studio, startling the two. 

 

“I’m ready for my lesson”, he said with a large smile. Jaehyun tried to hide his jealousy at seeing Hanjae’s hands creeping under Hyuck’s shirt. Hyuck blushed a little while the older man looked nothing short of annoyed.

 

“I’ll see you later okay”, Hyuck said. Jaehyun had to hold back an eye roll when Hanjae held Hyuck by the hips and kissed him. As he was leaving, Hanjae exchanged a look with Jaehyun before walking out the door. 

 

“Sorry”, Hyuck said sheepishly. “He’s just being difficult.”

 

“You mean an asshole?”

 

“Jae…”

 

“Sorry, sorry.” He took off his jacket and Hyuck blushed a little at the way Jaehyun’s shirt stretched over his upper body. The older man smirked when he caught him staring. 

 

“See something you like?” Hyuck snapped out of his gaze and scoffed, waving Jaehyun off. 

 

“Ugh, as if loser”, he responded as he turned the music on. 

 

“Let’s not pretend you didn’t like it at one point Hyuck.” 

 

“Shut up and perfect this waltz, Jung.” 

 

Jaehyun took one of Hyuck’s hands and placed them on his shoulder. He took the other hand in his and straightened himself, beaming when Hyuck nodded his head. 

 

“I’m impressed. You remembered what to do from the last time. Now, once the next song begins we can start.”

 

The sounds of the next orchestral piece began to play and Jaehyun immediately started to lead Hyuck around the dance studio. He still wasn’t the best, but he’s come a long way. 

 

“How’ve you been”, Jaehyun asked as he spun Hyuck around. The younger man came back to face him and shrugged a little. 

 

“Okay, I guess.”

 

“Just okay?” 

 

“Well, therapy has been going well. Irene is pretty great also I’m still confused as to why I can’t call her by her real name.” 

 

“It’s mostly to keep a separation between her as a counselor and her clients. Professional decision.”

 

“Ahhhh.”

 

“I’m glad that’s going well for you Hyuck. You already seem a little happier.”

 

“The sessions I’ve been to so far have been great. It’s nice to have someone listen and know what to do to help.” 

 

Jaehyun was excited to hear that Hyuck was happy with the help he was getting so far. He just wished that Hyuck would also realize that he needed to drop his current boyfriend to truly flourish. Jaehyun could tell Hyuck didn’t want to be with Hanjae. Anyone with a brain could see it. 

 

“How are things with Hanjae?”

 

“Jaehyun…”

 

“I’m just asking.”

 

“Things are fine. We’ve talked through some things and worked some stuff out. We’ll be okay.”

 

“You don’t seem like you’re okay Hyuck.” 

 

Donghyuck made the mistake of looking right into Jaehyun’s eyes, knowing the older man could see right through him. 

 

“I’m fine Jae.”

 

“You may be fine, but you aren’t happy.”   
  


~•~

 

_ “Oh my God, what are you doing you dork”, Hyuck cackled as Jaehyun body rolled to whatever Justin Timberlake song was playing.  _

 

_ “I’m showing off my superior moves Hyuck.” _

 

_ “Jaehyun, I’m pretty sure there is nothing ‘superior’ about what you’re doing right now.”  _

 

_ “You’re just jealous.” _

 

_ “Yes, I’m very jealous. My eyes are green with envy”, Hyuck replied sarcastically. He walked over to the sound system and changed it to a softer, more sensual song.  _

 

_ “Way to kill the mood Hyuck.” Jaehyun pouted, making Hyuck giggle. _

 

_ “Sweetheart, this is mood music. This is sexy.” _

 

_ “You’re sexy.” _

 

_ “And you’re a kiss ass.” _

 

_ “I’m not ashamed to say I’d kiss yours.”  _

 

_ Jaehyun sauntered towards Hyuck and pulled him close, feeling his arms wrap around his waist. They swayed, not focused on if they were on beat or not. Hyuck gently ran his fingers up and down Jaehyun’s back, enjoying the warmth of his body.  _

 

_ “What’re you thinking about”, Jaehyun asked. He placed a kiss to Hyuck’s head and held him closer.  _

 

_ “Just, how happy I am. I could sit here with you and do nothing forever if it meant I’ll always be this happy.”  _

 

_ “I’m happy too Hyuck. Every moment I’ve spent with you are the best ones.”  _

 

_ And he meant that. Jaehyun really enjoyed being with Hyuck; getting to know him and all of his little quirks. The things he likes and dislikes. He enjoyed the feeling of bonding with someone who made everything make sense. Someone who fits him well.  _

 

_ “Hyuck?” _

 

_ “Yes?” _

 

_ “Can I…may I kiss you?” Hyuck pulled away from Jaehyun, giving him a raised eyebrow.  _

 

_ “You don’t have to ask for that Hyunnie.” _

 

_ “I just want to be sure that you want to. I don’t want to put you in a situation that would make you uncomfortable.”  _

 

_ Hyuck took Jaehyun’s face in both of his hands and brought him down for a kiss. It was sweet and the feeling of Hyuck’s lips against his made heat rise on the tips of his ears. He stopped and let their lips ghost light over each other, noses touching.  _

 

_ “I don’t think there’s anything you could do to make me uncomfortable. You’re so good Jaehyun. You’re such a good man. I trust you with every fiber of my being.”  _

 

_ Jaehyun could safely say he was falling for Hyuck. He was just so different from anyone Jaehyun’s ever met and the older man vowed to always be there for him, no matter what.  _

 

_ For Hyuck, Jaehyun was like a breath of fresh air. He was everything Hyuck wanted and needed in a partner. He made Hyuck feel safe and Hyuck wanted to keep him safe. _

 

_ They both made each other feel loved.  _

 

~•~

 

Hyuck didn’t really speak to Jaehyun much for the rest of his lesson. He only communicated if Jaehyun was doing well or if there was something he needed to work on. Jaehyun knew he struck a nerve but there were some things that needed to be said and no one else was doing it, save for Yeri maybe. 

 

“I think we’re done for the day”, Hyuck said, yawning. He quickly made work of shutting off the sound system and putting things away as needed, actively avoiding eye contact with Jaehyun. 

 

“Hyuck…”

 

“Whatever you need to say, just keep it to yourself Jaehyun.” 

 

“Stop being so stubborn and just listen to me.” 

 

“Listen to what; you telling me that I need to end my relationship? Hanjae and I are fine. Yes, we have moments but who doesn’t?” 

 

“You’re not happy with him Hyuck.”

 

“And you’re saying I was with you?”

 

That was a low blow. A really low one. But Hyuck had to keep some distance between him and Jaehyun. He didn’t want to admit what he was already feeling. 

 

“Don’t even stand there and say we weren’t happy together Hyuck. Yeah, I self-sabotaged our relationship because of my own fucking issues but don’t you dare say that we weren’t happy together.” Jaehyun’s voice was low and serious. He was frowning but the sad look in his eyes betrayed the angry emotions he was trying to display. 

 

“We’re drifting off Jae. You know we’re supposed to be just friends.”

 

“I’ve realized that but every day I start caring less because I want to try again. Maybe not right this moment, not when we’re still figuring ourselves out, but fuck, I want you back Hyuck.”

 

“You know we can’t go back. We aren’t meant for each other anymore Jaehyun.”

 

“Stop lying to yourself.”

 

“I’m not!”

 

“Then look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t still love me Hyuck!” 

 

Hyuck couldn’t. He couldn’t because Jaehyun was right, he did still love him. He still loved him when he left his necklace in Jaehyun’s hand. He loved him when he went back to the beach house and Jaehyun was gone. He loved him when he saw him in that restaurant months after no contact. He still loves him even though he’s with another man. 

 

“I can’t Jaehyun. You and I both know what the answer is and that doesn’t mean it’s the best option for us. I’m with someone new and we both need to truly move on. We’re just gonna keep hurting each other this way.” 

 

Hyuck grabbed his things and hurried off, leaving Jaehyun behind in the otherwise empty studio. 

  
  


~•~

 

“He doesn’t want me anymore Yeri.”

 

_ “You know that’s just Hyuck being stubborn.” _

 

“Yes but guess what? He’s already decided to stay and work it out with Hanjae. There isn’t anything else I can do.”

 

_ “Jaehyun…” _

 

“I’m gonna leave everything I know behind in the new year.” 

 

_ “What are you saying?” _

 

Jaehyun hasn’t said anything to anyone yet, but he was contacted by a company in the States for a six-month internship. He wasn’t sure if he’d be placed in Texas or New York but wherever he was going, he’d be gone for a while. He held the offer in the air, hoping that he could get Hyuck back before making a final decision. There was still a high chance he’d still go regardless but he had hoped to go being secure in the fact that he’d be working on starting a new relationship with Hyuck again. 

 

“I uh, I got a job. For a project in America.”

 

_ “Oh shit, Jaehyun that’s amazing!” _

 

“I’ll be gone for six months.”

 

_ “Well, that’s not too bad.” _

 

“If they take me on full time I’m not coming back Yeri.” 

 

_ “Wait...Jaehyun no.” _

 

“Look, there’s nothing here for me. I need a clean slate, an official one at that. I think leaving Korea will do me some good.” There was a pause on the phone before Yeri sighed deeply.

 

_ “Are you going to tell him?”  _

 

Jaehyun remembered what happened the last time he didn’t tell Hyuck anything. It would be hard but he wasn’t holding anything back. Not this time.

 

“I will. Even if it kills me inside.” 

  
  


☀️🌹

 

_ #1  _

_ Dear Hyuck,  _

_ I love you. I miss you. I want you back.  _

 

_ #5 _

_ Dear Hyuck,  _

_ I can’t write letters for shit and I wish I knew how to say things better on paper. This was the only way I could tell you anything without crying like a fucking baby.  _

  
  


_ #11 _

_ Dear Hyuck,  _

_ I wish I didn’t lie to you. I wish we were still together. I wish I didn’t kill those dreams we had, all the plans we made. I wish I could get the opportunity to marry you and get that big apartment in Dobong. I wish we could adopt a little girl and a little boy, just like you wanted. I wish I could build you that beach house in Jeju so you can see the dolphins every summer. I wish I could’ve grown old with you.  _

 

_ #24 _

_ Dear Hyuck,  _

_ How the hell am I supposed to tell you that I’m leaving?  _

 

_ #25 _

_ Dear Hyuck,  _

_ Please don’t be mad at me for this. I never wanted to leave you behind but sometimes things happen and we come to a point where we accept the hand we are dealt in life. Just know that I love you, I never stopped. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -alright so we're gonna jump right in  
> -Jaehyun is starting to feel conflicted. The encounter from the last chapter (and other previous events) has been eating at him and he's starting to wonder if he can actually keep up the "just friends" act any longer. He knows he should theoretically "stay out and mind his business" but he can see that Hyuck isn't happy with Hanjae and he knows that on some level, Hyuck wants to start over as well.  
> -I also used this chapter as an opportunity to dive more into some of Jaehyun's therapy and his struggles with his relationship with Hyuck, along with the past exploration of his sexuality as a teen (but more importantly, the "beginning" of his fear of not being loved, which ties into his self-sabotage of relationships). I myself am bisexual so I wanted to delve deeper into this part of his life in a way that I wished I received. It should be noted that his sexuality is not linked to his fear, that this scene is not everyone's experience and should not be taken as such.  
> -Hence, why I gave him a flashback to when he was a younger adolescent. Now someone may ask "why didn't you just say boys and girls outright when he was explaining it to his mom". It's kind of hard for some people to just say "I am bisexual" off the rip, especially when they're still trying to figure themselves out. It was his way of leading his mother into the conversation.  
> -However presently, Jaehyun doesn't feel that way and he is 100 percent sure of what he wants (namely, WHO he wants). Obviously, that proves to be difficult when dealing with someone like Hanjae and the fact that Hyuck isn't budging when it comes to just saying he wants to be with Jaehyun again and calling it quits with Hanjae.  
> -This other flashback is to show that yes, Hyuck was indeed happier to have a relationship with Jaehyun than he currently does with Hanjae.  
> -Jaehyun really begins to push the boundaries and because of that, he is butting heads with Hyuck, who would do anything to keep it from happening and from being honest with the situation right in front of him. They are (and have) been doing a push/pull, wanting to have what was lost but also afraid of losing each other again.  
> -Note: think back to the cab driver talking about "twin flames"  
> -As you've read, Jaehyun is officially putting that separation that Hyuck wants between them. Jaehyun has always had that lingering hope throughout the fic but seeing that Hyuck clearly made up his mind pushed him to give up on that dream for good.  
> -Those letters Jaehyun started writing in chapter 11? These are excerpts of them.  
> -However, Jaehyuck is still the endgame. It's just gonna be a super angsty mess from here on until they wake the hell up and just love each other like they want to.  
> -Comments are my jam and I love hearing what you have to say :)


	16. Chapter Fifteen: Want To Be Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course, he would. Jaehyun was a weak man when it came to Donghyuck. He didn’t know what he was needed for exactly, he just knew that he’d do anything for Hyuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's some spice but since I blush at even writing kissing scenes I didn't make it that bad. Um, I tried to make it lovey and stuff so uh...yeah.

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

“You should wear something simple.”

 

“Uh, no. I’m not meeting Hanjae’s family wearing something simple.”

 

“It can’t be _that_ serious Hyuck.”

 

“Look, I’m trying to look somewhat put together. I won’t go all out but I won’t show up looking cheap either.”

 

Mark and Renjun sat at the foot of Hyuck’s bed, watching as he threw clothes on his bed, desperately trying to find something nice to wear. Renjun was doing his best but nothing seemed to satisfy the younger man. Mark gave up a long time ago.

 

“Hyuck, you look great in everything you wear. If you showed up to dinner in a paper bag you’d look hot”, Renjun replied. He began pulling random clothes off the bed, inspecting them. He handed a pile to Hyuck, who sat on the floor of his closet.

 

“Get up and put this on. I’ll tell you if it looks good or not.” Hyuck nodded and took the stack of clothes before retreating into his bathroom.

 

To say he was nervous is an understatement. He was sweating bullets, and rightfully so. Tonight was the night that Hyuck would be (actually) meeting Hanjae’s parents. It was the older man’s idea to do so after Hyuck bailed out on the Thanksgiving dinner.

 

Just the thought of it made Hyuck want to throw up.

 

“Do you have any clothes on yet”, Mark called from the other side of the door.

 

“Almost! Just, give me a second.” Hyuck pulled up his pants and tugged a little at the waist, frowning at how loose the usually fitted pants were.

 

“I just need to eat more is all”, he said to himself before walking out of the bathroom.

 

“So?”

 

The ensemble was mostly black: a black shirt with a scoop neck and dressy black jeans. He wore a flannel button down in neutral colors with a heavy black and white cardigan over the shirt. He had to pull the belt to the last loop to keep the pants in place.

 

“Amazing. I’m a natural at this stuff”, Renjun said as he looked over Hyuck. “You look nice but comfortable. Just make sure to wear the black Cuban heeled boots.”

 

“Thank you so much because I’m over dress shirts.”

 

“Are you going to do anything to your face”, Mark asked.

 

“Probably not. I might do something with my eyes but that’s about it. And I’m not putting the straightener to my hair.”

 

“Good. I like your curls better anyway. They suit you.”

 

“Mark’s right”, Renjun said as he fluffed Hyuck’s hair out a little. In the process of smoothing down Hyuck’s shirt, Renjun’s eyebrows pulled together and he moved his hands over Hyuck continuously.

 

“Hyuck, have you been losing weight?”

 

“I guess. My pants were a little loose…”

 

“You’re not starving yourself are you”, Mark asked seriously.

 

“No, I’m not. It’s probably because I’ve been stressed. I just have a lot going on.”

 

“You’ve seemed stressed for a while now Hyuck. I’m worried about you.”

 

“Mark, I’m fine. I just need to relax.”

 

Hyuck wasn’t lying about his eating. He’s still consuming food, but all of the stress he’s been under does interfere with that sometimes. He’s not purposely trying to starve himself.

 

“Are you sure”, Renjun asked. “I don’t want to find out that you’ve been risking your health for this man.”

 

“Really, I’m fine. I’ll probably gain the weight back once my life slows down a little.”

 

He sincerely hoped it did.

 

~•~

 

_“It’s time to get you more pants Hyuck. You’re sprouting more than I anticipated”, Sophie said as she eyed the current state of her nephew’s clothes. Hyuck smiled sheepishly, a little embarrassed at how high the pant leg was in relation to his ankle._

 

_“I’m sorry”, he said._

 

_“Don’t apologize, sweetie, it’s all a part of growing up. You just have long legs like your mother is all.” The older woman smiled sadly at the young boy._

 

_“You look more and more like her each day.”_

 

_That wasn’t the first, and probably wouldn’t be the last time he’s heard that. He’s seen the pictures of his mother around his age; he didn’t need the constant reminder._

 

_“Mom was actually pretty.”_

 

_“And you’re saying that you’re not handsome?”_

 

_“I mean, I know I’m not bad looking but…”_

 

_“Donghyuck, you’re beautiful.”_

 

_“You have to say that, you’re my aunt.” Sophie sighed and walked over to the boy, sitting them both down on his bed._

 

_“I’m saying it because it’s true. You’re healthy and vibrant. Yes, there are deeper physical characteristics that add to it but everything about you is light. Never let anyone or anything have the power to change who you are.”_

 

_“What if it’s involuntary?”_

 

_“Hmmm. Well, in that case, you have to find the source of negativity and drop it. We can’t hold onto things that bring us pain.”_

 

_“So I can drop Johnny?”_

 

_“What did he do this time”, Sophie replied, exasperated._

 

_“He chased after me with a piece of raw chicken and I fell.”_

 

_“What am I going to do with both of you?”_

 

~•~

 

Donghyuck showed up late to dinner, apologizing profusely. Everyone at the table did not look pleased with his tardiness.

 

“I’m so sorry! I wasn’t keeping track of the time and the traffic was awful and…”

 

“It’s admirable that you’re concerned about the time that you arrive. However, you gain more sympathy with a fixed posture and by trying to show up with everyone else. Or rather, show up to anything at all”, a woman with dark brown hair said. Her gaze was piercing, calculating and she had an air of sophistication surrounding her.

 

“I do apologize for keeping you all waiting”, Hyuck said. He bowed a little and introduced himself to the woman.

 

“Hello, I’m Donghyuck.”

 

“Yes, I’m aware.” She raised a glass towards Hyuck. “Choi Gyuri, Hanjae’s mother.” She gestured to a man beside her.

 

“Park Hosung, Hanjae’s father.”

 

“Hello sir”, Hyuck said nervously. The man simply nodded in Hyuck’s direction.

 

“Why don’t you have a seat Donghyuck? I’ve already ordered something for you to eat”, Hanjae said. Hyuck nodded and quickly sat down beside him, freezing up when Hanjae kissed the top of his head.

 

“We’ve heard a lot about you Donghyuck”, Gyuri said, taking a sip of wine. Her red lipstick didn’t leave a stain on the glass, making Hyuck wonder what brand she was using.

 

“Good things I hope.”

 

“Just the basics. You know, what you’re studying, a general idea of what you look like, things like that. You’re actually more handsome than my son let on.”

 

“Thank you”, he said, blushing.

 

“Hanjae said you wanted to become a teacher”, Hosung said. His face was emotionless and it kind of freaked Hyuck out a little. Jaehyun’s father Jinsun, while quiet, at least didn’t look robotic. Not like this man.

 

“Donghyuck wants to teach music to elementary students”, Hanjae said, squeezing Hyuck’s thigh. The younger man had half a mind to slap it away.

 

“That’s precious”, Gyuri replied. “Why music?”

 

“It’s just always been a big part of my life. I also dance and my mother was a dancer so…”

 

“Really now? I’d like to meet her.” Hyuck’s face fell and he started playing with the table cloth.

 

“She um, her and my dad died when I was a kid.”

 

“Oh Donghyuck, I’m so sorry. My condolences.”

 

“It’s fine, it happened a long time ago.”

 

“You said she was a dancer yes? Was she in school or a part of a company…”

 

“She went to NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts before coming to Seoul for grad school.”

 

“Tisch? That’s impressive, especially for a foreigner.”

 

“She wasn’t a foreigner”, Hyuck said.

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

“My mother was a US-born citizen. She moved to Seoul and met my dad in grad school. I’m the only member of my family after my great-grandmother’s immigration to America that was born in Korea.”

 

“Interesting”, Hosung began. “Who did you grow up with if your parents died when you were younger?”

 

“My aunt and my uncle. My Aunt Sophie is my mother’s sister.”

 

“Do you speak English”, Gyuri asked. Hyuck really wanted her to stop asking him questions.

 

“A little. I’m not the best at it.”

 

“How can you have native English speakers in your family and not have a full grasp at the language”, Hanjae’s father interrupted. His tone was judgemental.

 

“I was already going through a big change with losing my parents and my family thought it would be more comfortable for me to continue speaking my native language. They taught me some but they weren’t mad about speaking Korean since they were bilingual. My cousin Johnny had to learn a little more so we could communicate but that was it.”

 

Gyuri raised an eyebrow and began fiddling with the array of bracelets on her wrist. Those things had to cost at least five months of Hyuck’s rent.

 

“I just think it’s a disadvantage to everyone. Your family had to accommodate to your needs and you aren’t fluent in your mother’s native tongue. Don’t you think that’s a little backward Donghyuck?”

 

Her words upset Hyuck. Yeah, he wished he knew as much English as Johnny or Mark or Jaehyun, but his family did what they thought was best at the time. He was thankful for them, for how they raised him, and he’ll be damned if a stranger tried to judge them for that.

 

“No offense to you ma’am, but my family did their best. It wasn’t an easy time for anyone and even though my English isn’t the greatest, I at least know that I have family that loves me and cares about me.”

 

“That’s good! I just think they should’ve done a little more for you is all.” She shrugged a little and took a sip of her wine. Hyuck glanced up at Hanjae, hoping he’d say something to his mother about how rude she was being.

 

As expected he didn’t and Hyuck didn’t get the chance to say anything when their food was brought out to them. He only sat there, annoyed, and began picking at the food placed in front of him.

 

“Are you not hungry”, Hanjae asked, watching Hyuck poke at the rolls of sushi on his plate.

 

“I am, just thinking is all.”

 

“You need to eat if you’re hungry Donghyuck. You’re looking smaller than you already are.”

 

_That’s because you stress me out you moron_

 

“Okay”, Hyuck replied as he began to eat. The table was silent and Hyuck was thankful for it. He just wanted to eat in peace, get through the plethora of questions these people have for him, and go home.

 

“What is your stance on skin whitening Donghyuck?”

 

Hyuck looked up and made eye contact with Gyuri. She was eating a piece of pork belly, very ladylike in the way she was eating.

 

“I don’t think it’s healthy for anyone really. It’s detrimental to overall mental and physical health.” He paused and raised an eyebrow at her. “Why do you ask?”

 

“You’re already very good looking. I think a little skin whitening would increase your looks. Just a little, you don’t have to be too extreme.”

 

Hyuck wanted to scream.

 

“I think that’s enough mother”, Hanjae said seriously.

 

“Hanjae, look at your past partners. Donghyuck isn’t exactly the standard of beauty...no offense to you darling.”

 

Hyuck held his chopsticks together tightly, grateful that they were metal instead of wooden. He set them down on his plate and stood up, shaking a little.

 

“May I be excused? I need to go to the restroom.” He didn’t wait for an answer and briskly walked in the direction of the restroom. He felt relieved as soon as he stepped inside. Without hesitation, he reached into his pocket and retrieved his phone. He wasted no time in dialing the number he needed.

 

“Yes, can you send a cab to get me as quickly as possible?”

 

☀️🌹

 

“I’m going to America”, Jaehyun said, interrupting the quiet breakfast he was having with his family. The soft jazz playing in the café and the sound of chopsticks hitting bowls were the only sources of noise. The total silence that followed was deafening.

 

Jaehyun’s parents stopped eating, the clinking noises ceased, and they looked up at him. Both of them wore confused expressions and glanced at each other before returning their attention back to him.

 

“You’re going to America”, his father reiterated.

 

“I got offers from two companies in the States. One in Texas and the other in New York. I’ve decided to take the New York offer.”

 

“I know you were looking for something else since the Han River fiasco but I didn’t think it would be something so far away”, Haeun said.

 

“They really liked my work and they want more foreign students to get involved. They’ll be constructing a new bank in the city and they need someone who can effectively analyze the final blueprints and give feedback. I’ll be working under a veteran architectural engineer.”

 

“How did they even pick you”, Jinsun asked.

 

“I sent in some of my blueprints from classes and stuff, my resume and a few references. They’re excited that I can speak English which is weird but Americans like stuff like that I guess.”

 

“When will you be leaving”, Haeun asked.

 

“In January. I’ll be gone for six months initially and they’ll cover the rest of my degree program. After that, if they really like me they’ll take me on for a starting position.”

 

“Jaehyun, son I’m proud of you but...”

 

“Yoonoh, that means you won’t be coming back.”

 

Jaehyun was afraid of this reaction. He knew his parents would be worried about him, especially since he’d be living somewhere else with no family to call on.

 

“I know you’re worried but I’ll be fine. I’m going to be 24 next year and I can take care of myself.” He looked at his mother and took her hand. “I know you don’t want me to go Mom but I’ll be okay.”

 

“That’s not what I’m worried about. I know you’re capable of being on your own. I just hope you’re making the right decision. You’ll be leaving a lot of things behind.”

 

Jaehyun furrowed his eyebrows. He knew she was talking about Hyuck and as much as Jaehyun wants to stay here for him he can’t. His mother was still holding onto hope for them despite that.

 

“Your mother’s right Jaehyun, you may need to give this a little more thought. Have you given them a final answer yet?”

 

“No, I have until Christmas to give them the green light.”

 

“Please wait until then. At least try and figure out if you want to leave everything behind. Maybe you will find something closer, something in Japan or China maybe”, Haeun replied. She looked so sad, almost like she wanted to cry.

 

Jaehyun wanted to cry too. He honestly didn’t want to go halfway across the world but that was the best option he had.

 

“I’ll give it some time. If nothing else comes up or if nothing changes, I’ll be packing my stuff up for New York.”

 

“I’ll be okay with that”, Jinsun said. He didn’t sound very happy either but was okay with the answer Jaehyun gave.

 

He was making his rounds, telling all the people in his life about his plans for the future. His friends were the first to know and as proud as they are of him, he could tell they were upset. Especially Kookie.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_“So you’re just gonna leave like that?”_

 

_“Don’t be like that Kook. It’ll be a great experience and I’ll have a potential job secured.”_

 

_“You know I’ll miss having you around”, Kookie replied, glancing at Jihyo and Yugyeom as well. “We all will.”_

 

_“I’ll miss you guys too.”_

_\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

 

Yeri, Seulgi, Doyoung, and his parents were the other five that knew. The only person he hasn’t told was Donghyuck because he was still trying to figure out how to break the news to the younger man.  

 

Hos phone suddenly dinged and he pressed the home button to see who it was from.

 

From🌻: _Can you come over tonight?_

 

Of course, he would. Jaehyun was a weak man when it came to Donghyuck. He didn’t know what he was needed for exactly, he just knew that he’d do anything for Hyuck.

 

To🌻: _Yeah, I’ll be over._

 

~•~

 

“Do you know where my pajamas are Cocoa”, Donghyuck asked as he got down to the puppy's level. He only had on a t-shirt and was trying to find a pair of pajamas to wear, making a mental note to wash his clothes as soon as possible. The little Havanese puppy barked and rolled on her back.

 

“Oh, you want tummy scratches huh?” He continued playing with her, laughing at her little antics when a knock sounded at his door.

 

“Shit! I’m uh, I’m coming just give me a minute!” He picked Cocoa put and her in the living room with her food and water bowl. The puppy plopped herself in her dog bed and stared at her owner as he ran back into his room.

 

Hyuck opened his drawers trying to find something to wear and came up short. He wasn’t about to wear his pants from earlier, especially not when he already showered. Taking a deep breath, he walked to the door and opened it, awkwardly standing behind it. Jaehyun stood on the other side, staring at Hyuck with a raised eyebrow.

 

“What are you doing”, he asked.

 

“I uh, I can’t find my pajama pants.”

 

“So you opened the door with no pants on?”

 

“What else was I supposed to do?”

 

Jaehyun stepped inside and took his shoes off before walking past Hyuck. He went straight to the younger man’s bedroom, into his closet, and reached up to the top shelf, pulling down red and black striped pajamas.

 

“There. Always check your top shelf. I put extra pants up there for when I used to stay over.” Hyuck gratefully put the pants on, blushing furiously.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“So uh, what did you need me for”, Jaehyun asked, playing with his sleeve. He still had his jacket on, not intending to stay long. Nothing good ever came out of being in the same room as Hyuck for a long period of time. Not now at least.

 

“I wanted some company.”

 

“Where’s Yeri?”

 

“She’s staying at Jaemin’s.”

 

“Okay, go hang out at Mark and Renjun’s place.”

 

“They only have one room and their sofa is uncomfortable.”

 

“Don’t you have a boyfriend?”

 

“He’s not who I want to see right now.” Jaehyun’s eyebrows furrowed. If Hyuck was implying what Jaehyun thought he was…

 

“So what are you saying? You wanted to see me or something?”

 

The younger man held his head down and nodded. There wasn’t a need to give Jaehyun a worded answer; he’d already know regardless.

 

“You can’t pick and choose when you want me around Hyuck. I may not show it all the time but that shit hurts. And it hurts more coming from you.”

 

“I know and I’m so sorry Jae. I’m so sorry that I’m hurting you.”

 

“If you’re really sorry you’d do the both of us a favor and just figure out what you want. Aren’t you learning anything in therapy Donghyuck?”

 

Hyuck winced at Jaehyun using his full name. He only did that when he was frustrated or if they were arguing. He didn’t like it because it meant that he messed up and Jaehyun would call him out for it.

 

“I am, really I am! It’s just when it comes to stuff about you…”

 

“What about me?”

 

“I’m confused Jaehyun. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing and I feel like I’m in this box and I can’t get out of it.”

 

“You can Hyuck, you just aren’t trying because you’re afraid of what could happen.” Jaehyun ran a hand over his face, trying to will away his frustration. “Our breakup hurt me too Hyuck but we can’t keep going on like this.”

 

“I know. Just, please don’t go.”

 

In the most opportunistic situation, Jaehyun would tell Hyuck that he would be leaving the next month and that he wasn’t coming back. In this realistic situation, he wasn’t going to leave. He would stay here and pretend that for one night everything would be back to normal. That Hyuck was his boyfriend and they’d be wearing their promise necklaces and planning for their future.

 

“I don’t want him Jaehyun. I don’t want him.”

 

“Then why won’t you leave him? You’re so stressed and upset that you’re losing weight Hyuck. Why do you stay with him if it’s hurting you like this?”

 

Hyuck wished he had an answer for that.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_“You’re in a situation where you are dependent on someone Donghyuck. That isn’t healthy for a relationship at all, not with the porous boundaries that you are displaying. From what you’ve told me this hasn’t been an issue before. This man is controlling your emotions, his family disrespected you and he did nothing?”_

 

_Hyuck nodded and sniffled a little. He didn’t want to cry in front of Irene but here he was, wasting yet another handful of tears in a situation he created for himself._

 

_“I don’t want to be with him anymore. I don’t feel safe and he makes me feel awful about myself.”_

 

_Irene’s face fell. She was supposed to keep her composure, for both her and Hyuck, but she couldn’t help but feel his pain. She was in his position once._

 

_“Why do you stay, knowing what you know?”_

 

_“Because I don’t deserve anything else. Jaehyun is doing better without me and he doesn’t need me being all emotional. I love him and I want him back but I’m afraid of losing him again._

 

_“That’s why I’m here to help you Donghyuck. You don’t have to jump straight into a relationship with Jaehyun. I can understand why you wouldn’t. But you can’t continue to be in a relationship with someone who emotionally hurts you. This stress isn’t healthy for you, mentally or physically.”_

 

_Hyuck knew she was right. Everything she was telling him, he’s heard from Yeri and Jaehyun. Renjun and Mark have pointed out how unhappy he was and Taeyong, the ever observant man that he was, recognized it well before it got this bad. He should be listening to everything they were saying, but he was never good at that anyway._

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“I know that still being with Hanjae doesn’t make sense, I’m still trying to understand. All I know is that I don’t want to lose you.”

 

“You can’t have me if you’re with someone else.” Jaehyun bit his lip and rubbed at his eyes. “Not when you want someone else.”

 

“I don’t want him, Jae, you know this. But I’m so fucking afraid.”

 

“This is exactly why we can’t just be friends Hyuck. I can’t do that knowing that you still mean something to me. I’ve been trying and trying to make this work and it’s hard when I know you still feel the same. And it hurts because you can’t even tell me that you do.”

 

Jaehyun walked towards Hyuck, looking down at him. Hyuck could see that Jaehyun’s eyes were wet and puffy from unshed tears. His bottom lip was bitten crimson red, the skin raw from his teeth breaking into it.

 

“I can’t be ‘just friends’ when all I want to do is hold you and kiss you and tell you how much I love you. I can’t so that knowing that I’ve seen...that I’ve touched your body in ways that no one else has. Hell, has Hanjae even touched you yet?”

 

Hyuck looked away from Jaehyun, trying to avoid his knowing gaze. Of course, they haven’t; Hyuck didn’t feel close enough, didn’t feel attracted to Hanjae to let him see his body the way Jaehyun has. No matter how much he tried to guilt trip Hyuck, the younger man wouldn’t let it happen.

 

“I wanted to marry you and raise a family. I wanted to see you teach our little girl to dance or teach our little boy how to sing. I wanted to give you a nice big home and get a bunch of dogs for the kids to play with. I wanted to grow old with you and watch our kids have kids and be old grandpas sitting in rocking chairs on our front porch.” Jaehyun took in a shuttering breath and Hyuck felt his heartbreak seeing the tears fall from Jaehyun’s chocolate brown eyes.

 

“I know I fucked up things back in Jeju, that those dreams won’t happen anymore. I can’t sit here and watch you with another man, knowing that he may give you what you want one day. Knowing that he may get to hold you and kiss you and see you smile every day. I can’t watch that happen Hyuck. Not when I’m the idiot that’s still in love with you.”

 

Jaehyun turned to leave, not wanting to stay here and embarrass himself any further. He’d call his new superiors in New York, figure out if there’s a chance that he can fly out early. He wanted to have a fresh start and that was impossible if the chance of seeing Hyuck was still high.

 

Jaehyun didn’t get very far. He felt himself being tugged and held by Hyuck. The younger man’s arms wrapped around his body and his cheek was pressed against Jaehyun’s back.

 

“Please. Please don’t go. I can’t lose you again, not when I still love you.”

 

“Don’t say that…”

 

“Do you think I’m lying?” Hyuck let go of Jaehyun but continued to stare, hoping he’d turn around. “I still love you Jaehyun. I still want you damn it; you think I don’t? I’m afraid of losing you again. I’m afraid that the next time will be the last time. Yes I’m being complicated and yes I’m being indecisive about what I should do next. But I’m tired of my heart breaking and I’m tired of running around in circles knowing that you are still the love of my life.”

 

Hyuck reached out for Jaehyun’s hand, thankful that he didn’t pull it away. Jaehyun still wouldn’t face him but Hyuck didn’t hesitate to place light kisses on Jaehyun’s shoulder.

 

“Please don’t go Valentine.”

 

Jaehyun turned around and stared down at Hyuck with fire in his eyes. They were red from crying and his jaw was set tightly. Hyuck finally let his fall, blinking as they cascaded down his face.

 

“Don’t say that and not mean it Hyuck. Don’t lie to me.”

 

“I’m not. I love you Jaehyun.”

 

“Say it again.”

 

“I’m in love with you Jung Jaehyun. I always have been and I always will be.”

 

Jaehyun didn’t hesitate to take hold of Hyuck’s face and kiss him. It wasn’t like the one they had after Hyuck’s nightmare on Thanksgiving. It wasn’t like any other kiss they’ve had in the past. This one was more urgent, more emotional like they were finally coming home after being away for so long.

 

He walked them back towards Hyuck’s bed, still kissing him deeply. They laid down and little by little removed their clothes, shedding them like the tears they shed, letting go of everything that hurt. They removed everything until they lay bare in front of each other, exposing every fault and every perfection in front of the other.

 

“Jaehyun, I want you”, Hyuck said. He blushed, knowing exactly what he wanted but afraid Jaehyun would deny it.

 

“Hyuck…”

 

“No. Don’t tell me I’m not ready or I don’t want it. This isn’t me being sad and hurt, this is me giving myself to you because I _want_ to. Because I love you. I don’t want anyone else having any part of me except you. I’ve been saving myself for the person I love with my entire heart and that person is you. It’s always been you.”

 

“You said you wanted to wait until marriage…”

 

“Things change.” Hyuck held Jaehyun close, admiring how his skin looked against the older man’s.

 

“I want you Jaehyun. All of your good parts and your bad ones. I want every single one.” Hyuck held Jaehyun's face and looked him in the eyes. 

 

"I want you to make love to me Yoonoh."

 

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

“You won’t. I trust you Jaehyun.”

 

Jaehyun kissed Hyuck as he laid him down, taking his time to map out every part of his body. He made sure to pay attention to the things Hyuck liked and the things he didn’t, just like before. He made sure to spend extra time preparing Hyuck to take Jaehyun in and when the time came, he didn’t hesitate to make sure the younger man was okay.

 

“Are you still sure? We can always back out and I won’t be mad at you.”

 

“I’m positive. I’ll be okay Yoonoh.” Hyuck ran his hand across Jaehyun’s cheek, wrapping his long legs around the older man’s waist, signaling that he was more than sure of what he wanted. Jaehyun kissed Hyuck but felt guilty when he tensed and his hands dug into Jaehyun’s skin.

 

“I’m sorry Hyuck, I’m so sorry. We can stop.”

 

“No, just give me a minute.” Hyuck’s eyes were a little teary and Jaehyun kissed them away, earning a smile. He was patient, leaving light touches on Hyuck skin until he was okay.

 

“I’m ready now.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes, I’m sure.”

 

Jaehyun was more careful and went slower than the first time. He waited until Hyuck gave him the green light and took his time, listening for any indication that Hyuck was in pain. He was worried when Hyuck squeezed his arms tightly, but that worry quickly went away with the breathy moan that left Hyuck’s mouth.

 

It was something beautiful that came out of something bad. Jaehyun didn’t hold himself back from being equally as vocal as Hyuck, looking deeply into his eyes and seeing all the love that he had to give. He was shaken to the core by all the soft sounds and loud cries coming from Hyuck and fell deeper when Hyuck caught his breath long enough to tell him how much he loved him. Over and over and over again.

 

Hyuck’s phone began to ring but they ignored it as Jaehyun continued to draw out every noise that left Hyuck’s mouth.

 

“Jae...Jaehyun”, Hyuck whimpered, holding on tighter. “I can’t…”

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. You can let go, I’ve got you.”

 

The sound of the phone continuously ringing was muffled by Hyuck crying out Jaehyun’s name, and the latter soon followed after, breathless. They didn’t let go of each other, afraid that they’d lose the other for good.

 

“Sunshine, Hyuck, I love you so much”, Jaehyun said into Hyuck’s neck, still holding on to his waist.

 

“I love you too Jaehyun. I love you to the moon and back my Valentine Boy”, Hyuck replied and he kept his arms around Jaehyun's shoulders, kissing the pale skin over and over.

 

They held each other all night, whispering promises of love and devotion until they fell asleep.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: The repeated dash lines (----) are not flashbacks from a long period of time in the past. They are events that happen around the time of what is going on in the present. The emojis are still used as separation of days or major events.  
> -getting into the first scene of this chapter, as you've read Hyuck was essentially getting ready to meet Hanjae's bitchy parents. Also, you may have noticed that his stress has taken a toll on him (as stress often does interfere with our eating habits and can lead to weight gain or loss). His friends outside of Yeri and Jaehyun are finally taking notice and will be seen more in upcoming chapters.  
> -The flashback was to bounce off of the pants thing, using Hyuck's growth spurt as a parallel to his present experience with growth and loss. It was also an opportunity to show that Hyuck did learn how to let go of the bad things in life. However, considering what he is going through now, he's lost some of that.  
> -Hanjae's mom has a different name than his dad because, in Korea, women don't typically take their husband's last name. Jaehyun's mom has the same last name because it was a creative choice, making her a part of the small percentage that does.  
> -If you couldn't tell, Hanjae's mom isn't feeling Hyuck and is asking him uncomfortable questions purposely. The snide comments and underlying judgment about him also added to that. It was made to be opposite from the support and love that Hyuck's family has given him in becoming confident with himself and loving his differences. Her comment on his skin was done to bring him down in some way and pit him against others who came before him in a negative light (colorism is also a real issue that people deal with on a daily basis and it is something that I wanted to bring light to. In real life, many of us love and appreciate this part of Hyuck but there are still people who have the same mindset as Gyuri in the real world).  
> -Tisch School of the Arts is an actual university in the United States. It's a very good school and I highly recommend checking out their website.  
> -Jaehyun finally telling his parents he's leaving? A 50/50 fail. His dad is for it if Jaehyun thinks it through. His mother, definitely not. Haeun is the number one Jaehyuck shipper in this fic and she refuses to see it go down.  
> -Jaehyun still saving Hyuck in his phone as the sunflower emoji? Check.  
> -Jaehyun still knowing where clothes are in Hyuck's room are one of those little eggs I threw in there to show that he still cares. Remembering little things like that.  
> -Hyuck also still cares for Jaehyun because he is the first person Hyuck called on to provide him with some company. Not anything out of the ordinary, but initially just to have someone around. He obviously still cares for Jaehyun and it's telling because of the fact that he didn't even think to call on his own (current) boyfriend for the same thing.  
> -Having Irene tell Hyuck that what he is going through is unhealthy on all levels and stating that over and over again is a bit of a wake up for Hyuck. He's still going to have struggles of course...  
> -Angsty "I love you' scene? Check  
> -Now if you've been following this story and have read the last, you will know that Hyuck was a virgin (until this point). However, he is fully committed to his decision. When he said he doesn't want anyone else, not even Hanjae, in the same way as he does with Jaehyun, he means it in every sense of the word. This is going to come into play in later chapters and will cause some drama. I will reiterate that Hyuck's decision is not in the moment, but something he truly feels is what he wants to do with no regrets.  
> -In the same vein, he technically did not break up with Hanjae so, what he did is, by all means, cheating  
> -Please don't judge my very bad first-time scene. I'm so awkward and I'm definitely working on it (this is also a part of that Sexual Content tag so yeah).  
> -Yeah, they're happy for now but do you really think I'm gonna let them stay that way for long?  
> -Comments my dudes, comments


	17. Chapter Sixteen: A Sweet Little Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Usually I would care about the feelings of the slighted party but with Hanjae, I don’t really care at all, as bad as it sounds.”
> 
> “Are you prepared for shit to hit the fan once he finds out?”
> 
> If he was being honest with himself, Jaehyun didn’t really know if he was ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA: There is a part of this chapter involves a scene that may trigger those who have been through any form of emotional or psychological abuse (begins after the second flashback and ends during another Jaehyun centric part). If you are uncomfortable with this, PLEASE DO NOT READ. I will reiterate anything that happens in later chapters for those who cannot so nothing is missed.

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

“You did what”, Yeri screamed at Hyuck, startling a few moms walking in the park. They sat on a bench, waiting for Mark to finish his class and get lunch. Hyuck rolled his eyes and turned to face the younger woman, annoyed by her outburst. 

 

“I slept with Jaehyun.” 

 

“Like, counting sheep before bed right?”

 

“No, like he actually put hi-”

 

“I’m going to stop you right there”, Yeri said, holding her hand up. She pinched the area between her eyes and mentally counted backward from ten. 

 

“Lee Donghyuck, in all of the years I’ve spent supporting you, this isn’t it.” 

 

“It’s not like he forced me to, I wanted it.” 

 

“I’m not stupid Hyuck, I know Jaehyun wouldn’t force you. It’s cool that you consented and I’m happy for you or whatever but you’re forgetting that you’re still with Hanjae.” 

 

“I...I haven’t forgotten.” 

 

“Then tell me what possessed you to cheat on this man Hyuck? You’ve been wearing turtlenecks for the past week and now I know it wasn’t because of the weather.” Yeri sounded frustrated. She wasn’t upset with Hyuck, just disappointed. There was a better way out of his current situation than cheating on someone. 

 

“I know and I feel awful for doing it. Do I regret what happened between me and Jaehyun? Of course not, I would never regret that. Should I have waited until I’ve broken up with Hanjae? Definitely." Hyuck rubbed his temples and sighed deeply. "I will be talking to him about it and ending things."

 

“You’re officially giving it up”, Yeri asked seriously. 

 

“Without a doubt. I want to try again with Jaehyun. We may not jump into anything right now but…”

 

“You already had sex with him Hyuck.”

 

“Aside from that night.” He paused and began blushing. “And last night. And this morning.” 

 

“God damn it Donghyuck!”

 

“I’m sorry! The timing...it just felt right to me. I didn’t realize how much I was actually missing Jaehyun and I wanted to take that step with him.” 

 

So far, sex with Jaehyun has been a very eye-opening experience for Hyuck. They’ve been intimate in other ways before but this was entirely new. Feeling Jaehyun’s body that close, hearing him tell Hyuck that he loved him in his deep, raspy voice. Having him grip Hyuck’s hips like that…

 

“Are you seriously thinking about it right now”, Yeri exclaimed, snapping Hyuck out of his thoughts.

 

“I won’t say I didn’t, but I also won’t say I did.” 

 

“That is so disgusting.” 

 

“How do you think I felt having to hear you and Jaemin go at it at two in the morning?”

 

“And we’ve made quiet hour rules about that so don’t think you have a free pass to wake up our entire building. You were already loud before so I can imagine how much worse it is now.” 

 

“I have not been that loud”, Hyuck replied. 

 

“Mrs. Bae thought someone was crying Hyuck.” Yeri paused before throwing her hands in the air. “She lives two doors down from us!”

 

“That was one time!” 

 

“Why are you guys yelling”, Mark asked as he walked towards his bickering friends. Yeri and Hyuck looked at each other before scrambling to get up, hoping to keep each other from Mark. 

 

“Hyuck slept with Jaehyun!” 

 

“You did what?” Mark’s eyebrows furrowed and he crossed his arms. 

 

“Okay look I know it sounds bad but I’ve already talked to Yeri about it so I’ll be meeting with Hanjae to end the relationship.” 

 

“You fucked your ex while you still have a boyfriend; Hyuck are you crazy?” 

 

“Don’t say it like that. It was more than just ‘fucking’ Mark”, Hyuck said defensively. His face mirrored Mark’s equally upset expression and the entire ordeal made Yeri anxious. 

 

“Both of you calm down. Let’s just go get some food and we can talk about it then.” 

 

The two men nodded and followed Yeri out of the park. Hyuck could feel Mark’s angry stare in his direction and wanted to shrink away from it. He knew he messed up, knew that it was wrong. He felt terrible for it, knowing that telling Hanjae would hurt him. 

 

He stewed over it as they rode the bus to their destination, wondering what his next course of action should be.

 

~•~

 

_ “Why are you being so difficult”, Hyuck asked, whispering to the man next to him. This restaurant was one of the more subdued ones in town and they didn’t want to be too loud or draw attention.  _

 

_ “I’m still trying to figure out why you’re scheduling so many practices with him.” _

 

_ “It’s for his mom’s birthday Hanjae”, Hyuck whisper yelled.  _

 

_ “Who waltzes for their birthday?” _

 

_ “Haeun loves waltzing and Jaehyun wanted to share a dance with his mother. It’s adorable.” _

 

_ “It’s completely unnecessary.” _

 

_ “Don’t sit here and judge someone you don’t know. Jung Haeun is an incredibly sweet and amazing woman. She has interesting tastes but it makes her unique.” _

 

_ “It’s amazing how you’re still enamored with your ex’s mother.” _

 

_ “Just because Jaehyun and I aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean I have to hate his mom. You’re being ridiculous Hanjae.” _

 

_ “It’s hard not to when I can barely trust you with him Donghyuck.” _

 

_ Hyuck stared at the man incredulously. He heavily debated getting up and leaving the damn place. It was already taking him from school work he needed to complete anyway. _

 

_ “So what are you saying?” _

 

_ “I’m saying that I wouldn’t be surprised if you cheated on me with Jaehyun.” _

 

_ “Listen here you assh-” _

 

_ “No, you listen. You can continue living in this fantasy world where you and Jaehyun are together, but I’ll be damned if you make a fool out of me Donghyuck. Don’t cross me.” _

 

_ “Wow, I didn’t think our relationship would entail threatening each other. Thanks, honey, I’m so glad to be under your control”, Hyuck replied sarcastically. He made his voice higher pitched and annoyingly cheerful on purpose, angering Hanjae. The older man leaned into Hyuck’s space, glaring down at him. He put his hand on Hyuck’s thigh and squeezed it tightly.  _

 

_ “Don’t touch me!” _

 

_ “You need to keep it down and cut the bratty behavior. You don’t know what control is sweetheart. Not yet.”  _

 

_ Hanjae let go of Hyuck’s thigh and resumed eating. Hyuck rubbed the area and looked around to see if anyone was watching.  _

 

_ “Make sure to look decent when we see my parents.” _

 

_ “Okay.”  _

 

~•~

 

Jaehyun was typing away at his laptop when the sound of knocking came from his front door. He stood from the couch, confused and unaware that someone was coming. He wasn’t expecting any guests. 

 

He opened the door to see Yeri’s threatening gaze looking back at him. 

 

“What are you do-”

 

“You. Fucking. Dumbass”, Yeri began as she started hitting Jaehyun with her clutch. “Why. Would. You. Sleep. With. Hyuck. Knowing. He. Has. A. Boyfriend!”

 

“Fucking hell Yeri, chill out!” 

 

“Don’t tell me to chill you, moron!” She stopped hitting Jaehyun, catching her breath. Yeri plopped on the floor and looked up at Jaehyun, boots still covering her feet. 

 

“We really, really need to talk about this.” 

 

Jaehyun shook his head and got down to her level. The look in her eyes let him know that she was serious.

 

“We can talk. Just, please take your shoes off. My mom had the carpet cleaned yesterday.” 

 

“Sorry.” 

 

Jaehyun helped her up from the ground and went back into the living room. Yeri followed, now shoeless and coatless. She sat on a seat adjacent to Jaehyun, ready to get down to business.

 

“You’re in my home. You beat me with your purse. What is it that you need?”

 

“Jaehyun, I know what happened between you and Hyuck.” 

 

“Yeah, I figured you’d find out.”

 

“Why didn’t either of you stop while you were ahead?”

 

“You wouldn’t understand.”

 

“No, I do. I know you love Hyuck Jaehyun. I know you do but you also knew it was wrong just as much as Hyuck does. This is going to eat away at him until he tells Hanjae what happened.”

 

“I wish I could feel the same way.”

 

“Can you put your hate for Hanjae aside and think about morals here?” 

 

This was one of those situations that separated Jaehyun from Hyuck: he didn’t care for Hanjae’s feelings at all. Hyuck might feel guilty, but that man has been a pain in Jaehyun’s ass and a detriment to Hyuck’s health. Jaehyun loved Hyuck endlessly and he wouldn’t take back that night if he could. 

 

“Usually I would care about the feelings of the slighted party but with Hanjae, I don’t really care at all, as bad as it sounds.”

 

“Are you prepared for shit to hit the fan once he finds out?”

 

If he was being honest with himself, Jaehyun didn’t really know if he was ready. 

 

“And if by any chance you and Hyuck do get back together, take your time and please, please don’t hurt each other anymore.”

 

Yeri looked tired and sad. She over the drama and heartbreak as much as Jaehyun was. 

 

“I never want to hurt Hyuck ever again. I want to do right by our relationship this time.” 

 

In Jaehyun’s mind, he hoped to have that chance every day for the rest of his life.

  
  


☀️🌹

 

_ “Yoonoh, cut it out! I’m not a baby”, Hyuck exclaimed, giggling as Jaehyun wiped the water from his face. The older man gently swiped at the droplets, leaving kisses on Hyuck’s cheeks. The bathroom was still cloudy with steam from the hot shower and the sound of old music wafted through the closed space.  _

 

_ “You’re not a baby but you’re my baby.”  _

 

_ “Always.”  _

 

_ Hyuck loved when they took care of each other like this. Nothing inherently sexual; just pure love and affection through small acts like drying each other off after showering together. It was nice seeing Jaehyun so playful and happy after all this time.  _

 

_ “I’m gonna be busy for most of this week so I don’t know when the next time I see you will be”, Hyuck said as he wiped Jaehyun’s back.  _

 

_ “It’s fine. I have to finish my final dissertation anyway.” _

 

_ “When is it due?” _

 

_ “The week before the new year begins.” _

 

_ “Really Jaehyun?”  _

 

_ Jaehyun turned around and smiled at the disappointed look on Hyuck’s face. His grey hair was in need of a touch-up and his hair was starting to curl up as it dried. He kissed Hyuck’s forehead, narrowly missing the impact of his index finger on his nose.  _

 

_ “Don’t kiss me when you know you’ve been procrastinating!” _

 

_ “There’s been a lot going on Hyuck, I couldn’t focus on my work.”  _

 

_ “I’m sorry I’ve been a part of that”, Hyuck replied as he hugged Jaehyun. “I don’t want you to be stressed about anything anymore Yoonoh.”  _

 

_ “Hyuck…” _

 

_ “I know I’ve been a contributing factor to that so don’t try and make me feel better about it. If we’re going to do this again, I want it to be done right. I want us to be in a good place with ourselves and each other.” _

 

_ “I want that too.” Hyuck smiled and glanced up at Jaehyun.  _

 

_ “I know. That’s why I’ll be telling Hanjae that I want to break up when I see him later this week.”  _

 

_ Jaehyun squeezed Hyuck a little tighter, feeling his heart beating a little faster. This was a big step, especially after being away from each other for so long. Jaehyun knew they would have to take it slow, become re-acquainted with each other. They’d still continue therapy and working on themselves to have a better future. Regardless, he was just happy to have Hyuck back in some way.  _

 

_ “You’re really going to do that”, Jaehyun asked quietly.  _

 

_ “Of course. I want you back Jaehyun. I want us back. It’ll take some time and neither of us are perfect but…” _

 

_ “We’re perfect for each other.”  _

 

_ Hyuck nodded and smiled as Jaehyun began to gently sway their bodies side to side. He traced circles in Jaehyun’s arm, softly humming to the tune of the song playing from the radio.  _

 

_....Stay little valentine stay _

_ Each day is Valentines Day..... _

  
  


~•~

 

Hyuck was standing outside of Hanjae’s apartment home, staring at the door. He was so nervous that he hadn’t even knocked yet, feeling the sweat bead on his forehead from how anxious he was. He hated coming here, mostly because it was nothing he was used to. Of course, Jaehyun’s family lived in a very nice, very large apartment too but it felt like an actual home to Hyuck. 

 

He slowly raised his hand up and knocked on the door, praying that Hanjae wasn’t home and that he could just come by later. To his chagrin, the door opened but instead of Hanjae, Hyuck was greeted by his maid.

 

“Hi, Mrs. Chae! Is um, is Hanjae around”, Hyuck asked, wringing his gloved hands together.  _ Please tell me no. Please tell me no… _

 

“Oh Donghyuck, you sweet boy, I haven’t seen you in so long. I was just about to leave to get food for dinner”, the older woman said as she brought him inside. “He’s in his study but he should be finishing up right now. Do you need anything from the store?”

 

“No, ma’am. I don’t plan on being here that long anyway. But thank you.” 

 

“If I don’t see when I get back I want you to have a good evening okay?”

 

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you.” He bowed and waved goodbye to Mrs. Chae, watching as the door closed behind her. Hyuck toed his shoes off and set them neatly against the wall before walking in the living area. The tv was playing some American singing competition and the sound of music coming from the far hallway gave the otherwise still apartment some life. 

 

Hyuck followed the music to Hanjae’s study and stood there. Hanjae was adamant about people not disturbing him while he worked and Hyuck usually listened but today he was above doing that. He turned the doorknob and when it gave, he pushed the door open. 

 

“Mrs. Chae, I will let you know when I’m ready to eat”, the older man said, busy typing away at his computer. He didn’t even look up to see who walked in, making Hyuck roll his eyes. 

 

“Sorry I’m not a 157 centimeter, 60-year-old woman Hanjae”, Hyuck said. Hanjae looked up and adjusted his glasses before raising his eyebrows. 

 

“Donghyuck, I didn’t expect to see you here.” 

 

“I know. I’m full of surprises.” 

 

“Well don’t just stand there. Come have a seat.” 

 

The only seat left was a couch on one side of the room, surrounded by two bookshelves and some plants. That was further away than Hyuck needed to be but he’ll be damned if he sat on Hanjae’s lap either. He made his way towards the desk and sat on top of it, earning am astonished look from Hanjae. 

 

“Don’t make that face, I wasn’t sitting on the couch”, Hyuck said, making himself comfortable on the table. 

 

“I’m not complaining”, Hanjae replied, staring at Hyuck’s legs. 

 

“Cool. I’m glad you aren’t because we need to talk.” 

 

Hanjae glanced up at Hyuck in confusion. The younger man wore a forlorn expression, and he couldn’t keep Hanjae’s gaze for long. Hyuck was still wearing his coat and his gloves; only then, did Hanjae know something was wrong. 

 

“What happened. Is everything alright?” 

 

“I’m fine, it’s just…”

 

“Just what Donghyuck?” 

 

“I can’t...I can’t be with you anymore Hanjae.” 

 

The tv was still playing in the living room, but even that couldn’t fill the eerie quiet of the study. Hyuck stared at a painting on the wall, avoiding eye contact with Hanjae. 

 

“I don’t understand. What made you come to that decision”, he asked, voice firm. 

 

“I just don’t want to anymore. I’m not happy in this relationship at all and I can’t stay with you.” Hyuck breathed deeply before looking at Hanjae again, putting up a brave face. “Not when...not when I love someone else.” 

 

“So this is about Jaehyun?” Hyuck shook his head and rubbed his cheek with the heel of his hand. He was devastatingly nervous. 

 

“Yes. And...oh God.” 

 

“And what?”

 

“Jaehyun and I...we...I slept with Jaehyun.” Hyuck started rubbing his cheek harder when he heard Hanjae cursing under his breath and jumped off the table when the older man’s hand slammed against it. 

 

“You told me I had nothing to worry about but here you are, whoring yourself out to your ex.” Hanjae stood up and started rubbing his temples. “Why the hell would you do that Donghyuck? I thought you had morals or does that fly out the window whenever he puts his hands on you?”

 

“Look, I know I should’ve just broken up with you beforehand but…”

 

“But what? How can you explain this away”, Hanjae yelled.

 

“I love Jaehyun okay! I love him!” 

 

“Are you saying you didn’t love me? Did I not treat you well Donghyuck?”

 

“I tried to make it work between us Hanjae, I really did but I can’t! You’re controlling and you stress me out! Jaehyun never made me feel bad about myself, he never made me feel stressed and he most certainly never let his family treat me like I was nothing.”

 

“My family did nothing to you.” 

 

“Your mom told me to bleach my skin Hanjae! Is that not a problem to you”, Hyuck screamed. 

 

“My mother isn’t the problem here. The problem is that you willingly,  _ willingly _ decided to fuck your ex while you are still in a committed relationship. Tell me Donghyuck, do you think anyone wants someone like that teaching their children?”

 

“What does that have to do with anything?” Hanjae stalked in Hyuck’s direction, grabbing hold of his arm when he tried to back away. 

 

“Let me go damn it!” 

 

“What did I say about crossing me Donghyuck? I trusted you to not fuck around with your ex and here we are having this issue in our relationship.” He forcefully pulled Hyuck towards him and forced Hyuck to look at him. 

 

“We aren’t breaking up. Not right now at least.” 

 

“Yes, the hell we are!” Hyuck struggled in Hanjae’s hold. “Let me go!”

 

“No we aren’t because unlike you, I have connections. I know people. That cute teaching job you want in the music school? I can always have that taken away.” 

 

Hyuck stared up at Hanjae in disbelief. He stopped fighting against his hold and felt an instant panic rise in his body. 

 

“You, what?”

 

“We’re not ending this relationship Donghyuck. Not for the time being anyway. You want a job when you graduate, you can keep it. But until then you’re going to sit there and be cute and play along. I have appearances to keep, colleagues to impress, and you aren’t going to ruin that for me.” 

 

“So you were just using me this whole time?” 

 

“Don’t say it like that sweetheart. I genuinely do like you Donghyuck. But did you really think I would’ve stayed with you long even if you didn’t still have feelings for that moody ex of yours? From what I’ve noticed your personality and unconventional attractiveness appeals to a fair amount of people and I need you to get the ground running for my future endeavors.”

 

“You sick son of a bitch, are you crazy”, Hyuck exclaimed. 

 

“No Donghyuck, I’m a businessman. I know what works and what doesn’t. I see trends and I make decisions accordingly. You clumsily running into me was an opportunity for financial and physical gain. And even though you sadly didn't put out I still saw the potential in you in other ways. Dating a gifted future music teacher is a good look for someone working on the Han River project.” 

 

“You can’t use my future as some game!” Hyuck could feel angry tears leaving his eyes. His vision was blurring with how much he was crying. 

 

“I’m at least giving you a chance. Jaehyun lost his job without warning.” Hyuck finally removed himself from Hanjae’s grasp, repeatedly pushing the older man away. 

 

“You took his job away from him? How could you; that was important to him!” 

 

“He was preventing me from keeping what’s mine!”

 

“I’m not yours and I’m not some fucking toy for you to play with! The only thing that was keeping you away was your fucked up way of treating me!” 

 

“Look, you wanted to see real control! You toed the damn line here Lee Donghyuck! You wanted to go out and slut it up for Jaehyun, you have to deal with consequences for that. You can stay and be secure in the fact that you’ll have a job working for this school, much less any school in this country.” 

 

Hanjae grabbed Hyuck’s face between his hand, making his lips puff out a little. He studied the unshed tears in Hyuck’s eyes and the drying tracks left behind from old ones. Donghyuck was very beautiful, that Hanjae couldn’t lie about. But a man like him couldn’t be with someone like Hyuck for long, as sad as it was.

 

“Or...you can go back to your equally jobless ex-boyfriend and figure out what you’ll be doing while you live off of his parents for the rest of your days. What will it be Donghyuck?” He let go of Hyuck’s face, staring at him until the sound of Mrs. Chae’s voice rang through the apartment. 

 

“Mr. Park? I see that Donghyuck’s shoes are still here; will he be joining us for dinner?” Hanjae frowned at Hyuck before walking away.

 

“Yes, he will be. Just give him a few minutes to collect himself. He was a little upset about something that happened today.”

 

Hyuck wanted to scream. He wanted to tell the older woman what was really going on. He wanted to fight back but he couldn’t. 

 

He wiped his tears away and patted his face, hoping it wasn’t too puffy. He breathed deeply before slowly making his way to the kitchen. Hanjae stood near the counter, smiling. Hyuck knew that it was fake though. 

 

“Are you okay with having pork belly tonight Donghyuck”, Mrs. Chae asked cheerfully, letting her smile spread to her eyes. Hyuck could feel Hanjae staring at him and gave his best fake smile. 

 

“That sounds amazing actually. I would love some.” 

  
  


~•~

 

Jaehyun sat on his bed, typing emails and occasionally glancing at an English dictionary, hoping to find words that sounded professional and extended beyond what he already knows. He may be fluent, but his vocabulary wasn’t SAT extensive. 

 

He was also figuring out how to properly execute his plan of telling Hyuck that he would be going to America for a few months. He decided he’d buy Hyuck a nice, big bouquet of sunflowers and talk it over during Haeun’s birthday party. He’d explain everything in detail while they were alone and make plans for how their relationship would go. If things went well, he would come back to Korea and find work here after the six months were finished. 

 

Jaehyun pulled out his phone to text Hyuck, feeling his smile grow as he opened the messages.

  
  


To 🌻: Hey, are you still up? 

 

From 🌻: Yeah, I just finished washing up. 

 

To 🌻: You wanna FaceTime before bed? ;)

 

From 🌻: Not tonight Yoonoh. I’m really, really tired and I don’t feel well. Maybe another time. 

 

Jaehyun raised an eyebrow and frowned. 

 

To 🌻: Do you need anything? I can run to the store

 

From 🌻: No. I just want some sleep. 

 

To 🌻: I’m sorry Sunshine, I’ll let you sleep.

 

From 🌻: Thank you

 

To 🌻: Good night Hyuck. I love you

 

From 🌻: I love you too Jaehyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Before we get to business: VOTE FOR NCT TO WIN STUFF BECAUSE THEY WORK HARD GDI  
> -now, to get the ball rolling, the beginning of this chapter was created to serve as a form of comedic relief amongst the chaos. However, now that Mark knows, the others will start to get involved as well (in later chapters).   
> -Yeri is doing her best   
> -The first flashback takes place before Hyuck met Hanjae's parents and Jaehyun went to Hyuck's place. For an exact timeframe, about 5 days to a little over a week  
> -Yeri is on Jaehyun's side but she also thinks he's a headass (along with Hyuck) and isn't making the best decision on some things. Nonetheless, she is working with him because she genuinely wants to see him and Hyuck be happy.   
> -The second flashback takes place the day after Jaehyun and Hyuck had sex. Hyuck was aware of the situation and has already made plans to do something about it. I also just wanted to show them being lovey with each other to break up the angst. The lyrics to the song Hyuck hums is "My Little Valentine" by Frank Sinatra.  
> -Now for this: a few of you saw who Hanjae was as a person coming and honestly you're great readers and you gotta stay out of my Google Drive. The fact that Hanjae was THAT conniving and that much of an asshole? Who knows, maybe you did, maybe you didn't  
> -With that being said, the way he treats Hyuck is horrible and no one should ever be talked to/handled/ or threatened like that. Ever. Even if someone cheated, that is no grounds to emotionally manipulate (read: abuse) anyone EVER. I'm saying this in Hyuck's case because while what he did was uncalled for when it comes to relationships, he still doesn't deserve to have his livelihood threatened. Especially when his partner has more power and control over his life. Now, there are instances where cheating is abusive, which I have included a link to (https://www.yourtango.com/2016297984/when-infidelity-becomes-emotional-abuse). This list does have links to other sites where you can read up on the topics more. Hyuck's case is not one because there was no malicious intent on his part. His fault was that he was still with Hanjae when it happened.   
> -There are people in the world who use people for whatever gain they need and it's awful. Just look at all of the mess in Hollywood right now...  
> -Now, what decision will Hyuck arrive to? You'll just have to find out...  
> -Jaehyun will be telling Hyuck about his plans, but it won't be in the way that he wants unfortunately   
> -For those who don't know, the SAT is a pointless exam many students in the US have to take before we can get into college. A lot of preparation for this test involves learning collegiate level vocabulary (i.e. big ass words no one actually uses in the real world).   
> -Drop some comments because I know at least three of you will yell at me or something. Also, feel free to follow my Twitter and see me cry over NCT at all times (@BreadAndQueso).


	18. Chapter Seventeen: Baby You Can Start Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun knew he shouldn’t be worried, but something was off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA: There is a part in Hyuck's POV where Hanjae makes unwanted sexual advances towards Hyuck and he does inappropriately touch him without consent. There isn't any explicit sexual material but I still encourage you to please read ahead if this is triggering for you! Hyuck's section starts after Jaehyun's and ends at the rose and Sun emojis. Important material will be reiterated.

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

“So, tell me how things are going so far?”

 

“Amazing. Wonderful. Pretty much beyond perfect.”

 

“Sounds like you’ve had a lot of positive developments in your life”, Seulgi said, chuckling at Jaehyun’s eager answer.

 

“I mean, I’ve only had two but they’re pretty big developments.”

 

“Would you like to tell me about them?” Jaehyun nodded and sat up straighter in his seat.

 

“Okay so, you already know about my plans for New York right?”

 

“I do remember that, yes.”

 

“Well, I’m set to fly out January tenth for my initial six months. After that, they’ll be giving me two choices: I can either stay in the States full time and pursue a career with the company based there or, they will give me a good recommendation for a five-week project in Japan. If that goes well, I can start an entry level position for the Korean branch and stay home.”

 

“That’s great Jaehyun! I’m happy to hear that you’ve managed to turn a negative situation into a positive one. Now, what is the other piece of good news?”

 

Jaehyun started blushing and began playing with the hem of his sweater. Seulgi would be the first person he’s told about his new plans with Hyuck and he was quite nervous, to say the least. Obviously, there would be others to worry about telling but he really bonded well with his counselor and wanted her to know just as much as everyone else.

 

“Well, we haven’t made anything official, and we really want to continue working through some kinks before we do, but Hyuck and I have decided that we want to give our relationship another go.”

 

“Oh? How did that happen?”

 

“See...I was afraid you’d ask…”

 

“As your counselor, I cannot force you to tell me anything. However, please do not hesitate to tell me if this is a detriment to your overall health.”

 

“It’s not”, Jaehyun exclaimed, frantically waving his hands in front of his chest. “It’s just, a little morally questionable is all.”

 

“And what exactly is it that involves the questioning of your morals”, Seulgi asked as she looked down at her notepad, neatly writing the important parts of Jaehyun’s story for records.

 

“So...jeez um...so Hyuck and I may have confessed that we still have feelings for each other…”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“...and we may or may not have had sex that same night.”

 

Seulgi’s pen dropped on her desk and raised her eyebrows. Her long, dark brown hair fell over her glasses from how jumped up from her notes at Jaehyun’s confession.

 

“Jaehyun, no…”

 

“I know it sounds bad but…”

 

“It is bad Jaehyun. You’ve already had issues in the past with cheating and now you’re an accomplice in another cheating problem. I understand that your feelings about Donghyuck and Hanjae’s relationship bother you but this wasn’t the way to go about it.” She paused and bit her lip in worry.

 

“I understand that and at first I did feel a small bit of guilt but if we’re being honest, I don’t think he deserves my sympathy at all. I know that Irene can't tell you anything but this is what I know; Hanjae is a manipulative asshole who has done nothing but give Hyuck grief and stress him to the point that he’s literally losing weight. My ex...no, my boyfriend is already small and he can’t even fit his damn pants anymore.”

 

“I’m sure that Irene is talking to Donghyuck and handling that situation but it isn’t smart to nor is it helpful to yourself to do things like that Jaehyun.”

 

“It wasn’t the best time but it felt right for us. I know it’s stupid and wrong but don’t have any regrets.” Jaehyun rubbed his nose and avoided eye contact with Seulgi. “I love him.”

 

Seulgi fell back in her seat and removed her glasses. Her hands were tied and there was no way she was winning this against Jaehyun, not when his mind was already made up.

 

~•~

 

_Jaehyun was dancing and jumping all over the basketball court, much to Hyuck’s dismay. The older man was immensely competitive and always went out of his way to try and outshine his boyfriend whenever they went head-to-head in anything._

 

_“See, this is why I don’t play against you in anything. You make me look bad and I’m actually good! I’m rethinking this relationship now!”_

 

_“Aww, come on Hyuck, don’t be like that”, Jaehyun said, enveloping Hyuck in a sweaty hug._

 

_“Ew Jaehyun, let me go!”_

 

_“Don’t act like you aren’t sweating either.”_

 

_“That doesn’t mean I want to be covered in yours too!”_

 

_Jaehyun let go of Hyuck and grinned at the scowl on his face. Jaehyun loved seeing Hyuck like this; dressed in basketball shorts and an old t-shirt, ready to play sports. The headband that Hyuck wore just made him look even cuter. It wasn’t to say that Jaehyun didn’t like when Hyuck looked put together and wore his makeup sometimes, he just also enjoyed seeing him look like a jock too._

 

_“What are you staring at you dork”, Hyuck said, lightly tapping Jaehyun on the cheek._

 

_“My beautiful, beautiful Sunshine, that’s who.”_

 

_“You’re disgusting.”_

 

_“I love you too honey.”_

 

_“When did your parents want us over?”_

 

_“Like, eight-ish.”_

 

_“That’s a little late.”_

 

_“Mom knows. She doesn’t care as long as she gets to meet you.”_

 

_“I’m kind of nervous Yoonoh. What if your parents don’t like me?”_

 

_Jaehyun began playing with the curls at the base of Hyuck’s neck, lightly drawing circles with his fingers to ease his anxiety._

 

_“It’ll be okay Hyuck. You could be the worst person in the world and my mom would still find something to like about you.” Hyuck glared and Jaehyun and crossed his arms._

 

_“Thanks, Jae. That really makes me feel better”, he replied sarcastically._

 

_“Sunshine, it’ll be alright. Let’s just go back to your place, take a shower, and get ready yeah? Trust me, it’ll be fine.”_

 

_“Together?”_

 

_“If that’s what you want.”_

 

_“Fine but we have to actually shower. We can’t just make out in a steaming bathroom for fifteen minutes.”_

 

_“You say that like you don’t enjoy it.”_

 

_“I do but I want us to actually be on time for something. Sucking face doesn’t help that.” Jaehyun’s face twisted in disgust._

 

_“Please don’t ever say that again.”_

 

_“What? Sucking face?”_

 

_“Stop Hyuck.”_

 

_“You wanna suck some face Hyunnie?”_

 

_“I hate you.”_

 

_“I love you too Valentine.”_

 

~•~

 

“What hair color should I get before I leave”, Jaehyun asked as he held a box of hair dye in the air. His mother briefly glanced at him before grabbing a bottle of shampoo.

 

“You’ll probably need to dye it back to black. Or brown at least. I don’t know what the rules are in the US but they may not like unnatural hair colors.”

 

“I actually wouldn’t be mad at that.”

 

“Did you not like pink?”

 

“I had no problem with it. Just miss the brown is all.”

 

“Do you miss it or does Donghyuck miss it”, Haeun asked, smirking at Jaehyun. The younger man blushed and quickly looked away.

 

“Not everything I do is because of Hyuck you know.”

 

“I know Yoonoh. I’m just teasing you.”

 

They shopped around some more, with Haeun scolding Jaehyun multiple times when he started riding around in the shopping cart.

 

“You’re 23, not two!”

 

“Live a little Mom!”

 

She couldn’t even stay mad if she tried. Seeing Jaehyun so genuinely happy made her equally happy. After learning about Jaehyun and Hyuck’s plans of getting back together, Haeun’s spirits were lifted. She loved Hyuck and missed having him be a part of her family, of being a part of her son’s life. Jaehyun grew up worrying if someone would truly love and care for him. Haeun felt secure in the fact that he wouldn’t have to look for it all of his life.

 

“Come on you silly boy, we have to start making dinner.” Jaehyun hopped off the shopping cart and began following his mother, towering over her,

 

“I will have you know I am a man.”

 

“Yes, a man-child. A man-child who still hasn’t asked if his grandmother was going to be in town next week.”

 

“She won’t answer her phone!”

 

“That’s because you haven’t seen her in a long time. Incheon isn’t  _that_ far away Jaehyun.”

 

“Then how am I supposed to talk to her?”

 

“Go see her?”

 

They were bickering all the way to the car, where Jaehyun’s dad sat waiting. The older man looked bored as he scrolled through his phone, no doubt looking at FC Seoul stats.

 

“How’s the team doing”, Jaehyun asked as he got in the car.

 

“Fantastic as per usual. They’ll need to step their game up for the next match.” Jaehyun nodded but didn’t say much else. The conversations usually ended like that anyway.

 

Jaehyun and Jinsun never really had much in common outside of sports and looks. While Jaehyun felt more emotions and tended to be outspoken when need be, his father was more stoic and remained quiet. Jaehyun was sometimes shy, his father never had problems with talking to people. He truly loved and cared for his dad, they just didn’t have a very close-knit relationship like other guys his age had with their fathers.

 

The ride home was silent, giving Jaehyun plenty of time to be alone with his thoughts. For the past few days, Donghyuck has been awol. Whenever Jaehyun would try and talk to him, the conversations would be brief or Hyuck would always say that he was tired. Jaehyun wasn’t mad or upset that Hyuck was feeling a little under the weather, but a part of him couldn’t help but feel anxious. He hoped that Hyuck didn’t change his mind and decided to stay with Hanjae. He also didn’t want to become one of those people that constantly checked in and annoyed their partners either. It was all just a giant, complicated situation. Jaehyun pulled out his phone and opened his messages, hoping that he could get Yeri to respond.

 

To Demon Child: _Hey, is everything alright with Hyuck? He’s been acting strange lately._

 

He waited about ten minutes before he got a reply and frowned at the answer delivered to him.

 

From Demon Child: _No that I know of. Did he tell you anything?_

 

To Demon Child: _No but I’m worried about him._

 

From Demon Child: _It’s probably stress from school Jaehyun. He already broke up with Hanjae so that isn’t an issue anymore. Just give him some time_

 

Jaehyun knew he shouldn’t be worried, but something was off. He didn’t know what it was but he would do his best to find out.

 

~•~

 

“Goodbye, Mr. Donghyuck! Thank you for today’s lesson”, a little boy yelled cheerfully as he left the dance studio with his mother. Hyuck waved back, smiling fondly at him.

 

“Thank you for coming! I’ll see you next Wednesday!” The doors closed and he busied himself with going through a routine on his own. This was one of the few spaces Hyuck had to clear his head. It was sacred and he felt safe.

 

The dance required two people but the only other person that knew all the steps was Jeno. Hyuck always did it alone and didn’t bother to show anyone else. It was one of the few things he had left of the boy from years ago. He was more than in love with Jaehyun but he did miss Jeno from time to time.

 

Hyuck spun around, moves smooth and graceful. His lines were clean and he managed to make it look effortless. He was so wrapped up in his little world that the sound of someone clapping startled him. Hyuck stopped and turned in the direction of the doorway where Hanjae stood, silently watching him.

 

“Jesus Christ, you scared me. What are you doing here”, Hyuck asked, clutching his chest to calm himself down.

 

“Is it wrong to come to visit you”, Hanjae asked, walking towards Hyuck.

 

“Actually, it is. I rather you didn’t.”

 

“That’s a shame.”

 

“Look, what do you want Hanjae?” Hanjae stopped and stood directly in front of Hyuck, encroaching his personal space. The way he looked down at him made Hyuck uncomfortable and he quickly glanced away, wrapping his arms around his body.

 

“I came to see if you thought about what I said. Surely you’ve made a decision by now.”

 

“You can’t expect me to do that. I love Jaehyun and I love teaching. I refuse to let you take them away from me.”

 

“You don’t really have a choice sweetheart.” He pushed Hyuck against the mirror of the studio, holding his waist to trap him between the glass and his body.

 

“What are you doing you asshole?”

 

“It’s a shame that Jung Jaehyun managed to snag such a feisty little thing like you. He’s a little boring don’t you think?”

 

“There’s nothing boring about Jaehyun. You need to leave him out of this when you don’t know anything about him.”

 

“I do know that he has excellent taste.” Hanjae’s hands slid down and he roughly grabbed Hyuck’s bottom, earning a headbutt to the nose. He let out a pained groan and held his hand against his face, giving Hyuck an opportunity to distance himself.

 

“Don’t you ever, ever grab me like that again.”

 

“Fuck”, Hanjae said as he removed his hand, seeing the blood on his palm. He glared at Hyuck before wiping the blood away with his shirt.

 

“You stupid son of a bi-”

 

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. My mother was everything but a bitch. Yours, on the other hand, she’s a real piece of work.”

 

“You’re getting bold Donghyuck”, the older man chuckled. “I like when my conquests have a little fight in them. Makes things more fun in bed.”

 

“I’ll be damned if I have sex with you.” Hyuck quickly sprinted to grab his things from the other side of the room, praying Hanjae wouldn’t follow him.

 

“You never know. I’d probably fuck you better than that moody ex of yours.” Hyuck whirled around, fire burning in his eyes.

 

“You’re a sick, twisted bastard and I need you to leave me alone! I’m not staying with you!” Hyuck ran out of the room, desperately trying to block out Hanjae’s voice but he couldn’t.

 

“Don’t forget; your entire career is in my hands beautiful!”

 

Hyuck didn’t stop running until he was out of the building and down the street from the studio. He didn’t realize he was crying until the cool December air hit his cheeks, making his skin burn from the contact the wind made with his wet skin. He pulled out his phone to call Johnny or Jaehyun but stopped. He didn’t want to drag them into his mess. Johnny was a force to be reckoned with when it came to his little cousin and Hyuck didn’t know what he’d do if he got his hands on Hanjae. Jaehyun would be equally volatile and Hyuck wanted to protect him from this. He didn’t want Jaehyun worrying about him.

 

He felt so used and disgusting and Hanjae didn’t even have to do much. He didn’t want to lose Jaehyun, but he didn’t want to lose something he’s worked so hard on for years. He wanted to have both Jaehyun and a career as a teacher, but with Hanjae hanging the choices over his head, he couldn’t help but feel helpless and confused. Hyuck leaned against the wall of a brick building, needing something to stabilize his body.

 

“Dear God, what am I going to do?”

 

☀️🌹

 

“Now, point out where the Sartorius is”, Jaemin said, gesturing to the chart on the table.

 

“Um, shit. Is it right here”, Yeri asked, pointing at an area near the armpit.

 

“No, that’s the Latissimus Dorsi”, Renjun said as he bit into an apple.

 

“That’s it. I’m going to fail this final exam.”

 

“You’ll be fine once you get the muscular system down Yerim.”

 

“I suck at this. I’m going to be working with blood; why the hell do I need to care about the muscles?” Yeri fell onto Jaemin’s shoulder, sighing as he patted the top of her head.

 

“It all goes hand in hand Yeri. You gotta pass this class if you want to work in Dr. Ji’s lab next semester.” Renjun reached over and rubbed her hand. “It’ll all work out.”

 

“Anatomy is stupid and pointless”, Mark said, entering the living room from the kitchen. He had an armful of snacks and drinks, ready to eat his way through this study session.

 

“Says the music major”, Yeri retorted. “You don’t have to learn this shit, all you need to do is stare at sheet music all day.”

 

“I will have you know that music theory is not easy at all. And besides, Renjun doesn’t need it either.”

 

“I had to take a life drawing class Mark. We were _forced_ to learn this stuff.”

 

“I should’ve just declared myself as a comm major. That would’ve been less torture. Biochemics is for the birds.”

 

“Say”, Mark began as he opened a bag of chips. “Do you guys know where Hyuck is? He was supposed to be here 30 minutes ago.”

 

“I don’t know, he didn’t come home last night. I tried calling him but I figured he was at Johnny’s place or something.”

 

“He’s probably with Jaehyun”, Renjun said under his breath. Mark rolled his eyes and ate a few of his chips.

 

“Guys…”

 

“No Yeri, don’t defend him. I’m still not okay with the fact that Hyuck stupidly had sex with him. The guy lied to him after Hyuck gave him chance after chance. He hurt my best friend and I’m supposed to be okay with that”, Mark snapped.

 

“Jaehyun has been working hard to be better and you guys constantly shit on him. Hyuck isn’t even happy with Hanjae but ‘it’s okay as long as it isn’t with Jaehyun’ right? Get out of here with the selective bullshit Mark.” Yeri got in Mark’s face and Jaemin had to hold her back from hitting the younger man.

 

“Since when were the two of you so buddy-buddy?”

 

“Since I realized that holding a grudge was pointless and that I needed to move on with my life. Hyuck is already over it and it’s about time you guys get over it too.” Their argument was interrupted by Hyuck walking in the door. He looked exhausted and his eyes looked puffy.

 

“Where have you been Hyuck”, Yeri asked, jumping up to hug him.

 

“I stayed at my cousin’s place last night. Sorry I didn’t tell you.”

 

“It’s okay, I’m just glad you’re not dead. Did you stay at Johnny’s?”

 

“No, Taeil.”

 

“Oh, how is he?”

 

“He’s fine. We visited my parents today so that was nice.” Hyuck smiled sadly at Yeri and gradually began to move to his room.

“I’m going to go lay down if that’s okay. Sorry I can’t study today.”

 

“Hyuck, are you alright”, Renjun asked, worry laced on his face.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“You don’t look fine”, Jaemin said seriously.

 

“Really guys, I’m okay. I just need some sleep.” Yeri gave him a skeptical look but nodded.

 

“Just know that I’m waking you up to eat dinner later on.”

 

“That’s fine. I appreciate it.” Hyuck disappeared into his room and Yeri turned around, face mirroring the worried expressions of her friends.

 

“He’s definitely not okay”, Jaemin said.

 

“I know that but I can’t force it out of him”, Yeri replied.

 

“Isn’t he going to therapy”, Mark asked.

 

“It takes some people a while to get fully acclimated to therapy. Hyuck’s first few sessions might’ve been good but it’s possible that he’s relapsing in something that he’s dealing with internally. The best thing we can do is be there for him.” Yeri sat on the couch and leaned into Jaemin, saddened. Part of her felt that Jaehyun was probably right. Hyuck definitely is dealing with something else and she was going to figure it out. One way or another.

 

~•~

 

Hyuck laid on his bed, thankful that Cocoa was too tired to play. He could hear his friends outside his door, worrying about him, and cursed himself for not being more inconspicuous with his emotions. He’d try harder to hide how he was feeling, just so they didn’t feel obligated to bother him with constant questions asking if he was alright.

 

He wasn’t. He wasn’t okay at all. His stomach churned with guilt, knowing he messed up completely. He made a plan, thought about it for hours, before making a final decision. He was going to save his relationship and his future. Hanjae might be more affluent, more connected than Hyuck, but Hyuck would be damned if Hanjae took any more of his happiness away.

 

If he wanted to get rid of him, he’d just have to play along beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Jaehyun finally telling Seulgi about the situation with Hyuck and as you can see, it's no for her. Jaehyun, of course, is adamant about his decision and doesn't really see the consequence in it (keep in mind, he still isn't aware of what took place between Hyuck and Hanjae) so he is under the impression that everything is fine.  
> -I just wanted to add some cuteness between Jaehyun and Hyuck with the flashback  
> -Haeun and Jaehyun are best mother/son duo. She really brings out the child in Jaehyun, which is something I took from my life because I still act like a huge kid with my parents (even though I'm 22). You can also see that she cares for Jaehyun and sees how important his relationship with Hyuck is to him. The mark that Hyuck left is also with her.  
> -Jaehyun's dad loves him too but in a dad way. I don't know how to explain it. But you have a cherry mom, a kid who's still trying to figure out life (which is normal in your 20s, have no shame about that), and dad who observes and speaks when he needs to. I made him purposely be the opposite of Haeun because Jaehyun balances them out.  
> -FC Seoul is an actual soccer team in South Korea and I tried looking up when their season is. I know they play games around December from what I researched so I'm basing it off of that.  
> -Jaehyun knows something is up with Hyuck but it's going to be a while before he figures out what  
> -Hanjae is an ass but we already knew. Hyuck isn't here for his shit and I wanted him to have a chance to actually fight back. If you've read the first fic in this series you would know that Hyuck has a history of dealing with people who want to physically take advantage of him and he wasn't above stopping them. I wasn't about to let it happen to him now.  
> -If anyone tries to physically harm you in any way (be it sexually or otherwise) do not be afraid to speak up. Talk to someone you trust and get professional and lawful help.  
> -He is struggling and should be telling someone but as we know, he's stubborn and wants to do it on his own.  
> -Yeri and co. are obviously on opposite ends when it involves Jaehyun. One thing's for sure, they are all worried about Hyuck.  
> -There are a few jokes I've put in the study session portion based on conversations and experiences at my college. Comm majors are stereotyped as having "easy" majors, as are people in the fine arts like Renjun and Mark. Yeri making fun of Mark's major is a take on how many STEM majors (at least the few who do this) look down on people who major in Fine Arts and Humanities by proclaiming it as "easy" or "useless". In this context, it is playful and a product of yeri's frustration. I took a life drawing class where we had to learn about and draw the different muscles of the body (hence why Renjun knows about anatomy). I have already stated in past chapters that Jaemin is a nursing major (which is why he knows about anatomy) and Yeri had already been stated to be a Biochemistry major (which does involve a healthy amount of knowledge of the human body).  
> -Taeil is Hyuck's cousin yes! but he will be a cousin from dad's side (to keep it in line with his mom's side being American (hence why Johnny is the maternal cousin). When I said they visited his parents, it is implied that he visited wherever his parents were buried or had their ashes spread. I will not reveal which one it is (as of now).  
> -Hyuck is up to something but what exactly? You'll just have to read and find out.  
> -Leave me the comments and yell at me on twitter


	19. Chapter Eighteen: Never Gonna Let Me Get Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Since when were you in a position to be making demands”, Hanjae asked.
> 
> “Since you and I both want things from each other. You want more power and money I presume. I want out of this relationship.”

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

“I’m coming, I’m coming! Just give me a second”, Hyuck yelled as he ran to the door. He barely missed stepping on Cocoa, who ran to the other side of the room.

 

“Cocoa sweetie, I’m so sorry!” Hyuck collected himself and threw open the door.

 

“What the hell do you...want? Jae, what are you doing here?”

 

Jaehyun stood in the doorway, cold and wet from the rain falling outside. He held a picnic basket close to his body, shielding it from the precipitation. His glasses were falling off of his nose and his ears were as bright pink as his cheeks.

 

“I brought dinner. And I wanted to see you...if that’s okay?”

 

“Jesus Christ Yoonoh, get in here and dry off”, Hyuck said as he ushered Jaehyun inside. The older man quickly removed his wet shoes and Hyuck tossed them on a mat to keep the floor from getting wetter.

 

“I’ll take this. Go find something in my closet to wear.” Jaehyun nodded and retreated into Hyuck’s room.

 

He really wasn’t expecting Jaehyun to show up but it was nice that he did. Hyuck felt awful for avoiding him, especially with everything going on.

 

“The rain outside is atrocious”, Jaehyun said as he stepped into the living room. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a black t-shirt. His hair was still wet and droplets fell from it on the shirt. He still wore his glasses and flashed Hyuck a large, toothy smile.

 

“Yeah, I can tell.” Hyuck looked at the basket he put on the table and pointed at it. “What did you bring me?”

 

“I got you…samgyeopsal with rice, kimchi jjigae, green tea mochi, and the cheapest bottle of wine they had in the store.”

 

“Oh my God I love you”, Hyuck said as he tackled Jaehyun, putting kisses all over his face. “You got all of the stuff I like.”

 

“I know you were feeling a little down lately so I wanted to do something to cheer you up. I know it’s super cheesy and lame but…”

 

“I love when you’re cheesy and lame.” Jaehyun blushed and Hyuck kissed the bright pink tips of his ears. He pulled Jaehyun to the couch, grinning widely.

 

“Let’s eat Valentine.”

 

~•~

 

_The construction of the main infrastructure had begun and Hyuck sighed deeply at the sight of it. He wasn’t entirely sure where he was going, he was mostly winging it at this point._

 

_He poor coat didn’t do much to keep him warm, not today at least. The air was exceptionally cold for this time of the year and that was saying a lot. However, he was grateful that the makeup he painstakingly put on still looked nice._

 

_“Sir, you can’t be here,'' a man said. He took off his protective goggles and inspected Hyuck, raising an eyebrow in confusion at how neatly dressed he was walking through a construction zone._

 

_“Oh, I was just looking for someone.”_

 

_“Yeah? Who?”_

 

_“Um, Park Hanjae. I uh...I’m his boyfriend.” Hyuck smiled at the end, hoping the guy would let him continue his mission._

 

_“Right, well, Mr. Park is busy right now but I can take a message for you.”_

 

_“It’s kind of urgent so if you could just show me where his office or whatever is…”_

 

_“Look, kid, I can’t let you roam around here without clearance. If something happens to you that’s my ass”, the man said. He was clearly annoyed by the fact that Hyuck was still there._

 

_“And if you don’t let me find him I’m kicking your ass”, Hyuck replied snappily._

 

_“What’s going on here Mr. Woo”, Hanjae asked. His voice was serious and Hyuck couldn’t see his face from this angle but he just knew the older man was mad._

 

_“This kid is asking for you. Said he’s your boyfriend or something.” The man pointed at Hyuck, who turned around to regard Hanjae. Hanjae looked surprised to see Hyuck but quickly changed his expression to a pleasant one._

 

_“Donghyuck sweetheart, what are you doing here”, he asked. His voice was too sticky, too sweet, and it made Hyuck sick listening to him._

 

_“I just came to visit. We have much to talk about.”_

 

_“Of course. I’ll be taking him off your hands, Mr. Woo.” Hyuck stuck his tongue out at the man as Hanjae began to lead him away from the site to a series of trailers set up for office work._

 

_“Do you need anything? Water, something to eat, a spanking perhaps”, Hanjae asked as he sat down in his chair. He didn’t hide the way he was staring at Hyuck’s long, jean covered legs._

 

_“Cut the crap Hanjae, you know exactly what I’m here for.”_

 

_“You know I’m only trying to be nice Donghyuck.”_

 

_“Save it. I’m here to cut a deal, not play nice with you.” Hanjae’s lips tightened and he nodded before gesturing to the seat across from his desk._

 

_“Fair enough. Let’s get down to business, shall we?”_

 

~•~

 

“I’m so full”, Jaehyun said as he tossed the mochi box bedside the almost empty wine bottle on the coffee table. Hyuck nodded and snuggled closer to him, rubbing his stomach. Cocoa sat at Jaehyun’s feet, chewing on her squeaky ball.

 

“No one told you to eat that much now did they?”

 

“Well, you didn’t exactly stop me either.”

 

“I love watching you eat. You look so cute with a mouthful of food.”

 

“You must really love me because Mom says that I look a mess when I’m eating.”

 

Hyuck smiled at Jaehyun and reached his hand up to hold his cheek. Jaehyun leaned into the touch, slightly turning his head to kiss the palm of Hyuck’s hand.

 

“I do love you. So much.”

 

“I love you too Hyuck.”

 

“I know. I’m glad that things aren’t awkward between us because now we can use the time to really focus on rebuilding. I’ve talked to Irene and she said that we should spend the next few months getting reacquainted with each other. Of course, that probably means no sex but it’ll benefit us in the long run and…”

 

“I’m sorry; did you say 'next few months'?” Hyuck’s eyebrow rose in confusion.

 

“Yes? Is that a problem?” Jaehyun stared at Hyuck, who patiently waited to hear his answer. Now wasn’t the time. He wanted to do this the right way and on Hyuck’s couch wasn’t the place to do it.

 

“Not at all. Just wanted to make sure I heard you correctly.”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“Seriously Hyuck, it’s nothing.” He started kissing Hyuck’s cheeks, making the younger man scrunch his nose.

 

“You have kimchi after breath.”

 

“And you’ll still kiss me regardless.” Jaehyun pulled Hyuck in his lap, still kissing his face before giving him a real one.

 

“Disgusting. You’re so gross Jung Jaehyun.”

 

“Love you too babe.”

 

Jaehyun abruptly stood up, making Hyuck shriek, and began carrying him to his room, still kissing his cheeks.

 

“Damn it Jaehyun, I hate being off of the ground!”

 

~•~

 

_“I’ll take you up on your offer”, Hyuck began. “However, there are a few changes I’d like to make.”_

 

_“Since when were you in a position to be making changes”, Hanjae asked._

 

_“Since you and I both want things from each other. You want more power and money I presume. I want out of this relationship.”_

 

_“You know, that’s one of the things I like about you Donghyuck. You’re intelligent, observant.” Hanjae put his feet on the desk and leaned back in his chair. “What do you request from me?”_

 

_“I’ll be your trophy boyfriend, but only until you close a major deal. After that, you leave me and Jaehyun alone.”_

 

_“Fair. I’ll accept that.”_

 

_“And, I want you to give Jaehyun his job back.” Hanjae sat up in his seat and frowned at Hyuck._

 

_“You know I can’t…”_

 

_“Yes, you can. Give Jaehyun his position back on this project. I don’t even care about having a career in the future, I’ll make a way. Just...give Jaehyun’s back. He’s worked too hard.”_

 

_“You’d really give up everything for him? Admirable. Stupid, but admirable.” Hanjae clapped his hands and rubbed them together. “Well, I suppose I can do that. Is there anything else you need?”_

 

_“Yes, I do actually.” Hyuck stood up and walked to Hanjae’s side, bending over until he was level with the older man’s face._

 

_“If you ever, ever lay a hand on me again and I didn’t consent to it, I won’t hesitate to cut your dick and your hands off with a pocket knife. Do I make myself clear?”_

 

_“You’re so feisty”, Hanjae replied with a smirk on his face._

 

_“Don’t push me Park Hanjae.”_

 

_“Fine, fine. I won’t touch you. It's a shame though, not being able to when I’m around such a beautifully made individual.”_

 

_“Keep your comments to yourself while you’re at it. It’s disgusting.”_

 

_Hyuck moved and walked towards the door, fully aware that Hanjae was staring at him from behind but not caring in the slightest. He refused to continue entertaining that man._

 

~•~

  


Jaehyun was content with listening to the sound of Hyuck’s light snoring. The younger man had long since fallen asleep, curly hair tousled and body covered in light reds and purples made from Jaehyun’s mouth. He’ll be mad at Jaehyun in the morning for leaving marks on his neck and Jaehyun would just laugh, tell Hyuck how much he loved him, and help him cover them up before he goes to class.

 

There was still much to talk about concerning their relationship and Hyuck was right about not having sex or doing anything, for a while. Or, at least until they’ve really figured everything out. Jaehyun was serious about making it work this time around and he’d give up anything to make it happen. For the most part anyway.

 

He was nervous about having to tell Hyuck about his plans for America. So nervous that he pushed it back until his mother’s birthday. He’d pull Hyuck to the side, have a nice bouquet of sunflowers ready for him, and give him the news. He was also planning on bringing their necklaces, promising that they’ll make it work while he was gone. Yugyeom thought it was a little middle school for Jaehyun but Jaehyun thought it was perfect.

 

Everything would work out for both of them.

 

☀️🌹

 

“Now, you can go with the traditional white wedding cake, a coconut creme cake, white almond, champagne with buttercream, ginger spice, coffee-cream, or our other cake flavors and varieties!” The cute girl showing off the different wedding cakes was peppy and had a bright smile on her face as she shoved a book in front of Taeyong to look through.

 

Taeyong and Johnny were taken aback by the sheer amount of cakes and cake flavors to choose from. Their eyes were wide as they scanned the look book, earning loud cackles from Hyuck as he took pictures of them.

 

“Guys, just choose five that you think sounds good.”

 

“There has to be at least one hundred to choose from”, Taeyong exclaimed. “It’s kind of hard to choose just five.”

 

“It can’t be that hard”, Hyuck replied, scoffing.

 

“I’ll remember that for when you get married”, Johnny said, turning a page.

 

“That’s _if_ I get married and honestly, don’t you guys think it’s a little early to be doing this?”

 

“I tried to tell him that.”

 

“I have to have everything in order beforehand”, Taeyong said defensively. I don’t have a lot of time outside of work for this.”

 

“I’m sure saving animals is more important than this Tae.”

 

“Don’t start with me Youngho.”

 

“I wasn’t starting anything!”

 

Hyuck rolled his eyes and began walking around the shop. He didn’t want to be around for Johnny and Taeyong’s bickering. Johnny always lost the argument anyway. He looked at all of the display cakes, in awe of how intricate and delicious they looked. He wasn’t entirely sure of what kind of wedding he wanted to have, but he wanted it to be something special.

 

“Are you looking at in anything in particular too”, the girl said, startling Hyuck a little.

 

“No, I’m uh, I’m not getting married anytime soon…”

 

“It doesn’t hurt to start imagining now,'' she said, leading him to the other side of the store. Hyuck could hear Johnny arguing over whether coconut would be an appropriate fall flavor or not.

 

“We don’t have many cakes out now but here are a few you can actually try, just to get an idea of some things you’d like.” She set out a few paper plates and forks for Hyuck, cutting off small slices from each cake for him to try. He hesitantly took a bite out of the first one and immediately fell in love.

 

“What is this one”, he asked.

 

“That is our Rose and Honey cake. We made it using fresh honey and Pink Moscato. It’s sweet with a bit of a tart to it from the raspberries in the Moscato. The drink used hosts a variety of red fruit flavors from pomegranates to cherries to raspberries. It is also what gives the cake its rose coloring hence, the Rose and Honey cake.”

 

“Rose and Honey huh?” The girl nodded her head, watching as he took another bite out of the cake.

 

Jaehyun would probably like this one day.

  


~•~

 

“You still haven’t told him!”

 

“No, I haven’t and keep it down. You can’t just yell everything in public Yeri.”

 

“Like hell, I can’t.”

 

Jaehyun sighed and shook his head, ignoring the glare that Yeri was giving him from across the table. He prayed that the server would bring their pizza out soon because a hungry Yeri was a scary Yeri.

 

“Look, I’m going tell him the night of my mom’s birthday okay? The setup will already look nice, I’ll make it romantic…”

 

“There’s nothing romantic about telling your boyfriend that you’re leaving the country for six months Jaehyun. No matter how you wrap it up, Hyuck is still going to be upset. He just got you back.”

 

“How do you think I feel? I just got him back too Yeri.”

 

“Isn’t there anything else you can do here? Or at least in China or Japan? Something?”

 

“The US offer is my best one. Having western connections would be good for me. It’s going to be rough on us but…”

 

“If you do leave, maybe starting a relationship isn’t the best for you guys.” Jaehyun frowned and straightened up in his seat.  

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Jaehyun, you guys don’t have a firm foundation set for when you go. Who’s to say that you or Hyuck won’t find someone else during that time? And no, I mean Hyuck truly finding someone that isn’t an asshole or a dumbass?” Yeri paused and rested her head on her palm. “Who’s to say you won’t find someone else in America?”

 

“I won-”

 

“Don’t say you won’t because we don’t know for sure. What if you and Hyuck do start a relationship now? Say you leave and you think everything is fine but then you fall in love with someone else? Or vice versa? Then what will you do?”

 

Jaehyun swallowed hard and looked away from Yeri. He never thought about that at all. He didn’t want to leave and break Hyuck’s heart but then there was the possibility of having his heart broken and it was too much to think about.

 

“I want you to be happy and chase your dreams just as much as I want Hyuck to chase his. But you have to be realistic. Something’s gotta give.”

 

The sound of Jaehyun’s phone ringing brought him relief and he quickly answered it to avoid continuing this conversation with Yeri.

 

“Hello?”

 

_“Hello, is this Jaehyun?”_

 

“Uh, yes it is? May I ask who’s calling?” Yeri gestured to the phone, silently asking who it was. Jaehyun just shrugged.

 

_“It’s Hanjae, Jaehyun.”_

 

“What the hell do you want? Don’t call my phone you-”

 

_“Calm down Jung, I’m here to strike you a deal.”_

 

“I’m not picking up what you’re putting down.”

 

_“I’m offering your position back. Plus, you get to have increased pay and full control over your area of the project.”_

 

Jaehyun pulled his phone away from his ear and looked at it before bringing it back.

 

“I’m sorry, say that again?”

 

_“Jesus Christ, I’m giving you your job back. Please keep up.”_

 

“What brought that on”, Jaehyun asked hesitantly.

 

_“A colleague of mine saw your potential and persuaded me to give you another chance. He was very...persistent.”_

 

“Who even…”

 

 _“Don’t worry about that. Just know that you have two weeks to decide.”_ Hanjae ended the call after that. No goodbyes. Absolutely nothing but silence.

 

“Who was that”, Yeri asked.

 

“Hanjae.”

 

“What the hell does he want?”

 

“He wants...he’s offering me to take my old job back.”

 

“Really? That just smells like trouble to me. And the timing? Too perfect.”

 

“I guess. I don’t know, maybe since he’s not with Hyuck anymore it wouldn’t make sense to keep me fired?”

 

“Hmmm....well, what’re you going to do? You can't take your old job and a new one in America.”

 

“That’s the thing. I don’t know.”

 

~•~

  


“It’s been done”, Hanjae said, typing away at his computer.

 

_“Good, good. Thank you.”_

 

“Uh huh.”

 

_“Do you have me on speaker?”_

 

“Yes, I still have work to do Donghyuck and you aren’t a priority.” Hanjae turned to the phone and spoke down at it. “I’ve upheld my end of the deal and I need you to follow through with yours.” He listened as Hyuck sighed deeply.

 

“Fine. Where am I supposed to meet you?”

 

“Le Meridien. This Friday at eight.”

 

_“Le Meridien? But that’s where Haeun is…”_

 

“Yes well, dear Mrs. Jung and I apparently have a few shared friends. I’d love to celebrate her birthday with you.”

 

_“You asshole! Of all of the events to choose...”_

 

“Look Donghyuck, you wanted Jaehyun to have his job back? He will. You want me to leave you alone after I close a deal? I will.”

 

_“But you knew Jaehyun would be there!”_

 

“I can see you pay attention in class but yes. I won’t argue with you on this anymore Donghyuck. Please be ready at seven-thirty and try to look your absolute best.” He didn’t wait to hear Hyuck’s reply, immediately ending the call after his final statement.

 

It’s not like he totally lied. He upheld his end of the bargain. But Hanjae wasn’t about to let Lee Donghyuck go that easy.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -This chapter is broken up between Hyuck and Jae cuteness and Hyuck getting down to business. I did this because I wanted to show the "double life" he's kind of living if that makes sense. He's being Jaehyun's doting boyfriend and getting rid of Hanjae at the same time.  
> -And sweet Jaehyun, he just loves Hyuck so much and wants to take care of him  
> -Cue Hanjae being a gross asshat  
> -Jaehyun still needs to tell Hyuck that he's yeeting himself out of the country  
> -JohnYong wedding mess because I needed to bring that back. I also wanted to show that Hyuck still has those dreams he's wanted for him and Jaehyun (and is also a little egg for Hyuck's fic).  
> -Yeri once again being a voice of reason for Jaehyun. He knows she's right but he's not listening to her.  
> -They also have every right to be skeptical of Hanjae.  
> -Keep in mind, Jaehyun has no idea that Hyuck went to Hanjae so as far as he knows, they broke up and that was the end of that.   
> -Hanjae, once again, is a giant asshole. 10/10 should not like his personality at all. Of course, he was going to screw Hyuck over. And at Haeun's birthday party much less. This means more drama for Jaehyuck.  
> -While this chapter is fairly short, the next two will be a little longer (looking at 13-16 pages typed for each).  
> -There are a few more chapters to go before this story ends and another begins. We're almost done, kids!  
> -Leave a comment. Or two.


	20. Chapter Nineteen:  I'm Usually Better Than This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t want to think about the lengths he’d have to go to make sure Jaehyun didn’t find out. He didn’t want to think about how crushed the man would be if he did.

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

  


“How does this tie look?”

 

“Probably go for the blue one.”

 

Jaehyun immediately took off the black tie in exchange for a navy blue one. His father looked him over, nodding, before waving him off.

 

“Okay, go try on the next outfit.”

 

“How many did you choose”, Jaehyun asked as he stepped inside the dressing room. His father began to pace around the mirror room, deep in thought.

 

“Your mother wanted you to try on at least ten.” Jaehyun stuck his head out, shirtless with a green tie wrapped around his neck.

 

“Ten?”

 

“Ten. She said to make you try on ten but I’m choosing because we both know you’d just wear all black if you had a choice.”

 

“Fair.”

 

“You know, your mother’s really excited about this waltzing thing.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“Because?”

 

“The number of times I’ve stepped on Hyuck’s feet practicing should be enough to deter Mom from dancing with me.”

 

“It can’t be that bad.” Jinsun paused when Jaehyun stepped out of the dressing room.

 

“Oh no, it’s that bad.”

 

“You’re being overdramatic Yoonoh.” Jinsun began fixing Jaehyun’s tie and dusting him off. “Say, how are things going with Donghyuck?”

 

“They’re going”, Jaehyun replied.

 

“Just going?”

 

“Well I mean, I haven’t told him about America yet.”

 

“Jaehyun…”

 

“I know, I know. I need to but I’m scared Dad. Everything is complicated between us and I’m scared we aren’t going to make it.” Jaehyun’s eyes were wide and sad, making the older man frown. The two looked every bit alike except for the eyes. Jaehyun had Haeun’s expressive eyes and at this moment, Jinsun couldn’t help but react to the sadness in them.

 

“Remember when we went to America years ago?” Jaehyun shook his head and watched as his father fixed the lapels of his suit jacket. “Well, your mother and I used to fight about it all the time.”

 

“But I never saw…”

 

“We were good at hiding it from you. She was upset that I moved us to another country and put you into a school where you barely knew the language. Thankfully you were able to make good friends who helped you during our time there but, she was very worried about how you’d adapt. It put a big strain on our marriage.”

 

That genuinely surprised Jaehyun. His parents never fought. Naturally, they had disagreements as most couples do but never anything to the point of damaging their relationship.

 

“During that time, all I could think about was how much easier everything would’ve been if I told your mother about the move ahead of time.”

 

“How long did it take you to tell her?”

 

“Let’s see; I found out about the lecture hall position in February of that year. After your birthday to be exact. And since we moved at the beginning of August…”

 

“You waited almost a full six months to tell Mom”, Jaehyun exclaimed. Jinsun raised his eyebrow at the younger man.

 

“Yes, I did. I told her a week before we left and she didn’t sleep in the same bed as me for almost the same amount of time. To say she was pissed was an understatement.”

 

“Is waiting until the last minute a genetic thing or something?”

 

“I wouldn’t be surprised but I’m a lawyer, not a biologist.” He stepped away from Jaehyun and gave him a once over, circling his finger to have him turn around. “The point I’m getting at is that you and Donghyuck will make it through this, just like your mother and I did. I know it’s not the same situation but you’re resilient Jaehyun. I can see you’ve been fighting a lot of internal struggles and I’m sorry I wasn’t understanding of that.”

 

“It’s fine.”

 

“No, it’s not. I want to do right by you son.” Jaehyun turned around and pulled his father into a hug, borderline crushing the older man’s bones.

 

“Alright, alright. Let me go before you crush my bones. I’m not as young as I used to be and neither are you.”

 

“Sorry”, Jaehyun replied sheepishly. He looked at himself in the mirror and gave a hesitant thumbs up. “Is this okay?”

 

“You look nice. Haeun will be happy.”

 

“And you?”

 

“I’m content. The thing I most want from you is to tell Donghyuck as soon as possible. Understand?”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“Good. Now hurry up and get dressed. They’re showing reruns of _Boys Over Flowers_ later on.”

 

~•~

 

“The color is going to be pink but after a few washes it’ll fade to strawberry blonde”, Taeyong said as he put the shower cap on Hyuck’s head. The younger man nodded and made sure his phone was charged, already dreading the wait time for the dye to take.

 

“Why pink?” Hyuck shrugged, tapping away at his phone.

 

“I was tired of the grey.”

 

“Fair enough. Do you have an outfit picked out for Friday?”

 

“No, and I honestly don’t want to think about it right now.”

 

He didn’t want to think about having to pretend he actually liked Hanjae for more than an hour. He didn’t want to think about the lengths he’d have to go to make sure Jaehyun didn’t find out. He didn’t want to think about how crushed the man would be if he did.

 

“Do you at least know what Jaehyun is wearing so you can coordinate?”

 

“Um, Jaehyun and I aren’t coordinating. We’re just kind of doing our own thing.” Hyuck continued looking at his phone. His tone of voice bothered Taeyong and the older man would be damned if he let it slide by.

 

“Donghyuck, are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

 

“You’ve been acting weird lately. Johnny and I have both noticed it and honestly, if something is happening I want you to be able to tell us.”

 

“No offense Tae but you and Youngho aren’t my parents.”

 

Taeyong was taken aback by Hyuck’s snappy reply. In all of the years that he’s known Hyuck, the younger man never talked to him like that. Most people Taeyong’s age would stress that Hyuck was being disrespectful and to some degree he was, but Taeyong wasn’t going to use his older age against him.

 

“I’m sorry if I was overstepping. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Taeyong wrung his hands together and tried not to look at Hyuck. “I know Johnny and I aren’t married yet, but you’re still my family Hyuck. I hope you know I’ll always be here for you.”

 

Hyuck bit his lip, feeling guilty for the sad tone in Taeyong’s voice. He knew Taeyong would be there for him, just like Johnny and Jaehyun and everyone else has.

 

“I know. I’m sorry Tae.”

 

“It’s fine. I know you didn’t mean it.”

 

They both knew it wasn’t fine.

 

~•~

 

_“Talk to me Hyuck.”_

 

_“About what?”_

 

_“Whatever’s going on. I know something’s up; you’ve been distant lately.”_

 

_Jaehyun was propped on his side, looking down at the younger man. Hyuck had his hand covering his eyes, still trying to even out his breathing as he came down from his high. Jaehyun patiently waited for an answer, hoping Hyuck wasn’t too tired._

 

_“If this is what you consider pillow talk then I’m not about it Jaehyun.”_

 

_“No, this is me being observant of my boyfriend’s odd behavior.” He didn’t miss the way Hyuck blushed when he called him ‘his boyfriend’ and almost let the conversation go. Almost._

 

_“Can we do this another time? I’m very tired now and I have class in the morning.”_

 

_“Hyuck, you say that every time something’s wrong. If we’re going to make this work, we need to be open about our problems. I’m not going through this again.” Hyuck removed his hand and frowned at Jaehyun, lips in a slight pout._

 

_“That’s so rich coming from you. I spent the better part of all summer preaching that to you and now you listen?”_

 

_“We left that behind us and you know what? I should’ve listened. But this is now and I want to be there for you the same way I want you to be there for me.”_

 

_“Yoonoh…”_

 

_“Please Hyuck. Please don’t be afraid to talk to me.”_

 

_“I’m scared. I’m scared of what Hanjae could do.”_

 

_“Is this because you broke up with him?” Hyuck didn’t have the heart to tell Jaehyun that he didn’t completely break things off. That it was only temporary and that he was doing it for them._

 

_“Hyuck, you shouldn’t be afraid of him.”_

 

_“You don’t know him like I do. He’s manipulative and mean and…”_

 

_Jaehyun wrapped his arms around Hyuck, hoping that it would stop him from breaking down. He didn’t need to explain himself to Jaehyun, he already knew. Hanjae was a terrible person, a bully if they were putting it lightly, but Jaehyun wasn’t about to let that scare them._

 

_“You have nothing to worry about anymore. We’re fine, we’ll be okay, and we have each other. I won’t let him hurt you anymore.”_

 

_It was admirable that Jaehyun would still do anything to protect Hyuck but in this situation, there was nothing he could do. The saddest part of it all was that Jaehyun didn’t know._

 

~•~

  


“Of all of the colors to choose and you went with pink?”

 

“Why do you insist on showing up here? I didn’t send for you.”

 

“Yes, but you also didn’t explicitly state that you didn’t want me showing up either.”

 

Hyuck glared at Hanjae from his place on the floor. He was in the process or removing his ballet slippers when the older man arrived with what looked like a garment bag.

 

“What is that”, Hyuck asked.

 

“This is what you’ll be wearing to Haeun’s birthday party.”

 

“I’m sorry but last time I checked I was 20, not two. I’m capable of choosing my own outfits.”

 

“Which I’m fully aware of but I need you to look your absolute best and while you have a good sense of style, you need to look more…”

 

“More?”

 

“Expensive.”

 

“I’m a college student, not an escort.”

 

“Yes because most escorts would actually have sex with their client.”

 

“Unfortunately for me, I’m not being paid and sadly for you, you’re not getting in my pants.”

 

“It is highly unfortunate.” Hyuck stood up from the floor and held his arm out to take the garment bag.

 

“Go try it on. I want to see if there’s anything we need to take in.”

 

Hyuck rolled his eyes and went to the locker room to change clothes. Usually, the place would be swarming with children trying their best to put on leotards or tutus but it was one of those days where the studio stayed closed for the instructors’ sake. He opened the bag to reveal an, admittedly nice outfit.

 

He was left with a shiny, silky, silver dress shirt paired with a white suit jacket and black dress pants. He made sure to be very cautious when putting on the white suit jacket, loving the feel of the material on his skin. When he was finished, he hesitantly walked out of the locker room and into the practice studio where Hanjae stood, typing away on his phone. He looked up and saw Hyuck awkwardly playing with the hem of his jacket and waved him over.

 

“I need to see how this fits”, he said. Hyuck stopped in front of him and tried to imagine that it was Jaehyun looking him over instead of Hanjae. The older man occasionally gave out a few pleased hums, tugged a little on certain areas, before stepping away.

 

“You’ll have to get it hemmed, maybe an inch or two. I’ll have to have them measure you to take in the waist and shoulders…”

 

“I can just eat a lot more”, Hyuck quickly said. He didn’t want any strangers touching him, not when they were people Hanjae knew. Besides, he could always get Jaemin to do it; he was good at sewing stuff.

 

“I mean, you could but…”

 

“No, really, I can. Besides, I don't like when my clothes fit tight.” He knew that was a terrible lie and he preferred more fitted dress bottoms but he wasn’t about to tell Hanjae that.

 

“If you insist. At least you’ll look decent. I can’t say the same for your hair.”

 

“It’ll fade to a strawberry blonde, chill out.”

 

“Now _that_ is something I look forward to seeing.” Hanjae turned to leave, stopping only to point up and down Hyuck’s body.

 

“Make sure to put that away as soon as possible. Have the outfit pressed again the day of; don’t put it on until at least an hour beforehand. Get your eyebrows shaped up, a facial, a do wear makeup. You don’t have to straighten your hair. I think it’ll look just fine the way it is.”

 

“I wasn’t planning on straightening it”, Hyuck muttered under his breath when Hanjae finally turned back around.

 

“Do take care sweet Donghyuck. I’ll see you this Friday.” When the doors to the practice room shut, Hyuck held his head back and let out a scream.

 

This was going to be a long week.

 

~•~

 

What’re you wearing for your mom’s party”, Jihyo asked as she stole a few grapes from Jaehyun’s fruit bowl. He lightly smacked her hand before continuing to eat a pineapple slice.

 

“It’s a surprise. Do you have your outfit picked out?”

 

“Of course. I’ve had my outfit ready for two weeks now. Kookie and Yugyeom still haven’t found one yet.” Jaehyun’s lips formed a tight line and he raised an eyebrow at the two men in question.

 

“Really guys?” Kookie harshly swallowed some mango and held his hands up in defense.

 

“Okay to be fair, we don’t know if there’s a theme…”

 

“There isn’t.”

 

“What the weather is going to be like…”

 

“It’s December Jungkook.”

 

“Climate change exists you know.”

 

“Do you want my dad to find something for both of you?” Kookie and Yugyeom exchanged looks before glancing back at Jaehyun.

 

“Yes”, they replied simultaneously.

 

“Jesus Christ.”

 

“Let’s not use the Lord’s name in vain Yoonoh.”

 

“I’m a Buddhist.”

 

“Then why would yo-”

 

“Hello everyone”, Haeun yelled cheerfully as she walked into the living room, holding several bags. The four of them turned in her direction and waved, Jihyo and Yugyeom being the only ones with the most enthusiasm.

 

“Hi Haeun, how are you”, Jihyo asked, jumping up to give the woman a hug.

 

“I’m doing well. You?”

 

“Wonderful as usual.”

 

“Hi Mrs. Jung”, Yugyeom said, blushing lightly.

 

“Hello Yugyeom”, she said before retreating to her room.

 

“I just want you to know that my mom can tell that you have a crush on her”, Jaehyun began, watching his friend’s eyes follow his mother. “I also want you to know that it’s never going to happen. Not when my parents are still very much happily married.”

 

“Look, your dad only has to mess up one good time…”

 

“And even if he did she still wouldn’t date you Yugyeom”, Kookie replied as he chewed through an apple slice. “This has to be the longest running crush someone has on a friend’s mom. Just give it up man.”

 

“Jaehyun, sweetheart, is everything alright with Donghyuck”, Haeun asked as she walked back into the living area. She had changed into a pair of night pants and a t-shirt, precariously removing her makeup. “I’ve been trying to get in contact with him but he’s not answering.”

 

“Why do you need to get in contact with him?”

 

“That’s not what’s important here Yoonoh.”

 

“He seemed fine the last time I talked to him. We had a minor issue but nothing that warranted not picking up the phone.” His face fell as he watched his mother frown.

 

“Can you check up on him sometime tonight, please? Just to let him know that I’d love to meet up with him for lunch?”

 

“Yeah, of course.” The older woman smiled and left to go back into her room, more than likely getting ready for bed.

 

“I guess we should head out”, Jihyo said, stretching. “Come on Kookie, I want to go home.”

 

“I’m not ready to leave yet.”

 

“Haeun is getting ready for bed and you’re our only ride aside from the bus.”

 

Kookie grumbled but led Jihyo and Yugyeom out as they said their goodnights to Jaehyun. He began to clean up the living room and putting the dirty dishes in the sink to be cleaned the next morning. He pulled out his phone and began texting Hyuck, unconscious to the fact that he was slowly gnawing at the skin of his lips.

 

To🌻: _Mom wants to take you out for lunch one day this week. She’s also worried about you._

 

Jaehyun continued cleaning, only stopping when his phone dinged on the coffee table.

 

From🌻: _I’m so sorry! I’ve been super busy all day and I haven’t had the time to respond. Tell her I would love to go out for lunch._

 

To🌻: _Are you sure you’re ok Hyuck?_

 

From🌻: _I’m fine Yoonoh, really. Go get some rest Valentine._

 

Jaehyun didn’t want to push the matter any longer. It was getting late and he had a seminar to attend in the morning. Whatever was going on with Hyuck would just have to wait in the morning.

 

To🌻: _I will. Goodnight, I love you._

 

From🌻: _I love you too. Goodnight._

 

~•~

 

_“Absolutely not.”_

 

_“Come on, just one.”_

 

_“You are one persistent asshole you know that?”_

 

_“More like a man on a mission.”_

 

_“More like a creep.”_

 

_Jaehyun was internally screaming at himself. The cute guy from the bar wasn’t budging at all. This was Jaehyun’s fifth (sixth? seventh?) attempt at asking him out and it wasn’t working. Jaehyun was literally living a cliche, wanting to take this gorgeous, angelic, person out for a cup of coffee and learn about him. What he likes, what he dislikes, if those curls are real and ‘wow, you have such a cute nose’._

 

_There were two problems he was encountering._

 

_The first one: well, the guy in question wasn’t falling for Jaehyun’s usual charms, something that really confused him. He usually didn’t have an issue with smooth-talking to someone so this was a very, very new experience for him._

 

_The second one: his friend was this biggest cockblocker in the history of the world. The young woman looked like she wanted to kill Jaehyun every time she saw him at this very bar and he looks alone were enough to make him stay away. The few times he did get brave, she gave Jaehyun a few choice words and dragged Cute Guy away._

 

_At this point, he was desperate and made a mental note to apologize to every man and woman he deemed as such. He was really hoping for the best at this point._

 

_“Okay, look, I know you probably think I’m some asshat or something…”_

 

_“Probably?”_

 

_“Just...just give me one chance yeah? One chance to show you that I’m not some asshole. We can have a cup of coffee or something and just, get to know each other.” Jaehyun smiled, hoping Cute Guy would agree._

 

_“You really think you can change my mind?”_

 

_“I have no doubt I can.”_

 

_Cute Guy looked Jaehyun up and down, eyelashes fluttering prettily, before quickly glancing at his friend who was ordering drinks at the bar. He looked back at Jaehyun and held his hand out._

 

_“Open up your phone.” Jaehyun quickly typed in his password and handed it over, watching as Cute Guy put his number in his phone. He pulled his own device out as he handed Jaehyun’s back and Jaehyun watched his screen light up with the text confirming that it was the correct number._

 

_“The Eve Cafe. Do you know where it is?” Jaehyun nodded, only half paying attention as he watched Cute Guy’s pretty mouth form the words he was saying._

 

_“Yeah, in South Gangnam.”_

 

_“Cool. Meet me there on Thursday at eleven.”_

 

_“Awesome, I’ll see you there.”_

 

_“Yeah, yeah, yeah, just don’t be late.” Jaehyun flashed one more smile before walking away, staring at his phone._

 

**_Lee Donghyuck 🌻_ **

 

_He finally had a beautiful name to go with that beautiful face._

 

☀️🌹

 

“I don’t know why I always end up getting into these awful relationships with such terrible people.”

 

“Now does this include or exclude Jaehyun and Jeno?”

 

“Oh exclude them without a doubt. They were honestly the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

 

Irene closed her notebook and gently placed her hand over it. It sat on her lap and was elevated by her crossed legs. She lightly tapped her foot on the ground, thinking about what she was going to say next.

 

“How do you feel now in your newfound relationship with Jaehyun?”

 

“I feel fine.”

 

“Just fine?”

 

“I mean, he’s wonderful and I’m so in love with him but…”

 

“Do you feel like you deserve him Donghyuck?”

 

Hyuck looked away, biting his lip. He wasn’t sure because he wanted Jaehyun in his life. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Jaehyun but with everything that’s been going on, he wasn’t sure if he truly deserved to have him back.

 

“I don’t...I don’t want to drag him down with me. Jaehyun is doing so well and I’m afraid I’m going to hurt him or mess things up because I’m such a fuckup.”

 

“You’re not a ‘fuck-up’ Donghyuck. You’re a human being who’s gone through a tremendous amount of trauma in life. You may not see it but you’re making progress. Just the fact that you are still showing up and participating is enough for me.”

 

“I don’t know what to do”, Hyuck whispered.

 

“Do you truly think you’re ready for a relationship right now”, Irene asked. Her face was soft but the seriousness was still there in the tone of her voice.

 

“I...I...oh God…”

 

Hyuck began to silently weep in his chair. He had graduated from full-blown crying at this point and was just letting out pitiful tears. Irene carefully took a box of tissues and walked over to Hyuck, heels creating some noise in the otherwise quiet room. She held a few out for him, standing there in case he really needed something, but still keeping that professional distance between them.

 

“I don’t want to lose him. I love him, I love him, I swear I do.”

 

“I understand Donghyuck. I have no doubt in my mind. But our main concern is that of your mental health. Have you talked to him about our proposed plan?” Hyuck shook his head, still wiping his face.

 

“If you are serious about your relationship, I want you to really take the time to evaluate your wants and needs. The relationship you had months ago isn’t the same anymore. You’ve both changed and it’s time to have your relationship reflect that.”

 

“I know”, Hyuck replied, sniffling.

 

“Good. The first thing you need to do is to make sure all ties to Hanjae are cut. Fully remove yourself from this man. Now from what you’ve told me about this situation, he’s a very manipulative individual. I would even go as far as to say abusive. We have to get you out of that relationship if you want to start fresh and slowly rebuild one with Jaehyun.”

 

“I understand.”

 

“Will there be any point in the future that will require you to be in the same vicinity as Hanjae?”

 

_Haeun’s birthday. This Friday. Eight o’clock. Le Meridien. Jaehyun’s parents. Jaehyun…_

 

“There’s a birthday party…”. Hyuck paused and took a deep breath.

 

“Take your time. We are in no rush to do this. Speak whenever you feel comfortable.” Irene watched as Hyuck breathed in again and let out a steady stream of breath through his mouth.

 

“Jaehyun’s mom, Haeun, her birthday is this Friday. Hanjae is forcing me to go as his date. He’s using me for financial gain.” Hyuck wiped away a few tears leaving his eyes. “He told me he’d make sure I had no future in this city or the entire country.”

 

“So he’s threatening your potential livelihood?” Hyuck nodded.

 

“Has he laid his hands on you?”

 

“He never hit me but he, he sometimes grabbed me when I didn’t want him to.”

 

“Has he ever been verbally threatening to you?” She watched as Hyuck nodded slightly.

 

“Donghyuck, can you look at me?” He glanced up at Irene, seeing the worried look on her face.

 

“This is enough to file charges against him. We may not be able to get him for threatening your future career as a teacher but we have a chance with sexual misconduct. It’s not everything but it’s a step. Are you willing to place charges against him?”

 

Hyuck played with the hem of his sleeve, weighing his options, and hoping he’d make the right decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I wanted to have more interactions between Jaehyun and his dad. Jinsun cares for him deeply and is doing his best to show that.  
> -Jaehyun is seeing that everything is more complicated and convoluted than he originally thought. He wasn't expecting things between him and Hyuck to be this hard going back in and he's starting to realize that he may need to put in more work than he first thought.  
> -Taeyong is trying and Hyuck does feel truly sorry. It's just bad for both ends.  
> -This first flashback is in connection to the last chapter before Hyuck falls asleep that night to be exact. As you read, he feels immensely guilty for not telling Jaehyun what is going on.  
> -more of Hanjae being an asshole and Hyuck being done  
> -Note: not all escorts engage in sexual acts with their clients but in this case, Hyuck is referring to the ones that do. This is in no way meant to discriminate against sex workers at all. It is simply there as a conversation piece. If anyone does have a real issue with sex work however, please head out of my story and to the nearest garbage bin.   
> -The outfit I chose is his Superhuman outfit from the tour which I thought was super pretty. I know his hair was grey then but I'm digging the strawberry blonde he has now which is why I decided to change it up and have him dye his hair in the scene with Taeyong.  
> -Have one of Jaehyun's friends have the stereotypical "my friend's mom is hot and I have a crush' crush? Check.  
> -Mama Haeun knows some shit is up with Hyuck. No one can hide anything from her.  
> -Just a little flashback to before Jae and Hyuck actually started dating. This takes place before the flashback between them on their first date at the beginning of this fic.  
> -Also, I learned that Donghyuck means "East Radiant" ( Dong = East and Hyuck = Radiant or something close to that, I'm still learning Korean) which I think is fitting considering he is as radiant and beautiful as the sun. So basically, everyone calling him by the shortened version of his name are calling him Radiant and I think that's neat.  
> -Hyuck is finally opening up to Irene about everything that is really going on (it isn't his relatives or friends but it is progress). What do you think his decision is?  
> -Drop a comment or something. I need crumbs, I'm starving.


	21. Chapter Twenty: Maybe That Means We'll Fall From Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t be upset because it’s true Donghyuck. I didn’t have to fuck up your life sweetheart, you did it to yourself.”

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

“Maybe I should just stay here. Call Haeun and tell her I’m sick or something”, Hyuck said nervously. Yeri looked down at him and frowned, pulling the mascara applicator away from his eye.

 

“And why would I do that?”

 

“I just don’t think tonight is going to go well Yeri.”

 

“I don’t know if it’s because you haven’t been sleeping lately or whatever but nothing bad will happen. Haeun loves you.”

 

_Not after tonight, she won’t_

 

“But…”

 

“No buts. You’re going to that party and you’re going to celebrate and you’re going to show off how hot you look to Jaehyun.” Yeri paused and wiped a little stray eyeliner from the corner of Hyuck’s left eye. “By the way, where’d you get this outfit from?”

 

“It’s uh, I’m just borrowing it from someone.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Someone I’ve known since like primary school. You wouldn’t know him.”

 

“Huh. Well, they clearly have expensive taste. You wanna ask your rich friend if they can slide a check my way?”

 

“I’ll see what I can do.”

 

Yeri continued working on Hyuck’s face, no doubt making him look extra pretty tonight. He would’ve been perfectly fine if Jaehyun was the only one that would appreciate his look but knowing that this was what Hanjae wanted was making Hyuck feel sick.

 

“There, all done”, Yeri said, stepping away with a satisfied look on her face. “You wanna see?”

 

Hyuck nodded and shakily took the handheld mirror from Yeri, gasping at her work. She did in fact, make him look very pretty. His eyes were the most dramatic, bringing out the shape and size of them. He looked intimidating, sexy.

 

“Oh wait, close your eyes. I almost forgot something.” Hyuck closed his eyes and felt a mist sprinkling on his face, with the occasional gust of air from Yeri’s waving hand.

 

“You can open your eyes now,'' she said. Hyuck raised a puzzled eyebrow at her.

 

“I almost forgot the setting spray.”

 

“Ohhhh.”

 

Thankfully she remembered. Hyuck didn’t want his makeup to smudge if the waterworks decided to happen.

 

~•~

 

“Wow, you actually dyed your hair a normal color again”, Jihyo said, giving Jaehyun an appraising look. He had it colored deep, dark chocolate and styled neatly, with the exception of a few strands falling near his eyebrow.

 

“It was time to. No architectural engineer in America would take me seriously if I was walking around with pink hair.”

 

“I’m surprised they took you seriously here”, Kookie said, playing on his phone. Jaehyun frowned at him and snatched the device away.

 

“Don’t think you can just sit on your phone the entire time either.”

 

“I won’t! The only time I’ll get on my phone is if one of your mom’s boring rich friends raise their glass in a toast or something.”

 

“Remember Ms. Hwang’s speech last year”, Yugyeom asked.

 

“You mean the one that almost got her ass kicked”, Jaehyun replied. “Yeah, I do. My goal is to make sure nothing bad happens this year. My mom deserves the best birthday and she’s going to get it.”

 

“You’re such a sweet boy”, Kookie said, imitating Haeun’s voice.

 

“I will literally fight you.”

 

Jaehyun’s phone began ringing and he quickly rushed to answer it, receiving a knowing look from Jihyo.

 

“I’m assuming that’s the boyfriend calling. Do you want us to disappear while you talk?” Jaehyun gave her pleading eyes and she rounded the other boys out of Jaehyun’s room, making sure to close the door shut behind her. He exhaled and pressed the green button.

 

“Hello.”

 

_“Hyunnie, hi. I just wanted to let you know that I was leaving now.”_

 

“Awesome. I’m getting ready to leave in a few minutes. Everyone was getting ready here so it’ll take a little while for me to get there, unfortunately.”

 

_“No pressure. I’ll have other people to entertain me until you get here.”_

 

“You won’t have to wait long.”

 

_“I’m glad because I really need you here.”_

 

“Is everything alright?” Jaehyun was worried at how sad Hyuck’s voice sounded.

 

_“I’m fine, I just miss you is all.”_

 

“I’ll be there before you know it. Besides, I have something to tell you.”

 

_“Really? What is it?”_

 

“It’s a surprise.”

 

_“Jae, you know how I feel about surprises.”_

 

“I know but this one is super important and I need your full take on this. You’re one of the most important people in my life Hyuck.”

 

_“You’re important to me too Yoonoh.”_

 

“Don’t worry about anything Sunshine. We’ll be okay.” Jaehyun paused as he sat on his bed, playing with the comforter. “I love you so much Donghyuck.” Jaehyun smiled as he listened to Hyuck sniffling, no doubt getting emotional over Jaehyun’s declaration.

 

_“I love you too Jaehyun.”_

 

~•~

 

“That was so sweet. Tell me Donghyuck; do you both engage in these disgusting displays of love and affection regularly?”

 

Hyuck frowned at Hanjae and had half a mind to punch him in his throat. The older man already pissed him off when he showed up to Hyuck’s apartment to pick him up instead of just meeting him like originally planned. Thankfully Yeri was about to shower as Hyuck was leaving.

 

“What we do is none of your business”, Hyuck replied curtly.”

 

“It was only an innocent question Donghyuck.”

 

“Don’t talk to me.”

 

Hyuck was turned away, staring out the window to avoid making eye contact. He was trying to be careful about how he was sitting to avoid making wrinkles and creases into his attire. In all honesty, he really liked it and didn’t want to ruin it.

 

“I hope you know that the attitude needs to drop as soon as we get out of this car. I will not have you embarrass me tonight.”

 

“Kind of like how you want to embarrass me?”

 

“If you play your cards right, you won’t have that worry. Let’s not blame everything on me Donghyuck. I did give you a choice.”

 

Hyuck squeezed his eyes shut to will away any tears. He only did this to get Hanjae out of his life and protect his relationship with Jaehyun. It was now in danger because of that choice.

 

“Just make sure we get there on time. I don’t like being late.”

 

~•~

 

“I can’t believe this”, Jaehyun said, anxiously looking out of the window. There was snow was falling heavily, creating a thick white blanket on the ground.  “My mom is going to be upset.”

 

“It’s not your fault Jaehyun. No one anticipated the weather or the traffic to be this bad”, Jihyo replied, reaching to pat his shoulder from the back seat.

 

“Yeah man, you can’t blame yourself for this”, Kookie said. His hands were tight on the steering wheel and he kept his eyes glued to the standstill traffic ahead of them. The risk of cars sliding on ice was too great, resulting in many people driving well under the speed limit.

 

“Maybe I should’ve nixed the flowers”, Jaehyun said quietly, glancing down at the sunflower bouquet he bought for Hyuck. On top of being late, he was also worried about the life expectancy of the flowers in his hands.

 

“Is there anything we can keep them in”, Yugyeom asked.

 

“I don’t have anything in my car to hold flowers guys.”

 

Jaehyun held the sunflowers closer, hoping to make it to the party in time. He really, really wanted to see Hyuck, to tell him about his plans for the US. He was prepared for the fallout; no doubt Hyuck would get upset. But he was also ready to fully commit himself to do his best in ensuring that they will have a lasting relationship.

 

The sound of someone repeatedly blaring their car horn sounded behind them. Kookie looked between his rearview mirror and the traffic in front of him, growing more anxious every time the horn went off.

 

“I can’t take this anymore”, Jihyo said, rolling down the window. Flurries of snow entered the car as she stuck the entire upper part of her body out and began yelling at the driver behind them.

 

“Hey you asshole, we can’t go anywhere!” Jaehyun turned around and glared at her while Yugyeom did his best to bring her back inside of the car.

 

“Are you trying to get us arrested”, Jaehyun asked incredulously.

 

“No, but I am going to shove that guy’s steering wheel where the sun doesn’t shine.”

 

Jaehyun turned back around and slumped in his seat, feeling more stressed than he was before they left. He wanted tonight to go smoothly, for everything to work out.

 

He could only hope that it would get better.

 

~•~

 

_“I don’t understand your obsession with this game”, Hyuck said through gritted teeth. Games like Super Smash Bros. weren’t exactly Hyuck’s cup of tea but he promised Jaehyun they’d play for their ‘date night in’. The date itself would’ve been great if it weren’t for the fact that the heat was broken and Hyuck was getting his ass handed to him by Donkey Kong._

 

_“You’re only saying that because you keep losing”, Jaehyun replied laughing. He wiggled his toes around, hoping to get some heat in them._

 

_“That wouldn’t be an issue if you’d just put the slippers on.”_

 

_“My socks are already confining my feet. I think I’ll be okay; they just need some time to warm up.”_

 

_Hyuck groaned when Jaehyun defeated him and sat there watching the older man dance around because he won, yet again. Jaehyun stopped dancing, noticing Hyuck’s scrunched nose and annoyed expression._

 

_“Come on Hyuck, don’t be like that.”_

 

_“If you think I’m mad about the game, I’m not. It’s just so cold in here.”_

 

_They were both bundled up in hoodies, large coats, sweatpants, and layers of fuzzy socks. Hyuck was shivering and Jaehyun would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little cold either. It was one of the rare times that it decided to snow; the temperature was around negative six degrees Celsius and the roads were covered in ice. If it weren’t for the potential danger from driving or riding anywhere, Jaehyun would’ve taken Hyuck back to his apartment._

 

_“We could’ve gone back to my place if the weather wasn’t so bad. I’m sure my roommate wouldn’t have minded.”_

 

_“I know you would. I’m sorry the heat isn’t working Jaehyun.”_

 

_“Nonsense. You had no control over that. Besides, we’re here with each other and that’s all that matters.”_

 

_“Now is not the time to be gross and cheesy.”_

 

_“It’s always time to be gross and cheesy.” Jaehyun walked back to the couch pulled Hyuck close as he sat down. He grabbed the large throw blanket from the back of the couch and they bunched up together, forming a tight ball._

 

_“So warm”, Hyuck said, still shivering slightly to regain some warmth. He buried his cold nose against Jaehyun’s neck, making the older man jump a little._

 

_“Sorry.”_

 

_“It’s okay. Whatever keeps you from freezing.”_

 

_Things had been going pretty smoothly between them. Jaehyun loved getting to know Hyuck, amazed at how wonderful and unique he was. Hyuck was a firecracker, fun and feisty, but he was also endearingly sweet and passionate as well._

 

_“Jaehyun?”_

 

_“Yeah?”_

 

_Hyuck didn’t answer. Instead, he held Jaehyun by the face and looked at him. He seemed nervous about something, especially in the way he bit his lip._

 

_“Is everything okay”, Jaehyun asked._

 

_“Can we um…”_

 

_“Can we?”_

 

_Hyuck’s eyes darted from Jaehyun’s eyes to his mouth and the older man raised his eyebrows in realization._

 

_“Oh!”_

 

_“Yeah.”_

 

_They still haven’t kissed yet. Hyuck didn’t want to and Jaehyun respected that. He was content with what they had going on and wasn’t going to pressure Hyuck into anything more. They were having fun and he didn’t want to mess anything up._

 

_“Are you sure?”_

 

_“Positive. I’ve kind of wanted to for a while but didn’t know how to tell you.”_

 

_“This is pretty interesting timing for that.”_

 

_“Yeah well, what better time to ask than in a freezing apartment?”_

 

_Hyuck leaned up, barely ghosting his lips over Jaehyun’s. The older man felt his heart pounding in his chest from anxiety and excitement. He decided to just go for it and met Hyuck the rest of the way._

 

_It was even better than he imagined. Despite the temperature, Hyuck’s lips were just as soft and plush as they looked. His lips tasted like green apple flavored chapstick, an interesting choice but Jaehyun wasn’t going to complain. It wasn’t rushed; just a nice, slow, sweet kiss. Hyuck broke away and rested his head against Jaehyun’s shoulder, cuddling even closer._

 

_“Not bad Jung. Not bad at all.”_

 

_“Does that mean we get to do it more often?”_

 

_“Possibly. Maybe. Only if you want to of course”, Hyuck replied, smirking._

 

_“Absolutely.”_

 

_“Well, we still have this cold space to ourselves…”_

 

_They spent most of the night snuggled together, shivering and kissing while the snowstorm outside raged on._

 

~•~

 

The time spent surrounded by pompous, entitled businessmen felt like an eternity to Hyuck. There were a lot of people at this party, mostly rich businessmen and socialites, the usual crowd for parties in Gangnam. He didn’t see any signs of Jaehyun or his parents since he arrived, both worrying him and giving him a small sense of relief. Hanjae wouldn’t let Hyuck leave his side, forcing him to sit and smile and engage cutely with some of the people funding the Han River project. The entire ordeal made him feel suffocated and sick. Hanjae squeezing his arm brought him out of his thoughts.

 

“I’m sorry, what was that again?”

 

“I was saying that I heard you were interested in working for the school once it opened up Mr. Lee.” The man talking to him was a lot older than Hyuck and had weird vibes about him. He just seemed creepy to Hyuck.

 

“Uh, yes I am actually. It would be a dream if I could.” Hyuck didn’t really care about that at this point and had no desire to talk to these people. He didn’t even remember the name of the man talking to him now.

 

The man nodded and brought his attention back to Hanjae. Hyuck didn’t know how much more of this he could take. Hanjae was so wrapped up in a conversation about future planning and construction throughout Seoul, that he probably wouldn’t care _too_ much about Hyuck slipping away for a bit.

 

“Hey, I’m going to go get a drink”, Hyuck said, lightly tapping the older man’s shoulder. Hanjae waved him off, still conversing with the creepy vibes guy. Hyuck shrugged and quickly walked to the bar, hoping, praying even for the bartender to have bottles of soju with an alcohol content of at least 25 percent.

 

“What would you like to drink sir”, the man asked.

 

“Soju. The strongest brand you have. Preferably in a glass, if you can.” Hyuck pulled out 58,000 won and set it on the counter. The bartender nodded and put the money in a jar behind the bar before going to retrieve Hyuck’s drink.

 

Hyuck took the time to scan the room, hoping that Jaehyun would be there. There was no sign of that familiar set of dimples, of gorgeous cat-like eyes and thick, dark eyebrows. Hyuck hoped that Jaehyun would be here by now, but seeing the heavy snowfall outside the windows stirred his anxiety. He already lost three of the most important people in his life to car-related accidents and could only pray that Jaehyun would be okay on the roads.

 

“Here you go sir; one glass of Andong. It’s about 35 percent with a strong citrus flavor. It’s more so a brand to sip rather than guzzle or take shots of.”

 

“Sounds good to me. Thank you.”

 

Hyuck decided that now was a good time to figure out where Haeun was and keep as much distance from Hanjae as he possibly could. He sipped his drink slowly, smiling and greeting people on his mission. If it weren’t for the fact that Hanjae was here, Hyuck might’ve enjoyed himself. Everything looked beautiful and elegant, just like the birthday woman herself. Hyuck was dying to see Haeun and figured that it shouldn’t be hard to find her. All he had to do was find a small woman with eyes just like Jaehyun’s.

 

He eventually spotted her talking with someone, a man possibly. Her mouth was in a tight line and her eyebrows were furrowed. She was lightly tapping her foot against the ground and sat her hands on his hips. Whoever Haeun was talking to must’ve pissed her off. Her eyes met Hyuck’s and some of that tension released when she waved him over.

 

It wasn’t until the other figure turned around that Hyuck realized the man was Hanjae.

 

~•~

 

“Hyuck’s not answering his phone”, Jaehyun said worriedly. The poor sunflowers in his hand were starting to look just as sad as he felt.

 

“Maybe he’s talking to your mom or something.”

 

“I guess.”

 

“Jaehyun, it'll be okay. We’re almost there”, Jihyo said. “What’s the time Kookie?”

 

“Now that we’re not stuck in traffic, about 25 minutes give or take.”

 

“See Jae? We’re almost there.”

 

He was thankful that his friends were trying to make him feel better.

 

~•~

 

Hyuck could feel the phone continuously ring in his pocket. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that Jaehyun was the caller and he felt bad for not answering but he could already see that he needed to do some damage control.

 

“Donghyuck, sweetheart I am so glad I’ve found you”, Haeun said, relieved. She held her arms open for a hug, one that he graciously returned. “Where have you been all night?”

 

“Just...around.”

 

“You know, I was beginning to wonder where you were Donghyuck”, Hanjae sad, interrupting. He was lazily holding a glass of wine, staring at Hyuck with a raised eyebrow.

 

“His whereabouts are none of your concern”, Haeun replied. She sounded angry, so angry that it made Hyuck wonder just what the two were talking about prior to his arrival.

 

“With all due respect Mrs. Jung, what goes on between us is none of your business.”

 

“You know, tonight is my first time officially meeting you Mr. Park and my son may have made several valid points about you.”

 

“And what would those points be?”

 

“You should know what your own shortcomings are Mr. Park.” Haeun looked him up and down before taking hold of Donghyuck’s hand.

 

“We’ll be leaving now. You may enjoy the rest of your evening, but I want you to stay away from my son and his partner.”

 

“His partner”, Hanjae answered, laughing. It sounded less like a question and more like a taunt.

 

“Yes, _his_ partner. Do you not understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?”

 

“I do. It’s just, Donghyuck is here with me.”

 

Haeun’s eyes narrowed, glaring daggers at the man before her. Her rose her index finger and pointed at him.

 

“You have some nerve. There is no way that Donghyuck would ever willingly come here with you. Not when he’s committing himself to Jaehyun.”

 

“Yes, the same Jaehyun that isn’t here now.”

 

Hyuck began drinking his soju faster, not stopping until he was completely finished. It was a mistake and the alcohol was going to mess with him soon but his head was pounding from the impending fight between Haeun and Hanjae.

 

“Hanjae, cut it out”, he said. His eyes were pleading, hoping that the older man would have some sympathy.

 

“Why should I? I’m being harassed by this woman about my relationship.”

 

_Please stop doing this_

 

“Donghyuck isn’t with you anymore!”

 

“I think you should let Donghyuck be the one to tell you what we are.” Hanjae regarded Hyuck and gestured to Haeun, who was one word away from beating Hanjae with her heels.

 

“I…”

 

“Don’t be scared. Go on and tell her.”

 

Hyuck looked like a deer in the headlights, rapidly looking from Hanjae to Haeun and back. He began wringing his hands together, stressed and upset.

 

“Donghyuck”, Haeun began. “Donghyuck, love, please tell me you aren’t still with this man.”

 

_I don’t want to be! I’m trying to get rid of him, to give Jaehyun back the thing he loves! I don’t want him and I never did!_

 

“Haeun...trust me, I’m not-”

 

“I think we’re done here”, Hanjae said, grabbing Hyuck’s hand. The sound of a band playing music filled his ears as Hanjae pulled him away towards the dance floor. Jaehyun was supposed to be here, dancing with his mom while Hyuck proudly watched him from the side.

 

It was tragic Jaehyun wasn’t and it worried Hyuck to death. Haeun looked sad, hurt, upset, and a million other synonyms that Hyuck could use to describe what he was seeing. Hyuck was here, roughly pulled against the body of a man he didn’t love, lifelessly dancing along because they were being watched by people that would help Hanjae soar in life. Because Hyuck made a promise and he couldn't break that.

 

“Did you seriously find her just to tell her”, Hyuck asked angrily, trying to create some distance between his and Hanjae’s bodies.

 

“I didn’t say anything to that woman. I only introduced myself and from that point on she decided to be harsh. I understand a woman being protective of her son but…”

 

“Leave Jaehyun out of this.”

 

“Jaehyun is a brat that needs to be taken down a few notches. The golden boy had to learn to stay away from things that don’t belong to him.”

 

“I don’t belong to you”, Hyuck spat.

 

“Maybe so. But let’s not forget that you’re still a cheating whore who was so sad and heartbroken about his ex that he decided to spread his legs and give up his virginity, hoping that he could get the dear ex-boyfriend back. Tell me Donghyuck, why would I want ownership of someone like that? Why would I want someone so desperate and unsure of themselves that they’d do anything to make the world okay, no matter how morally wrong or stupid it could be?”

 

“You son of a bitch”, Hyuck replied.

 

“Don’t be upset because it’s true Donghyuck. I didn’t have to fuck up your life sweetheart, you did it to yourself.”

 

With every step they took, Hyuck could feel his world start to fall apart.

 

~•~

 

“Guys, wait up”, Yugyeom yelled as he followed behind everyone.

 

“We don’t have time! We have to make sure Jaehyun looks good and is ready for Donghyuck,” Jihyo yelled back.

 

They found an empty room and began fixing Jaehyun up, hiding any signs of stress he had. Jihyo did her best to fix his hair while Jungkook took care of his suit. Yugyeom picked all of the wilted flowers from the bouquet, making it look good as new.

 

“Do you have the necklaces”, Jaehyun asked Kookie.

 

“What necklaces?”

 

“Please don’t tell me you…”

 

“Left them? No man, I’m just joking. They’re in my bag.”

 

“I really, really hate you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Kookie reached into his bag and retrieved Jaehyun and Hyuck’s necklaces. Jaehyun put his necklace in his pocket while he precariously placed Hyuck’s in the bouquet.

 

“This is so sweet Jaehyun”, Jihyo said, smiling brightly. “Hyuck will love it and he will be ready to officially start over, I just know it.”

 

“I’m so nervous. Excited, but nervous.” Jaehyun looked down at the older woman. “Do you really think it’ll be okay.”

 

“I know so.”

 

“Let’s get you to your man Jaehyun”, Yugyeom said, leading Jaehyun out of the room. The group followed him to the banquet hall, fixed up and ready to go.

 

“You’ve got this”, Kookie said, rubbing Jaehyun’s shoulder but he pushed open the doors. Jaehyun took in the room, hoping to find Hyuck as soon as possible. He saw his mother immediately, confused as to why she looked so sad.

 

“Mom, is everything alright?”

 

“Yoonoh, I think you should go home.”

 

“I...why?”

 

“Jaehyun, I think you need to talk to Donghyuck.”

 

“Is he okay? Did something happen?”

 

“He’s fine, it’s just…”

 

Jaehyun didn’t let her finish and quickly made his way through the room to find his boyfriend. Despite his haste, he still kept a protective hold on the bouquet. He saw people dancing and felt a little guilty for being late to dance with his mother. He made a mental note to make up for it later.

 

He politely moved through the crowd of people watching the dancers, heart beating faster and faster…

 

Until he felt it drop.

 

Here Hyuck was, dancing with Hanjae when Jaehyun thought that he had ended things between them.

 

Jaehyun could only stand there, hoping it was just a stupid dream and that he wasn’t so excited to be with Hyuck again. He hoped that maybe Seulgi and Yeri weren’t right or that everything would go back to normal. That Hyuck really wanted him back and didn’t care about Hanjae at all.

 

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid enough to think that he could make Hyuck happy. Maybe he really did move on from what they had. Maybe Hanjae really did change and Hyuck decided to stay with him. Maybe their first time together meant nothing at all. Maybe Hyuck wasn’t feeling it and only said those things to make Jaehyun feel better about the situation. After all, he kept telling the older man he didn’t care anymore...

 

If Jaehyun knew that falling in love with Lee Donghyuck would hurt this bad, he would've ceased every attempt at dating him all those months ago. Seeing Hyuck this ethereal, this heavenly, swaying in someone else's arms did indeed strike pain into Jaehyun's heart. The bouquet of sunflowers in his hands couldn't compare to the happiness and stability the man could give Hyuck. Maybe, just maybe, Jaehyun would get his chance again in another lifetime.

 

He didn’t know when he dropped the bouquet when he rushed past the throng of people. He wasn’t aware of the sound of his mother and friends when they called for him, or why the wind rushed by him as he left the crowded room, hurt and embarrassed.

 

He didn’t remember any of those things happening, not when he could hear the sound of Hyuck’s beautiful voice saying his name.

 

~•~

 

_“You’re complicated.”_

 

_“Am I?”_

 

_“Yes. I don’t know if you like me or if you hate me.”_

 

_“I most definitely don’t hate you.”_

 

_“Could’ve fooled me Hyuck.”_

 

_“Really, I don’t. It’s just…”_

 

_“What?”_

 

_“You’re the first person I’ve really liked in a while. We’re moving so fast and I’m not complaining because I do like you. I really do. I’m just so fucking scared.”_

 

_“Scared of what?”_

 

_“Of being hurt again. Of possibly hurting you.”_

 

_“You’re making me crazy here Hyuck.”_

 

_“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”_

 

_“No, don’t be. I like the feeling of not knowing what to expect from you. And I like that you’re being honest with me. I think we have a good thing going and I want to take this journey with you.”_

 

_“You’re so fucking cheesy.”_

 

_“Yeah but it’s the truth. Everyone is a hot mess in one way or another. The point of dating is to find the person whose mess you’re willing to live with. Whose imperfections you want to accept in life as long as both of you are happy and healthy.”_

 

_“Are you saying that I’m that person for you?”_

 

_“I’m saying that we shouldn’t let anything stop us from seeing if that’s a possibility. You’re so amazing Hyuck, in every way possible.”_

 

_“You are too. You’re pretty much perfect honestly.”_

 

_“Stop…”_

 

_“You are though!”_

 

_“I’m not perfect. No one is. But I’m hoping that maybe...maybe I can be close enough for you. If that’s okay?”_

 

_“That’s more than okay Jaehyun.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -this is honestly the longest time I've gone without posting anything for this fic...  
> -BUT WE"RE BACK  
> -I purposely chose to do a frequent alternation between Jaehyun and Hyuck's perspectives. This chapter was mainly focusing on their emotions and the main issues they've been harboring. Anything else isn't as important and mostly serve as background pieces.  
> -However, the snow does serve a significance to both of them. For them as a couple, it is reminiscent of their first kiss (which you can see in the flashback). For Hyuck, it is a reminder of one of the ways he lost his parents (to weather conditions that were out of their control. There will be more background on this in his standalone fic). Jaehyun is thinking of getting to Hyuck while Hyuck hopes that Jaehyun will be safe, especially considering the predicament he's in.  
> -negative six in Celsius is like 20 in Fahrenheit. To the non-US born readers, we don't use Celsius here (unless it's for scientific research and stuff like that). This is mostly for American readers to note.  
> -When I was younger we lived in a house where the heat and air would always mess up and one winter during a snow/ice storm we didn't have any heat for a few days. Imagine having to share a queen size bed with 3 other people so you don't die from hypothermia in your sleep. IT WAS FUCKING AWFUL.  
> -Get Hyuck away from here 2kForever  
> -58,000 won is $50 USD (which is a lot to give someone for a drink but he was desperate for one you know), around 43.88 Euros and 39.24 GBP (British Pound Sterling).  
> -Andong is an actual Soju brand in South Korea and is considered one of the more pricier ones  
> -Supermom Haeun to the rescue! Hanjae is being an ass as per usual and as you can see, will do/say anything to paint Hyuck as the sole guilty party. Preventing him from explaining the situation, making him feel like his personal decisions regarding his body are invalid (keep in mind, Hyuck did not sleep with Jaehyun just to keep him around. This is simply Hanjae getting in his head and messing with him) as well as playing on Hyuck's insecurities with his identity. Hyuck, unfortunately, is going through it because he made a promise in the hopes that Jaehyun would benefit from it and be ok. It's his way of trying to protect him (which I made to purposefully correlate with Jaehyun's actions in the previous fic).  
> -Jaehyun sweetie, I'm so sorry  
> -Hanjae will get is just desserts next chapter. Hyuck is about to lose it and Haeun might surprise you.  
> -This final flashback takes place in the earlier stages of their relationship. Jaehyun isn't sure of Hyuck actually likes him (his insecurity) and Hyuck doesn't want to hurt again. The main premise of this is that no one is ever going to be perfect in a relationship. Ever. The thing is finding someone who has imperfections that you don't fault them for. Couples fo things that drive each other up the walls all the time, but it's a matter of it being with the person you love the most. This in no way means to stay with someone who is literal trash, but with someone who sees these things and wants to help you grow, as well as hope you will let them grow with you. This part was purposefully written to be strictly dialogue.  
> -overall, Jaehyun knows that Hyuck is a cornucopia of feelings, emotions, personality traits, likes, and dislikes. A multifaceted person with history (like many of us). But he wants to spend his life with Hyuck and help him grow and grow beside him. To have a happy and healthy relationship. This point right here is the main theme for the next few chapters and into the next story, where the real work begins.  
> -Anyway, I'm done rambling. Leave a comment cause those things are nice. And feel free to yell at me on Twitter


	22. Chapter Twenty-One: All We Do Is Linger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’d take the box to Hyuck’s apartment and leave it to sit at the front door. No need to interact. There wasn’t any point when their relationship was really, truly dead.

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

  


Donghyuck was distraught.

 

Seething.

 

Heartbroken.

 

And all he saw was red.

 

“Jaehyun! Jaehyun, wait”, he called out, trying to remove himself from Hanjae’s grasp. Hyuck thrashed around, bringing attention to the scene unfolding. People around them were whispering but Hyuck couldn’t care less about what they said about him or how they felt. 

 

“Let me go Hanjae!” 

 

“You need to calm down right now you fucking brat”, the older man harshly whispered. Hyuck stomped on his foot to get away, blindly looking all over the room for Jaehyun. 

 

“Is your partner okay Mr. Park”, the creepy businessman from earlier asked. He stared at Hyuck with a raised eyebrow and perplexed expression.

 

“He’s fine, he’s just a little drunk is all.” Hanjae grabbed Hyuck’s wrist and started pulling him away.

 

“I think it’s time for us to go home Donghyuck. You’ve had a long day.”

 

“Let go of me you asshole! I need to find Jaehyun!”

 

“Haeun’s son”, someone asked from the crowd. People were curious as to what Hyuck’s relationship was with Jaehyun.

 

“Yes, that Jaehyun. He’s my boyfriend and he’s upset and I have to find him and Jesus Christ, let me go Hanjae!”

 

“Your boyfriend”, an older woman asked. Perhaps the wife of the businessman, Hyuck wasn’t entirely sure. He just wanted to get out of there.

 

“Donghyuck, sweetheart, you’re a little too drunk right now”, Hanjae said through gritted teeth. He made it look like a smile but Hyuck wasn’t stupid. These people were naive to the type of person Hanjae was and he wasn’t going to let that continue to happen.

 

“Stop calling me sweetheart you selfish, manipulative, egotistical bastard! I’m not yours to have or use so let me go!”

 

“Mr. Park, I’m starting to believe there is more going on here than you let on”, the woman asked. Her eyebrows were furrowed and jaw set tight. 

 

“Mrs. Kwon, there’s nothing going on at all. Donghyuck just needs to go home and get some sleep is all”, Hanjae replied, letting go of Hyuck’s arm to regard her. 

 

“Then please tell me why this young man is so adamant to get away from you?”

 

“He’s using me to gain financial mobility with you”, Hyuck yelled. His eyes were teary but there was nothing but anger in them. “He said that if I can’t help convince you all that he’s suitable to merge and work with you on endeavors beyond the capacity of Seoul, he’d make sure I had no chance of working at Han River Music School or any teaching job in this country at all.”

 

Mrs. Kwon looked at Hyuck and began walking towards him. They were small, precise steps. Footsteps of a woman able to take control of a room. 

 

“He said that to you?” Hyuck nodded furiously.

 

“I told him I’d do it, but only if he gave Jaehyun’s position back working on the project. Jaehyun spent a lot of time creating the blueprint for the school, calling and contacting different resources to contribute to the effort. He was one of two students chosen from his graduate program to be a part of this and Hanjae took that away from him because he was jealous of Jaehyun.” Hyuck hiccuped and held himself, feeling embarrassed that he was this upset in front of these people.

 

“He was afraid that Jaehyun would want us to have another go at our relationship. That if I left him he couldn’t use me anymore.” 

 

“Are you really going to sit there and lie Donghyuck”, Hanjae asked.

 

“I’m not lying you fucking psycho! You are so controlling! You have no empathy or respect for anyone! I’m tired of you telling me what to do, I’m sick of you touching me and trying to force me to do things I don’t want to do! I want you gone out of my life!” 

 

“That is enough”, Haeun yelled. Jinsun stood behind his wife, thick dark eyebrows pulled close together as he scowled. Haeun glanced at Hyuck, assessing him before she made eye contact with Hanjae. 

 

“How dare you? How dare you come into his life, into my son’s life, and disrespect them? How dare you come here tonight for your personal gain and disrespect me? I want you gone. You will not look at Donghyuck and you most certainly will not touch him.” Haeun sauntered towards Hanjae before looking up and pointing at him. Her aura and anger were enough to make up for her short height and small frame. 

 

“If you ever come near him or my son again, I won’t hesitate to end your entire career. You won’t have anything left in this world, that I can guarantee.” 

 

Hanjae’s eyes narrowed as he stared Haeun down, smirking at the older woman. 

 

“A stubborn, insignificant little bitch. Just like your son and his whore.” 

 

No one in the room was prepared for the harsh slap across Hanjae’s face. Jinsun was quick to rush to Haeun, holding her back from doing it again. 

 

“Can someone please get this man out? I’ve had enough of him”, Jinsun said. His voice carried in the room, authoritative and serious. Mrs. Kwon motioned for a man to come over, and whispered to him before pointing at Hanjae. The man grabbed him and began pulling him out. Hanjae didn’t resist but also didn’t miss the opportunity to taunt Hyuck. 

 

“You’re something else Lee Donghyuck. You’re something else. I’ll see you around sometime beautiful.” 

 

Hyuck looked away from him and suppressed the urge to gag. Literally. He was starting to feel sick and exhausted. 

 

“Donghyuck, love, are you alright”, Haeun asked as she grabbed his hand and held it. Hyuck didn’t know when she got there but he was grateful. 

 

“I...I’m…I don’t know I just want to leave. I’m so sorry Haeun, I’m so sorry.” 

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. We’ll talk about it later and figure something out alright? Right now we need to get you home.” Haeun turned to her husband and handed him a set of car keys. 

 

“I remember seeing Jihyo and Yugyeom still here. Have them clear the room out and you go heat up the car. We’ll be taking Donghyuck home. Also, call and see where Jaehyun is. I need to know that my son is okay.” 

 

Jinsun nodded and proceeded to leave, but not before he squeezed Haeun’s shoulder and leaned down to kiss her forehead. 

 

“Did you eat anything tonight?” Hyuck shook his head and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of the suit jacket. The setting spray Yeri used had to be magical because not a trace of makeup smeared on the clothing item. 

 

“Let’s get something in your stomach. Drinking alcohol without eating is probably what’s making you feel sick.” Hyuck nodded and began crying when the older woman hugged him. She brought his head down to rest on her shoulder, gently rubbing his back to soothe him. 

 

“I-I’m, I’m so s-sorry.”

 

“It’s okay Donghyuck. Everything is okay. No one will hurt you anymore,” she said, lightly brushing her hands through his curls. 

 

When they drove to Hyuck’s apartment, Haeun sat in the backseat with him, gently combing his hair until he fell asleep. 

 

~•~

 

_“Duckie, what’s wrong my Sunflower”, Darcy asked as she stepped out of the car. She was picking Hyuck up from school, frowning when she saw the big fat tears leaving the six-year-old’s eyes._

 

_“The other kids. They keep bullying me.”_

 

_“Oh sweetie”, his mother replied, getting down to his level to bring him into a hug. “What did they say to you? No one hurt you did they?”_

 

_“No”, he replied, shaking his head. “No one hurt me but I’m sad now. The other kids said that they didn’t want to play with me because my hair is messy and my voice is weird.”_

 

_“Hmm. Well that’s not fair to you at all is it”, Darcy asked. She watched as Hyuck nodded his little head and she sat on the ground, crossing her legs._

 

_“Tell me my Sunflower, do you think your voice is weird?” Hyuck shrugged his shoulders as he rubbed his eyes._

 

_“I don’t know.”_

 

_“Well, I think your voice is very beautiful. It’s unique, just like you my handsome little boy.”_

 

_“You don’t think my voice is weird?”_

 

_“Of course not! Your voice is so beautiful Duckie! And when you sing you sound like a gorgeous angel. And your hair is just as beautiful too. You don’t have to be like everyone else. Being yourself and loving yourself is the most precious thing you can do in life. Never, ever forget that.”_

 

_“Okay, Mommy.”_

 

_“Good. Now come give me a hug my little one.”_

 

_Hyuck smiled brightly and launched himself into his mother’s arms, feeling safe as she rubbed his back._

 

_“Do you want to get some ice cream?”_

 

_“Yes! Lots and lots of it!”_

 

_“I don’t know about lots of it”, Darcy began, laughing. “However, I’ll allow an extra scoop. Whatever flavor you want.”_

 

_“Can I have the banana flavor?”_

 

_“Whatever you want Duckie. Whatever you want.”_

 

☀️🌹

 

“You need to talk to him Jaehyun”, Haeun said, sliding the bowl of goguma-mattang towards him. 

 

“I have nothing to say to him”, Jaehyun replied. He set his chopsticks in his bowl and glanced at his mother, frowning. 

 

“How can I talk to him knowing that he didn’t actually care? That everything he said meant nothing to him at all and that he was still with Hanjae while he was with me?”

 

“Jaehyun, the entire situation was a misunderstanding and you need to speak to Donghyuck to understand what was going on. You’re not being fair.”

 

“Who’s side are you on Mom?”

 

“No one’s Yoonoh! I’m not on anyone’s side. You seem to forget that once upon a time, you were in Donghyuck’s situation. He is hurting just as much as you are Jaehyun and if you just reached out and listen to him…”

 

“I’m not speaking to him. Stop trying to convince me to do so otherwise.” Jaehyun stood up from the dining table, leaving a very confused Haeun behind.

 

“Jaehyun, where are you going?”

 

“I’ll be back later. I don’t know when just, let me be alone for a few hours.” 

 

Jaehyun went to his room and grabbed his coat and the box of Hyuck’s things from under his bed. As he was leaving, he grabbed his apartment keys and put on his shoes before slipping out of the residence. He knew he was a little harsh with his mother and he felt bad but for the past few days, she has constantly tried convincing him to speak to Hyuck. Every single time, Jaehyun would shut it down. 

 

He couldn’t believe that Hyuck lied to him about his involvement with Hanjae. Jaehyun felt stupid, hurt and embarrassed. He wanted nothing to do with Hyuck anymore. 

 

He’d take the box to Hyuck’s apartment and leave it to sit at the front door. No need to interact. There wasn’t any point when their relationship was really, truly dead. 

 

The bus ride there was long. Jaehyun felt the anxiety build in the pit of his stomach and prayed that Hyuck wouldn’t be home, that he could just drop everything off and have it over and done with. Then he’d go home, apologize to his mother, and officially begin packing for America. Yeah, that’s what he’d do. 

 

The bus pulled up a little outside of the complex and Jaehyun was hesitant to get off, much to the annoyance of the driver. He slowly started walking to the building and entered the code for the main gate, thankful that he still remembered it. He decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator. He figured there was nothing wrong with prolonging his walk. 

 

He felt his anxiety increase when he saw the familiar bright blue mat in front of Hyuck and Yeri’s door. He slowly walked over and gently placed the box on the ground, letting out a deep sigh as he let it go. 

 

It was just his luck that the door decided to swing open. 

 

“Jaehyun? What are you doing here”, Hyuck asked. He was carrying his backpack, probably on his way to a class or something. It shouldn’t matter to Jaehyun, not anymore, but Hyuck looked beautiful. He always did. 

 

“Leaving”, Jaehyun responded. He glared at Hyuck before turning around to walk down the stairs. The wind was blowing through the open hallway, making Jaehyun shiver. He could hear the sound of Hyuck’s footsteps behind him.

 

“Jaehyun wait, don’t go!”

 

“Leave me alone Hyuck.”

 

“Can you just listen to me? Let me explain at least?” Hyuck almost tripped going down the stairs, trying his best to follow Jaehyun’s quickly retreating figure. Jaehyun turned around, frowning at Hyuck.

 

“Explain what? That you’re still with Hanjae? That everything you said was a lie?”

 

“Jaehyun no, I wasn’t lying about _us_. I love you Yoonoh, I swear I do.”

 

“Then why did I show up at my mother’s birthday party to see you dancing with another man? A man that you told me you wanted nothing else to do with?” 

 

“If you’d just let me explain…”

 

“I don’t want to hear anything you have to say to me Hyuck.” 

 

Jaehyun began walking away again, picking up more speed this time. Hyuck however, was persistent and wasn’t going to let him go that easily. 

 

“Valentine, please”, he said, taking hold of Jaehyun’s coat. The older man shrugged him off, feeling a pang of guilt when he saw how hurt Hyuck looked.

 

“Don’t call me that.”

 

“Jaehyun…”

 

“Why Hyuck? Why are you so fucking complicated? Why is everything in my life that involves you so complicated? Did you ever really love me or has it been a lie this whole time?” 

 

“Why are you acting like this; you know I love you!”

 

“That’s bullshit and you know it! I’m leaving Hyuck, for good this time. Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t try to get in contact with me at all.”

 

“Jaehyun please, just listen t-”

 

“I’m moving to America!”

 

Hyuck’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he took a step back from Jaehyun. 

 

“You...what?”

 

“I’m moving to the US. I thought I’d go, come back and continue my career here but...I guess I don’t have a reason to anymore.” 

 

“You’re leaving? How long have you known?”

 

“A few weeks. Maybe a month, I don’t know. Look, just understand that I’m not coming back so don’t try to talk to me because I want nothing to do with you anymore.”

 

“Jaehyun”, Hyuck said weakly. 

 

“Leave me alone Donghyuck. If you want someone to cry to, do in front of Hanjae. He seems like the type of guy who’d be into that.” 

 

“Jae...please, please, listen to me, it’s not what you think…”

 

“I’m leaving you Lee Donghyuck. Stop trying to get me to stay.”

 

Jaehyun didn’t wait to hear anything else. He wasn’t about to get sucked in, not this time. He’s never been in a relationship like this. Not one where’s he was _this_ in love with someone. He hated himself, hated how he felt about Hyuck. He hated that no matter what, they’d find their way to each other because the universe can’t seem to stop giving them chances. Hyuck already chose who he wanted. Jaehyun would just have to live with it. 

  


~•~

 

_4 missed calls and 2 voice messages from Demon Child_

 

_First message…_

 

_“Jung Jaehyun, you better pick up the damn phone! You and Hyuck are fucking idiots, I swear. Just talk to each other da-”_

 

_Message deleted_

 

🌹

 

_16 missed calls and 5 voice messages from Sunshine🌻_

 

_First message…_

 

_“Jaehyun, Valentine, please call me. Don’t leave us like t-”_

 

_Message deleted_

 

🌹

 

_One missed call and one voice message from Unknown number_

 

_First Message…_

 

_“I have half a mind to come and punch you in the face again Jung. I should’ve known better than to let Hyuck deal with you again.”_

 

_Message deleted_

 

🌹

 

_One missed call and one voice message from 212-xxx-xxxx_

 

_First Message…_

 

_“Hello Jaehyun, this is John Filmore with Manhattan Urban Development. I’m just calling to confirm that you will be flying out on the tenth of January and start on the thirteenth. We’re very excited to work with a gifted student like you.”_

  


“Hello Mr. Filmore, this is Jaehyun Jung…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -So uh, angsty stuff  
> -Haeun isn't someone to play with  
> -She will fight for her boys and bring her husband along for the ride as well  
> -Hanjae is dealt with...for now  
> -A flashback with Hyuck and his mom because we need more of that (it also ties into the motherly interaction between him and Haeun)  
> -Haeun is trying with Jaehyun but...he's not having it  
> -Jae and Hyuck...I'm so sorry  
> -Were the calls at the end too much? The 212 is the area code for the Manhattan area of NYC but I left the x's because I didn't want to accidentally put an actual phone number  
> -Can you guess who the third caller was?  
> -This is a very short summary but I don't think extending it was needed  
> -Drop a comment and at yell at me on Twitter


	23. Chapter Twenty-Two: You’re Imperfectly Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This person is your mirror, your home. You’ve gone through many lives to find them, this one and ones in the past. There comes a time where you hit a bump in the road and you’re separated. But you always, always find your way back.”

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

“He hates me Youngho”, Hyuck said sadly, staring at the notebook Taeyong left open. It was filled with notes and pictures, carefully put together neatly with Taeyong’s steady hands and creative eye. Hyuck was jealous of Johnny and Taeyong. He was jealous that they had it all figured out, that they managed to fit together as a couple should. 

 

“He’s an idiot,'' Johnny replied. 

 

“Jaehyun doesn’t hate you Hyuck”, Taeyong said as he tapped Johnny in the head with a wedding magazine. “And stop listening to your cousin.”

 

“Who else is he going to listen to?”

 

“Me. An actual voice of reason.”

 

“I’m sure you both have loads of great advice but none of it will bring Jaehyun back. He’s giving up on us and it’s all my fault.” 

 

“Have you talked to Irene”, Taeyong asked, setting a cup of tea in front of Hyuck. 

 

“I did and she said the only thing I can do is just give him time to collect himself. He’s hurt and has every right to be.” 

 

“That’s very mature of you to say. I’m actually terrified.” Hyuck rolled his eyes at Johnny before taking a sip of his tea.

 

“Hardly. I still have a ton of issues that need to be addressed. I need to get my life in order and I’m the only person who can do that.”

 

“Well, whatever journey you take just know we’re here for you.” Taeyong squeezed Hyuck’s hand, offering him a warm smile.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You really do love him don’t you”, Johnny said quietly.

 

“I do. I always have.” Hyuck bit his lip, playing with his cup. 

 

“I know you haven’t ‘approved’ of my relationship with Jaehyun or whatever odd fatherly thing you have going on. But I do love Jaehyun. He’s important to me and if we get our shit together he will be a part of my life. I know you don’t want to see me hurting, I completely understand. But Jaehyun, despite everything we’ve been through, isn’t a mistake. He’s my person, just like Taeyong is yours.” 

 

Hyuck grabbed Johnny’s hand and smiled a little when he glanced at him. 

 

“I have never been more sure of anything in my life and if for whatever reason, God willing, Jaehyun wants to still be with me, I hope you can understand that I’m not giving up on him for anything.” 

 

“You know I don’t want you to get hurt again Hyuck, especially not after the Hanjae mess.” 

 

“I know you don’t.”

 

“I still wish you would’ve told me. You know I’d help you.”

 

“It’s all over now. Well, that part at least. I still have to go to court.” 

 

“Do you have anyone representing you? A lawyer perhaps,” Taeyong asked.

 

“Yes, I do actually. Um, Jinsun offered to help me.”

 

“Jaehyun’s dad?”

 

“Yeah. I thought he’d hate me after everything that happened at Haeun’s birthday party but...I guess not.” 

 

“Do you think you’ll win?”

 

“I’m not sure. Hanjae has a lot of money but Jinsun is a respected lawyer in Gangnam, who also has a lot of money. Honestly, my main focus right now is Jaehyun.” 

 

“Everything will be okay Hyuck”, Taeyong replied as he resumed working in his notebook. Hyuck nodded and played with the little rose pendant in his pocket.

  
  


~•~

 

_ “Jae, stop! That tickles,” Hyuck giggled. The older man was placing feather-light kisses on Hyuck’s cheeks and neck, making him blush. Their chests were pushed against each other and Hyuck had to admit, it was very intimate. He’s obviously been shirtless and more with other people but it was different with Jaehyun. _

 

_ “You want me to stop? If you say so”, Jaehyun said, smirking as he pulled away. Hyuck grabbed his face and frowned at him.  _

 

_ “I don’t mean stop entirely you dork.” _

 

_ “Then what did you mean?” _

 

_ “Stop tickling me!” _

 

_ “Okay, okay. I’ll stop.” Jaehyun leaned in to kiss Hyuck again, smiling as a small giggle left his mouth. _

 

_ “You are very giddy today aren’t you?” _

 

_ “You’re making me blush Jaehyun. I mean, just look at you. I can’t help but be a little giggly and shy.”  _

 

_ “Lee Donghyuck? Shy? Impossible.” _

 

_ “Shut up”, Hyuck replied, slapping Jaehyun’s shoulder.  _

 

_ “Make me.” _

 

_ Hyuck didn’t hesitate to lean back in and kiss Jaehyun, sighing as he wrapped his arms around his waist. It felt safe and it felt right, being in Jaehyun’s arms. The older man slowly ran his hands up and down Hyuck’s sides, making him blush even more than he already was. He giggled even more and Jaehyun hummed at the noise. _

 

_ “Are you going to keep laughing every time I kiss you?”  _

 

_ “I can’t help it.” _

 

_ “You weren’t laughing the first time we did.” _

 

_ “This is different from the first time. I don’t know if it’s the skin contact but…” _

 

_ “I understand.”  _

 

_ It did feel different. Jaehyun didn’t know if it was because he was starting to really feel something for Hyuck or whatever but he was more than happy to continue exploring that.  _

 

_ “Jae?” _

 

_ “Yeah?” _

 

_ “Can you continue kissing me?” _

 

_ “Of course”, he replied before their lips met once again. _

  
  


~•~

 

“What’re you up to”, Jaehyun asked his father as he went into the kitchen for orange juice. Jinsun sat at the dining table, surrounded by a series of papers as he typed away on his laptop. 

 

“Preparing for another court case.”

 

“Good luck with that.”

 

“Well, I’ll need it, considering that this is a more personal case.”

 

“Am I allowed to know what it is?”

 

“Yoonoh, you know better.”

 

That was all Jaehyun needed to hear. Jinsun hardly ever talked about the cases he works on and Jaehyun never pushed for more information beyond that. 

 

“How are things with Donghyuck?”

 

“I’m not doing this right now.”

 

“Doing what? Avoiding your problems?”

 

“Why are you and Mom so adamant about me talking to Hyuck?” 

 

“Because your mother and I actually took the time to speak to him and it’s time you do the same.” Jinsun looked up from his laptop to see Jaehyun angrily pouring another glass of juice. 

 

“Donghyuck is regretful of the situation…”

 

“Is he now?”

 

“...he is regretful and knows what happened has hurt you. But he loves you dearly Jaehyun. Even if you never get back together again the least you can do is to patch things up between the both of you. We never, ever leave an argument unsolved. Tomorrow isn’t promised Yoonoh.”

 

They don’t. His family didn’t and he never did with Hyuck. Of course, he wanted to reach and out and talk about it but he had too much pride and he was, admittedly, still very hurt. 

 

“I know you don’t want to but you should talk to Donghyuck. For your sake.”

 

~•~

 

_ “My family wants to meet you.” _

 

_ “I’m sorry?” _

 

_ “My family Yoonoh. They want to meet you.” _

 

_ “Oh, jeez Hyuck…” _

 

_ “It’s been like six months Jaehyun. Come with us to Jeju. Get to know everyone.” _

 

_ “Don’t you have a shit ton of cousins in the US?” _

 

_ “Not them, Jesus Christ. That’s way too many people at one time. Just my aunt, uncle, and my direct cousin. Maybe his boyfriend.” _

 

_ “How long will we be gone?” _

 

_ Hyuck began playing with his hands, looking at everything in his foreign exchange dorm but Jaehyun. The older man tapped on his laptop camera to get his attention. _

 

_ “Hyuck?” _

 

_ “So we’ll be gone for ten weeks.” _

 

_ “Ten weeks”, Jaehyun exclaimed. _

 

_ “I know it’s a long time everything will be fine! They’ll love you and we’ll get to spend time together and strengthen our relationship and whatever other stuff I’m trying to think of.” _

 

_ “I think we have a pretty solid foundation going on.” _

 

_ “Maybe but you can never be sure of the future Yoonoh.” _

 

_ “I wouldn’t trade anything in the world to lose you Hyuck.” _

 

_ “I wouldn’t either. I love you too much for that.” _

 

~•~

 

_ “Hey kid, you ever heard of a ‘twin flame’?” Jaehyun turned his head and looked at the driver with a confused expression. _

 

_ “Um, no I haven’t.” _

 

_ “Basically it’s like a soulmate multiplied ten times. This person is your mirror, your home. You’ve gone through many lives to find them, this one and ones in the past. There comes a time where you hit a bump in the road and you’re separated. But you always, always find your way back.” _

 

~•~

 

“Positives: We get along really well. He’s incredibly smart, funny, talented in several things. He cares about kids, animals, his family, and friends. So easy to love and is absolutely gorgeous. Has one of the best moral codes of anyone I know.” 

 

“Negatives: still needs to grow as his own person. Prideful. Can shut down during arguments. Hypocritical in certain situations. Unsure.” 

 

Seulgi looked up from the paper she was reading off, gauging Jaehyun’s facial expression. From the untrained eye, it was mostly unreadable but she knew better. He was confused. 

 

“What does this mean to you?”

 

“What does this mean to me? I don’t know”, Jaehyun said, quickly glancing at her before looking away. 

 

“Do you not know or are you afraid of accepting what your answer may be?”

 

“I...I don’t know?” 

 

“This is a very complicated situation Jaehyun, one that only you know the answer to. You’ve come a very long way since you began your sessions with me. You have the tools you need to make sound decisions in your life. The only question remaining is: what will you decide?”

 

☀️🌹

 

Hyuck walked sluggishly up the stairs, wet from the rain and tired from a long day at the school. He hoped that Yeri actually kept her promise of cooking that night because he didn’t have the energy to do it himself. 

 

He rubbed his eyes as he inserted the key to the apartment, careful to wipe his shoes on the mat and take them off to dry. The smell of spicy pork filled his nostrils and his stomach growled in anticipation. 

 

“Please tell me you made food for both of us Yerim because I’m starving”, he called out. Cocoa came running to the door, barking and wagging her tail. 

 

“Hello my love”, Hyuck said, smiling sleepily. He squatted down to scratch behind Cocoa’s ear, confused at the ruby red collar that adorned her neck. 

 

“Cocoa, where did you get this from? Did Yeri get a new collar for you?”

 

“Actually, I did.” 

 

Hyuck looked up to see Jaehyun coming out of the kitchen. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up and the look on his face was, for the most part, blank. 

 

“Jaehyun, how did you…”

 

“Yeri gave me the key. We uh, need to talk yeah?” 

 

“Yeah. We do don’t we?” 

 

~•~

 

_ “Funshine Care Bear? Didn’t you just buy me a stuffed bear?” _

 

_ “What? Do you not like it?” _

 

_ “I do! It’s just…” Hyuck looked around at the chocolates, balloons, and stuffed animals that surrounded him.  _

 

_ “Just what?” _

 

_ “You spoil me too much Jaehyun. You give me all of this stuff and I can’t repay you in the same way.” _

 

_ “I’m not expecting you to.” _

 

_ “It’s not fair if you’re buying me a bunch of gifts and all I can give you is a birthday basket and a pass for three free movies.”  _

 

_ “And you think I care? You don’t have to buy me expensive gifts Hyuck. I only do this because I want to. I don’t expect you to give the same thing back because I already know you like me to some degree. You don’t have anything to prove.” _

 

_ “I just feel bad. I’m not exactly in the same socioeconomic standing as you.” _

 

_ “Who cares about that stuff? You shouldn't feel bad and, if it makes you feel any better, I very much enjoy these cute hearts shaped gummies.”  _

 

_ “That doesn’t make me feel better.” _

 

_ Jaehyun rolled his eyes and pulled Hyuck closer. The younger man was pouting and frowning at Jaehyun. _

 

_ “People have different ways of showing that they like each other Hyuck. I enjoy giving you gifts, you like cooking for me and playing video games that you’re bad at with me.”  _

 

_ “I’m not that bad at Mario Kart.” _

 

_ “Hyuck, you’re terrible.” _

 

_ “What is the point of this Jaehyun?”  _

 

_ “The point is, if we have enough in common, share a desire for commitment and we’re working to build each other up in a happy, healthy relationship, then we shouldn’t worry about how we’re showing it. People show love in different ways Hyuck.” _

 

_ “Don’t go throwing that word around unless you truly mean it, Jung.” _

 

_ “I’m just using it in the context of this conversation. It’s still a bit too early for that.” _

 

_ But that didn’t mean that Jaehyun wasn’t falling harder every day he was with Hyuck.  _

 

~•~

 

“Thank you for the food.”

 

“No problem.”

 

The two awkwardly sat on different sides of the couch. Hyuck’s legs were pulled against his chest in hopes that he could just disappear forever. 

 

“What was the situation with Hanjae?” 

 

“Hanjae threatened the potential for me to get a job. I agreed to continue playing trophy boyfriend until he struck gold with some hotshots in Gangnam, but only if he gave you your position on the Han River project back. Everything that happened at Haeun’s birthday party was a setup. He knew what being there would end up turning into but I made a deal that I had to uphold.” Hyuck glanced up at Jaehyun, upset that the older man wasn’t looking at him. 

 

“I never wanted to hurt you Jaehyun. I wanted to protect you and I know this whole situation was completely hypocritical considering everything that happened over the summer but…”

 

“But what?”

 

“I love you. I don’t know what else to say. I should’ve told you what was happening when it happened and words can’t express how sorry I am for hurting you.” 

 

“Do you realize how fucked we are right now? How completely messed up and convoluted our relationship is?”

 

Hyuck nodded, feeling tears brimming in his eyes. He felt terrible and he wouldn’t be surprised if Jaehyun ended things right there for good. 

 

“This wasn’t what I signed up for Hyuck. It wasn’t what either of us signed up for. I love you and damn it, I want to be with you but I’m starting to realize that it isn’t enough just to love someone. I regret taking our relationship for granted, for thinking that just because everything was easy meant it would always be that way. I’m sorry for living some stupid lie that only exists in fairytales.”

 

“Jaehyun…”

 

“No, let me finish. We both have a lot, A LOT of baggage that we need to get rid of. Maybe the universe was trying to tell me I wasn’t ready to date you when you kept rejecting me all of those times. Maybe I should’ve listened.” 

 

“Can you just spit it out Jaehyun? Just rip the bandaid and be done with it so we can move on faster.”

 

Jaehyun rolled his eyes and for the first time since they finished eating, looked at Hyuck. 

 

“This is what I mean. We keep rushing into things without thinking. Just, please let me finish.” 

 

“Fine.”

 

“Based on everything that's happened, we shouldn’t be dating Hyuck. Really. But I can’t help but think about how much I’d regret it, how much it would kill me to not be with you. That’s not to say I couldn’t find anyone else…”

 

“Way to rub salt into the wound Yoonoh.”

 

“...however, I don’t want to. Not when we can start over. For real this time.” 

 

Hyuck raised his eyebrows at Jaehyun, nose twitching at the wave of emotions he was feeling right now. 

 

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m still upset. But I’ve thought about this. About the positives and negatives, the things I’d be gaining or losing. I thought about breaking up but it’s a temporary fix that wouldn’t solve anything. You know what happened as a result of that. I want you in my life Hyuck, but I want you in it when we’re both okay.” 

 

“I understand.” 

 

“Do you though?”

 

“I do Jaehyun, I do. I understand completely, I don't know how else I’d prove that.”

 

“Get better. Go to therapy and take it seriously. Not for me but for yourself. I love you and I want you but not if we continue going through a relationship where we  _ think _ everything is fine and it isn’t. I know that my Hyuck,  _ my Sunshine _ is still there and I want him back. I want you to be happy with or without me, to be okay despite whatever the world throws at you.” 

 

Hyuck didn’t know he was crying until Jaehyun pulled him in his arms and he saw the tears staining Jaehyun’s shirt. He held on tightly, afraid to let go of the man he loved. The man he’d always love. 

 

“I’m still leaving for America”, Jaehyun began, feeling Hyuck hold on tighter to his arms. “I’m leaving but not before I know if we truly want this. Not before I know that you are going to get better for you.” 

 

“I can’t do it. Not without you here Jaehyun.”

 

“You were fine before me Hyuck. When I met you, you were this ball of light. I was drawn to you and I fell in love with everything that made you who you are. Who you were. You can’t get better if I’m here distracting you.” 

 

“So it’s over?”

 

“No, no it’s not. It’s going to be a new beginning for both of us Hyuck. But only if you are absolutely ready to take it.” 

 

Hyuck thought of everything they’ve been through. Everything good and bad and in between. He thought of his past and the things that led him to Jaehyun. He thought of the future he wanted with the older man. 

 

Hyuck thought of who he was before things took a turn. Before his parents’ death, before losing Jeno, before going through terrible relationships and losing another good one, back to a relationship he loathed and the ultimate loss of who he was. He was tired of the constant hurt and being a victim of the hardships in his life. 

 

“I’m ready to try. For real this time.” Hyuck buried his face into Jaehyun’s neck, wrapping his arms around Jaehyun’s waist. There wasn’t a place he felt safer at. 

 

“I don’t want you to think about the future of us. I just want you to promise me that you’ll get the help you need to heal, regardless of what may happen down the road. Can you do that?”

 

~•~

 

_ Dear Hyuck,  _

 

_ If by any chance you see this, I’ll be leaving. I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do about us. You know that I love you, I will always love you and I can’t stop crying because all I can think about is how much it hurts to lose you. Words can’t express just how much you mean to me. This was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make but I know we’ll be better for it. I want to see you happy again Hyuck. Can you do that for me? Can you be happy without me around? _

 

_ At this point, I’m rambling because it’s four AM and I hate that my brain wants me to think at this time of the day but here we are. I’m going to carry you with me, no matter where I go. How could I forget you Lee Donghyuck?  _

 

_ We may not be perfect, but we’re perfect for each other. No matter what happens, you’ll always be my Sunshine.  _

 

_ Your Valentine,  _

 

_ Jung Jaehyun _

 

~•~

 

Sitting neatly at the base of his neck, prettily shining at the juncture of his collarbones, was a shiny red rose. It was connected by a thin, gold chain and fasted to hold it in place. A promise to never let go. 

 

He watched his hands disappear behind a pale neck, loving the contrast between that and the gold chain of the necklace. This one was different, holding a pretty sunflower at the end. 

 

He slowly removed his hands, avoiding eye contact with his opposite, unsure of what to do next. 

 

“Are you tired?”

 

“A little.”

 

“Come here.”

 

Strong arms held him close and a warm hand carefully stroked his back, comforting. He closed his eyes as he felt the vibration of a deep voice singing softly to him. He tried to fight sleep, wanting to hold on to this little piece of love forever.

 

“Don’t fight it. I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

 

“You promise?”

 

“I promise.”

 

~•~

 

When Donghyuck woke up, Jaehyun was still there, still holding on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -ONE MORE CHAPTER TO GO!  
> -the first part is basically Hyuck acknowledging that he was in the wrong this time. He's also defending Jaehyun because he knows that Johnny would be upset about the situation. He isn't allowing Jaehyun to take all of the blame in the problems that occur between them.   
> -The court case mentioned will be played out in Hyuck's fic (which is after this one).   
> -Just Jae and Hyuck being cute in this flashback, nothing major  
> -Jinsun providing his son with words of wisdom (and working on Hyuck's case but Jaehyun doesn't need to know that yet).   
> -A flashback from before they went on vacation. Hyuck was also in China for his study abroad at the time (hence, Jaehyun tapping the computer because they were on FaceTime).   
> -Flashback to the scene in this fic where a cab driver was giving Jaehyun life advice  
> -Pro/Con lists are actually very helpful in therapy. Writing things down and looking over them is a great tool in decision making.  
> -Jaehyun buying a new collar for Cocoa was a small signifier that he wasn't going anywhere before he actually said it  
> -I've been in Hyuck's position where there is an insecurity in dating someone of a different socioeconomic background as you. It is actually hard when you have grown up with different life experiences that the person can't relate to. At the end of the day, it's all about living your truth and loving someone despite that, as well as helping each other grow. This logic does not apply to manipulative, abusive people who have nothing to offer a relationship. Don't date scrub guys.   
> -The flashback also takes place during Jaehyun's birthday (birthday basket, the reference to the Care Bear he got for Hyuck, candy hearts).   
> -Jaehyun spiting facts, acknowledging that he is hurt, that their relationship is hurt, that they both need help and that it should be done for their sake before it can be done for the relationship's sake.   
> -This was Jaehyun's last letter to Hyuck. I left it for you to decide if he gave it to him or not. Call it, creative reader's freedom.   
> -They made their promises (hence the necklaces). Everything, for the most part, will be ok. A process yes, but they will be fine in the end.  
> -Jaehyun will be leaving us next chapter :(   
> -But their story will continue...  
> -So dramatics over, leave me a comment. or two. And scream at me on social media @BreadAndQueso on Twitter


	24. Epilogue: Get Better Day by Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyuck started pulling away, feeling his resolve break as the look of hesitation flitted through Jaehyun’s eyes. He nodded, letting the older man know that he could also let go.

☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹☀️🌹

 

“Did you pack your toothbrush?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Your retainer?”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“Do you have your inhaler?”

 

“Yes, yes, and yes. Hyuck, I have everything.”

 

“No, you don’t.”

 

Jaehyun raised an eyebrow at Donghyuck as they walked inside the cool building. Jaehyun knew Hyuck was stalling, trying to keep him there just a little longer. It sucked for him too but they had to get a move on. 

 

“What did I forget Hyuck?”

 

“Yoonoh, keep it moving or you’ll miss check-in”, Haeun yelled as she sped past the two, Jinsun right behind her. 

 

“I’m coming!” Hyuck glanced at the large screens and read the time for Jaehyun’s flight.

 

 

_ Departure: Incheon - 10:50 AM to Arrival: Paris - 4:00 PM _

 

 

“Make sure you grab something to eat at the airport during your layover Jaehyun”, Haeun said. 

 

“That depends on how much time I have between the landing and departure for my next flight in Paris.” 

 

“Just make sure you’re eating more than that awful airplane food.” Haeun brought Jaehyun in for a tight hug and brought his face down to plant kisses on both of his cheeks.

 

“Be safe and have fun. Try to call at least once a week.” 

 

“I will.” Jaehyun turned to his father and smiled, a little shy. Jinsun rolled his eyes and hugged Jaehyun. 

 

“We’ll miss you son.”

 

“I’ll miss you too.”

 

Hyuck stood there awkwardly, fumbling around with his hands. He still had one more thing to give Jaehyun before he left.

 

“Hyuck?”

 

He glanced up and met Jaehyun’s sad eyes. At that point, he couldn’t control his emotions and felt the tears begin to leave his eyes as he ran and hugged him. 

 

“Hey, no crying Sunshine. You know I don’t like the rain.” He held Hyuck and gently ran his hands over his back.

 

“Shut up Yoonoh, I’m sad.”

 

“I know.”

 

Hyuck looked up at Jaehyun and felt his heart pang at the sight of Jaehyun’s own teary gaze. The older man gave him a big toothy grin to make up for it but they both knew what this was. 

 

“I uh, I wanted to give you something”, Hyuck said as he moved away from Jaehyun to pull off his backpack and unzip it. In his hand laid the small, crystal clear grand piano he bought for Jaehyun several months ago.

 

“Hyuck…”

 

“No, take it. I got it for you and I at least want you to have something to remind you of me when you’re gone.” Jaehyun took the little music box and held it close. 

 

_ “Passengers taking the KE 903 flight to Paris must have bags checked before we close the gate in 30 minutes.” _

 

“You don’t have much time Jaehyun”, Jinsun said seriously.

 

“I know, I know. Can we have some space? Just until I officially go?” 

 

Haeun nodded and his parents walked away so he could spend the next few minutes alone with Hyuck. 

 

“I don’t want you to leave.”

 

“I know. But I have to.” 

 

Jaehyun brought Hyuck in for another hug and placed kisses all over his head, cursing himself for leaving small tears behind. 

 

“We’re going to be okay”, he said. “Just take care of yourself Hyuck.” 

 

“I will.”

 

“You promise?”

 

“I promise.”

 

Jaehyun couldn’t help himself when he started to kiss the younger man, ignoring any stares they might have received. The only thing that mattered was the feeling of Hyuck's full cheeks in his hands and his heart-shaped lips against his own. This would be the last time he’d hold Hyuck like this. For now at least. 

 

“I have to go,'' he whispered sadly when Hyuck’s hands tightened on his shirt. 

 

“I love you so much Jung Jaehyun.”

 

Hyuck used one of his hands to wipe away at Jaehyun’s stray tears, the other still firmly holding on to his shirt.

 

“I love you too Lee Donghyuck.”

 

Jaehyun’s fingers lightly touched the rose pendant sitting between Hyuck’s collar bones before he began pulling away. Hyuck removed his hand from Jaehyun’s shirt to his hand and held on. 

 

“Make sure you wear your retainer at night and don’t break your glasses. Don’t forget our video game dates and try to Skype Cocoa sometimes. She’ll miss you too.”

 

“I won’t forget.”

 

“I love you, Valentine.”

 

Hyuck started pulling away, feeling his resolve break as the look of hesitation flitted through Jaehyun’s eyes. He nodded, letting the older man know that he could also let go.

 

“I love you too Sunshine.”

 

~•~

 

Hyuck sat on the ground, watching intently as Jaehyun’s flight began to take off. Haeun and Jinsun stood by him as the plane slowly began to disappear. 

 

“Donghyuck?”

 

He felt her arms wrap around his shoulders before he looked away from the plane leaving, grateful for the love he was receiving.

 

“Let’s go home my love.”

 

~•~

 

Jaehyun looked out of the window at the stretch clouds filled the sky. It was beautiful up here, always was. It was just bittersweet knowing he was alone in this. 

 

He took off his light jacket to get more comfortable and felt something in the pocket of it. Confused, he reached in and pulled out a folded piece of paper. 

 

“Please tell me Mom didn’t leave her grocery list in here”, Jaehyun whispered to himself. He opened the paper and felt emotions run through him as soon as he saw the familiar handwriting.

  
  


 

_ Dear Jaehyun/Valentine/Yoonoh/Eyebrows, _

 

_ I’m also really bad at this stuff so bear with me. There’s so much I want to say but it all comes down to this: I love you. Pretty simple honestly. I love being in love with you. I love the feeling of having someone close, of being a part of your life. I know things have been an absolute mess between us but I’m excited to begin this new chapter and ultimately, a new relationship with you. One where we’re both happy, healthy, and okay.  _

 

_ I’m going to get help Jaehyun. I know it seems like I’m being a little flaky but I am truly going to do my best. For me this time. Even if later on down the line we realize it’s not in the cards for us anymore, I still want to be someone that I can be proud of again.  _

 

_ It’s going to suck not having you around, especially knowing how hard this is going to be. I will do my best so don’t worry about me okay.  _

 

_ Your Sun and stars,  _

 

_ Donghyuck  _

 

  
  


“Are you alright sir”, a flight attendant asked. He glanced up at the woman, seeing her worried gaze. He was probably crying or smiling like some lunatic. Maybe both. 

 

“Everything is fine. Thank you.”

 

Everything would be okay. They were going to be okay. 

  
  
  
  


_ "I do my thing and you do your thing. You are you and I am I, and if in the end, we end up together, it's beautiful." ~Topanga _

 

☀️🌹

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS IT FOR THIS ONE FOLKS  
> -I was so hard pressed trying to figure out how flights worked so I contacted a friend of mine to help out. I also looked at this website for reference: https://traveltips.usatoday.com/step-by-step-first-time-air-travel-guide-12490.html  
> -It is based on the US but from what I've been told there isn't a huge difference in how air travel works across the globe. Correct me if I'm wrong.   
> -Also for flights, the landing time is in accordance with the timezone in which someone lands (which makes sense so people aren't thrown by the time difference). I also used an actual flight time for this.   
> -Did you get the reference at the beginning of the chapter?  
> -The last quote is from Boy Meets World (a quality tv show)  
> -There really isn't much to talk about here honestly. It was short and to the point...So I'll just lead into the mechanics of the next fic in this series  
> -I'll post the first chapter for that within the next week or so. I'm projecting around 15-20 chapters for it. Until then, please enjoy my new Jaehyuck fic and watch as I stress update a few others  
> -The court case I've mentioned before will take place in that one (so Hanjae isn't totally gone yet)  
> -If you haven't read the last fic, some things I will mention in the next fic won't make any sense (please read to avoid confusion).  
> -The playlist for this fic will be added sometime tomorrow so this will still read as unfinished. It is, however, very much finished.  
> -Thank you to everyone who stuck around and read and/or commented on this fic. I know it's very different from JFV, not as happy go lucky and people have expressed disdain for that. This was a very cathartic fic for me to write so I wasn't expecting it to be as well received. Regardless, I'm happy some of you did find it entertaining and are continuing to support my work. It means so much to me.   
> -Leave a comment, stream Superhuman and spam me with stuff on Twitter   
> -Until next time :)


	25. Playlist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the playlist that has inspired the feel and/or titles of the chapters. Listen and enjoy! :) 
> 
> There is also a title for the next fic in this series: C'est La Vie, Lee Donghyuck

☀️🌹 _ The Complication With Jung Jaehyun Playlist _ ☀️🌹

 

*In order starting with the prologue*

 

Prologue - Something Great: One Direction

  1. Miss You: Aaliyah
  2. What You Know: Two Door Cinema Club
  3. Bridges: Broods
  4. Under the Table: BANKS
  5. Dancing With a Stranger: Sam Smith ft. Normani
  6. Exchange: Bryson Tiller
  7. The Truth Untold: BTS
  8. Mamamoo: Starry Night
  9. Fancy: Twice
  10. Pray For Me: Kendrick Lamar ft. The Weeknd 
  11. State of Grace: Taylor Swift
  12. Green Light: Lorde
  13. Cranes in the Sky: Solange 
  14. Try Again: d.ear ft. Jaehyun
  15. Sun and Moon: NCT 127
  16. Shark in the Water: VV Brown
  17. Only The Young: Brandon Flowers
  18. Trainwreck: BANKS
  19. Alibi: BANKS
  20. Crowded Places: BANKS
  21. I Hate This Part: The Pussycat Dolls
  22. Calling You Home Mashup: Various Artists (YouTube search)
  23. Epilogue - Wind Flower: Mamamoo



**Author's Note:**

> -I tried tagged Yeri and Jaemin 's couple tag and it didn't work so like, oh well I guess  
> -We're already off to a great start! *sarcasm*  
> -Jaehyun is just, really feeling the effects of this breakup  
> -Jihyo, Kookie, and Yugyeom are trying to be good bros but there's only so much they can do  
> -We'll see Hyuckie in the next chapter...  
> -You know what the deal is: comments are my jam dudes


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